Do you think social media makes people feel more connected or more isolated? Explain your thoughts.

In my opinion, social media has a complex impact on people’s sense of connection.
For some people, it enhances connection by allowing them to instantly communicate with friends and family whether near or far, meet new people to share experiences and join communities have common interests with them. For those who have difficulty communicating directly outside, social networks are a way to help them feel comfortable and confident to connect and build relationships. Through pictures, messages, and status updates, social networks help people integrate into the lives of others, emotionally engage with them, and help people maintain relationships. However, social media can also create feelings of isolation because regularly seeing other people's lavish lives posted can lead to comparisons that make some people feel deprived and self-conscious. Even though social media connects people virtually, if these interactions lack depth, users may feel disconnected in real life.
Social media has an impact on people's sense of connection. But depending on how it is used, when used positively it can foster real connection.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In my opinion" -> "It is my contention"
Explanation: "It is my contention" is a more formal and assertive way to introduce a personal perspective in academic writing, enhancing the tone of authority and precision.
"social media has a complex impact" -> "social media exerts a multifaceted influence"
Explanation: "Exerts a multifaceted influence" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase that better captures the complex and varied effects of social media on people’s sense of connection.
"enhances connection" -> "fosters connections"
Explanation: "Fosters connections" is a more formal and precise term that implies a nurturing or promoting effect, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"allowing them to instantly communicate" -> "enabling them to communicate instantly"
Explanation: "Enabling" is a more formal synonym for "allowing," and placing "instantly" after "communicate" improves the grammatical structure of the sentence.
"meet new people to share experiences and join communities have common interests with them" -> "meet new individuals with whom they share common interests and join communities"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and removes the awkward phrasing, making it more formal and clear.
"help them feel comfortable and confident to connect and build relationships" -> "empower them to feel comfortable and confident in connecting and building relationships"
Explanation: "Empower" is a more formal and active verb that enhances the academic tone, and the rephrasing improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"Through pictures, messages, and status updates, social networks help people integrate into the lives of others" -> "Through the sharing of photographs, messages, and status updates, social networks facilitate integration into others’ lives"
Explanation: "Facilitate integration" is a more precise and formal expression than "help people integrate," and "photographs" is a more formal term than "pictures."
"emotionally engage with them" -> "emotionally connect with them"
Explanation: "Emotionally connect with them" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, as it directly relates to the emotional aspect of social media interactions.
"help people maintain relationships" -> "aid in maintaining relationships"
Explanation: "Aid in maintaining" is a more formal and precise way to describe the supportive role of social media in relationship maintenance.
"can also create feelings of isolation" -> "may also induce feelings of isolation"
Explanation: "Induce" is a more formal and precise term than "create," and "may" suggests a possibility rather than certainty, which is more appropriate in academic writing.
"lavish lives posted" -> "lavish lifestyles displayed"
Explanation: "Lavish lifestyles displayed" is a more formal and precise term that better captures the idea of publicly showcasing one’s life on social media.
"feelings of isolation" -> "a sense of isolation"
Explanation: "A sense of isolation" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing, enhancing the precision and formality of the text.
"depending on how it is used" -> "dependent on its utilization"
Explanation: "Dependent on its utilization" is a more formal and precise way to express the conditionality of the impact of social media on people’s sense of connection.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does address the prompt regarding whether social media makes people feel more connected or more isolated. It presents both sides of the argument, mentioning the positive aspects of social media in enhancing connections and the negative aspects that can lead to feelings of isolation. However, the response lacks depth in exploring these points. For instance, while it mentions that social media can enhance connections, it does not provide specific examples or evidence to support this claim, nor does it fully explore the implications of isolation.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly addressed. This can be achieved by providing more detailed examples of how social media enhances connection and how it can lead to isolation. Including statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes could strengthen the argument and provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a clear position by stating that social media has a "complex impact" on connection. However, this position is somewhat vague and lacks a definitive stance. The conclusion reiterates that social media can foster real connection when used positively, but it does not clearly state whether the overall impact is more positive or negative. This ambiguity can confuse the reader about the author’s true stance.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement that indicates whether social media is ultimately more beneficial or detrimental would guide the reader and provide a stronger framework for the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the effects of social media on connection and isolation, but these ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "pictures, messages, and status updates" as tools for connection is a good start, but the essay fails to elaborate on how these tools specifically foster deeper relationships. Additionally, the discussion on isolation is brief and lacks supporting evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve discussing specific social media platforms and their features, providing examples of how individuals have used these platforms to connect or feel isolated, and integrating relevant research or statistics that support the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of social media on connection and isolation. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the concluding sentences, which reiterate the complexity of social media’s impact without a strong connection to the original question. The phrase "social media has an impact on people’s sense of connection" is somewhat redundant and does not add value to the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the prompt. Avoiding repetitive statements and ensuring that each point made contributes to answering the question will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a strong conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly states the author’s final position would reinforce the essay’s relevance to the prompt.

In summary, to elevate the essay’s score, the author should focus onproviding more detailed examples, clearly stating their position, elaborating on the ideas presented, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a balanced view of the impact of social media on connection and isolation. The introduction clearly states the author’s opinion, and the subsequent paragraphs explore both sides of the argument. However, the organization could be improved as the ideas within the paragraphs sometimes lack a clear progression. For example, the transition from discussing the positive aspects of social media to the negative aspects feels abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Conversely," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Structuring the essay to first discuss the positive aspects followed by the negative aspects, or vice versa, can also create a more coherent narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be more effective. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate paragraphs. For instance, the discussion about how social media helps individuals with communication difficulties could stand alone, as could the point about the negative effects of comparison. This would allow for a clearer focus on each argument.
- How to improve: Aim to develop each main idea in its own paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on the benefits of social media, while another could delve into the feelings of isolation it can create. This separation will improve clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "even though," which help to contrast ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the connections between sentences and ideas could be stronger. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of social media to its drawbacks lacks a cohesive link that would help the reader understand the relationship between these ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "for instance," and "as a result." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also clarify the relationships between different points. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can improve cohesion within paragraphs.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in phrases like "instantly communicate," "share experiences," and "emotional engage." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "connect" and "connection" could be replaced with synonyms such as "bond," "relationship," or "link" to enhance lexical diversity. The phrase "lavish lives" is a good attempt at using descriptive language, but it could be expanded with more varied adjectives to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "connect," try using "engage," "link," or "relate." Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text. Practicing with vocabulary exercises or reading a variety of texts can help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "self-conscious" and "deprived," which effectively convey the intended meanings. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "join communities have common interests with them," which lacks grammatical clarity and precision. The phrase could be restructured for better understanding, such as "join communities that share common interests."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on sentence structure and clarity. Ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. Reading aloud can help identify awkward constructions. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more precise words can aid in expressing ideas more clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors that detract from comprehension. However, the phrase "have common interests with them" should be revised for grammatical correctness rather than spelling, as it does not contain spelling mistakes but rather a structural issue.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, regular practice with spelling exercises and proofreading can be beneficial. Additionally, using spell-check tools when drafting essays can help catch any overlooked errors. It is also helpful to familiarize oneself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and uses vocabulary effectively, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and grammatical structure. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "For those who have difficulty communicating directly outside, social networks are a way to help them feel comfortable and confident to connect and build relationships." This shows an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "Social media has an impact on people’s sense of connection." is quite straightforward and could be enhanced with more complexity or variation.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, conditional clauses, or participial phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with an adverbial clause: "While social media can enhance connections, it can also lead to feelings of isolation." This not only adds variety but also emphasizes the contrast between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "join communities have common interests with them" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "join communities that have common interests with them." Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For example, the sentence "However, social media can also create feelings of isolation because regularly seeing other people’s lavish lives posted can lead to comparisons that make some people feel deprived and self-conscious." could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in sentence construction and punctuation. Practicing the use of relative clauses and ensuring that each clause is properly connected can help. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, can improve clarity. For example, breaking longer sentences into shorter ones or using semicolons to separate closely related independent clauses can enhance readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In my opinion, social media exerts a multifaceted influence on people’s sense of connection. For some individuals, it enhances connection by enabling them to communicate instantly with friends and family, regardless of distance. Additionally, it allows them to meet new individuals with whom they share common interests and join communities that resonate with them. For those who struggle with direct communication in person, social networks can empower them to feel comfortable and confident in connecting and building relationships. Through the sharing of photographs, messages, and status updates, social networks facilitate integration into others’ lives, allowing users to emotionally connect with them and aid in maintaining relationships.

However, social media may also induce feelings of isolation. Regularly viewing other people’s lavish lifestyles can lead to comparisons that make some individuals feel deprived and self-conscious. Even though social media connects people virtually, if these interactions lack depth, users may experience a sense of isolation in real life.

In conclusion, social media has a significant impact on people’s sense of connection. However, its effects are dependent on its utilization; when used positively, it can foster genuine connections.