Do you think that it is important for people to travel to other countries and experience other cultures? Why? And why not?

In an increasingly globalized world, there is a heated argument about the importance of coming to different parts of the world to explore other norms. While some believe that it is essential to expose other countries’ cultures, some have the opposite perspective. From my point of view, I neither completely agree nor disagree with either side of this argument.

On the one hand, traveling provides a direct insight into other cultures and broadens one’s horizons. Firstly, visiting different countries which allows travelers to witness novel scenes, creates opportunities for travelers to engage in a lot of regional activities, for instance, taking part in festivals in China, and enjoying Korean food. All of these firsthand experiences offer people a real way of looking at how local people react and perform instead of secondhand information from boring and monotonous gestures on TV shows. Moreover, exploring an unfamiliar land enhances problem-solving skills, and increases flexibility and adaptability.

On the other hand, with technological advancement, there are many ways to learn about the cultures of other nations without a need of traveling. Wide-brand broadcasts, virtual tours, and online cultural exchange programs allow one to get access to unbiased information that provides people with a comprehensive outlook and fosters one’s awareness of different traditions. Apart from that, the economic situation is significantly stressful, because transportation, accommodation, eating and to name but a few need to be considered while travelling to other countries. Thus, it is reasonable to assert that not all people can afford this financial burden.

In conclusion, travelling to other countries brings many personal experiences to foster knowledge about different cultures; nevertheless, technology development also gives us many ways to explore other norms. Consequently, I suppose that it is not vital to discover varied cultures by traveling.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"coming to different parts of the world" -> "traveling to various regions of the world"
Explanation: "Traveling to various regions of the world" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"there is a heated argument" -> "there is a significant debate"
Explanation: "Significant debate" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "heated argument," which can imply emotional involvement that is less suitable for academic writing.
"coming to different parts of the world" -> "visiting diverse regions"
Explanation: "Visiting diverse regions" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and less formal "coming to different parts of the world."
"I neither completely agree nor disagree" -> "I neither fully agree nor disagree"
Explanation: "Fully" is a more precise adverb than "completely," which is slightly less formal and can be seen as redundant in this context.
"traveling provides a direct insight" -> "travel offers direct insight"
Explanation: "Travel offers direct insight" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the flow and precision of the sentence.
"visiting different countries which allows" -> "visiting various countries allows"
Explanation: Removing "which" corrects the grammatical structure and simplifies the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"novel scenes" -> "new scenes"
Explanation: "New" is more commonly used in academic writing than "novel," which can be less precise in this context.
"engaging in a lot of regional activities" -> "participating in numerous regional activities"
Explanation: "Participating in numerous regional activities" is more formal and precise than "engaging in a lot of," which is informal and vague.
"boring and monotonous gestures on TV shows" -> "repetitive and unengaging depictions on television"
Explanation: "Repetitive and unengaging depictions on television" is more formal and specific, avoiding the informal tone of "gestures on TV shows."
"enhances problem-solving skills, and increases flexibility and adaptability" -> "enhances problem-solving skills, increases flexibility, and fosters adaptability"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "skills" and changing "increases flexibility and adaptability" to "increases flexibility, and fosters adaptability" improves the grammatical structure and clarity of the sentence.
"Wide-brand broadcasts" -> "broad broadcasts"
Explanation: "Broad" is the correct adjective to describe broadcasts, replacing the incorrect "wide-brand," which is not a standard term.
"without a need of traveling" -> "without the need to travel"
Explanation: "Without the need to travel" is grammatically correct and more formal than "without a need of traveling," which is awkward and incorrect.
"to name but a few" -> "to mention a few"
Explanation: "To mention a few" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "to name but a few," which is colloquial.
"it is reasonable to assert that not all people can afford this financial burden" -> "it is reasonable to argue that not all individuals can afford this financial burden"
Explanation: "Argue" is more precise and formal than "assert," and "individuals" is more formal than "people" in academic writing.
"traveling to other countries brings many personal experiences" -> "traveling to other countries offers numerous personal experiences"
Explanation: "Offers" is more formal and precise than "brings," and "numerous" is more appropriate than "many" in formal academic writing.
"technology development also gives us many ways" -> "technological advancements also provide numerous opportunities"
Explanation: "Technological advancements" is more specific and formal than "technology development," and "provide numerous opportunities" is more precise and formal than "gives us many ways."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the importance of traveling to experience other cultures. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of travel, such as gaining firsthand experiences and enhancing problem-solving skills. The second body paragraph counters this by highlighting technological alternatives to travel and the financial burdens associated with it. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the importance of travel in the context of the question, as it somewhat sidesteps a definitive stance.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. This can be achieved by clearly stating the importance of travel in the introduction and conclusion, and by providing a more balanced discussion that emphasizes the significance of both travel and technological alternatives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the writer expresses a nuanced position of neither fully agreeing nor disagreeing, this can lead to ambiguity. The conclusion suggests that travel is not vital, which may confuse readers who expect a more decisive stance. The essay does not consistently reinforce this position throughout, particularly in the body paragraphs where both sides are presented equally.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently refer back to it in the body paragraphs. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify the writer’s stance and ensure that it is evident throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of travel and the alternatives provided by technology. However, some ideas lack depth and could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of "problem-solving skills" is somewhat vague and could be supported with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate how travel fosters these skills.
- How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific experiences or studies that demonstrate the benefits of travel, as well as elaborating on how technology can effectively substitute for travel in learning about cultures.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of travel and the alternatives available through technology. However, some sentences could be more focused. For example, the phrase "boring and monotonous gestures on TV shows" may detract from the main argument and introduce unnecessary negativity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid tangential comments that do not directly support the main argument. Each point made should clearly relate back to the question prompt, ensuring that the discussion remains relevant and on topic throughout the essay.

By implementing these suggestions, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their argument, potentially improving their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the two perspectives. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the benefits of travel and then counter with the advantages of technology in cultural understanding. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly between the points made in the body paragraphs, which occasionally feel abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly link back to the thesis. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "In addition" could be employed to improve the connection between ideas and ensure a more seamless progression of thoughts.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of travel, while the second addresses the counterarguments. However, the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs, as it currently feels somewhat tacked on rather than a synthesis of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and clearly stating your final stance. This could involve rephrasing the conclusion to reflect the main arguments discussed, ensuring it serves as a cohesive end to the essay rather than a mere repetition of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "to name but a few" feels somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal transition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to enhance clarity and coherence, rather than simply for variety. This will help create a more polished and sophisticated essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "globalized," "insight," "broadens horizons," and "unfamiliar land." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "traveling provides" and "exploring an unfamiliar land." This indicates a limited variation in word choice, which can detract from the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "traveling," alternatives like "journeying," "voyaging," or "exploring" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more sophisticated vocabulary related to culture and travel, such as "cultural immersion" or "cross-cultural experiences," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "to name but a few" is awkwardly placed and disrupts the flow of the sentence. Additionally, "wide-brand broadcasts" seems to be a misphrasing; the intended term might be "wide-ranging broadcasts" or "broad-ranging broadcasts."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that phrases are contextually appropriate. Reviewing vocabulary for accuracy and clarity is essential. For example, replacing "to name but a few" with "among others" would enhance clarity. Furthermore, the writer could benefit from using collocations more effectively, such as "cultural exchange" instead of "cultural exchange programs."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "need of traveling" should be "need to travel," which indicates a slight misunderstanding of the correct form. Additionally, "travelling" is spelled correctly in British English but should be noted that in American English, it is spelled "traveling."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on common spelling errors and ensuring consistency in language variety (British vs. American English). Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and potential spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While some believe that it is essential to expose other countries’ cultures, some have the opposite perspective" effectively conveys contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" help to structure the argument clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence structures, particularly in the second paragraph where the phrase "traveling provides" is used multiple times, which could detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "traveling provides," you might use alternatives such as "One significant advantage of traveling is…" or "Another benefit of exploring new cultures is…". Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions or conditional sentences could further enrich the grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "with technological advancement, there are many ways to learn about the cultures of other nations without a need of traveling" contains a slight awkwardness; it would be more natural to say "without the need to travel." Additionally, the phrase "to name but a few need to be considered while travelling to other countries" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "to name but a few, need to be considered when traveling to other countries." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but the essay could benefit from clearer separation of ideas, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for awkward phrases and ensure that all sentences are clear and concise. Pay attention to common errors, such as preposition usage and article placement. Practicing sentence restructuring and varying sentence lengths can also help in achieving greater clarity. Additionally, consider using punctuation more effectively to break up longer sentences and clarify the relationships between ideas, which can enhance readability.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

In an increasingly globalized world, there is a significant debate about the importance of traveling to various regions of the world to explore different cultures. While some believe that it is essential to experience the cultures of other countries, others hold a contrasting view. From my perspective, I neither fully agree nor disagree with either side of this argument.

On one hand, traveling offers direct insight into other cultures and broadens one’s horizons. Firstly, visiting diverse regions allows travelers to witness new scenes and creates opportunities for them to participate in numerous regional activities, such as taking part in festivals in China or enjoying Korean cuisine. All of these firsthand experiences provide a genuine perspective on how local people interact and behave, rather than relying on repetitive and unengaging depictions on television. Moreover, exploring unfamiliar lands enhances problem-solving skills, increases flexibility, and fosters adaptability.

On the other hand, with technological advancements, there are many ways to learn about the cultures of other nations without the need to travel. Broad broadcasts, virtual tours, and online cultural exchange programs enable individuals to access unbiased information that offers a comprehensive outlook and fosters awareness of different traditions. Additionally, the economic situation can be significantly stressful, as transportation, accommodation, and food, to mention a few, must be considered when traveling to other countries. Thus, it is reasonable to argue that not all individuals can afford this financial burden.

In conclusion, traveling to other countries offers numerous personal experiences that enhance knowledge about different cultures; nevertheless, technological development also provides many opportunities to explore other norms. Consequently, I believe that it is not vital to discover varied cultures solely through travel.