Drug addiction is becoming an increasing problem. In order to reduce this problem, anyone caught using drugs should be automatically sentenced to time in prison. Do you agree or disagree?
As drug addiction is becoming more alarming in today’s society, many people hold the belief that drug abuse cases should be promptly sentenced to be determinate prisoners. I disagree with this opinion.
If this idea is viewed from a long-term perspective, it will turn out that the problem will remain unsolved. Since drug addiction is a physical health issue rather than a mental one, if one is not treated properly, the addiction will not be cured. Thus, forcing the addicts to be behind bars is illogical. After the addict is released, he or she will return to the old paths of drug abuse, causing the same initial problem. Instead of this fruitless method, sending them to health centers where they can be provided with many rehabilitation programs such as exposure therapy, detoxification, etc will be much more beneficial, and they will be treated for their addiction. Furthermore, having the support of family and friends will also be a strong motivation for the addicts. This not only greatly improves their health condition, but also enhances their mental status, pushing the miserable addicts into turning over a new leaf in life.
Another major reason for this matter stems from the social standpoint. Because ex-convicts are considered the bad apples in society, many individuals do not view them as equally as they do with other ordinary people. Having the permanent history of imprisonment will take its toll on their profile, causing great difficulty in seeking occupation in later life. In place of sentencing drug abusers to time in prison, they should be given a second chance for cure and treatment, avoiding the judgemental view of modern society. Secondly, not giving them the heavy penalty for drug abuse will help them understand the bad effects of drugs, giving them the willpower to give up the harmful substance.
In conclusion, people caught with drug misuse should not be sentenced to prison, but instead sent to rehabilitation centers for proper treatment. This action will allow the addicts to change both their physical and mental condition and ultimately lead them into overcoming drug addiction.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"many people hold the belief" -> "many people are of the opinion"
Explanation: Replacing "hold the belief" with "are of the opinion" imparts a more formal and nuanced tone, common in academic writing.
"promptly sentenced to be determinate prisoners" -> "promptly sentenced to fixed-term imprisonment"
Explanation: Substituting "determinate prisoners" with "fixed-term imprisonment" provides a more specific and formal term, aligning with the academic context.
"If this idea is viewed from a long-term perspective" -> "When considering this proposition from a long-term perspective"
Explanation: Changing "If this idea is viewed" to "When considering this proposition" improves the formality of the expression.
"will turn out that the problem will remain unsolved" -> "it will become evident that the issue persists"
Explanation: Replacing "turn out that the problem will remain unsolved" with "it will become evident that the issue persists" enhances clarity and formality.
"Since drug addiction is a physical health issue rather than a mental one" -> "Given that drug addiction is a physiological concern rather than a psychological one"
Explanation: Substituting "Since" with "Given that" and "physical health issue" with "physiological concern" adds precision and elevates the language.
"illogical" -> "impractical"
Explanation: Replacing "illogical" with "impractical" maintains formality while conveying the idea more precisely.
"old paths of drug abuse" -> "previous patterns of substance abuse"
Explanation: Swapping "old paths of drug abuse" with "previous patterns of substance abuse" enhances precision and formality.
"fruitless method" -> "ineffective approach"
Explanation: Substituting "fruitless method" with "ineffective approach" maintains formality and provides a more sophisticated term.
"rehabilitation programs such as exposure therapy, detoxification, etc" -> "rehabilitation programs, including exposure therapy and detoxification"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and specifying the rehabilitation programs enhances clarity and formality.
"they will be treated for their addiction" -> "they will receive treatment for their addiction"
Explanation: The replacement offers a more formal phrasing while maintaining clarity.
"Furthermore, having the support of family and friends will also be a strong motivation for the addicts" -> "Moreover, receiving support from family and friends can serve as a significant motivation for the individuals grappling with addiction"
Explanation: The revised sentence is more formal and detailed, adhering to academic style.
"pushing the miserable addicts into turning over a new leaf in life" -> "encouraging the individuals in distress to embark on a new chapter in life"
Explanation: The suggested alternative employs more formal language and provides a nuanced expression.
"Another major reason for this matter stems from the social standpoint" -> "Another significant aspect of this issue arises from a societal perspective"
Explanation: The replacement adds formality and clarity to the sentence.
"ex-convicts" -> "individuals with a history of incarceration"
Explanation: Substituting "ex-convicts" with "individuals with a history of incarceration" offers a more formal and specific term.
"the bad apples in society" -> "socially stigmatized individuals"
Explanation: Replacing "the bad apples in society" with "socially stigmatized individuals" maintains formality and provides a more precise expression.
"judgemental view" -> "critical perception"
Explanation: Substituting "judgemental view" with "critical perception" enhances formality while maintaining the intended meaning.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It acknowledges the issue of drug addiction, presents a clear stance against the idea of imprisoning drug users, and provides a well-reasoned argument.
How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, consider providing more specific examples or statistics related to the consequences of imprisonment for drug users. This can strengthen the argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently expressing disagreement with the proposal to imprison drug users. The stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
How to improve: While the position is clear, consider adding a sentence in each body paragraph’s topic sentence to reiterate the essay’s stance. This reinforcement can further emphasize the consistency of the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It discusses the ineffectiveness of imprisonment, suggests alternative solutions, and provides reasoning with examples such as rehabilitation programs and the impact on social perception.
How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, consider incorporating more varied sentence structures and vocabulary. This can add richness to the essay and showcase a higher level of language proficiency.
Stay on Topic:
Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic by addressing the issue of drug addiction and the proposed solution of imprisonment. There are no significant deviations from the main subject.
How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensure that each paragraph’s content directly relates to the central argument. Avoid any tangential discussions that may distract from the main points.
In summary, the essay effectively responds to the prompt, maintaining a clear and consistent position while presenting well-developed ideas with relevant support. To further improve, consider providing more specific examples, reinforcing the stance in each body paragraph, incorporating varied sentence structures, and ensuring that every paragraph directly contributes to the main argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument, and each paragraph progresses logically, presenting reasons and supporting details. However, the connection between paragraphs could be smoother, with more explicit transitions between ideas. For instance, the transition from discussing the ineffectiveness of prison sentences to proposing rehabilitation centers could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay. Explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs, ensuring a smooth flow of thought. For example, use phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition to this," to strengthen the link between ideas.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph unity. Some paragraphs cover multiple points without clear separation. For example, the third paragraph discusses social consequences but also introduces the idea of giving drug abusers a second chance. Separating these ideas into distinct paragraphs would improve clarity and focus.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus on a single aspect of the argument. In this case, consider creating a separate paragraph for discussing the societal consequences and another for proposing alternative solutions. This will enhance the reader’s understanding and make the essay more structured.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices to connect ideas, such as "Thus," and "Furthermore." However, there is an opportunity to diversify and use a broader range of cohesive devices. For instance, the essay could benefit from more varied transitions between ideas and within sentences.
- How to improve: Explore a wider variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the overall coherence. Use transitional words and phrases like "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "Consequently" to create a more nuanced and connected argument. This will contribute to a smoother and more sophisticated flow of ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion but can be enhanced by improving the explicitness of transitions between paragraphs, refining paragraph unity, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and cohesive presentation.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes terms related to drug addiction, imprisonment, rehabilitation, and societal judgments. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For example, terms like "rehabilitation programs," "exposure therapy," and "detoxification" show some depth, but more varied and nuanced vocabulary could enhance the lexical richness.
- How to improve: To broaden the vocabulary range, consider incorporating more specialized terms related to addiction treatment, societal perceptions, and long-term recovery. For instance, introducing terms like "behavioral therapies," "community reintegration," or "recidivism" could add depth to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where more precise language could enhance clarity. For instance, the phrase "turning over a new leaf" is somewhat clichéd and might benefit from a more specific expression. Additionally, the term "permanent history of imprisonment" could be refined for precision.
- How to improve: Aim for precision in your language to convey ideas more clearly. Instead of clichés, consider expressing ideas in a more concrete manner. For instance, replace "turning over a new leaf" with a specific action or behavioral change. Additionally, specifying the impact of a "permanent history of imprisonment" on future opportunities could provide more clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as "determinate" instead of "determinate" and "misuse" instead of "abuse." These do not significantly hinder comprehension but can be improved for a polished presentation.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistent use of terminology. Additionally, using spell-check tools or seeking feedback from others can contribute to improving spelling precision.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonably strong use of vocabulary and spelling accuracy, there is potential for improvement in diversifying and refining the lexicon for greater precision and clarity. Incorporating a more varied range of terms and focusing on precise language can elevate the overall quality of your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used throughout the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of structures. The majority of sentences are of medium length, and more complex structures could be incorporated for a more sophisticated expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider integrating a variety of sentence structures, such as complex sentences with subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of using straightforward sentence structures consistently, experiment with sentences that convey more intricate relationships between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with only a few minor errors. For instance, in the phrase "to be determinate prisoners," the word "determinate" seems out of place. Additionally, there are a couple of instances where sentence structures could be refined for greater clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where comma usage can be improved for smoother readability.
- How to improve: Pay careful attention to word choice to ensure precision and clarity. Replace "determinate" with a more fitting term, such as "immediate." Additionally, review comma usage to ensure that it enhances readability. For example, in the sentence "Instead of this fruitless method, sending them to health centers," consider using a comma after "method" for improved clarity.
In summary, while the essay exhibits commendable grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for enhancement in the diversity of sentence structures and careful review of word choice and punctuation. Expanding the range of structures and refining language choices will contribute to a more nuanced and polished essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
As the issue of drug addiction continues to escalate in today’s society, many people are of the opinion that individuals involved in drug abuse should be automatically sentenced to a determinate period of imprisonment. However, I disagree with this perspective.
When considering this proposition from a long-term perspective, it will become evident that the issue persists. Given that drug addiction is a physiological concern rather than a psychological one, an impractical approach is to confine individuals without providing effective treatment. Imprisoning addicts without addressing the root cause of their addiction is an ineffective approach. After their release, they are likely to revert to previous patterns of substance abuse, perpetuating the same initial problem.
A more constructive alternative to this approach is to direct individuals towards health centers where they can receive appropriate treatment. Rehabilitation programs, including exposure therapy and detoxification, can be implemented to help them overcome their addiction. Moreover, receiving support from family and friends can serve as a significant motivation for the individuals grappling with addiction, encouraging them to embark on a new chapter in life.
Another significant aspect of this issue arises from a societal perspective. Individuals with a history of incarceration may become socially stigmatized, facing critical perception from others. Instead of subjecting drug abusers to imprisonment, they should be given a second chance for cure and treatment, avoiding the judgmental view of modern society. This not only prevents the permanent label of ex-convicts but also addresses the issue at its core.
In conclusion, the approach of automatically sentencing individuals caught with drug misuse to prison is impractical. Instead, directing them to rehabilitation centers for proper treatment is a more effective strategy. This action will not only facilitate a positive change in their physical and mental condition but will also contribute to overcoming the challenge of drug addiction.