Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

It is true that the question of whether to economic progress or other factors remains a source of controversy in the measure successful of a country. While a number of people believe that economic progress is of course essential. I agree with those who believe that other measures are just as importance.
There are some reasons why economic progress is seen as a fundamental goal for countries. Firstly, a healthy economy results in job creation, a high level for employment, a high salary for all citizens. Secondly, economic progress ensures available money for government to spend on infrastructure and public services. For example, a government with a high revenue can invest in the country’s transport network, its education systems, its hospitals. Finally, a strong economy can help a country’s standing on the global stage in term of its political influence and trade power.
However, I would argue that other measures are as significant as economic factor mentioned above. In particular, we should consider the area of social justice, human right, equality and democracy. For example, the treatment of minority groups are seen as a reflection of the moral standard and level development of social. In addition, another key factor should consider when judging the progress of a modern country is environment sustainability. Finally, the success of a country could measure by looking at the health, well being and happiness of its their resident.
In conclusion, economy progress is a key measure of a country’s success, but social, environment and healthy are equally important

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Errors and Improvements:

"whether to economic progress or other factors" -> "whether economic progress or other factors"
Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "to" improves the sentence’s clarity and adherence to formal language structure.
"measure successful of a country" -> "measure of a country’s success"
Explanation: Correcting the word order and adding an apostrophe (‘s) ensures grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"economic progress is of course essential" -> "economic progress is undoubtedly essential"
Explanation: Replacing "of course" with "undoubtedly" adds emphasis and sophistication to the statement.
"other measures are just as importance" -> "other measures are equally important"
Explanation: Changing "just as importance" to "equally important" maintains the intended meaning while improving the formality of expression.
"high level for employment" -> "high level of employment"
Explanation: Correcting the preposition to "of" ensures grammatical accuracy in describing the level of employment.
"a high salary for all citizens" -> "high salaries for all citizens"
Explanation: Changing "a high salary" to "high salaries" aligns with proper pluralization and maintains a formal tone.
"ensures available money for government" -> "ensures funds available for the government"
Explanation: Using "funds" instead of "money" and rephrasing the sentence enhances precision and formality.
"in term of its political influence" -> "in terms of its political influence"
Explanation: Correcting the preposition to "in terms of" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"are as significant as economic factor mentioned above" -> "are as significant as the economic factors mentioned above"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "economic factors" and adjusting the pluralization improve the grammatical structure.
"the treatment of minority groups are seen as a reflection" -> "the treatment of minority groups is seen as a reflection"
Explanation: Correcting the verb agreement to "is" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"level development of social" -> "level of social development"
Explanation: Adjusting the word order and adding "of" improves the sentence’s structure.
"environment sustainability" -> "environmental sustainability"
Explanation: Changing "environment" to "environmental" ensures proper adjectival usage.
"could measure by looking at the health, well being" -> "could be measured by examining the health, well-being"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and using "be measured by examining" enhances clarity and formality.
"of its their resident" -> "of its residents"
Explanation: Removing the redundant "their" improves the sentence’s grammar and conciseness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides a response to all parts of the question. It acknowledges the significance of economic progress while asserting that other factors such as social justice, environmental sustainability, and well-being are equally important. Relevant sections include the introduction, body paragraphs discussing economic progress, and the conclusion emphasizing the importance of other measures.
- How to improve: While the response is comprehensive, consider enhancing the clarity of your thesis statement in the introduction. Clearly state that economic progress is important but argue for the equal importance of other factors.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by favoring the importance of factors beyond economic progress. It consistently emphasizes social justice, environmental sustainability, and well-being as equally crucial considerations.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph aligns with the central argument. Clearly signal your stance at the beginning of each paragraph to maintain a strong and consistent position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas regarding economic progress and supports them with examples such as job creation, government spending, and global influence. Additionally, it extends the argument to include social justice, environmental sustainability, and well-being.
- How to improve: Provide more depth in the development of ideas. Elaborate further on examples and consider incorporating counterarguments to showcase a nuanced understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing economic progress and the importance of other factors in measuring a country’s success. However, there are moments where the focus could be tighter.
- How to improve: Be cautious of tangential points, such as the mention of minority groups, which, while relevant, might benefit from more direct connection to the main argument. Tighten the focus on the factors directly related to measuring a country’s success.

In conclusion, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents arguments for considering factors beyond economic progress in measuring a country’s success. To improve, refine the thesis statement, enhance the development of ideas, and ensure a more focused discussion of relevant points.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the issue, and there is a clear progression of ideas from economic progress to other factors. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and word choice that may slightly hinder the overall clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, revise sentences for clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "whether to economic progress or other factors" can be refined to "whether economic progress or other factors."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, separating different aspects of the argument. However, the structure within paragraphs could be improved. Some ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, affecting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected. For instance, the paragraph discussing social justice, human rights, equality, and democracy could benefit from a more structured presentation of these ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "however" and "in conclusion." However, there is a limited variety, and the connections between sentences and ideas could be strengthened for a smoother flow.
- How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, pronouns, and transitional words. For example, instead of repeating the term "economic progress," consider using synonyms or pronouns to enhance cohesion.

In summary, while the essay effectively organizes information and uses paragraphs, there is room for improvement in refining the logical flow of ideas, enhancing the structure within paragraphs, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These adjustments would contribute to a more cohesive and coherent essay, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, but some repetition is noticeable, and certain expressions lack precision. For instance, the repetition of "economic progress" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative phrases to enhance lexical variety. The use of more nuanced vocabulary would elevate the richness of expression and demonstrate a broader lexical range.
Specific examples from the essay:
- Repetition of "economic progress."
- The phrase "a high level for employment" lacks variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions. Use diverse terms related to economic development and explore more varied language when discussing social, environmental, and health-related aspects. For example, instead of repeatedly using "economic progress," consider phrases like "financial advancement," "economic development," or "fiscal growth." Additionally, introduce synonyms for terms like "employment" to avoid repetition.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally struggles with precision in vocabulary usage. Some phrases are imprecise or lack clarity, impacting the overall effectiveness of the message. For instance, the phrase "a high level for employment" could be refined for greater precision. Moreover, the sentence structure in some places contributes to ambiguity, hindering the precise conveyance of ideas.
Examples from the essay:
- Lack of precision in the phrase "a high level for employment."
- Sentence structure may lead to ambiguity.
- How to improve: Focus on choosing words with precise meanings to convey ideas more accurately. In the case of "a high level for employment," consider alternatives like "robust employment rates" or "substantial job opportunities." Additionally, refine sentence structures for clarity. Ensure that each sentence conveys a clear and specific message without room for misinterpretation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of accurate and inaccurate spelling. While the majority of words are spelled correctly, there are instances of misspelled words, such as "importance" instead of "important" and "term" instead of "terms." These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall professionalism of the writing.
Examples from the essay:
- "Importance" instead of "important."
- "Term" instead of "terms."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider thorough proofreading to catch and correct errors. Utilize tools like spell checkers but also be cautious, as they may not catch contextual errors. Developing a habit of revising written work with a focus on spelling will contribute to improved accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to commonly misspelled words to minimize such errors in future compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a satisfactory range of sentence structures, incorporating simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. The predominant use of simple sentences may hinder the essay’s overall fluency and sophistication. For instance, in the first paragraph, the sentence structure could be more varied to enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To elevate the grammatical range, consider incorporating complex sentences and varying sentence lengths. For example, try integrating subordinate clauses or employing more sophisticated connectors to create a more nuanced and refined expression of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation use. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues that need attention. For instance, in the first sentence, "whether to economic progress" should be corrected to "whether economic progress." Additionally, there are inconsistencies in subject-verb agreement, such as "are just as importance" should be corrected to "are just as important."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly, paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Also, refine punctuation skills by ensuring correct comma placement and addressing issues like missing articles or prepositions. For instance, "measured by looking at the health, well being" should be revised to "measured by looking at the health, well-being."

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammar and punctuation, addressing these specific issues and incorporating more diverse sentence structures will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of whether economic progress or other factors should be the primary measure of a country’s success is a topic of ongoing debate. While many argue that economic progress is undoubtedly essential, I agree with those who believe that other measures are equally important.

Economic progress is often considered a fundamental goal for countries due to several reasons. Firstly, a healthy economy leads to job creation, a high level of employment, and elevated salaries for all citizens. Secondly, economic progress ensures funds are available for the government to invest in infrastructure and public services, such as the country’s transport network, education systems, and hospitals. Lastly, a robust economy enhances a country’s political influence and trade power on the global stage.

Nevertheless, I contend that other measures are as significant as the economic factors mentioned above. Specifically, we should consider the realms of social justice, human rights, equality, and democracy. For instance, the treatment of minority groups is seen as a reflection of the moral standards and the level of social development. Additionally, another crucial factor to consider when evaluating the progress of a modern country is environmental sustainability. Ultimately, the success of a country could be measured by examining the health, well-being, and happiness of its residents.

In conclusion, while economic progress is a key measure of a country’s success, factors related to social justice, environmental sustainability, and the overall health and happiness of the population are equally important. It is essential to recognize the multifaceted nature of success and consider a balanced approach that encompasses various dimensions of a nation’s well-being.