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Employers should give holidays at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Employers should give holidays at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

Employers should give holidays at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace. To what extend do you agree or disagree.
Giving holidays at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace should be considered essential for employers. From my perspective, I partly agree with this statement.
To start with, there are several key reasons highlighting the importance of a prolonged period to relax for employees. In this day and age, workers are generally faced with a heavy workload, stripping them of time to spend for their personal and familial well-being. Thus, if a month is given, employees would have an extended period to allocate to their own interests that they find difficult to pursue when focusing on their work. Moreover, more time could be invested in family care, resulting in strengthened family bonds. All of these, as a result, would lead to mental restoration among workers, ultimately encouraging a higher level of productivity within a workplace.

Nevertheless, providing employees several weeks off yields several negative outcomes. Firstly, it is true that a long period of time working together would facilitate a smooth workflow, in which workers’ strong inter-personal connection results in effective collaborations during collective projects. If employers decide to give weeks off to their employees, this would weaken these bonds, potentially leading to misunderstandings and conflicts during working periods. Secondly, individuals may forget some crucial professional skills as a consequence of prolonged relaxing time, which require a company to waste both their time and resources on extra training. These two factors, undeniably, will slow down the advancement of an organization.

In conclusion, giving holidays at least one month to employees would empower them to enhance their productivity at work as they re-energize by dedicating time to their loved ones and their personal preferences. However, this may loosen workers’ relationships and make employees forget crucial skills, which negatively influence the collective progress overall.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Employers should give holidays at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace." -> "Employers should grant employees at least a month’s holiday to enhance their performance at work."
    Explanation: The revised phrase "grant employees at least a month’s holiday" is more formal and precise, and "enhance their performance at work" is a more academic way of expressing the intended outcome.

  2. "To what extend do you agree or disagree." -> "To what extent do you agree or disagree."
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "extend" to "extent" is necessary for grammatical accuracy, and the revised sentence structure is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.

  3. "Giving holidays at least one month to employees to encourage them to perform better at workplace" -> "Providing employees with at least a month’s holiday to improve their performance at work"
    Explanation: "Providing employees with at least a month’s holiday" is more formal and precise, and "improve their performance at work" is a clearer and more academic expression.

  4. "In this day and age" -> "In the current era"
    Explanation: "In the current era" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase compared to the colloquial "In this day and age."

  5. "stripping them of time to spend for their personal and familial well-being" -> "denying them time to devote to their personal and familial well-being"
    Explanation: "Denying them time to devote to" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone of the sentence.

  6. "employees would have an extended period to allocate to their own interests" -> "employees would have an extended period to dedicate to their personal interests"
    Explanation: "Dedicate to their personal interests" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

  7. "more time could be invested in family care" -> "more time could be devoted to family care"
    Explanation: "Devoted to family care" is a more precise and formal expression, suitable for academic writing.

  8. "All of these, as a result, would lead to mental restoration among workers" -> "These outcomes collectively would contribute to mental restoration among workers"
    Explanation: "These outcomes collectively would contribute to" is more formal and avoids the informal "All of these, as a result."

  9. "providing employees several weeks off yields several negative outcomes" -> "providing employees with several weeks off results in several negative outcomes"
    Explanation: Adding "with" before "several weeks off" corrects the prepositional error, and "results in" is more formal than "yields."

  10. "a long period of time working together" -> "an extended period of collaboration"
    Explanation: "An extended period of collaboration" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "a long period of time working together."

  11. "potentially leading to misunderstandings and conflicts during working periods" -> "potentially leading to misunderstandings and conflicts during work periods"
    Explanation: "Work periods" is a more concise and formal term than "working periods."

  12. "which require a company to waste both their time and resources on extra training" -> "which necessitates a company to invest both time and resources in additional training"
    Explanation: "Necessitates a company to invest both time and resources in additional training" is more formal and precise, avoiding the negative connotation of "waste."

  13. "giving holidays at least one month to employees would empower them to enhance their productivity at work" -> "granting employees at least a month’s holiday would empower them to increase their productivity at work"
    Explanation: "Granting employees at least a month’s holiday" is more formal, and "increase their productivity" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "enhance their productivity."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of providing employees with a month-long holiday. The writer states a partial agreement with the statement, which reflects an understanding of the complexity of the issue. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent of agreement or disagreement. The introduction mentions "partly agree," but the body paragraphs do not clearly delineate the extent of this agreement or disagreement, leading to some ambiguity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clarify their position more explicitly in the introduction and throughout the essay. For example, they could quantify their agreement (e.g., "I agree to a certain extent, believing that…") and ensure that each point made is directly linked back to this stance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that is somewhat clear, indicating a partial agreement with the statement. However, the clarity of this position fluctuates, particularly in the conclusion, where the writer states that the benefits "would empower them to enhance their productivity" but also emphasizes the negative consequences without a clear resolution. This can confuse readers about the writer’s ultimate stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. They could also use transitional phrases to reinforce their stance, such as "While I acknowledge the potential drawbacks, I believe that…" This would help in guiding the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits and drawbacks of extended holidays. The points made about mental restoration and family bonding are relevant and well-supported. However, the arguments regarding the negative impacts of long holidays, such as weakened interpersonal connections and skill decay, could be further developed with examples or evidence to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or data that illustrate the points made. For instance, they could reference studies that show the correlation between employee well-being and productivity or provide anecdotes that highlight the importance of team cohesion. This would add depth to the arguments and make them more persuasive.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of providing extended holidays for employees. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "misunderstandings and conflicts" could be elaborated upon to explain how these directly impact workplace productivity, rather than leaving it as a somewhat vague assertion.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether extended holidays are beneficial. They could also outline a clear structure for the essay, ensuring that each paragraph serves a specific purpose in supporting their overall argument. This would help in keeping the discussion relevant and coherent throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into two main sections: the benefits of extended holidays and the potential drawbacks. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that indicates the main idea, followed by supporting details. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses the positive impacts of holidays on personal well-being and productivity. However, while the ideas are logically presented, there are moments where the transitions between points could be smoother, particularly when moving from the benefits to the drawbacks.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence like "However, this approach is not without its challenges" could better signal the shift to the negative aspects discussed in the following paragraph.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets up the topic, while the body paragraphs delve into specific points. However, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the key arguments presented in the body paragraphs more explicitly, rather than introducing new ideas about the negative impacts of holidays.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion succinctly encapsulates the main points made in the essay. A brief recap of the benefits and drawbacks discussed would reinforce the argument and provide a clearer closure to the essay. For instance, stating "While extended holidays can enhance personal well-being and productivity, they may also disrupt team dynamics and skill retention" would effectively summarize the discussion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "Nevertheless," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied linking words and phrases, which would enhance the overall fluidity of the writing. For example, the phrase "As a consequence of" is used effectively, but similar phrases could be utilized to connect ideas more dynamically.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "firstly" and "secondly," consider alternatives like "In addition," "On the other hand," or "Conversely." This variety will make the writing more engaging and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical organization, there are areas for improvement in transitions, paragraph summarization, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By addressing these aspects, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness in conveying its arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "prolonged period," "mental restoration," and "inter-personal connection." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "giving holidays" and "employees." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the language.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could replace repetitive phrases with synonyms or alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "holidays," consider terms like "leave," "time off," or "vacation." Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to workplace dynamics, such as "employee engagement" or "work-life balance," could elevate the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "stripping them of time" could be seen as overly dramatic or informal for an academic context. Additionally, "crucial professional skills" might be better specified as "essential job-related skills" to clarify the context.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to select words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, instead of "stripping them of time," a more precise phrase could be "limiting their time." Furthermore, providing specific examples of the "crucial professional skills" mentioned would help clarify the argument and demonstrate a more precise use of vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "to what extend" instead of "to what extent." This error, while minor, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. Most other words are spelled correctly, indicating a generally good command of spelling.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with the correct forms can further enhance spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like, "In this day and age, workers are generally faced with a heavy workload, stripping them of time to spend for their personal and familial well-being." This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas, showcasing the writer’s ability to convey complex thoughts. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "to" + verb (e.g., "to encourage," "to allocate," "to enhance"). This can limit the overall variety of sentence forms.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound and complex sentences, as well as varying the use of infinitive forms. For example, instead of consistently using "to" + verb, the writer could use gerunds (e.g., "encouraging," "allocating") or rephrase sentences to include relative clauses (e.g., "which encourage them to perform better"). Additionally, varying the placement of clauses could enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are notable mistakes, such as "to what extend" which should be "to what extent." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, particularly in longer sentences. For example, in the sentence "Nevertheless, providing employees several weeks off yields several negative outcomes," a comma after "employees" would enhance readability.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as misusing phrases (e.g., "to what extent") and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help clarify meaning and improve the overall flow of the essay. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Employers should grant employees at least a month’s holiday to enhance their performance at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Providing employees with at least a month’s holiday to improve their performance at work should be considered essential for employers. From my perspective, I partly agree with this statement.

To start with, there are several key reasons highlighting the importance of a prolonged period to relax for employees. In the current era, workers are generally faced with a heavy workload, denying them time to devote to their personal and familial well-being. Thus, if a month is given, employees would have an extended period to dedicate to their personal interests that they find difficult to pursue when focusing on their work. Moreover, more time could be devoted to family care, resulting in strengthened family bonds. All of these outcomes collectively would contribute to mental restoration among workers, ultimately encouraging a higher level of productivity within the workplace.

Nevertheless, providing employees with several weeks off results in several negative outcomes. Firstly, it is true that an extended period of collaboration would facilitate a smooth workflow, where workers’ strong interpersonal connections lead to effective collaborations during collective projects. If employers decide to give weeks off to their employees, this could weaken these bonds, potentially leading to misunderstandings and conflicts during work periods. Secondly, individuals may forget some crucial professional skills as a consequence of prolonged relaxation time, which necessitates a company to invest both time and resources in additional training. These two factors, undeniably, will slow down the advancement of an organization.

In conclusion, granting employees at least a month’s holiday wouldempower them to increase their productivity at work as they re-energize by dedicating time to their loved ones and their personal preferences. However, this may loosen workers’ relationships and make employees forget crucial skills, which negatively influences the collective progress overall.

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