Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What can individual people do?

In today's society environment are facing with many risk of degradation which is result from some human damage activity. This essay will explain this problem and give some must actions of each person for environment issues.
It is evident that humans are bringing about many drawbacks for the environment. The first main activity is that human do not have a scientific waste treatment. To explain, due to the busy works, people do not have much time to sort of rubbish obviously, thus, people will dispose of both inorganic waste and organic waste together without dividing. Even people also dispose of trash indiscriminately. This can lead to degrade recycled processing of waste. Secondly, deforestation is also a main way of damaging environment. For example, farmers exploit the soil of forest to do harvest or encroach to buildings or houses. Therefore, they cut down lots of trees to extend the usable area. If the floods occurred, the soil would be eroded, loss of animal habitats and ecological balance. Another further pressure will include illegal fishing of fishermen. Not only overfishing, but fishermen also use explosives to catch fish.
Individuals should take into consideration to operate some solutions for the impact on the environment. The first important solution is that each person should enhance the awareness of environment. Some famous fanpages about the way to protect environment is a good example for people to learn how to sort of rubbish or convey for residents about the importance of preventing bad behaviors from environment ,even encourage young people engage in some activities which benefit for the environment, for example, cleaning the street or river and planting many trees. Furthermore, if people find accidentally someone who violates the environment laws, they can remind or warn them, evenly report to the local authority if someone do not obey and have some against actions.
In conclusion, although environment problems are increasing in today's society. However, if individuals tried to limit bad actions which impact on the environment, this problem would have opportunity to improve.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"society environment" -> "environment"
Explanation: The phrase "society environment" is redundant and awkward. Using "environment" alone is sufficient and maintains the formal tone of academic writing.
"are facing with" -> "are facing"
Explanation: The preposition "with" is incorrectly used after "facing." The correct preposition is "with" before the noun phrase "many risk of degradation," which should be "many risks of degradation."
"which is result from" -> "which results from"
Explanation: "Which is result from" is grammatically incorrect. The verb "results" should be in the singular form to agree with the singular subject "this problem."
"must actions" -> "necessary actions"
Explanation: "Must actions" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Necessary actions" is the correct term, providing clarity and formality.
"human do not have" -> "humans do not have"
Explanation: "Human" should be pluralized to "humans" to agree with the plural context of the sentence.
"busy works" -> "busy schedules"
Explanation: "Busy works" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Busy schedules" is a more precise and contextually appropriate term.
"sort of rubbish" -> "sort out the rubbish"
Explanation: "Sort of rubbish" is informal and vague. "Sort out the rubbish" is more direct and formal.
"dispose of trash indiscriminately" -> "dispose of waste indiscriminately"
Explanation: "Trash" is less formal than "waste," which is preferred in academic and formal contexts.
"degrade recycled processing of waste" -> "impede the recycling process"
Explanation: "Degrade recycled processing of waste" is awkward and unclear. "Impede the recycling process" is more precise and formal.
"exploit the soil of forest" -> "clear the forest land"
Explanation: "Exploit the soil of forest" is awkward and unclear. "Clear the forest land" is a more direct and formal expression.
"do harvest" -> "harvest"
Explanation: "Do harvest" is redundant. "Harvest" alone is sufficient and maintains the formal tone.
"encroach to buildings or houses" -> "encroach on buildings or houses"
Explanation: "To" is incorrectly used before "encroach," which requires the preposition "on."
"loss of animal habitats" -> "loss of animal habitats"
Explanation: This is a typographical error. The word "loss" should be repeated to maintain grammatical consistency.
"Another further pressure" -> "Another significant pressure"
Explanation: "Further" is incorrectly used here. "Significant" is more appropriate to emphasize the importance of the issue.
"operate some solutions" -> "implement some solutions"
Explanation: "Operate" is not the correct verb in this context. "Implement" is the appropriate term for putting plans into action.
"famous fanpages" -> "well-known social media platforms"
Explanation: "Fanpages" is not a standard term and is too informal. "Well-known social media platforms" is more precise and formal.
"convey for residents" -> "inform residents"
Explanation: "Convey for residents" is awkward and unclear. "Inform residents" is direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"evenly report to the local authority" -> "even report to the local authorities"
Explanation: "Evenly" is incorrectly used; "even" is the correct adverb. Also, "authority" should be pluralized to "authorities" for grammatical correctness.
"do not obey and have some against actions" -> "do not comply and take adverse actions"
Explanation: "Have some against actions" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Take adverse actions" is clearer and more formal.
"tried to limit bad actions" -> "attempt to mitigate adverse actions"
Explanation: "Tried to limit" is informal and vague. "Attempt to mitigate" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing ways in which humans damage the environment and suggesting actions individuals can take. The first half effectively outlines several human activities that harm the environment, such as improper waste disposal, deforestation, and illegal fishing. However, while the essay does mention actions individuals can take, the suggestions could be more specific and actionable.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each point made about human damage is balanced with a clear, specific solution. For instance, when discussing waste disposal, the essay could suggest specific practices like recycling programs or community clean-up events. Additionally, the writer could expand on the individual actions by providing more examples or detailing how these actions can lead to significant change.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the negative impact of human activities on the environment and the importance of individual action. However, the introduction could be more assertive in stating the writer’s stance, and the conclusion presents a somewhat ambiguous statement about the potential for improvement, which could confuse readers about the overall message.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and ensure that the conclusion reinforces this stance without introducing ambiguity. A strong concluding statement that summarizes the main points and reiterates the importance of individual responsibility would strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding environmental damage and individual actions, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, while the essay mentions deforestation, it does not delve into the broader implications of this issue, such as its impact on biodiversity or climate change. Additionally, some points are not fully supported with evidence or examples, which weakens their impact.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and supporting evidence. This could include statistics on deforestation rates or examples of successful community initiatives that promote environmental awareness. By elaborating on key points and providing concrete examples, the writer can create a more compelling and persuasive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s focus on environmental damage and individual actions. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear or slightly off-topic, such as the phrase "must actions of each person for environment issues," which could confuse readers about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all language used is clear and directly related to the topic. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the overall argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for each main idea can help reinforce the focus on the topic throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, it could benefit from clearer articulation of the position, more detailed support for the ideas presented, and a more structured approach to ensure all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing various human activities damaging the environment, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing waste treatment to deforestation is somewhat abrupt. The reader may benefit from clearer connections between ideas, such as linking the consequences of waste management issues to broader environmental impacts before introducing deforestation.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For instance, after discussing waste management, you could introduce deforestation with a phrase like, "In addition to waste management issues, another significant factor contributing to environmental degradation is deforestation." This would create a smoother transition and help the reader follow the argument more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as waste management, deforestation, and individual actions. However, some paragraphs could be more clearly defined. For instance, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on waste management and the other on deforestation, allowing for more detailed exploration of each issue.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, start the paragraph on deforestation with a sentence like, "Another significant way humans damage the environment is through deforestation." This will help clarify the focus of each paragraph and guide the reader through your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "secondly," and "furthermore," which help to indicate the sequence of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, the phrase "for example" appears multiple times, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are misused or absent, leading to awkward sentences.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "for example," you could use "such as," "to illustrate," or "for instance." Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using devices that indicate contrast or addition, such as "however," "moreover," or "in addition." This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay and make it more engaging for the reader.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score for coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "degradation," "deforestation," and "illegal fishing" indicating an understanding of environmental issues. However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "human damage activity" and "must actions" are awkward and could be expressed more naturally. The phrase "busy works" is also incorrect; the correct term would be "busy work" or "busy schedules."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "damage" and "environment," they could use "harm," "impact," or "ecosystem." Reading more academic articles or essays on environmental topics could expose the writer to a broader range of vocabulary and phrases.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, "sort of rubbish" should be "sort of waste" or "sort waste." Additionally, "the floods occurred" is vague; it would be clearer to say "if floods occur." The phrase "must actions" is also unclear and should be replaced with "necessary actions" or "essential measures."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can achieve this by practicing paraphrasing and ensuring that they fully understand the terms they use. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more appropriate synonyms, but it is essential to ensure that the chosen words fit the context correctly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "degrade" (should be "degrading"), "loss" (should be "loss of"), and "evenly" (should be "even"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Additionally, "fishermen" is correctly spelled, but the phrase "illegal fishing of fishermen" could be more concisely expressed as "illegal fishing practices."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading more frequently can also improve spelling skills, as it allows the writer to see words used in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and uses some relevant vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding their vocabulary, focusing on precise word choice, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like “The first main activity is that human do not have a scientific waste treatment” and “Individuals should take into consideration to operate some solutions for the impact on the environment” show a basic structure but lack complexity. The use of subordinate clauses is minimal, which limits the depth of the argumentation.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as using relative clauses (e.g., “which leads to…”), conditional sentences (e.g., “If people do not sort their waste, it will result in…”), and varied sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases). Practicing combining ideas into more complex sentences can also help improve the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, “environment are facing with many risk of degradation” should be “the environment is facing many risks of degradation.” The phrase “human damage activity” is awkward and should be “human damaging activities.” Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage (e.g., “even encourage young people engage in some activities which benefit for the environment”), detract from clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles (e.g., “the environment” instead of “environment”). Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical rules can help. For punctuation, the writer should pay attention to the use of commas in complex sentences and ensure that conjunctions are used correctly. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into proper punctuation and sentence structure.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and a clear structure, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly raise the band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, the environment is facing many risks of degradation, which result from some human damaging activities. This essay will explain this problem and give some necessary actions that each person can take regarding environmental issues.

It is evident that humans are causing many drawbacks for the environment. The first main activity is that humans do not have a scientific waste treatment system. To explain, due to busy schedules, people do not have much time to sort out the rubbish, thus they dispose of both inorganic waste and organic waste together without dividing them. Many people also dispose of trash indiscriminately. This can lead to the degradation of the recycling process of waste. Secondly, deforestation is also a major way of damaging the environment. For example, farmers exploit forest soil to harvest crops or encroach on buildings or houses. Therefore, they cut down many trees to extend the usable area. If floods occur, the soil can be eroded, leading to the loss of animal habitats and ecological balance. Another significant pressure includes illegal fishing by fishermen. Not only is there overfishing, but fishermen also use explosives to catch fish.

Individuals should consider implementing some solutions to mitigate the impact on the environment. The first important solution is that each person should enhance their awareness of environmental issues. Some well-known social media platforms about ways to protect the environment are good examples for people to learn how to sort out rubbish or inform residents about the importance of preventing harmful behaviors towards the environment. They can even encourage young people to engage in activities that benefit the environment, such as cleaning the streets or rivers and planting trees. Furthermore, if people accidentally find someone who violates environmental laws, they can remind or warn them, or even report to the local authorities if someone does not comply and takes adverse actions.

In conclusion, although environmental problems are increasing in today’s society, if individuals try to limit harmful actions that impact the environment, there will be an opportunity for improvement.