Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. Agree or disagree?

In this day and age, due to the rapid proliferation of the cutting-edge technologies, an increasing number of online relationships and friendships has been observed. Therefore, a disposition merges, suggesting that virtual friendships are not as purposeful as real ones. This essay will shed light on why I totally side with the given perspective.

To begin with, real-life conversations create trustworthy relationships. This is because through the facial expressions and gestures verbalized by face-two-face conversations, perhaps people can get better to understand each other, hence creating a sustainable friendship. Take, for example, two strangers getting into a friendship in which they could hang out, physically touch and have in-person talks, hence deeply connecting with each other. However, if they shared the conversations through the screens of computer or smartphone on the internet, probably they would not profoundly strengthen the bond because they could not be their accompanies, a prominent factor that foster a relationship. Therefore, by talking in person, individuals can expand more reliable friendships.

Furthermore, people can help other friends when meeting face to face in some special occasions. This is because through real-world interactions, in case of the darkest time in the life, people can solace and embrace in person, thus quicklier lifting their mood up. Consider a young employee, which was fired by their boss reassurance by their best friends by immediately being their side, hugging them or lending them a shoulder to cry on, consequently making them better and happier. By contrast, online friendships cannot properly solve this case because they just see each other through the screen and try to talk and solace them by words without being touched or embraced directly.

In conclusion, I stance that face-to-face relationships are more significant than the online ones due to the reasons of creditability and sustainability that I justified.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat colloquial expression. "Currently" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"cutting-edge technologies" -> "advanced technologies"
Explanation: "Cutting-edge" is an idiom that may sound informal in academic writing. "Advanced" is a more precise and formal term.
"an increasing number of online relationships and friendships has been observed" -> "an increasing number of online relationships and friendships are being observed"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks a verb, which is corrected to improve grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"a disposition merges" -> "a consensus emerges"
Explanation: "A disposition merges" is unclear and incorrect. "A consensus emerges" is the correct phrase for indicating a general agreement or trend.
"I totally side with the given perspective" -> "I fully support the given perspective"
Explanation: "Totally side with" is informal and vague. "Fully support" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"real-life conversations create trustworthy relationships" -> "face-to-face conversations foster trust-based relationships"
Explanation: "Real-life conversations" is vague and informal. "Face-to-face conversations" is more specific and formal, and "foster trust-based relationships" is more precise than "create trustworthy relationships."
"verbalized by face-two-face conversations" -> "facilitated by face-to-face conversations"
Explanation: "Verbalized by face-two-face conversations" is awkward and incorrect. "Facilitated by face-to-face conversations" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"perhaps people can get better to understand each other" -> "perhaps individuals can better understand each other"
Explanation: "Get better to understand" is grammatically incorrect. "Better understand" is the correct form.
"Take, for example" -> "For example"
Explanation: "Take, for example" is redundant. "For example" is sufficient and more formal.
"probably they would not profoundly strengthen the bond" -> "they are unlikely to strengthen the bond profoundly"
Explanation: "Probably" is informal and vague. "Are unlikely to" is more precise and formal.
"could not be their accompanies" -> "cannot accompany them"
Explanation: "Could not be their accompanies" is grammatically incorrect. "Cannot accompany them" is correct and clearer.
"quicklier lifting their mood up" -> "quicker lift their mood"
Explanation: "Quicklier" is not a word. "Quicker" is the correct form, and "lift their mood" is more idiomatic.
"which was fired by their boss reassurance by their best friends" -> "who was fired by their boss and received reassurance from their best friends"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and improves readability.
"hugging them or lending them a shoulder to cry on" -> "hugging them or offering emotional support"
Explanation: "Lending them a shoulder to cry on" is an idiom that may be seen as informal. "Offering emotional support" is more formal and precise.
"I stance that" -> "I maintain that"
Explanation: "I stance that" is incorrect. "I maintain that" is the correct phrase for asserting a position in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position that online friendships are less meaningful than face-to-face ones. The introduction sets the stage for this argument, and the body paragraphs provide supporting reasons. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of non-verbal cues in building trust, while the second focuses on emotional support during difficult times. Both points are relevant to the prompt and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could benefit from acknowledging the potential strengths of online friendships, even if the overall stance remains critical. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic. Including a counterargument could also strengthen the position by showing awareness of differing perspectives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that face-to-face friendships are superior. Phrases like "I totally side with the given perspective" and "I stance that face-to-face relationships are more significant" reinforce this viewpoint. However, the phrase "I stance" is awkward and could be more effectively expressed as "I believe" or "I maintain."
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct and natural. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion with a succinct summary of the key points would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of examples, such as the scenario of a young employee receiving support from friends, effectively illustrates the points made. However, some ideas could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the explanation of how non-verbal cues enhance understanding could include more detail about specific gestures or expressions that contribute to deeper connections.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on examples and provide more specific details. This could involve discussing additional aspects of face-to-face interactions that contribute to meaningful friendships, such as shared experiences or physical presence during significant life events.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between online and face-to-face friendships. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument. However, the phrase "perhaps people can get better to understand each other" introduces uncertainty that could detract from the overall argument. Additionally, the phrase "quicklier lifting their mood up" contains a grammatical error that could distract from the main point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should avoid speculative language and ensure grammatical accuracy. Clear and confident assertions will enhance the strength of the argument. A careful proofreading process could help catch such errors and improve overall clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in detail, clarity, and grammatical precision, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position on the topic, asserting that face-to-face friendships are more meaningful than online ones. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. The first paragraph discusses the importance of trust and understanding in real-life interactions, while the second paragraph emphasizes the emotional support that can be provided in person. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the two main points could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, the writer could use transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs more effectively. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence could be added to indicate that the next point will further explore the emotional aspects of in-person interactions. Additionally, a brief overview of the main points in the introduction could help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses trust and understanding, while the second addresses emotional support. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. The conclusion is present but could be more robust in summarizing the key arguments made in the body.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the first paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One of the primary reasons face-to-face friendships are more meaningful is the trust that develops through direct interaction." Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main points discussed in the essay to reinforce the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "however," and "for example," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "in case of the darkest time in the life" could be rephrased for clarity and better cohesion with the preceding sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "in addition," "furthermore," or "on the other hand" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each sentence flows logically into the next will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. The writer could also consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the text.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "proliferation," "trustworthy relationships," and "solace." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and depth, which affects the overall impression. For instance, phrases like "real-life conversations" and "online friendships" are used repetitively without much variation. The use of "cutting-edge technologies" is appropriate, but the essay could benefit from more synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary related to the topic. For example, instead of repeatedly using "friendships," they could use synonyms like "relationships," "connections," or "bonds." Additionally, varying phrases such as "face-to-face" with "in-person" or "physical interactions" could add richness to the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "face-two-face conversations" which should be "face-to-face conversations." The phrase "a disposition merges" is awkward and unclear; a more precise expression could be "a viewpoint emerges." Additionally, "quicklier" is not a standard English word; the correct term is "more quickly." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure they are using standard terms. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more appropriate words. Furthermore, proofreading for awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in expression will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "quicklier," "accompanies," and "stance." These mistakes indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the credibility of the writing. While some words are spelled correctly, the presence of errors suggests that the writer may not have thoroughly reviewed their work.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should consider implementing a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and terms related to the essay topic can help reinforce correct spelling in future writing tasks. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly may also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, it employs complex sentences such as "This is because through the facial expressions and gestures verbalized by face-two-face conversations, perhaps people can get better to understand each other, hence creating a sustainable friendship." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "this is because" and "for example," which could limit the variety of expression. Additionally, the phrase "in which they could hang out, physically touch and have in-person talks" is somewhat awkward and could be rephrased for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences, as well as varying the introductory phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "this is because," you might use "one reason for this is that…" or "another aspect to consider is…". Additionally, using more transitional phrases can help to create a smoother flow between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "face-two-face" should be corrected to "face-to-face." The phrase "quicklier lifting their mood up" is grammatically incorrect; "quicklier" should be replaced with "more quickly." Furthermore, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For example, "consider a young employee, which was fired by their boss reassurance by their best friends by immediately being their side" is convoluted and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Additionally, practicing sentence combining techniques can help in creating clearer sentences. For punctuation, focus on using commas correctly in compound sentences and after introductory phrases. A useful strategy is to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and structure, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, due to the rapid proliferation of advanced technologies, an increasing number of online relationships and friendships has been observed. Therefore, a consensus emerges, suggesting that virtual friendships are not as meaningful as real ones. This essay will shed light on why I fully support the given perspective.

To begin with, real-life conversations create trustworthy relationships. This is because through the facial expressions and gestures verbalized by face-to-face conversations, perhaps people can better understand each other, hence creating a sustainable friendship. Take, for example, two strangers developing a friendship in which they could hang out, physically touch, and have in-person talks, thus deeply connecting with each other. However, if they shared conversations through the screens of a computer or smartphone on the internet, they are unlikely to profoundly strengthen the bond because they cannot accompany each other, a prominent factor that fosters a relationship. Therefore, by talking in person, individuals can build more reliable friendships.

Furthermore, people can help their friends when meeting face to face on special occasions. This is because through real-world interactions, in the darkest times of life, people can offer solace and embrace in person, thus quickly lifting their mood. Consider a young employee who was fired by their boss and received reassurance from their best friends by immediately being by their side, hugging them or lending them a shoulder to cry on, consequently making them feel better and happier. By contrast, online friendships cannot properly solve this situation because they just see each other through the screen and try to talk and comfort each other with words without being touched or embraced directly.

In conclusion, I maintain that face-to-face relationships are more significant than online ones due to the reasons of credibility and sustainability that I have justified.