Full time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involed in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Full time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involed in other activities too.
To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In contemporary society, many people claims that full-time pupils should spend time on studies as well as allocate time to engage in outdoor activities. This is always a long standing and contentious issue. From my perspective, I partly agree with this statement for a numerous reasons, which will be explored throughout in this essay.
On the one side of the spectrum, students should manage their time to study and join in extracurricular for variety of reasons. Firstly, engage in activities such as outdoor activities will help students gain their muscles as well as maintain a good lifestyle. Nowadays, many students spend their time studying and stay away from these meaning activities, so that it made them suffer from many health issues and have an impact on their physicall and mental health. Outdoors activities is a good way to help students undwind after a long time of study and refresh their energy before study the new chapter. Moreover, these activities also help students to develop their critical thinking and their creativity.
On the other hand, despite joining in other activities bring a number of merits for student, I think that it is quiet hard for them to maintain and have a specific schedule during their full time study and activities. Consider Viet Nam as an example. Ican see that many students in Viet Nam must attend many extra classes after they finish their study time in schools, so many of them cannot engage in their fancy activities or even just for relief stress with a huge number of homeworks that they have to do everyday. This phenomenon limit students from join in other activities and enhance their creativity, as parents always think that nothing is prominent than study.
In conclusion, full-time students should attend in some activities with a hope to improve their health and having energy to tackle with difficult tasks in study, but it sometimes really hard for them to do it as they have to attend many classes. In my perspective, learning is important but they sometimes need to have a plan for some other activities to create a good and healthy lifestyle.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"many people claims" -> "many people claim"
Explanation: The verb "claims" should be in the plural form "claim" to agree with the plural subject "people," ensuring grammatical correctness and maintaining formal tone.
"allocate time to engage in" -> "devote time to participating in"
Explanation: "Allocate" is correct but "devote" is more precise in this context, emphasizing the commitment of time to activities. "Participating in" is also more formal than "engage in," aligning better with academic style.
"a long standing and contentious issue" -> "a longstanding and contentious issue"
Explanation: "Long standing" should be "longstanding" for grammatical correctness and to maintain the formal tone of academic writing.
"a numerous reasons" -> "numerous reasons"
Explanation: "A numerous" is grammatically incorrect; "numerous" should be used as an adjective without the article "a" to correctly modify the noun "reasons."
"engage in activities such as outdoor activities" -> "participate in outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Engage in activities such as" is redundant; "participate in" is more direct and academically appropriate, eliminating redundancy and enhancing clarity.
"will help students gain their muscles" -> "will help students develop their physical strength"
Explanation: "Gain their muscles" is informal and vague; "develop their physical strength" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context.
"meaning activities" -> "meaningful activities"
Explanation: "Meaning" is a typographical error; "meaningful" is the correct word, indicating activities that have significance or importance.
"it made them suffer from many health issues" -> "this led to numerous health issues"
Explanation: "It made them suffer from" is informal and vague; "this led to" is more formal and precise, better suited for academic writing.
"physicall" -> "physical"
Explanation: "Physicall" is a typographical error; "physical" is the correct form of the adjective.
"Outdoors activities" -> "outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Outdoors" is a noun form and should be "outdoor" to correctly modify the noun "activities."
"undwind" -> "unwind"
Explanation: "Undwind" is a typographical error; "unwind" is the correct verb form.
"study the new chapter" -> "study new chapters"
Explanation: "Study the new chapter" is grammatically incorrect; "study new chapters" corrects the verb agreement and maintains the plural form of "chapters" to match the context.
"quiet hard" -> "quite hard"
Explanation: "Quiet" is an adjective meaning silent, whereas "quite" is the correct adverb meaning very or somewhat, correcting the intended meaning.
"Ican" -> "I can"
Explanation: "Ican" is a typographical error; "I can" is the correct form of the contraction.
"fancy activities" -> "preferred activities"
Explanation: "Fancy" is informal and vague; "preferred" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, indicating activities that are chosen or liked.
"having energy to tackle with difficult tasks" -> "having the energy to tackle difficult tasks"
Explanation: "Tackle with" is grammatically incorrect; "tackle" should be followed by the preposition "to" for correct usage.
"really hard" -> "very challenging"
Explanation: "Really hard" is informal; "very challenging" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of studies and the value of extracurricular activities. The writer expresses a partial agreement, which aligns with the task’s requirement to discuss the extent of agreement or disagreement. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer delineation of the arguments for and against the statement. The introduction mentions "numerous reasons," but only a few are explored in detail. For instance, while the benefits of outdoor activities are mentioned, the counterargument regarding the difficulties of balancing studies and activities could be more thoroughly developed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is explicitly addressed. This could involve clearly stating the reasons for partial agreement in the introduction and ensuring that both sides of the argument are equally developed in the body paragraphs. Adding specific examples or statistics could also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position of partial agreement throughout, which is commendable. However, the phrasing and structure sometimes create ambiguity. For example, phrases like "I think that it is quiet hard for them" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the position. The conclusion reiterates the main points but could be more decisive in summarizing the stance taken.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use more direct language when stating their position. Additionally, reinforcing the position in each paragraph’s topic sentence can help maintain focus. A stronger conclusion that succinctly encapsulates the main arguments would also enhance clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the health benefits of outdoor activities and the challenges faced by students in managing their time. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, while the essay mentions that outdoor activities help develop critical thinking and creativity, it does not provide specific examples or explanations of how this occurs. The argument about Vietnamese students is relevant but could be better integrated with the overall discussion.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. This could involve discussing particular outdoor activities and their benefits or providing more context about the pressures faced by students in Vietnam. Using data or research findings could also add credibility to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the balance between studies and extracurricular activities. However, there are moments where the writing veers slightly off-topic, such as the discussion of health issues without directly linking it back to the central argument about time management. The phrase "meaning activities" is unclear and detracts from the focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the thesis. Avoiding vague phrases and ensuring clarity in language will help keep the discussion relevant. A clear outline before writing could assist in staying on topic throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument. However, with improvements in clarity, elaboration, and focus, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with two main points: the benefits of extracurricular activities and the challenges students face in balancing studies with these activities. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of outdoor activities and the challenges faced by students could be more seamless. The introduction sets the stage well, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis statement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly state the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one to create a more cohesive argument. For example, after discussing the benefits of outdoor activities, a transition sentence could link to the challenges faced, such as, "Despite these benefits, many students struggle to find time for such activities due to academic pressures."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, but some paragraphs could be more focused. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of outdoor activities, while the second addresses the challenges students face. However, the second paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the challenges of time management and the other on the societal pressure regarding academic performance.
- How to improve: Aim for a clearer structure by ensuring each paragraph has a single main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could be divided to separately address the issue of time constraints and the societal expectations that hinder students from engaging in extracurricular activities. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one side of the spectrum," and "Moreover," which help in linking ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where transitions between sentences and ideas could be smoother. For example, the phrase "this phenomenon limit students from join in other activities" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence, making it feel abrupt.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the effectiveness of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Conversely" to create smoother transitions between contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used correctly; for instance, "join in" should be "joining in" to maintain grammatical accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases like "extracurricular activities," "critical thinking," and "good lifestyle" indicate an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited lexical variety, such as the frequent use of "activities" and "students." Additionally, phrases like "long standing and contentious issue" are somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with more original expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "activities," alternatives like "pursuits," "engagements," or "programs" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more academic or topic-specific vocabulary related to education and health could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, "engage in outdoor activities" could be more accurately expressed as "participate in outdoor activities." The phrase "meaning activities" is unclear and should be clarified or replaced. Furthermore, "physicall" is a misspelling of "physical," which detracts from the precision of the language used.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that word choices accurately convey the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary definitions and context. For instance, using "participate" instead of "engage" provides a clearer understanding of the action. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and clarity will help ensure that vocabulary is used correctly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "claims" (should be "claim"), "physicall" (should be "physical"), "quiet" (should be "quite"), and "Ican" (should be "I can"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing spelling rules can help improve overall spelling proficiency. Keeping a list of frequently misspelled words and revisiting them during practice can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy will contribute to a stronger performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "On the one side of the spectrum, students should manage their time to study and join in extracurricular for variety of reasons" shows an attempt at a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. Phrases like "students should" and "activities such as" recur frequently, which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "students should," you could use participial phrases (e.g., "By engaging in outdoor activities, students can…") or conditional clauses (e.g., "If students participate in extracurricular activities, they may…"). Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "many people claims" should be "many people claim," indicating subject-verb agreement. Additionally, "physicall" is a misspelling of "physical," and "quiet hard" should be "quite hard." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also affect readability. For example, "In conclusion, full-time students should attend in some activities with a hope to improve their health and having energy to tackle with difficult tasks in study" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, spelling, and the use of articles (e.g., "a numerous reasons" should be "numerous reasons"). Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors can also help. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for complex sentences, will improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and punctuation errors, making it easier to spot and correct mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, many people claim that full-time pupils should devote time to their studies while also participating in outdoor activities. This is a longstanding and contentious issue. From my perspective, I partly agree with this statement for numerous reasons, which will be explored throughout this essay.

On one side of the spectrum, students should manage their time to study and engage in extracurricular activities for a variety of reasons. Firstly, participating in outdoor activities will help students develop their physical strength and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Nowadays, many students spend excessive time studying and neglect these meaningful activities, which has led to numerous health issues impacting their physical and mental well-being. Outdoor activities are a great way for students to unwind after long study sessions and refresh their energy before tackling new chapters. Moreover, these activities also foster critical thinking and creativity among students.

On the other hand, despite the benefits of engaging in other activities, I think it is quite hard for students to maintain a specific schedule that balances full-time study and extracurricular involvement. Consider Vietnam as an example. I can see that many students in Vietnam must attend numerous extra classes after their regular school hours, leaving them little time to engage in preferred activities or even to relieve stress from the substantial amount of homework they face daily. This phenomenon limits students from participating in other activities and enhancing their creativity, as parents often believe that nothing is more important than studying.

In conclusion, full-time students should participate in some activities to improve their health and have the energy to tackle challenging tasks in their studies. However, it can be very challenging for them to do so due to the demands of their academic schedules. In my perspective, while learning is essential, students also need to plan for other activities to create a balanced and healthy lifestyle.