Full-time students spend a lot of time studying, but some people say that they should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In modern life, students spend a long term studying that they don't have time to do other activities. Nevertheless, it is thought that they need to focus on others. From my point of view, i partly agree with this opinion due to some reasons which are explained in this essay.
On the one hand, if they only concentrate on studying a lot, they will feel very tired and stressed. Moreover, studying a lot is not only causes the problem that students don't have time to do other activities, but it also reduces social skills when they only study and don't have any experiences in social skills. For example, if people spend a lot of time studying, they will not go outside a lot and communicate with other humans. This can lead to the shyness and unconfidence of them.
On the other hand, to improve knowledge, it is not possible to achieve that by spending a little term studying. However, unless students study to expand the learning, they are not able to have high points in many examinations at school. For this reason, they need to concentrate on studying if they want to take a good score.
To sum up, to balance between studying and involving in other activities, students should plan a schedule to study that they will have suitable time and have time to do something they want

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In modern life, students spend a long term studying that they don’t have time to do other activities." -> "In contemporary life, students devote a considerable amount of time to studying, leaving little time for other activities."
Explanation: "Devote a considerable amount of time" is more precise and formal than "spend a long term," which is vague and incorrect. The phrase "leaving little time for other activities" clarifies the consequence of excessive studying.
"it is thought that they need to focus on others" -> "it is believed that they should focus on other aspects"
Explanation: "It is believed" is more formal than "it is thought," and "other aspects" is more specific and appropriate than "others," which is vague and could refer to people.
"From my point of view, i partly agree with this opinion" -> "From my perspective, I partially agree with this viewpoint"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is more formal than "From my point of view," and "I partially agree" is grammatically correct compared to the incorrect "i partly agree."
"due to some reasons which are explained in this essay" -> "due to the reasons discussed in this essay"
Explanation: "The reasons discussed" is more formal and precise than "some reasons which are explained," which is awkward and informal.
"if they only concentrate on studying a lot" -> "if they focus exclusively on studying"
Explanation: "Focus exclusively on studying" is more concise and academically appropriate than "concentrate on studying a lot," which is redundant and informal.
"they will feel very tired and stressed" -> "they will experience significant fatigue and stress"
Explanation: "Experience significant fatigue and stress" is more formal and precise than "feel very tired and stressed," which is colloquial.
"studying a lot is not only causes the problem" -> "studying extensively not only causes the problem"
Explanation: "Studying extensively" is a more precise and formal way to describe the extent of study, and "not only causes" is grammatically correct.
"they only study and don’t have any experiences in social skills" -> "they only study and lack experience in social skills"
Explanation: "Lack experience" is a more formal and precise expression than "don’t have any experiences," which is informal and awkward.
"This can lead to the shyness and unconfidence of them" -> "This can lead to shyness and a lack of confidence in them"
Explanation: "A lack of confidence" is a more formal and precise term than "unconfidence," and "in them" is grammatically correct.
"to improve knowledge, it is not possible to achieve that by spending a little term studying" -> "to improve knowledge, it is not possible to achieve this by devoting a minimal amount of time to studying"
Explanation: "Devoting a minimal amount of time" is more precise and formal than "spending a little term," which is incorrect and unclear.
"unless students study to expand the learning" -> "unless students expand their learning through study"
Explanation: "Expand their learning through study" is more direct and academically appropriate than "study to expand the learning," which is awkward and unclear.
"they need to concentrate on studying if they want to take a good score" -> "they must focus on studying to achieve good grades"
Explanation: "Must focus on studying to achieve good grades" is more formal and precise than "need to concentrate on studying if they want to take a good score," which is informal and vague.
"to balance between studying and involving in other activities" -> "to balance between studying and engaging in other activities"
Explanation: "Engaging in" is more formal and appropriate than "involving in," and "balance between" is grammatically correct.
"students should plan a schedule to study that they will have suitable time and have time to do something they want" -> "students should plan a schedule that allows them to allocate suitable time for study and pursue other interests"
Explanation: "Allows them to allocate suitable time for study and pursue other interests" is more formal and precise than the original, which is awkward and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding the necessity for students to engage in activities beyond studying. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I partly agree" is mentioned, but the essay does not clearly articulate the reasons for this partial agreement or provide a balanced view of both perspectives. The discussion is somewhat one-sided, focusing more on the drawbacks of excessive studying without adequately addressing the benefits of studying.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the degree of agreement or disagreement with the prompt. This could involve presenting a more balanced view by discussing both the advantages of studying and the importance of extracurricular activities, thereby providing a clearer stance on the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that students should balance studying with other activities, but this position is not consistently maintained throughout the text. The initial statement of partial agreement is somewhat diluted by the focus on the negative aspects of studying without sufficient emphasis on the positive aspects of engaging in other activities. The conclusion reiterates the need for balance, but it does not strongly reflect the writer’s position on the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their stance throughout the essay. This could involve restating their position in each paragraph and linking the arguments back to the central thesis. Additionally, using clear transitional phrases can help reinforce the position taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the drawbacks of excessive studying, such as stress and reduced social skills. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient examples or evidence. The discussion lacks depth, and the connection between studying and social skills is not convincingly articulated. Furthermore, the points made are somewhat repetitive and could benefit from more varied examples or elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve the development and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include specific instances of how extracurricular activities can enhance social skills or how a balanced approach can lead to better academic performance. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can make the arguments more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the balance between studying and other activities. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the need for high scores in examinations. This could distract from the main argument about the importance of balancing studying with other activities.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions about examination scores unless directly linked to the main argument can help keep the essay on track.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a clearer articulation of their position, provide more balanced arguments, develop ideas with specific examples, and maintain a strong focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction outlines the writer’s position, while each body paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the negative impacts of excessive studying to the necessity of studying for academic success feels abrupt. The ideas could be better connected to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the negative effects of studying too much, a sentence like "Conversely, it is essential to recognize that academic success requires a significant investment of time and effort" could create a smoother transition to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first addressing the drawbacks of excessive studying and the second discussing the importance of study for academic success. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak and lacks a clear summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. Instead of merely stating that students should plan a schedule, reiterate the main points: the importance of balancing study with social activities and the necessity of studying for academic achievement. This will reinforce the essay’s main message and provide a more satisfying closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand"and "on the other hand," which help to contrast different viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clarity due to poor connections. For example, the phrase "Moreover, studying a lot is not only causes the problem…" contains grammatical errors and could benefit from clearer linking words.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "for instance." Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy in the use of these devices. For example, revise the problematic sentence to "Moreover, excessive studying not only causes a lack of time for other activities but also reduces social skills." This enhances clarity and cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some appropriate terms such as "concentrate," "improve knowledge," and "social skills." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, such as the frequent use of "study" and "students." The phrase "feel very tired and stressed" is somewhat basic and could be enhanced with more sophisticated synonyms or phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "study," alternatives like "engage in academic pursuits," "pursue education," or "focus on learning" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "mental fatigue" or "academic pressure" instead of "tired and stressed" would elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "a long term studying" which should be "a long time studying." The phrase "reduce social skills" is also vague; it would be clearer to specify which social skills are being diminished. The term "unconfidence" is not standard English; "lack of confidence" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and commonly accepted. It would be beneficial to revise sentences for clarity, such as changing "they will feel very tired and stressed" to "they may experience fatigue and stress." Additionally, using specific terms related to social skills, like "interpersonal communication" or "networking abilities," would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, notably "i" instead of "I" and "unconfidence," which is not a recognized word. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can also help identify errors before submission. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and practicing frequently misspelled words can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("In modern life, students spend a long term studying") and compound sentences ("On the one hand, if they only concentrate on studying a lot, they will feel very tired and stressed"). However, the range is somewhat limited, and many sentences follow a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "they will not go outside a lot and communicate with other humans" could be restructured for variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "if they only concentrate on studying a lot," you could say, "While concentrating solely on their studies may seem beneficial, it can lead to negative consequences such as stress and social isolation." Additionally, using different sentence beginnings and varying the length of sentences can help create a more engaging writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "it is thought that they need to focus on others" should be "it is thought that they need to focus on other activities," as "others" is vague. The phrase "studying a lot is not only causes the problem" contains a grammatical error; it should be "studying a lot not only causes problems." Furthermore, there are instances of incorrect capitalization, such as "i" instead of "I," and missing commas that could clarify meaning, such as before "but" in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence correction exercises can help identify common mistakes. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and conjunctions, can enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud may help in identifying awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for revisions that improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Engaging in targeted practice and revision can significantly enhance the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary life, students devote a considerable amount of time to studying, leaving little time for other activities. Nevertheless, it is believed that they should focus on other aspects of their lives as well. From my perspective, I partially agree with this viewpoint due to the reasons discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, if students focus exclusively on studying, they will experience significant fatigue and stress. Moreover, studying extensively not only causes the problem of having insufficient time for other activities, but it also hampers the development of social skills. When students only study and lack experience in social interactions, they may become shy and lack confidence. For example, if individuals spend excessive time on their studies, they may miss opportunities to engage with others and develop important interpersonal skills.

On the other hand, to improve knowledge, it is not possible to achieve this by devoting a minimal amount of time to studying. Unless students expand their learning through study, they will struggle to achieve high marks in their examinations. For this reason, they must focus on studying to attain good grades.

To sum up, to balance between studying and engaging in other activities, students should plan a schedule that allows them to allocate suitable time for study while also pursuing other interests. This approach will enable them to develop both academically and socially.