Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

University or college are ideal places where students can experience a new life in novel cities. After graduating and leaving your high school, you will step in learning at your university. A lot of students want to change theirselves in order to chase their dream. They were deep in effectively learning and spent all time doing and practicing their assignment. However, others assume that they should do some activities too instead of spending much time studying. In my perspective, this idea is totally right.

Do you wonder why i agree and do not argue? There are plenty of reasons that I glad to show you. The first one is reducing pressure and stress's level. I basically know that acknowledged a mount of knowledge will make you feel tired and boring. In truly, trying to learn without taking a rest is extreme harmful for your body. Then it only wastes your time and makes you more depress. If you trully want to learn to enhance yourself, you must make a list or a timetable for your activities each day. It is really helpful if you plan it property. Additionally, you can add some tiny and large adventures to make it more completely. You can do excercises and play sports to stay healthy and help your cells active. These activities are crucial because they will make you full of energy for a new day. They cause you focus on learning at the university. Concentration is one of the most essential strategies while learning anything.

In reality, activities help you practice a wide range of skill such as critical thinking skill, communication skill and other skill. Furthermore, participating in an adventure activity could promote cooparation and teamwork. Therefore, in general, doing activities are also a type of learning.

In the end, I only want to mention you that learning will be value if you arrage it reasonably. As a pupil, i advise you to balance your life between activities and education

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"University or college are" -> "Universities or colleges are"
Explanation: The plural form "Universities or colleges" is grammatically correct and more appropriate for the context, as it refers to multiple institutions of higher education.
"After graduating and leaving your high school" -> "After graduating from high school"
Explanation: The phrase "graduating from high school" is more concise and formally correct than "graduating and leaving your high school."
"change theirselves" -> "change themselves"
Explanation: The correct form is "themselves," which is the reflexive pronoun needed in this context.
"chase their dream" -> "pursue their dreams"
Explanation: "Pursue their dreams" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "chase their dream."
"deep in effectively learning" -> "deeply engaged in learning"
Explanation: "Deeply engaged in learning" is more precise and academically formal than "deep in effectively learning," which is awkward and unclear.
"spent all time doing and practicing their assignment" -> "devote all their time to completing their assignments"
Explanation: "Devote all their time to completing their assignments" is more formal and clearer than "spent all time doing and practicing their assignment."
"do some activities too" -> "engage in additional activities"
Explanation: "Engage in additional activities" is more formal and specific than "do some activities too."
"In my perspective" -> "In my perspective"
Explanation: This should be "In my perspective" to maintain grammatical correctness.
"i agree and do not argue" -> "I agree and do not disagree"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error, and "do not disagree" is more precise than "do not argue," which is somewhat informal.
"I glad to show you" -> "I am glad to show you"
Explanation: "I am glad" corrects the grammatical error and improves the formality of the statement.
"acknowledged a mount of knowledge" -> "acknowledge a significant amount of knowledge"
Explanation: "Acknowledge" should be in the base form, and "a significant amount of" is more precise than "a mount of."
"trying to learn without taking a rest" -> "attempting to learn without taking a break"
Explanation: "Attempting to learn without taking a break" is more formal and specific than "trying to learn without taking a rest."
"trully want to learn" -> "truly want to learn"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "trully" to "truly."
"plan it property" -> "plan it properly"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error from "property" to "properly."
"add some tiny and large adventures" -> "incorporate both small and large adventures"
Explanation: "Incorporate both small and large adventures" is more formal and precise than "add some tiny and large adventures."
"do excercises" -> "engage in exercises"
Explanation: "Engage in exercises" is more formal and correct than "do excercises."
"help your cells active" -> "keep your cells active"
Explanation: "Keep your cells active" is grammatically correct and more appropriate than "help your cells active."
"Concentration is one of the most essential strategies" -> "Concentration is a crucial strategy"
Explanation: "A crucial strategy" is more concise and formal than "one of the most essential strategies."
"doing activities are also a type of learning" -> "engaging in activities is also a form of learning"
Explanation: "Engaging in activities is also a form of learning" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal vocabulary.
"learning will be value if you arrage it reasonably" -> "learning will be valuable if you arrange it reasonably"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "value" to "valuable" and "arrage" to "arrange," and uses the correct form "will be" instead of "will be value."
"As a pupil, i advise you" -> "As a student, I advise you"
Explanation: Capitalizes "I" for grammatical correctness and uses "student" instead of "pupil" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear agreement with the idea that full-time university students should engage in activities beyond studying. The introduction outlines the topic, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance, such as reducing stress and enhancing skills. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more balanced approach to the discussion.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should consider briefly presenting the counterargument—that studying is essential and should be prioritized—and then refuting it. This would provide a more nuanced response and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that students should engage in activities alongside their studies. The phrase "this idea is totally right" in the introduction establishes the writer’s agreement. However, the transition between ideas can be improved for better clarity. For instance, the shift from discussing stress to the benefits of activities could be more seamless.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases that connect ideas more logically. For example, after discussing stress, a sentence like "In addition to alleviating stress, engaging in activities also fosters essential skills" would help clarify the relationship between the points made.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of reducing stress and developing skills through activities. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions "critical thinking skill" and "communication skill," it does not elaborate on how specific activities contribute to these skills.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate how certain activities can enhance skills or reduce stress. For example, mentioning a specific sport or club that fosters teamwork would provide concrete support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of engaging in activities alongside studying. However, some sentences, particularly in the introduction, are somewhat vague and could lead to confusion about the main argument. Phrases like "you will step in learning at your university" do not clearly connect to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly contributes to the main argument. Revising the introduction to clearly state the position and its relevance to the prompt would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, avoiding overly general statements and instead focusing on specific points related to the question will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it would benefit from deeper analysis, clearer transitions, and more specific examples to enhance the overall quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of balancing study with other activities. The introduction outlines the topic and states the writer’s position, which is a strength. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing stress relief to the importance of planning activities feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection. The essay could benefit from more explicit linking of ideas to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "On the other hand") can help to connect ideas more smoothly and guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure within them is inconsistent. For example, the first paragraph mixes several ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow. The second paragraph, while more focused, could also benefit from clearer delineation of points. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea, supported by relevant examples or explanations.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for one main idea per paragraph. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, the discussion about stress relief could be its own paragraph, separate from the planning of activities.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "additionally," but the range is limited. There are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels forced or incorrect, such as "in truly," which should be "truly." The essay also lacks more complex cohesive devices that could enhance the flow, such as referencing back to previous ideas or using synonyms to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "for example," "as a result," and "in contrast." Additionally, varying sentence structures and using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can improve cohesion. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "activities," the writer could use "these pursuits" or "such engagements" to maintain flow while avoiding redundancy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with attempts to use varied expressions such as "reduce pressure and stress’s level," "tiny and large adventures," and "critical thinking skill." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "doing activities" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "activities," alternatives like "extracurricular pursuits," "leisure activities," or "engagements" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "enhance one’s well-being" instead of "stay healthy" would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "a mount of knowledge," which should be "an amount of knowledge," and "extreme harmful," which should be "extremely harmful." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the clarity of the argument. The phrase "make it more completely" is also awkward and imprecise.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on ensuring that word choices accurately convey their intended meaning. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more precise words, but it’s essential to understand their connotations and proper usage. For example, replacing "make it more completely" with "enhance its effectiveness" would provide clearer communication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "theirselves" (should be "themselves"), "i" (should be "I"), "cooparation" (should be "cooperation"), "trully" (should be "truly"), "excercises" (should be "exercises"), "depress" (should be "depressed"), and "arrage" (should be "arrange"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can negatively impact the reader’s perception of the writer’s proficiency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can aid in reducing spelling mistakes in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling that could elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, the sentences "University or college are ideal places where students can experience a new life in novel cities" and "They were deep in effectively learning and spent all time doing and practicing their assignment" are straightforward but lack complexity. More varied structures, such as complex sentences that combine clauses effectively, are needed to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "You can do exercises and play sports to stay healthy," the writer could say, "By engaging in exercises and playing sports, students not only maintain their health but also enhance their overall well-being." Incorporating relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence beginnings can also contribute to a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "they should do some activities too instead of spending much time studying" lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing. Additionally, the use of "i" instead of "I" is a recurring issue, which undermines the professionalism of the writing. There are also instances of incorrect word forms, such as "theirselves" (should be "themselves") and "extreme harmful" (should be "extremely harmful"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also appear, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, focusing on subject-verb agreement, correct pronoun usage, and the correct forms of adjectives and adverbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can help identify persistent errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, such as ensuring that commas are used to separate clauses and items in a list, will improve clarity. For instance, revising "the first one is reducing pressure and stress’s level" to "the first reason is that it reduces the levels of pressure and stress" would enhance both grammatical accuracy and clarity.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

University or college is an ideal place where students can experience a new life in novel cities. After graduating from high school, you will step into learning at your university. A lot of students want to change themselves in order to chase their dreams. They are deeply engaged in learning and devote all their time to completing their assignments. However, others assume that they should engage in additional activities too instead of spending so much time studying. In my perspective, this idea is totally right.

Do you wonder why I agree and do not disagree? There are plenty of reasons that I am glad to show you. The first one is reducing pressure and stress levels. I basically know that acknowledging a significant amount of knowledge will make you feel tired and bored. In truth, attempting to learn without taking a break is extremely harmful to your body. Then it only wastes your time and makes you more depressed. If you truly want to learn to enhance yourself, you must make a list or a timetable for your activities each day. It is really helpful if you plan it properly. Additionally, you can incorporate both small and large adventures to make it more complete. You can engage in exercises and play sports to stay healthy and keep your cells active. These activities are crucial because they will make you full of energy for a new day. They help you focus on learning at the university. Concentration is one of the most essential strategies while learning anything.

In reality, activities help you practice a wide range of skills such as critical thinking skills, communication skills, and other skills. Furthermore, participating in an adventure activity could promote cooperation and teamwork. Therefore, in general, doing activities is also a form of learning.

In the end, I only want to mention that learning will be valuable if you arrange it reasonably. As a student, I advise you to balance your life between activities and education.