GLOBALIZATION

GLOBALIZATION

Globalization has created a new opportunities for developing countries. Such as, technology transfer hold out promise, greater opportunities to access developed countries markets, growth and improved productivity and living standards.For example, globalization has helped to spread new technologies and medical advances to developing countries, which has improved health outcomes and increased life expectancy. Furthermore, globalization has facilitated the movement of capital and labour across borders, which has helped to create new jobs and businesses. Globalization has also increased opportunities for people in developing countries to access education and to find work in developed countries.However, globalization has also had some negative effects. For instance, globalization has led to increased competition for jobs, and has driven down wages in many developed and developing countries. Additionally, globalization has contributed to environmental problems, such as climate change and pollution, by increasing the production and consumption of goods and services. Finally, globalization has led to the spread of diseases, such as Covid-19 and Ebola, to new areas of the world. Evidence for the Success of Developed and Developing Countries. There is evidence that developed countries have been more successful than developing countries in reaping the benefits of globalization. For example, developed countries have been better able to take advantage of new technologies and medical advances, and have been more successful in creating new jobs and businesses. In addition, developed countries have been more successful in providing their citizens with access to education and to good-quality healthcare. However, there is also evidence that developing countries have made significant progress in recent years. For instance, many developing countries have achieved strong economic growth, and have reduced poverty and hunger. Additionally, developing countries have made great strides in improving access to education and to healthcare. Finally, developing countries have been successful in increasing life expectancy and reducing infant mortality rates.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "Globalization has created a new opportunities" -> "Globalization has created new opportunities"
   Explanation: Removing the indefinite article "a" before "new opportunities" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal language usage.

2. "Such as, technology transfer hold out promise," -> "Such as technology transfer holds out promise,"
   Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "hold" to "holds" ensures grammatical accuracy. Also, removing the comma after "such as" enhances the flow of the sentence.

3. "greater opportunities to access developed countries markets" -> "greater opportunities to access markets in developed countries"
   Explanation: Reordering the phrase and using "in" before "developed countries" improves the clarity and formality of the sentence.

4. "growth and improved productivity and living standards." -> "growth, improved productivity, and living standards."
   Explanation: Adding commas between the elements in the list enhances readability and conforms to the conventions of formal writing.

5. "For example, globalization has helped to spread new technologies and medical advances to developing countries," -> "For example, globalization has facilitated the dissemination of new technologies and medical advances to developing countries,"
   Explanation: Replacing "spread" with "facilitated the dissemination of" elevates the language, providing a more formal and precise expression of the idea.

6. "which has improved health outcomes and increased life expectancy." -> "resulting in improved health outcomes and increased life expectancy."
   Explanation: Introducing "resulting in" establishes a clearer cause-and-effect relationship, contributing to the formality of the sentence.

7. "Furthermore, globalization has facilitated the movement of capital and labour across borders," -> "Furthermore, globalization has facilitated the cross-border movement of capital and labor,"
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for conciseness and using "cross-border" enhances precision and maintains a formal tone.

8. "which has helped to create new jobs and businesses." -> "contributing to the creation of new jobs and businesses."
   Explanation: Introducing "contributing to" establishes a more direct connection between globalization and the creation of jobs and businesses.

9. "Globalization has also increased opportunities for people in developing countries to access education and to find work in developed countries." -> "Moreover, globalization has expanded opportunities for individuals in developing countries to access education and seek employment in developed countries."
   Explanation: Using "moreover" improves the transition between paragraphs, and rephrasing the sentence adds clarity and formality.

10. "For instance, globalization has led to increased competition for jobs, and has driven down wages in many developed and developing countries." -> "For instance, globalization has resulted in heightened job competition and reduced wages in both developed and developing countries."
    Explanation: Condensing the sentence and using "resulted in" maintains a formal tone while improving readability.

11. "such as climate change and pollution, by increasing the production and consumption of goods and services." -> "such as climate change and pollution, owing to the heightened production and consumption of goods and services."
    Explanation: Replacing "by increasing" with "owing to the heightened" provides a more sophisticated and formal expression of causation.

12. "Finally, globalization has led to the spread of diseases, such as Covid-19 and Ebola, to new areas of the world." -> "Lastly, globalization has facilitated the transmission of diseases, including Covid-19 and Ebola, to new regions of the world."
    Explanation: Using "lastly" improves the transition, and the word "transmission" adds precision and formality.

13. "Evidence for the Success of Developed and Developing Countries." -> "Evidence of the Success of Developed and Developing Countries."
    Explanation: Changing "for" to "of" improves the preposition usage in the title.

14. "there is evidence that developed countries have been more successful than developing countries" -> "there is evidence that developed countries have outperformed developing countries"
    Explanation: Substituting "more successful than" with "outperformed" enhances conciseness and formality.

15. "For example, developed countries have been better able to take advantage of new technologies and medical advances, and have been more successful in creating new jobs and businesses." -> "For instance, developed countries have adeptly harnessed new technologies and medical advances, demonstrating superior success in fostering new jobs and businesses."
    Explanation: Replacing "better able to take advantage of" with "adeptly harnessed" and restructuring the sentence adds sophistication and clarity.

16. "In addition, developed countries have been more successful in providing their citizens with access to education and to good-quality healthcare." -> "Additionally, developed countries have excelled in affording their citizens access to education and high-quality healthcare."
    Explanation: Using "additionally" for better transition and replacing "more successful in providing" with "excelled in affording" enhances formality and precision.

17. "However, there is also evidence that developing countries have made significant progress in recent years." -> "Nevertheless, there is evidence of significant progress in developing countries in recent years."
    Explanation: Using "nevertheless" improves the transition, and rephrasing the sentence adds clarity and formality.

18. "For instance, many developing countries have achieved strong economic growth, and have reduced poverty and hunger." -> "For example, numerous developing countries have attained robust economic growth and mitigated poverty and hunger."
    Explanation: Using "numerous" for variety and clarity, and rephrasing for conciseness and formality.

19. "Finally, developing countries have been successful in increasing life expectancy and reducing infant mortality rates." -> "Lastly, developing countries have succeeded in elevating life expectancy and decreasing infant mortality rates."
    Explanation: Using "lastly" for better transition and replacing "been successful in" with "succeeded in" adds formality and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses all parts of the question by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of globalization. However, it could improve by providing a more nuanced discussion of each point and elaborating on the ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider delving deeper into the positive and negative impacts of globalization. Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. Ensure that every aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a relatively clear position by acknowledging both the positive and negative effects of globalization. However, the stance could be made more explicit, and the transitions between positive and negative aspects could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state your position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Ensure smooth transitions between positive and negative points to avoid confusion. Consistently align the content with the chosen stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on the positive and negative effects of globalization. However, some points are briefly mentioned and lack thorough development. Examples are given but could be more detailed to enhance understanding.
  • How to improve: Extend your ideas by providing more in-depth explanations and examples. Ensure that each point is well-developed and supported with relevant evidence. This will enhance the overall depth and coherence of your essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the positive and negative effects of globalization. However, there are instances where the focus could be sharper, such as the brief mention of diseases like Covid-19 and Ebola.
  • How to improve: Maintain a laser focus on the topic throughout the essay. Avoid tangential points unless they are directly relevant to the prompt. Ensure that each point contributes directly to the overall discussion of globalization.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the positive and negative impacts of globalization, improvements can be made in terms of depth, clarity, and focus. Strengthening the analysis through detailed examples, explicitly stating and maintaining a clear position, and staying more focused on the topic will contribute to a more comprehensive and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins by introducing the positive aspects of globalization, providing examples of technology transfer and market access. The negative effects are also presented subsequently. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother, and the essay tends to list points without a clear chronological or thematic order.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider organizing ideas in a more structured manner. Start with a clear introduction, followed by well-organized body paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of globalization, and transitions between ideas should be explicit to guide the reader through the essay’s progression.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their structure could be more refined. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for the reader to follow. For instance, the paragraph discussing the negative effects of globalization covers diverse aspects like job competition, environmental problems, and disease spread.
  • How to improve: Aim for clarity and coherence within each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Consider breaking down the longer paragraphs into smaller ones, each dedicated to a specific idea or argument. This will enhance readability and help the reader navigate through the essay more smoothly.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "Furthermore," "However," and "Finally." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. Additionally, some sentences lack clear connections to the preceding ones, impacting the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices, including synonyms for common transitional phrases. Ensure that each sentence flows logically from the previous one. Consider using pronouns and synonyms to create smoother connections between sentences and paragraphs. This will contribute to a more cohesive and interconnected essay.

By refining the organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion. This will contribute to a more effectively communicated and well-structured response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use diverse words, but it is somewhat limited. For instance, the repetitive use of "developing countries" and "developed countries" could be replaced with synonyms or alternative phrases to enhance variety. The essay lacks more nuanced vocabulary, particularly in discussing the positive and negative impacts of globalization. Specific terms related to technology, market access, and environmental concerns could be introduced for a richer lexical resource.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "developing countries," you could use terms like "emerging nations" or "lesser economically advanced regions." Additionally, introduce specific vocabulary related to technology, such as "technological diffusion" or "innovation dissemination," to convey a more precise meaning.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is a mixed bag. While some terms, such as "technology transfer" and "climate change," are used accurately, there are instances where the language is vague. For example, phrases like "spread of diseases" could be refined to specify the transmission mechanisms. A more precise selection of words would elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that convey exact meanings. Instead of using generic terms like "spread of diseases," employ specific terms like "disease transmission pathways" or "global disease dissemination." This not only adds clarity but also demonstrates a more nuanced understanding of the subject matter.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are some noticeable errors, such as "new opportunities" instead of "new opportunities for." Also, there are instances of missing spaces after commas, such as "countries. For example." These errors, while not pervasive, slightly detract from the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly, paying attention to common issues like missing prepositions and spaces after punctuation. Utilize spelling and grammar tools to catch minor errors and enhance the overall polish of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Incorporating a more varied and precise vocabulary, along with careful proofreading, will contribute to a more refined and cohesive response.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. While there is an attempt to use complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and compound sentences, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, some sentences tend to be overly simple and lack complexity, affecting the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex structures, such as relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence lengths. This can elevate the overall quality of the essay and make it more engaging for the reader.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that slightly impact the overall accuracy. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("opportunities" should be "opportunity," "new opportunities" should be "new opportunities have created"), and some sentences could benefit from clearer punctuation to enhance readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and article usage. Additionally, focus on punctuation, ensuring that commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately placed. Proofreading the essay thoroughly can help identify and correct these issues, contributing to a more polished final product.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures, but there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety and accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of structures and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation issues, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Globalization has created new opportunities for developing countries. For instance, technology transfer holds out promise, providing greater access to markets in developed countries, fostering growth, improving productivity, and enhancing living standards. As an illustration, globalization has played a pivotal role in disseminating new technologies and medical advances to developing nations, leading to improved health outcomes and increased life expectancy. Moreover, globalization has facilitated the cross-border movement of capital and labor, contributing to the creation of new jobs and businesses. Additionally, it has expanded opportunities for individuals in developing countries to access education and seek employment in developed nations.

However, globalization has also brought about some negative effects. For example, it has led to increased competition for jobs and a decline in wages, affecting both developed and developing countries. Furthermore, globalization has contributed to environmental problems such as climate change and pollution due to heightened production and consumption of goods and services. Lastly, it has facilitated the transmission of diseases, including Covid-19 and Ebola, to new regions of the world.

When considering the success of developed and developing countries in the context of globalization, evidence suggests that developed countries have outperformed developing nations. Developed countries have adeptly harnessed new technologies and medical advances, demonstrating superior success in fostering new jobs and businesses. Additionally, they have excelled in affording their citizens access to education and high-quality healthcare.

Nevertheless, there is also evidence of significant progress in developing countries in recent years. Many developing nations have achieved robust economic growth, mitigated poverty and hunger, improved access to education and healthcare, and elevated life expectancy while reducing infant mortality rates. This demonstrates a positive trajectory for developing countries despite the challenges posed by globalization.