Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages? Write at least 250 words.

There is a school of thought that healthcare services, due to their fundamental role in meeting citizens' basic needs, are perceived as inefficient when corporations derive revenue from them. From my perspective, private healthcare can indeed be more advantageous for patients’ treatment and financial capacity.

To begin with, it is undeniable that the overall quality of services provided by individual businesses is often better compared to those offered by public services. Indeed, corporations primarily generate revenue from patient fees and government subsidies, but they also face high taxes and operational costs, which stem from their status as private entities rather than public hospitals. As a result, courteous services and professionalism in treating patients become their main priorities, as these factors help companies attract and retain a positive reputation with their clients. Furthermore, in today’s competitive business environment, numerous privately owned medical institutions strive to outperform each other, highlighting the necessity for annual discounts or promotions to enhance their corporate status. For example, Safpo, a well-known vaccination service in Hanoi, frequently organizes free vaccination programs for infants to encourage families to utilize their services, which can assist low-income patients in accessing high-quality treatments and positively impact their health and overall well-being.

Undeniably, some people still disagree with this viewpoint. They argue that because the primary purpose of business is to generate revenue, coupled with the lack of financial support from the public sector, standard prices will be significantly higher than those of public facilities. However, supporters of this idea overlook the fact that to receive treatment from public hospitals, patients also need to pay monthly taxes, which essentially creates a financial obligation to these institutions. This emphasizes the reality that the long-term provision of public services is not necessarily lower in cost compared to private healthcare.

In conclusion, while treatment fees in private healthcare corporations may be slightly higher compared to those of publicservices, better service quality and annual discounts will benefit customers more significantly in terms of healthcare and overall budget.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a school of thought" -> "There exists a prevailing opinion"
Explanation: "There exists a prevailing opinion" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"are perceived as inefficient" -> "are viewed as inefficient"
Explanation: "Viewed as" is a more formal expression than "perceived as," aligning better with academic language.
"private healthcare can indeed be more advantageous" -> "private healthcare may indeed offer advantages"
Explanation: "May indeed offer advantages" is more tentative and academically appropriate, as it acknowledges uncertainty and avoids absolute statements.
"better compared to those offered by public services" -> "superior to those provided by public services"
Explanation: "Superior" is a more precise and formal adjective than "better," and "provided" is more specific than "offered" in this context.
"courteous services and professionalism" -> "courteous service and professional standards"
Explanation: "Professional standards" is a more specific and formal term than "professionalism," which is somewhat vague and colloquial.
"help companies attract and retain a positive reputation" -> "enable companies to maintain a positive reputation"
Explanation: "Enable" is more precise and formal than "help," and "maintain" is more specific than "attract and retain."
"necessity for annual discounts or promotions" -> "need for annual discounts or promotions"
Explanation: "Need" is a more formal synonym for "necessity," fitting the academic style better.
"Safpo" -> "Safpo, a well-known vaccination service"
Explanation: Adding "a well-known vaccination service" clarifies the context and provides necessary detail, enhancing clarity and formality.
"frequently organizes free vaccination programs" -> "regularly offers free vaccination programs"
Explanation: "Regularly offers" is more formal and precise than "frequently organizes," which is slightly informal and less specific.
"which can assist low-income patients" -> "which can benefit low-income patients"
Explanation: "Benefit" is a more precise and formal term than "assist," aligning better with the context of healthcare services.
"standard prices will be significantly higher" -> "standard prices are likely to be significantly higher"
Explanation: "Are likely to be" introduces a more cautious and academically appropriate tone, suggesting probability rather than certainty.
"standard prices of public facilities" -> "standard prices of public healthcare facilities"
Explanation: Adding "healthcare" clarifies the type of facilities being referred to, enhancing specificity and formality.
"This emphasizes the reality" -> "This underscores the reality"
Explanation: "Underscores" is a more formal synonym for "emphasizes," fitting the academic style better.
"better service quality and annual discounts" -> "enhanced service quality and annual discounts"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more precise and formal term than "better," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"will benefit customers more significantly" -> "will provide greater benefits to customers"
Explanation: "Provide greater benefits to" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. The author presents the benefits of private healthcare, such as improved service quality and competitive pricing strategies, while acknowledging the counterargument regarding higher costs. However, the exploration of disadvantages is somewhat limited; the essay does not delve deeply into potential issues such as accessibility or equity in healthcare, which are critical aspects of the debate.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline and analyze the disadvantages of private healthcare in greater detail. This could include discussing how private healthcare can lead to inequalities in access, the potential for profit-driven motives to compromise patient care, or the burden of high costs on those without sufficient financial resources. A more balanced examination of both sides will strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that private healthcare has advantages that outweigh its disadvantages. The author effectively communicates this stance through the introduction and conclusion. However, there are moments where the argument could be more consistently reinforced, particularly when addressing the counterarguments. The transition between acknowledging the disadvantages and reiterating the advantages could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central thesis. This can be achieved by restating the main argument at the beginning or end of each paragraph and using linking phrases that reinforce the overall position. Additionally, addressing counterarguments with a stronger rebuttal can help solidify the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of private healthcare, such as improved service quality and competitive pricing. The example of Safpo’s free vaccination programs is a strong illustration of how private companies can provide value to low-income patients. However, the development of ideas could be more robust, particularly in the discussion of disadvantages, which lacks specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for both the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. This could involve citing studies, statistics, or real-world examples that illustrate the impact of private healthcare on different populations. Additionally, expanding on the implications of the points made will help to deepen the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt regarding the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off course, particularly when discussing the operational costs of private entities without directly linking it back to the advantages or disadvantages in a clear manner.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the prompt throughout the essay and ensuring that all examples and arguments serve to illuminate this central debate. A clear outline before writing may help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare. The introduction sets the stage effectively, outlining the main contention. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the advantages of private healthcare, followed by a counterargument, which is a logical structure. However, the transition between the points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the quality of services to the counterargument feels a bit abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s flow of thought.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the advantages, a phrase like "On the other hand," could be used to introduce the counterargument more seamlessly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first discussing the benefits of private healthcare and the second addressing the counterargument. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. The first paragraph is quite detailed, while the second is shorter and less developed.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph is roughly equal in length and depth of analysis. The counterargument could be expanded with more examples or explanations to provide a more balanced discussion. Additionally, consider starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "Undeniably," and "In conclusion," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition between discussing the quality of private healthcare services and the financial implications could benefit from a more explicit connective phrase.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Moreover." This will not only enhance the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving logical transitions, balancing paragraph content, and expanding the use of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of healthcare. Terms such as "fundamental role," "operational costs," "courteous services," and "corporate status" are effectively employed. The use of phrases like "school of thought" and "financial capacity" indicates a solid grasp of academic language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "private healthcare" and "public services" could be diversified with synonyms or paraphrasing to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "private healthcare," you could use "private medical services" or "for-profit healthcare." Additionally, employing more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to healthcare could enrich the vocabulary range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "courteous services and professionalism" could be more specific; it might be clearer to say "patient-centered care" or "high standards of patient interaction." The term "corporate status" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more precise term like "market position" or "reputation in the healthcare sector."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to enhance clarity. When discussing concepts like service quality, consider using more specific adjectives (e.g., "exceptional," "superior") to convey your point more effectively. Additionally, ensure that terms used in arguments are directly aligned with the context to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "inefficient," "subsidies," and "vaccination" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a good command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, continue to proofread your work carefully. Consider keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly. Engaging in spelling exercises or using tools like spell check can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the essay could potentially reach a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "From my perspective, private healthcare can indeed be more advantageous for patients’ treatment and financial capacity" effectively conveys nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay incorporates conditional structures, as seen in "if the primary purpose of business is to generate revenue," which adds depth to the argument. However, while the range is impressive, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to introduce points. For example, instead of frequently starting with "To begin with" or "Undeniably," the writer could use phrases like "Firstly," "Moreover," or "Conversely," to create a more varied flow. Incorporating more passive voice constructions or participial phrases could also add complexity and interest to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "publicservices" should be corrected to "public services" to ensure proper spacing. Additionally, punctuation is mostly accurate, though there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which can assist low-income patients in accessing high-quality treatments" to separate the clause more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch minor typographical errors, such as spacing issues. Furthermore, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve readability. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage, could also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with a strong command of language. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There exists a prevailing opinion that healthcare services, due to their fundamental role in meeting citizens’ basic needs, are viewed as inefficient when corporations derive revenue from them. From my perspective, private healthcare may indeed offer advantages for patients’ treatment and financial capacity.

To begin with, it is undeniable that the overall quality of services provided by individual businesses is often superior to those provided by public services. Indeed, corporations primarily generate revenue from patient fees and government subsidies, but they also face high taxes and operational costs, which stem from their status as private entities rather than public hospitals. As a result, courteous service and professional standards in treating patients become their main priorities, as these factors help companies maintain a positive reputation with their clients. Furthermore, in today’s competitive business environment, numerous privately owned medical institutions strive to outperform each other, highlighting the need for annual discounts or promotions to enhance their corporate status. For example, Safpo, a well-known vaccination service in Hanoi, regularly offers free vaccination programs for infants to encourage families to utilize their services, which can benefit low-income patients by providing access to high-quality treatments and positively impacting their health and overall well-being.

Undeniably, some people still disagree with this viewpoint. They argue that because the primary purpose of business is to generate revenue, coupled with the lack of financial support from the public sector, standard prices are likely to be significantly higher than those of public facilities. However, supporters of this idea overlook the fact that to receive treatment from public hospitals, patients also need to pay monthly taxes, which essentially creates a financial obligation to these institutions. This underscores the reality that the long-term provision of public services is not necessarily lower in cost compared to private healthcare.

In conclusion, while treatment fees in private healthcare corporations may be slightly higher compared to those of public services, enhanced service quality and annual discounts will provide greater benefits to customers in terms of healthcare and overall budget.