How are you? What is your plan for your birthday? What present do you want from me?

How are you?
What is your plan for your birthday?
What present do you want from me?

Student Letter 1
Dear Mary,
Thanks you very much. I'm fine and i'm very happy when You send me this letter. How are you? I hope you are fine.
You have just finished your school year and you are planning along vacation with your family. I think it is so happy. I feel so happy because you miss my birthday. You asked me What present I wanted you to give me, I think I want one box chocolate because I really like it but I can't buy it.
Or You can give me the book, I like reading book.
I have to stop now. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Best wishes,
Luna

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Thanks you very much." -> "Thank you very much."
Explanation: The original phrase contains a grammatical error; "thanks" should be followed by "to" or omitted entirely. "Thank you" is a more appropriate and grammatically correct expression of gratitude.
"i’m fine" -> "I’m fine"
Explanation: Capitalization of the pronoun "I" is necessary in English.
"You send me this letter" -> "You sent me this letter"
Explanation: Correcting the verb tense to past tense ("sent") maintains grammatical consistency with the rest of the sentence.
"along vacation" -> "a long vacation"
Explanation: "Along" is incorrect in this context; it should be "a" to indicate indefinite article usage.
"it is so happy" -> "it is so joyful"
Explanation: "Joyful" is a more sophisticated synonym for "happy" in this context, enhancing vocabulary richness.
"I feel so happy because you miss my birthday." -> "I feel so happy because you remembered my birthday."
Explanation: The original phrase conveys the opposite meaning of what the writer likely intended. "Remembered" accurately reflects the intended sentiment.
"What present I wanted you to give me" -> "What present I would like you to give me"
Explanation: Using "would like" instead of "wanted" and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and maintains grammatical correctness.
"one box chocolate" -> "a box of chocolates"
Explanation: "A box of chocolates" is the standard expression in English for a box containing chocolates.
"I like reading book." -> "I enjoy reading books."
Explanation: Pluralizing "book" and using "enjoy" instead of "like" enhances clarity and grammatical correctness.
"I have to stop now." -> "I must stop here."
Explanation: "Must" is more formal and appropriate than "have to" in this context, and "here" is clearer than "now."
"Best wishes," -> "Best regards,"
Explanation: "Best regards" is a more common and formal closing for a letter than "best wishes."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task by responding to the three questions posed in the prompt. It covers some key features such as the recipient’s recent completion of the school year and the mention of a desired present for the upcoming birthday. However, it lacks coherence and clarity in presenting these points. There are grammatical errors and inconsistencies in the language used throughout the essay. The format is somewhat inappropriate for an IELTS Task 1 essay, resembling a personal letter rather than a formal response.

How to improve: To improve the score, the essay should focus on providing a clearer and more organized response to each question in the prompt. Ensure that the language used is grammatically correct and coherent. Additionally, adopt a more formal tone appropriate for the task. Avoid irrelevant details and repetition, and strive for clarity and conciseness in communication.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas but lacks coherent arrangement and progression. The response is disorganized, jumping between topics without clear transitions. Cohesion is weak; there are some attempts at using cohesive devices, but they are often inaccurate or repetitive. Paragraphing is inadequate, with unclear breaks between ideas.

How to improve: Focus on organizing ideas logically, ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and create coherence. Work on paragraphing to provide clear breaks between different topics or points of discussion. Additionally, pay attention to grammar and spelling for clearer communication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with minimal variety and some noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. The writer uses basic vocabulary and shows some attempts at less common words ("vacation" instead of "holiday," "along" instead of "long"), but there are several errors throughout the essay that hinder communication and fluency.

How to improve:

Expand Vocabulary: Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Use synonyms and explore more nuanced words to convey meaning.
Accuracy in Word Choice: Pay attention to word choice and ensure accuracy in spelling and word formation to avoid errors that can disrupt the flow of writing.
Practice Writing: Engage in regular writing practice to improve overall language skills, including vocabulary usage, spelling, and grammar. Reading more can also help expand vocabulary naturally.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and inconsistencies in punctuation that impact clarity and coherence. For instance, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("Thanks you very much"), capitalization ("You" instead of "you"), and punctuation ("You send me this letter" lacks a comma after "You"). Additionally, the essay lacks complexity in sentence structures and relies mostly on simple sentences, with limited attempts at more complex structures. While the meaning is generally understandable, the errors and lack of variety in structures hinder the overall quality of expression.

How to improve:

Work on grammar fundamentals, particularly subject-verb agreement and punctuation.
Aim to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, to enhance coherence and sophistication.
Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct errors before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

Dear Mary,

Thank you very much for your letter. I’m doing well, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to write to me. How are you? I hope everything is going well on your end.

I understand that you’ve recently completed your school year and are planning a long vacation with your family. That sounds wonderful! I’m happy for you. I also wanted to mention that my birthday is coming up, and I’m a bit disappointed that you won’t be here to celebrate it with me. Nonetheless, your thoughtfulness in asking about a present means a lot to me.

As for what I’d like as a gift, I’ve been craving some chocolates lately. A box of chocolates would be perfect, as it’s something I really enjoy but haven’t been able to get for myself. Alternatively, if you prefer to give me something else, a book would also be lovely. I’m an avid reader and always appreciate new additions to my bookshelf.

I’ll end here for now. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best wishes,
Luna