How do movies and television influence people’s behavior? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

It is questioned that films and televisions bring about a number of significant impacts on people’s demeanor. There are some important effects that have had, and from my perspective, these have been negative sides outweigh the positive ones.

The first reason is that the Internet network has been considerably popular with each person in modern life, which results in the imitation of trending videos on social media platforms. This situation has its advantages and disadvantages. For example of the bright side, if a celebrity uploads a video about charity, more people will have a tendency to follow voluntary works leading to help much vulnerable circumstances. Turning to the dark side, some negative contents or movies have been spread widely on the Internet, which cause low level of education. Unfortunately, almost young people are likely to mimic these bad contents without perceiving the importance of the problem. The second reason is that children are being addicted to movies and televisions and they have got access to the Internet from an early age. Watching televisions too soon changes the kid’s comportment and habits, which causes a plenty of harm. For instance, there is a likelihood of children being bored with outdoor activities and they just want to watch movies. As a result, their health can be weakened because of the lack of doing physical activities, particularly, the young can get poor eyesight. Some kids are manage to watch film which is not suitable for their age, which changes their thoughts and actions during growing up. Finally, most young people are immature to understand and easy to commit a crime owing to the influence of movies and television.

In conclusion, I believe that there has been largely disadvantages on people’s comportment caused by movies and television rather than advantages.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is questioned that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is questioned that" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "It is argued that" is the correct phrase for introducing a statement that is being debated or discussed.
"bring about a number of significant impacts" -> "have a significant impact"
Explanation: The phrase "bring about a number of significant impacts" is verbose and awkward. Simplifying it to "have a significant impact" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"people’s demeanor" -> "people’s behavior"
Explanation: "Demeanor" typically refers to a person’s attitude or behavior in a specific situation, whereas "behavior" is a more general term that encompasses a broader range of actions.
"have had, and from my perspective, these have been negative sides outweigh the positive ones" -> "have been predominantly negative"
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly constructed and unclear. Simplifying it to "have been predominantly negative" improves readability and clarity.
"Internet network has been considerably popular" -> "Internet has become increasingly popular"
Explanation: "Internet network" is redundant; "Internet" suffices. "Has been considerably popular" is also less formal and can be replaced with "has become increasingly popular" for a more academic tone.
"For example of the bright side" -> "For example, on the positive side"
Explanation: "For example of the bright side" is grammatically incorrect. "For example, on the positive side" corrects the grammar and enhances formality.
"low level of education" -> "low educational standards"
Explanation: "Low level of education" is vague and imprecise. "Low educational standards" is more specific and appropriate for an academic context.
"almost young people" -> "many young people"
Explanation: "Almost young people" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Many young people" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"they just want to watch movies" -> "they prefer to watch movies"
Explanation: "Just want" is informal and vague. "Prefer to" is more formal and precise.
"a plenty of harm" -> "a great deal of harm"
Explanation: "A plenty of" is incorrect; "a great deal of" is the correct idiomatic expression.
"manage to watch film" -> "are able to watch films"
Explanation: "Manage to" is informal and vague; "are able to" is more formal and precise.
"easy to commit a crime" -> "prone to committing crimes"
Explanation: "Easy to commit a crime" is informal and imprecise. "Prone to committing crimes" is more formal and specific.
"largely disadvantages" -> "largely disadvantageous"
Explanation: "Largely disadvantages" is grammatically incorrect. "Largely disadvantageous" is the correct form.
"on people’s comportment" -> "on people’s behavior"
Explanation: "Comportment" is less commonly used in this context; "behavior" is more appropriate and widely understood in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing how movies and television influence behavior, focusing on both positive and negative impacts. However, the exploration of positive influences is quite limited, with only a brief mention of charitable behavior inspired by celebrities. The negative impacts are more thoroughly examined, including issues like addiction to screen time and the potential for negative behavioral modeling. This imbalance suggests that while the essay answers the question, it does not fully explore all aspects of the influence of movies and television.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more balanced view by elaborating on positive influences with specific examples and details. For instance, discussing how educational programs can positively affect learning or how certain films can inspire social change would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the negative impacts of movies and television outweigh the positive ones. This stance is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the phrasing in the introduction is somewhat convoluted, which may obscure the position slightly. The phrase "these have been negative sides outweigh the positive ones" could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should refine the introduction to present their position more directly. For example, stating "I believe that the negative impacts of movies and television outweigh the positive ones" would provide a clearer foundation for the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the influence of movies and television, such as social media trends and the impact on children. However, the development of these ideas is sometimes lacking in depth. For instance, the mention of "low level of education" due to negative content is not sufficiently explained or supported with specific examples or statistics. The argument about children being bored with outdoor activities is also presented without sufficient elaboration on the consequences.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Incorporating statistics, studies, or specific instances of movies or shows that exemplify the claims would enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influence of movies and television on behavior. However, some sentences could be more focused. For example, the phrase "some kids are manage to watch film which is not suitable for their age" could be better integrated into the overall argument about negative influences rather than appearing as a somewhat isolated point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly ties back to the central thesis. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that relate back to the main argument can help keep the discussion on track and relevant.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both positive and negative influences, deeper development of ideas, and improved clarity and focus throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the positive influence of celebrities on charitable actions to the negative impact of harmful content is somewhat abrupt. The essay does attempt to categorize the effects into positive and negative, but the connections between these points are not always clearly articulated, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," "Furthermore," or "In contrast" can help guide the reader through the shifts in argument. For example, after discussing the positive influence of celebrities, a transitional phrase could better link to the negative aspects of harmful content.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the influence of movies and television. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and could be broken down into two separate paragraphs—one focusing on the positive influences and the other on the negative influences. This would help in maintaining clarity and focus within each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Aim for a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. For instance, the discussion about children’s addiction to screens could be a standalone paragraph, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of that specific issue.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "as a result," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "for example" appears multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to enhance variety. For example, instead of repeatedly using "for example," you could use "such as," "to illustrate," or "as an illustration." Additionally, employing more complex cohesive devices, such as "consequently" or "therefore," can improve the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger performance in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety in word choice. Phrases like "significant impacts," "negative sides," and "bright side" are somewhat repetitive and could be expressed in more varied ways. For instance, instead of "negative sides," terms like "adverse effects" or "drawbacks" could enhance the lexical variety. Additionally, the phrase "a number of significant impacts" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with more specific terms that reflect the types of impacts being discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "movies and television," they could use "films," "cinema," "broadcast media," or "visual entertainment." Engaging with a broader array of texts can also help in discovering new vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices in the essay are imprecise or awkward. For example, the phrase "low level of education" could be better articulated as "diminished educational attainment" or "reduced educational standards." The term "comportment" is also somewhat formal and less common in everyday language; "behavior" would be a more precise and widely understood choice. Additionally, the phrase "a plenty of harm" is incorrect; it should be "a great deal of harm" or "significant harm."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that word choices fit the tone and subject matter of the essay. Utilizing resources like thesauruses or vocabulary-building apps can also aid in finding more precise alternatives.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "televisions" (should be "television" when referring to the medium in general), "voluntary works" (should be "volunteer work"), and "manage" (should be "managed"). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors, as can using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in writing exercises that focus on spelling can also help solidify correct forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively expanding vocabulary, refining word choices, and practicing spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer uses a complex sentence in the introduction: "There are some important effects that have had, and from my perspective, these have been negative sides outweigh the positive ones." However, the overall range is somewhat limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For example, the sentence "The second reason is that children are being addicted to movies and televisions and they have got access to the Internet from an early age" is lengthy and could be broken down for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of saying "The second reason is that children are being addicted to movies and televisions," the writer could rephrase it to "One significant issue is the addiction of children to movies and television, particularly as they gain early access to the Internet." This not only varies the structure but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "which cause low level of education" should be "which causes a low level of education" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "For example of the bright side," which should be rephrased for clarity, perhaps to "For example, on the bright side." There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "a plenty of harm," which should be "a great deal of harm."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper article usage, and the correct formation of phrases. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and awkward phrasing before submission can help enhance clarity. It may also be helpful to read the essay aloud to identify areas that sound awkward or unclear.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy for future IELTS essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that films and television bring about a number of significant impacts on people’s behavior. There are some important effects that they have had, and from my perspective, these negative sides outweigh the positive ones.

The first reason is that the Internet has become increasingly popular among people in modern life, which results in the imitation of trending videos on social media platforms. This situation has its advantages and disadvantages. For example, on the positive side, if a celebrity uploads a video about charity, more people will have a tendency to follow voluntary work, leading to help for many vulnerable circumstances. Turning to the negative side, some harmful content or movies have been spread widely on the Internet, which causes low educational standards. Unfortunately, many young people are likely to mimic this bad content without perceiving the importance of the problem. The second reason is that children are becoming addicted to movies and television, and they have access to the Internet from an early age. Watching television too soon changes children’s behavior and habits, which causes a great deal of harm. For instance, there is a likelihood of children becoming bored with outdoor activities, and they just want to watch movies. As a result, their health can be weakened because of the lack of physical activity; particularly, young people can develop poor eyesight. Some kids are able to watch films that are not suitable for their age, which changes their thoughts and actions as they grow up. Finally, most young people are immature and prone to committing crimes owing to the influence of movies and television.

In conclusion, I believe that there have been largely disadvantageous effects on people’s behavior caused by movies and television rather than advantages.