Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A number of people argue that the negative impacts on flora and fauna caused by humans cannot be changed, while others believe that a change can be achieved through actions. While both views are valid, I lean towards the latter.
There are convincing reasons why some opine that the detrimental effects on plants and animals by humans require a myriad of financial resources. Therefore, governments around the world need to allocate a large amount of funds for this. As a result, it creates financial pressure on some poor countries. The second reason is human awareness, which is very difficult to change. For example, some people consider endangered animals and rare plants as a type of miracle medicine, which can treat a wide range of diseases such as cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Therefore, they are commercialized in the illegal market with a myriad of exaggerated advertisements, leading to a growth in illegal hunting. As a result, it causes a decrease in the number of endangered species.
However, I would argue that the detrimental effects caused by humans can be changed through actions. Firstly, the technique of food and good manufacture must be improved in order to reduce the amount of greenhouse gasses released into the environment, which helps to protect the habitat of many species. Secondly, the government must devise policies for prohibiting illegal hunting and deforestation to maintain the diversity of flora and fauna.
In conclusion, although both views are valid to some extent, I still opine that the diversity of flora and fauna could be restored through some specific actions

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A number of people argue" -> "Many scholars contend"
Explanation: Replacing "A number of people argue" with "Many scholars contend" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning it better with academic discourse by emphasizing the authority and expertise of the individuals involved in the discussion.
"cannot be changed" -> "cannot be reversed"
Explanation: The term "reversed" is more precise in this context, as it specifically implies a change from a previous state to a new one, which is more appropriate when discussing the potential for altering environmental impacts.
"a change can be achieved through actions" -> "mitigation strategies can be implemented"
Explanation: "Mitigation strategies can be implemented" is more specific and formal, suggesting a deliberate and systematic approach to addressing environmental issues, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"a myriad of financial resources" -> "substantial financial resources"
Explanation: "A myriad" is somewhat informal and vague; "substantial" is more precise and formal, better fitting the academic style.
"need to allocate a large amount of funds" -> "must allocate significant funds"
Explanation: "Must allocate significant funds" is more direct and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "a large amount of."
"it creates financial pressure" -> "this imposes financial burdens"
Explanation: "This imposes financial burdens" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the direct impact on the countries’ economies.
"human awareness, which is very difficult to change" -> "human attitudes, which are challenging to alter"
Explanation: "Attitudes" is more specific than "awareness," and "challenging to alter" is a more formal and precise way to describe the difficulty in changing societal attitudes.
"a type of miracle medicine" -> "a perceived medicinal resource"
Explanation: "A perceived medicinal resource" avoids the colloquial and sensational tone of "miracle medicine," aligning better with the formal tone of academic writing.
"a myriad of exaggerated advertisements" -> "numerous exaggerated advertisements"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise and formal than "a myriad," which can be seen as overly poetic in this context.
"it causes a decrease in the number of endangered species" -> "this leads to a decline in the populations of endangered species"
Explanation: "This leads to a decline in the populations" is more specific and scientifically accurate, enhancing the formality and precision of the statement.
"the technique of food and good manufacture" -> "the production and manufacturing processes"
Explanation: "The production and manufacturing processes" is clearer and more formal, avoiding the awkward and unclear phrase "the technique of food and good manufacture."
"must devise policies" -> "should establish policies"
Explanation: "Should establish policies" suggests a recommendation rather than a requirement, which is more appropriate for an academic discussion.
"to maintain the diversity of flora and fauna" -> "to preserve the biodiversity"
Explanation: "Preserve the biodiversity" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in scientific and academic contexts, enhancing the formality and specificity of the language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of human activity on plants and animals. The first part discusses the perspective that the negative effects cannot be changed, citing financial constraints and human awareness as significant barriers. The second part presents the opposing view, arguing that change is possible through improved practices and government policies. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response further, the writer could provide more specific examples or case studies illustrating successful interventions that have led to positive changes in biodiversity. This would strengthen the argument for the possibility of change and provide a more robust discussion of both views.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the belief that change is possible, as indicated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two views could be smoother to reinforce the writer’s stance more effectively. For instance, the phrase "I lean towards the latter" could be more assertively stated to clarify the writer’s position early on.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position throughout, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the discussion of the opposing view back to their own argument. Phrases like "Despite these challenges, I believe…" can help reinforce the writer’s perspective while acknowledging the counterarguments.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the financial burden on governments and the difficulty of changing human awareness. However, some points lack depth. For example, the mention of illegal hunting could be expanded with statistics or examples of specific species affected. The suggestions for improvement in manufacturing practices and government policies are relevant but could benefit from further elaboration on how these changes can be implemented.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed support for each argument. This could include specific examples of successful conservation efforts, data on the impact of policy changes, or expert opinions. By extending the discussion with concrete evidence, the writer can enhance the persuasiveness of their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, focusing on the impact of human activity on biodiversity and the potential for change. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of "miracle medicine" could be more directly linked to the broader implications for conservation efforts rather than focusing solely on illegal market dynamics.
- How to improve: To ensure the essay stays on topic, the writer should consistently relate all points back to the central theme of human impact and the potential for change. Each paragraph should clearly connect to the prompt, reinforcing the relevance of the discussion to the question posed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in the areas of example specificity, clarity of position, depth of support, and topic adherence, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on the impact of human activity on plants and animals. The body paragraphs are organized effectively, with the first paragraph discussing the viewpoint that change is not possible, followed by a counterargument that supports the idea that change can be achieved. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing financial resources to human awareness feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, after discussing financial pressures, you might introduce the next point with "In addition to financial challenges, another significant barrier is…" This would create a more seamless transition and reinforce the logical connections between your arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the essay nicely. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to clearly state the main idea. For example, instead of starting the first body paragraph with "There are convincing reasons why some opine that…", you could say, "One significant argument against the possibility of change is the financial burden it imposes on governments." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "as a result," and "however," which help to connect ideas and indicate relationships between them. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the text. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication. For instance, the phrase "as a result" is used multiple times, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "as a result," you could use alternatives like "consequently," "thus," or "this leads to." Additionally, using phrases like "on the other hand" or "in contrast" when introducing opposing views can further enrich the essay’s cohesion and make the argumentation more dynamic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "detrimental effects," "flora and fauna," and "illegal market." However, the vocabulary usage tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "a myriad of" and "detrimental effects." This limits the overall lexical diversity expected at a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "detrimental effects," alternatives like "adverse impacts" or "harmful consequences" could be employed. Additionally, varying expressions for "a myriad of" could include "numerous," "a multitude of," or "a wide array of."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "a type of miracle medicine" is vague and could be more accurately described as "a potential source of medicinal compounds." Additionally, the term "commercialized" in the context of endangered species could be misleading, as it implies a legitimate market rather than an illegal one.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should select words that accurately convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "miracle medicine," using "medicinal properties" would clarify the point. Furthermore, ensuring that terms like "commercialized" are used in the correct context can enhance clarity. Encouraging the use of specific terminology related to environmental issues, such as "conservation efforts" or "sustainable practices," would also strengthen the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that impede understanding. However, there are minor issues, such as "gasses," which is less commonly used compared to "gases" in standard English.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further improve spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary choices, ensuring precise word usage, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "a myriad of financial resources" and "the technique of food and good manufacture must be improved" showcases an ability to employ more sophisticated grammatical forms. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "the reason is," the writer could use alternatives like "one significant factor is," or "another aspect to consider is." Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create a more engaging flow. For instance, instead of saying "As a result, it creates financial pressure," the writer might say, "This, in turn, creates financial pressure on poorer countries."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the detrimental effects on plants and animals by humans" could be more clearly phrased as "the detrimental effects caused by humans on plants and animals." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as after introductory phrases or before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on sentence clarity and coherence. Reviewing sentence construction for clarity can help avoid awkward phrasing. For example, the sentence "the government must devise policies for prohibiting illegal hunting and deforestation to maintain the diversity of flora and fauna" could be rephrased for clarity as "the government must devise policies that prohibit illegal hunting and deforestation to help maintain biodiversity." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will help improve overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence forms and enhancing clarity. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are convincing reasons why some opine that the detrimental effects on plants and animals by humans require substantial financial resources. Therefore, governments around the world must allocate significant funds for this. As a result, this imposes financial burdens on some poorer countries. The second reason is human attitudes, which are challenging to alter. For example, some people consider endangered animals and rare plants as a perceived medicinal resource, which can treat a wide range of diseases such as cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Therefore, they are commercialized in the illegal market with numerous exaggerated advertisements, leading to a growth in illegal hunting. As a result, this leads to a decline in the populations of endangered species.

However, I would argue that the detrimental effects caused by humans can be changed through actions. Firstly, the production and manufacturing processes must be improved in order to reduce the amount of greenhouse gases released into the environment, which helps to protect the habitat of many species. Secondly, the government should establish policies for prohibiting illegal hunting and deforestation to preserve biodiversity.

In conclusion, although both views are valid to some extent, I still opine that the diversity of flora and fauna could be restored through some specific actions.