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In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A recently alarming issue is traffic congestion and abhorrent accidents, stimulating people to hold different views of upgrading existing transportation. While some individuals assert that spending money in railway line seems to be beneficial. From my standpoint, I strongly advocate with the construction of mega speedy railways.
On the one hand, improving quality of public transports can be a good solution for society. On individual level, the innovation of transportation offers various means of transport that people can easily chose based on their daily demand or current health situation. For example, foreign tourists usually take advantage of public transport such as bike or bus that can lead them to every nook and conners with a breathtaking scenery. Furthermore, the best thing about transport system is that it is affordable and accessible, so by ameliorating the frequency and reliability of buses or bikes, the government will have potential in discouraging the use of private vehicle which ease the traffic flow and air pollution.
On the other hand, the convenience in moving by speedy railways can help people avoid from jam-packed situations in rush hours which is the main reason made lots of people late. In addition, allocating a massive amount of money for erection of high-speed railways will incentivizes the use of renewable energy. One way to explain this is that mega railways powered by electronic and source of energy that harmless to environment, instead of using gas like airplane which make great of pollution, far exceeds even heavy freeway traffic.
In conclusion, although enhance public transport may make some efforts, I believe that mega speedy railways have far more potential merits for society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "abhorrent accidents" -> "serious accidents"
    Explanation: "Abhorrent" is an overly strong and emotional word. "Serious accidents" is a more appropriate and neutral term in an academic context.

  2. "stimulating people to hold different views" -> "prompting diverse perspectives"
    Explanation: "Stimulating people to hold different views" is a bit informal. "Prompting diverse perspectives" maintains a formal tone and is more precise.

  3. "spending money in railway line" -> "investing in railway infrastructure"
    Explanation: "Spending money in railway line" is not the most formal expression. "Investing in railway infrastructure" is a more appropriate way to convey the idea.

  4. "From my standpoint" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: "From my standpoint" is slightly informal. "From my perspective" is a more standard academic expression.

  5. "strongly advocate with" -> "strongly advocate for"
    Explanation: "Strongly advocate with" is not the typical collocation. "Strongly advocate for" is the correct usage.

  6. "chose based on their daily demand" -> "choose based on their daily needs"
    Explanation: "Daily demand" is less precise. "Daily needs" is a more suitable choice for academic writing.

  7. "nook and conners" -> "nooks and crannies"
    Explanation: "Nook and conners" is a misspelling. "Nooks and crannies" is the correct expression.

  8. "ameliorating the frequency" -> "improving the frequency"
    Explanation: "Ameliorating" is a more complex word than necessary. "Improving the frequency" conveys the idea more simply.

  9. "which ease the traffic flow" -> "which eases traffic congestion"
    Explanation: "Ease the traffic flow" is less formal. "Eases traffic congestion" is a more suitable choice for academic writing.

  10. "avoid from jam-packed situations" -> "avoid jam-packed situations"
    Explanation: "Avoid from" is redundant. "Avoid jam-packed situations" is more concise.

  11. "incentivizes the use of renewable energy" -> "encourages the adoption of renewable energy"
    Explanation: "Incentivizes" is a bit informal. "Encourages the adoption of renewable energy" is a more formal and precise phrase.

  12. "mega railways powered by electronic" -> "high-speed railways powered by electricity"
    Explanation: "Mega railways" is not as clear as "high-speed railways." "Powered by electronic" is vague; "powered by electricity" is more specific and accurate.

  13. "source of energy that harmless to environment" -> "environmentally friendly source of energy"
    Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. "Environmentally friendly source of energy" is a proper way to express this idea.

  14. "which make great of pollution" -> "which causes significant pollution"
    Explanation: "Make great of pollution" is awkward. "Causes significant pollution" is a more formal and clear choice.

  15. "far exceeds even heavy freeway traffic" -> "far surpasses even heavy freeway congestion"
    Explanation: "Far exceeds" is less formal. "Far surpasses" is a more appropriate phrase for academic writing, and "freeway congestion" is clearer than "freeway traffic."

  16. "although enhance public transport" -> "although enhancing public transportation"
    Explanation: "Although enhance public transport" lacks grammatical correctness. "Although enhancing public transportation" is the correct form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question by discussing both views – spending money on constructing new railway lines and improving existing public transport. It gives a clear personal opinion in favor of constructing mega speedy railways.
    • How to improve: While the essay adequately addresses both views, it could benefit from a more structured approach by devoting separate paragraphs to each viewpoint. This would make the organization clearer and easier for the reader to follow.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of constructing mega speedy railways. This stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay, with the author expressing a strong preference for this option.
    • How to improve: To enhance the clarity of the position, the author can provide a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction, outlining the main reasons for their preference. This will help the reader immediately understand the writer’s stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and develops ideas effectively. It offers specific examples, such as the use of public transport by tourists and the potential for renewable energy in high-speed railways. These examples support the author’s arguments.
    • How to improve: To further improve the development of ideas, the author can provide additional evidence or statistics to bolster their claims. This would add more depth to the essay and make the arguments even more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic and discusses the issue of transportation and its improvement. However, there are some minor language issues that can be distracting.
    • How to improve: To ensure better focus and coherence, the author should pay attention to language and grammar to avoid minor issues that may distract the reader. Additionally, maintaining a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph can help keep the essay on track.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively presents a clear position with supporting ideas. To improve, the author can work on organizing the essay more clearly and enhancing the development of ideas with additional evidence. Additionally, attention to language and grammar will contribute to a more polished essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the issue of transportation and two opposing views. Then, it discusses the advantages of improving existing public transport in one paragraph and the benefits of constructing new high-speed railways in the following paragraph. Finally, it concludes with a clear statement of the writer’s opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer should consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, they can use phrases like "On the other hand," or "In contrast" to signal shifts between the advantages of public transport and high-speed railways.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with clear separations between the introduction, advantages of public transport, benefits of high-speed railways, and the conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic.
    • How to improve: While the use of paragraphs is generally appropriate, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence at the beginning to provide a strong sense of direction for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "On the one hand," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion." These devices help connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To further improve cohesion, the writer can consider using a wider range of cohesive devices. They can introduce more synonyms, pronouns, and conjunctions to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. For example, using pronouns like "it" or "they" to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance clarity and cohesion.

Overall, this essay presents a well-structured response with a logical organization of information. To improve coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider variety of cohesive devices and strengthening topic sentences to guide the reader more effectively through the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes words like "abhorrent," "stimulating," "innovation," "ameliorating," and "incentivizes," but there is room for improvement in terms of variety. Some words are used repetitively, such as "transport" and "railways," which could be diversified.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary, try to use synonyms or alternative expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of frequently using "transport," consider using "transportation" or "commuting." Additionally, incorporate more domain-specific vocabulary related to transportation to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely but also includes instances where word choice could be more accurate. For instance, "abhorrent" may not be the most appropriate word for describing traffic congestion and accidents. The word "abhorrent" suggests strong feelings of disgust, which might not be the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to the context in which words are used. Ensure that vocabulary choices accurately convey the intended meaning. For instance, you could replace "abhorrent" with words like "troubling" or "serious" to better describe traffic issues.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "conners" instead of "corners," "innoviation" instead of "innovation," "incentivizes" instead of "incentivizes," and "errection" instead of "erection." These errors detract from the overall quality of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your essays carefully before submission. You can also use spell-checking tools or consider practicing your spelling skills regularly to avoid common errors. Reviewing the essay for spelling mistakes would significantly enhance its overall quality.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a moderate level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, using words precisely, and addressing spelling errors, you can raise the lexical resource score in your IELTS Task 2 essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, and there is minimal variation in sentence length and complexity. This lack of variety in sentence structures affects the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve the use of a wide range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentence structures, such as complex sentences with subordinate clauses, conditional sentences, and passive voice constructions. Varying the length and structure of sentences can make the essay more engaging and cohesive.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates a basic level of grammatical accuracy, there are several notable grammatical errors throughout. For example, "stimulating people to hold different views of upgrading" should be corrected to "stimulating people to hold different views on upgrading." Additionally, "chose" should be corrected to "choose," "conners" should be corrected to "corners," and "incentivizes" should be corrected to "incentivizes."
    • How to improve: To improve grammar and punctuation accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay for errors and consider seeking feedback from others. Reviewing and practicing common grammatical rules and structures, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, will help enhance accuracy.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and supports it with relevant examples, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures used and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. Focusing on these areas can help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

A pressing issue that has garnered significant attention lately is traffic congestion and the alarming increase in accidents on the roads. This has prompted diverse perspectives on how to address the problem, with some advocating for substantial investments in constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities, while others argue that the funds should be directed towards improving the existing public transport infrastructure. From my perspective, I strongly advocate for the construction of high-speed railways.

On one hand, enhancing the quality of public transportation can indeed be a viable solution for society. On an individual level, advancements in transportation offer a variety of options that people can choose based on their daily needs or current health conditions. For instance, foreign tourists often make use of public transport like bicycles or buses, which can take them to various nooks and crannies, allowing them to enjoy breathtaking scenery. Furthermore, the attractiveness of the public transport system lies in its affordability and accessibility. By improving the frequency and reliability of buses or bicycles, the government can effectively discourage the use of private vehicles, thereby easing traffic congestion and reducing air pollution.

On the other hand, the convenience of traveling via high-speed railways can help individuals avoid being caught in jam-packed situations during rush hours, a common cause of lateness for many. Moreover, allocating a significant amount of funds for the construction of these railways encourages the adoption of renewable energy sources. One way to explain this is that high-speed railways are powered by electricity, which is an environmentally friendly source of energy. In contrast, modes of transportation such as airplanes that rely on gas contribute significantly to pollution, surpassing even heavy freeway congestion.

In conclusion, while improving public transport may have its merits, I believe that investing in mega speedy railways holds far more potential benefits for society. The advantages of reduced traffic congestion, increased use of renewable energy, and overall convenience make it a compelling choice for addressing the pressing transportation challenges we face today.

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