In many parts of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or negative development?

In this day and age, children are receiving more freedom than they used to be. Although this development may bring some problems, in my perspective, this is positive since children can act more independent.

Firstly, granting children more freedom promotes them to increase their responsibilities and independence. By giving them opportunities to make a decision by themselves within reasonable boundaries, they will learn how to take responsibility for their actions. This can help them a lot in learning important life skills such as problem-solving, critical thinking. For example, in the past 20 years, children cannot choose their favourite subjects and tended to obey what their parents wanted them to learn about. Nowaday, children can choose any subjects they want to learn. As a result, children become talented at that subject.

Additionally, increasing freedom can help children develop their creativity and know how to deal with people. When children have freedom to explore their own hobbies or passions, they tend to be focused on them. Thus this can help them develop their unique skills and abilities. This also can lead them to self-confidence. Since children have more intelligent about the world and be teached properly, they can possibly know how to treat people in a right way

In summary, this is a positive development when children are given more freedom than in the past. This can help children nurture their personalities, developing all of the talent. Therefore building up their personal life skills that can help children a lot in their future

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"than they used to be" -> "than they used to have"
Explanation: "than they used to have" maintains the intended meaning while sounding more formal and grammatically correct.
"in my perspective" -> "from my perspective"
Explanation: "from my perspective" is a more idiomatic phrase in formal writing.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost" or "To begin with"
Explanation: "First and foremost" or "To begin with" are more formal transitions commonly used in academic writing.
"promotes them to increase" -> "encourages them to increase" or "facilitates their increase"
Explanation: "encourages them to increase" or "facilitates their increase" sound more sophisticated and align better with academic tone.
"make a decision by themselves" -> "make decisions independently"
Explanation: "make decisions independently" is a concise and more formal expression.
"learn how to take responsibility for their actions" -> "learn to assume responsibility for their actions"
Explanation: "learn to assume responsibility for their actions" is a more formal and concise phrase.
"This can help them a lot" -> "This can greatly benefit them"
Explanation: "This can greatly benefit them" is a more formal and precise expression.
"problem-solving, critical thinking" -> "problem-solving, and critical thinking"
Explanation: Adding "and" before "critical thinking" improves the grammatical structure of the list.
"children cannot choose their favourite subjects" -> "children could not choose their preferred subjects"
Explanation: "preferred subjects" is a more precise and formal term.
"tended to obey what their parents wanted them to learn about" -> "tended to adhere to their parents’ preferences regarding learning"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and precise, avoiding colloquial language.
"children can choose any subjects they want to learn" -> "children can choose any subjects they wish to study"
Explanation: "wish to study" is a more formal expression than "want to learn."
"children become talented at that subject" -> "children excel in that subject"
Explanation: "excel in that subject" is a more precise and formal phrase.
"Additionally" -> "Moreover" or "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Moreover" or "Furthermore" are more formal transition words suitable for academic writing.
"help children develop their creativity and know how to deal with people" -> "aid in children’s development of creativity and interpersonal skills"
Explanation: "aid in children’s development of creativity and interpersonal skills" is more formal and precise.
"When children have freedom to explore their own hobbies or passions" -> "When children are granted the freedom to explore their own hobbies or passions"
Explanation: Adding "are granted the" adds formality and clarity to the sentence.
"tend to be focused on them" -> "tend to focus on them"
Explanation: "tend to focus on them" is a more concise and grammatically correct expression.
"Thus this can help them develop their unique skills and abilities" -> "Thus, this can contribute to the development of their unique skills and abilities"
Explanation: The revised phrase is more formal and grammatically correct.
"This also can lead them to self-confidence" -> "This can also foster self-confidence"
Explanation: "foster self-confidence" is a more formal and precise expression.
"Since children have more intelligent about the world and be teached properly" -> "As children become more knowledgeable about the world and are properly educated"
Explanation: The revised phrase is grammatically correct and more formal.
"can possibly know how to treat people in a right way" -> "can learn appropriate ways to interact with others"
Explanation: "learn appropriate ways to interact with others" is clearer and more formal.
"In summary" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more standard phrase to signal the end of an academic essay.
"when children are given more freedom than in the past" -> "when children are afforded greater freedom than in previous generations"
Explanation: "afforded greater freedom than in previous generations" is more formal and precise.
"nurture their personalities, developing all of the talent" -> "nurture their personalities and develop their full potential"
Explanation: "develop their full potential" is a more concise and formal expression.
"Therefore building up their personal life skills" -> "Thus, enhancing their life skills"
Explanation: "enhancing their life skills" is a more concise and formal alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the positive aspects of children having more freedom. It acknowledges potential problems but firmly asserts a positive stance.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both sides, it could strengthen its argument by providing more specific examples or counterarguments.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that granting children more freedom is positive. This stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the position at the beginning of each paragraph and reinforcing it with supporting evidence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about responsibility, independence, creativity, and social skills, supported by examples and reasoning.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, delve deeper into the impact of increased freedom on specific aspects of children’s development, providing more detailed examples and analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the impact of increased freedom on children’s development.
- How to improve: Avoid tangents or overly general statements. Ensure each paragraph directly relates to the impact of freedom on children.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively argues for the positive impact of increased freedom on children. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and deeper analysis to support your points further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information, with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs. However, there are areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the second paragraph introduces the idea of increasing responsibilities and independence, but the subsequent example about subject choices feels somewhat disconnected. Similarly, the third paragraph discusses developing creativity and social skills, but transitions abruptly to the topic of self-confidence without a smooth segue. These instances disrupt the coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear progression of ideas and maintains coherence throughout. Use transition phrases or sentences to smoothly connect related ideas and examples. Additionally, consider restructuring sentences or paragraphs to create a more seamless flow of thought.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, each addressing a distinct aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, the second paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs—one focusing on increased responsibilities and independence, and another discussing the example of subject choices. This would improve the organization and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: Review each paragraph to ensure it addresses a single main idea or aspect of the topic. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and coherence. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that introduces its main point, followed by supporting details and examples.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "firstly" and "additionally," to signal the progression of ideas. However, there is limited variety in cohesive devices, and some connections between sentences and paragraphs feel abrupt. For example, the transition between discussing responsibilities and independence to the example of subject choices lacks coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore"), and transitional adverbs (e.g., "moreover," "nevertheless"). Ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to strengthen the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information logically, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, contributing to a more effective communication of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly good range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "responsibilities," "independence," "talented," "unique skills," "self-confidence," and "personality." However, there are instances where more varied and precise vocabulary could enhance the richness of expression and depth of analysis. For instance, the essay could benefit from employing synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition and add nuance to the discussion.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, the writer can incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary by consulting thesauruses or exposing themselves to diverse sources of reading material. Additionally, using academic or specialized vocabulary related to the essay topic can elevate the sophistication of the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, there are instances where the usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "children become talented at that subject" could be refined to specify the type of talent or skill acquired. Similarly, "this can help them develop their unique skills and abilities" could benefit from specifying what these unique skills and abilities are.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, the writer should strive to select words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This may involve consulting dictionaries or using words in context to ensure their precise application. Additionally, providing specific examples or elaborating on concepts can clarify the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates acceptable spelling accuracy, with minor errors such as "teached" instead of "taught" and "Nowaday" instead of "Nowadays." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, improving spelling accuracy can enhance the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer can utilize spelling and grammar checkers available in word processing software. Additionally, reviewing and proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct any spelling errors. Reading widely can also expose the writer to correct spelling patterns and reinforce proper usage.

Overall, while the essay exhibits competence in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in utilizing a wider range of vocabulary, employing vocabulary more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can further elevate the quality and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, though primarily in simple and complex forms. For instance, compound sentences are seen with coordinating conjunctions ("Although this development may bring some problems, in my perspective, this is positive since children can act more independent."), and complex sentences are used to detail consequences or reasons (e.g., "By giving them opportunities to make a decision by themselves within reasonable boundaries, they will learn how to take responsibility for their actions."). The range includes both conditional phrases and relative clauses, contributing to a Band 7 score.
- How to improve: To elevate the grammatical range towards a higher band score, consider integrating more compound-complex sentences and varying the starters of sentences to include more inversions or passive structures. Experimenting with modal verbs in different contexts or more sophisticated adverbial clauses could also enrich the text structurally.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay has a moderate level of grammatical and punctuation accuracy, aligning with a Band 7 score. There are occasional errors such as tense inconsistencies ("children cannot choose" vs "children can choose") and some agreement issues ("children have more intelligent about the world and be teached properly"). These errors slightly hinder the clarity but do not overly detract from the overall understanding. The use of punctuation is generally correct, with appropriate use of commas and periods.
- How to improve: Focus on revising verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement to enhance grammatical accuracy. Practice proofreading to catch and correct slips in grammar and usage, like replacing "be teached" with "be taught." Strengthening control over these areas will help in achieving a higher band score. Utilizing online grammar tools or consulting reference books can provide additional practice and clarification on these common issues.

This feedback addresses the observable strengths in the essay’s grammatical range and highlights the specific areas needing improvement to potentially increase the grammatical score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, children are being granted more freedom than they used to have. From my perspective, this shift is primarily positive as it encourages them to increase their independence.

First and foremost, providing children with greater freedom encourages them to make decisions independently within reasonable boundaries. This, in turn, fosters their ability to assume responsibility for their actions. This can greatly benefit them by facilitating the development of crucial life skills such as problem-solving and critical thinking. For instance, in previous decades, children could not choose their preferred subjects and tended to adhere to their parents’ preferences regarding learning. Nowadays, children can choose any subjects they wish to study, leading to their excellence in those subjects.

Moreover, expanding freedom aids in children’s development of creativity and interpersonal skills. When children are granted the freedom to explore their own hobbies or passions, they tend to focus on them. Thus, this can contribute to the development of their unique skills and abilities. This can also foster self-confidence. As children become more knowledgeable about the world and are properly educated, they can learn appropriate ways to interact with others.

In conclusion, when children are afforded greater freedom than in previous generations, it nurtures their personalities and develops their full potential. Thus, enhancing their life skills and preparing them for the future.