In some countries, it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of their age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

There is currently a belief that it should be unlawful to impose age restrictions on job applications. From my perspective, while some people may disagree with this thought, I firmly believe that allowing individuals to seek employment without regard to their age is a positive development.
Firstly, removing age limits promotes diversity in the workplace, which brings a range of benefits. It can be seen in a workforce, which comprises various ages, provides different perspectives and experiences. As a result , this can lead to enhanced problem-solving and innovation within a company. For example, younger employees can share their technological expertise, while older employees contribute their extensive experience and problem-solving skills. This knowledge transfer can significantly improve workplace dynamics and productivity.
Secondly, such a moral policy can significant protection to older workers from discrimination. This may result in ensuring equal job opportunities for individuals of all ages guarantees that employment decisions are based on skills and qualifications rather than age even elderly. Besides, older workers often possess valuable expertise in many fields, which benefits organizations. Additionally, this policy helps reduce the pressure on older individuals who might otherwise feel compelled to retire early or rely financially on their relatives.
In conclusion, although some may argue that age restrictions in hiring are justified, I believe that making it illegal to reject job applicants based on age is a positive development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is currently a belief" -> "It is widely believed"
Explanation: "It is widely believed" is a more formal and concise way to express a general opinion or belief, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"From my perspective" -> "In my view"
Explanation: "In my view" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing to introduce a personal perspective.
"I firmly believe" -> "I strongly advocate"
Explanation: "I strongly advocate" is a more assertive and academically appropriate phrase that conveys a strong opinion.
"allowing individuals to seek employment without regard to their age" -> "permitting individuals to apply for employment regardless of their age"
Explanation: "Permitting individuals to apply for employment regardless of their age" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the action of applying for employment.
"a range of benefits" -> "numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Numerous benefits" is a more precise and formal term that enhances the academic tone.
"As a result, this can lead to" -> "Consequently, this may lead to"
Explanation: "Consequently" is a more formal transitional phrase, and "may" is more appropriate than "can" in academic writing to indicate possibility rather than certainty.
"such a moral policy" -> "such a policy with moral implications"
Explanation: "Such a policy with moral implications" clarifies the nature of the policy, making it more specific and formal.
"significant protection to older workers" -> "significant protection for older workers"
Explanation: "For" is the correct preposition to use in this context, indicating protection directed towards older workers.
"This may result in ensuring equal job opportunities" -> "This may ensure equal job opportunities"
Explanation: "This may ensure" is grammatically correct and more direct, avoiding the awkward construction of "result in ensuring."
"even elderly" -> "including the elderly"
Explanation: "Including the elderly" is grammatically correct and avoids the awkward construction of "even elderly."
"older workers often possess" -> "older workers frequently possess"
Explanation: "Frequently" is a more formal and precise adverb than "often," enhancing the academic tone.
"which benefits organizations" -> "which benefits the organizations"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "organizations" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the subject.
"helps reduce the pressure" -> "helps alleviate the pressure"
Explanation: "Alleviate" is a more precise and formal term than "reduce" in this context, indicating a more thorough relief from pressure.
"might otherwise feel compelled to retire early" -> "might otherwise be compelled to retire prematurely"
Explanation: "Prematurely" is a more precise and formal term than "early," and "be compelled" is grammatically correct in this context.
"rely financially on their relatives" -> "rely financially on family members"
Explanation: "Family members" is a more formal and inclusive term than "relatives," which can be vague and informal in this context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the legality of rejecting job applicants based on age and presents a clear opinion that this is a positive development. However, it does not fully explore the implications of this law or consider potential counterarguments in depth. For instance, while the essay mentions the benefits of diversity and protection against discrimination, it lacks a thorough examination of how these benefits manifest in real-world scenarios or the potential drawbacks of such a law.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all aspects of the question are addressed comprehensively. This includes discussing both the positive and negative implications of the law, providing examples or evidence to support each point. Engaging with counterarguments could also demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that making age discrimination illegal is positive. However, the phrase "while some people may disagree with this thought" introduces ambiguity, suggesting that the author might not fully commit to their stance. This could confuse readers about the strength of the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should avoid hedging language and instead assert their viewpoint confidently. Consistently reinforcing this position throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion, will help solidify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as promoting diversity and protecting older workers, but these points are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "knowledge transfer" is a good start, but it lacks specific examples or data to illustrate how this occurs in practice. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more elaboration on the benefits of diversity beyond just problem-solving and innovation.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples to support their claims. This could include statistics on workplace diversity or case studies of companies that have benefited from a mixed-age workforce. Each point should be thoroughly explored to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of age discrimination in hiring. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "pressure on older individuals who might otherwise feel compelled to retire early" could be more directly linked to the main argument about job applications and age discrimination.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions will help keep the essay concise and on topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but requires more depth, clarity, and development of ideas to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, stating the writer’s position on the issue. The body paragraphs are structured around two main points: the promotion of workplace diversity and the protection of older workers from discrimination. Each point is developed with relevant examples, such as the benefits of knowledge transfer between younger and older employees. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "In addition to promoting diversity, this policy also…" This would create a clearer connection between the two points and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated, providing a solid framework for the essay. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two smaller paragraphs to separate the discussion of moral protection from the practical benefits for organizations, which would enhance readability and focus.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the moral implications of protecting older workers and another on the practical benefits for organizations. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each idea and improve clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, phrases like "for example" and "besides" are effectively used to introduce supporting details. However, there is some repetition in the use of cohesive devices, and the essay could benefit from a wider variety of linking words and phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases for the ones used. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Firstly" and "Secondly," you could use "To begin with" and "Furthermore." Additionally, varying the structure of sentences can help to create a more engaging flow. For example, instead of starting both body paragraphs with a similar structure, try varying the sentence openings to maintain reader interest.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and flow of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "unlawful," "diversity," "perspectives," and "discrimination" being effectively employed. However, the vocabulary choices tend to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "older employees" and "younger employees," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, instead of repeating "older employees," synonyms such as "senior workers" or "experienced professionals" could be used.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions related to age and employment. For example, using terms like "ageism" or "workforce inclusivity" could add depth to the discussion. Additionally, exploring phrases that convey similar meanings but differ in structure can help avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "knowledge transfer" and "workplace dynamics." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is imprecise or awkwardly used, such as "can significant protection" which should read "can provide significant protection." This kind of imprecision can lead to confusion and detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Additionally, practicing the use of collocations—words that commonly go together—can help in choosing the right terms. For example, instead of saying "provides different perspectives," the writer could say "offers diverse perspectives," which is more idiomatic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few spelling errors, such as "significant" used incorrectly in the phrase "can significant protection," which should be "can provide significant protection." Additionally, there is a spacing error in "As a result , this can lead," where there is an unnecessary space before the comma.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or utilizing spelling apps. Furthermore, proofreading the essay multiple times can help catch these minor errors, ensuring that the final draft is polished and free from such mistakes. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and spelling issues.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and uses a fair range of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "There is currently a belief that it should be unlawful to impose age restrictions on job applications." Additionally, the use of conditional phrases, such as "while some people may disagree," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the phrase "which brings a range of benefits" could be rephrased to enhance clarity and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory clauses and conjunctions. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "This" or "It can be seen," try beginning with participial phrases or adverbial clauses. Additionally, using more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, in the phrase "such a moral policy can significant protection to older workers," the word "significant" should be "significantly" to correctly modify the verb "can provide." Furthermore, there are punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary space before the comma in "As a result , this can lead to enhanced problem-solving." Additionally, the phrase "which comprises various ages" could be clearer if restructured to avoid confusion over what "ages" refers to.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, such as incorrect verb forms and misplaced modifiers. Practicing sentence diagramming can help clarify the relationships between different parts of sentences. For punctuation, reviewing the rules for comma placement, especially in complex sentences, will improve clarity. Consider using tools like grammar checkers or peer reviews to catch errors before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Firstly, removing age limits promotes diversity in the workplace, which brings numerous benefits. A workforce that comprises various ages provides different perspectives and experiences. Consequently, this may lead to enhanced problem-solving and innovation within a company. For example, younger employees can share their technological expertise, while older employees contribute their extensive experience and problem-solving skills. This knowledge transfer can significantly improve workplace dynamics and productivity.

Secondly, such a policy has moral implications and can provide significant protection for older workers from discrimination. This may ensure equal job opportunities for individuals of all ages and guarantees that employment decisions are based on skills and qualifications rather than age, including the elderly. Besides, older workers frequently possess valuable expertise in many fields, which benefits organizations. Additionally, this policy helps alleviate the pressure on older individuals who might otherwise feel compelled to retire prematurely or rely financially on family members.

In conclusion, although some may argue that age restrictions in hiring are justified, I believe that making it illegal to reject job applicants based on age is a positive development.