In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important
for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Some people think owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. While other people don’t agree with that. They think owning a home rather than renting one is not necessary for people. In my opinion, I agree with idea that owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
In any case, renting a home that suitable and convenient for any person. Maybe they just rent a home to study or relax. It is easier than buying a house. However, if one person has a house and he lives in his/her ower house, this means he has much money than one person who is renting a home. Because one person wants to have owing a home, he has enough money for buy it. The money to buy house is more expensive than the money to rent a home. One person can live all his life with his own home but, he is difficult to live a house by renting.
In conclusion, people should own a home rather than renting one. Living in own house that comfortable for people. Renting a home that just temporarily for person who have not enough money to buy it.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: Replacing "think" with "believe" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning better with academic language.
"very important" -> "highly significant"
Explanation: "Highly significant" is a more precise and formal term than "very important," which sounds somewhat colloquial.
"don’t agree with that" -> "do not concur with this"
Explanation: "Do not concur with this" is more formal and precise than "don’t agree with that," which is too informal for academic writing.
"I agree with idea" -> "I concur with the notion"
Explanation: "Concur with the notion" is more formal and academically appropriate than "agree with idea," which is vague and informal.
"renting a home that suitable and convenient" -> "renting a home that is suitable and convenient"
Explanation: Adding "is" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.
"Maybe they just rent a home to study or relax" -> "They may simply rent a home for study or relaxation"
Explanation: "They may simply rent a home for study or relaxation" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual tone of "Maybe they just."
"It is easier than buying a house" -> "It is less costly than purchasing a house"
Explanation: "Less costly than purchasing a house" is more specific and formal than "easier than buying a house," which is vague and informal.
"one person has a house and he lives in his/her ower house" -> "one individual owns a house and resides in their own home"
Explanation: "Owns a house and resides in their own home" corrects the awkward phrasing and uses more formal vocabulary.
"this means he has much money than one person who is renting a home" -> "this indicates that he has more financial resources than one who rents a home"
Explanation: "Indicates that he has more financial resources" is more precise and formal than "has much money," which is too colloquial.
"Because one person wants to have owing a home, he has enough money for buy it" -> "Since one individual desires to own a home, they have sufficient funds to purchase it"
Explanation: "Since one individual desires to own a home, they have sufficient funds to purchase it" corrects grammatical errors and enhances formality.
"The money to buy house is more expensive than the money to rent a home" -> "The cost of purchasing a house is higher than the cost of renting a home"
Explanation: "The cost of purchasing a house is higher than the cost of renting a home" uses more precise and formal language.
"One person can live all his life with his own home but, he is difficult to live a house by renting" -> "One individual can reside in their own home for their entire life, but it is challenging to rent a house"
Explanation: "Reside in their own home for their entire life, but it is challenging to rent a house" corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity and formality.
"people should own a home rather than renting one" -> "individuals should opt for homeownership rather than renting"
Explanation: "Opt for homeownership rather than renting" is a more formal and precise expression than "own a home rather than renting one."
"Living in own house that comfortable for people" -> "Living in one’s own home is comfortable for individuals"
Explanation: "Living in one’s own home is comfortable for individuals" corrects grammatical errors and uses more formal language.
"Renting a home that just temporarily for person who have not enough money to buy it" -> "Renting a home is only temporary for those who lack sufficient funds to purchase it"
Explanation: "Renting a home is only temporary for those who lack sufficient funds to purchase it" corrects grammatical errors and enhances formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the importance of owning a home compared to renting. However, it fails to fully explore the reasons why owning a home might be important in some countries, which is a critical part of the question. The essay mentions that renting is easier and suitable for some, but it does not delve into cultural, economic, or social factors that might make home ownership more desirable in certain contexts. Additionally, the second part of the question, which asks for an opinion on whether this situation is positive or negative, is only superficially addressed in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should include specific reasons for the importance of home ownership, such as stability, investment, or cultural values. Furthermore, they should explicitly state their opinion on whether this emphasis on ownership is positive or negative, providing supporting arguments for that stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that owning a home is important, but this stance is not consistently maintained throughout the text. The initial sentences introduce a conflicting viewpoint, which may confuse readers about the writer’s true position. The phrase "I agree with the idea" is vague and does not assert a strong, clear opinion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should state their opinion unequivocally at the beginning and reinforce it throughout the essay. Avoiding the introduction of opposing viewpoints without clear rebuttals can help strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the statement that owning a home indicates wealth is made without elaboration or evidence. The essay also fails to provide examples or data that could strengthen the argument for home ownership.
- How to improve: To effectively present, extend, and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of home ownership. They could discuss aspects such as financial security, emotional stability, or community ties, providing a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the ease of renting versus owning. The mention of renting being suitable for studying or relaxing, while relevant, detracts from the main argument about the importance of ownership.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all points made directly support the central argument about home ownership. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall thesis.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should work on fully addressing all parts of the prompt, presenting a clear and consistent position, developing and supporting ideas with examples, and maintaining focus on the topic throughout the essay. Additionally, ensuring that the essay meets the word count requirement is crucial for achieving a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure but lacks a clear logical progression of ideas. The introduction states the topic and the writer’s opinion, but the subsequent paragraphs do not build on this foundation effectively. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of renting to the importance of owning a home is abrupt and lacks a clear connection. The argument that owning a home signifies wealth is mentioned but not elaborated upon, leaving the reader confused about its relevance.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should create a clear outline before writing. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea that supports the thesis statement. For example, the essay could be structured into three main sections: the reasons why people value home ownership, the benefits of renting, and a conclusion that weighs both sides before reaffirming the writer’s stance. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can also help clarify the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains paragraphs, but they are not effectively utilized. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow. The second paragraph attempts to discuss renting and owning but does so in a convoluted manner. The conclusion is overly simplistic and does not summarize the key points discussed in the body of the essay.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. The writer should also ensure that each paragraph contains supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic sentence. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of owning a home could include specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, separating the discussion of renting and owning into distinct paragraphs would improve clarity and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "in conclusion," but their application is limited and often ineffective. The transitions between ideas are weak, leading to a disjointed reading experience. For example, the phrase "one person can live all his life with his own home but, he is difficult to live a house by renting" lacks clarity and cohesion, making it hard for the reader to understand the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "in addition." These can help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, the writer should ensure that each cohesive device used is appropriate for the context, enhancing the clarity of the argument rather than detracting from it.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires significant improvements in logical organization, effective paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some repetition of phrases such as "owning a home" and "renting one." While the writer attempts to convey their ideas, the vocabulary used is somewhat limited and lacks variety. For instance, the phrases "owning a home" and "renting a home" are used multiple times without introducing synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "owning a home," they could use "homeownership," "property ownership," or "having a residence." Additionally, incorporating phrases like "lease" or "tenancy" when discussing renting could diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "this means he has much money than one person who is renting a home" is awkward and unclear. The use of "much money" is vague and does not convey the intended meaning effectively. Furthermore, the phrase "he is difficult to live a house by renting" is grammatically incorrect and confusing.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy. Instead of "he has much money," a more precise expression would be "he has more financial stability" or "he has greater financial resources." Additionally, the sentence could be rephrased to "it is more difficult to live in a rented house" for better clarity and grammatical correctness.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, such as "ower" instead of "owner" and "owing" instead of "owning." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse readers. Additionally, "that suitable" should be "that is suitable," indicating a grammatical oversight rather than a spelling issue.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Furthermore, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling and familiarize the writer with commonly used words. Proofreading the essay before submission can also help catch and correct spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By diversifying vocabulary, enhancing clarity, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, sentences like "In my opinion, I agree with idea that owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people" are straightforward but could benefit from more varied structures. The use of phrases such as "one person" and "owning a home" is repetitive, which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "It is easier than buying a house," the writer could say, "Although renting may be easier than buying a house, many people still prioritize home ownership for its long-term benefits." Additionally, using a wider range of connectors (e.g., "however," "furthermore," "in contrast") can help create more complex sentences and improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "this means he has much money than one person who is renting a home" should be corrected to "this means he has more money than someone who is renting a home." Additionally, the phrase "the money to buy house" is missing an article and should read "the money to buy a house." Punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, also affect readability. For instance, "One person can live all his life with his own home but, he is difficult to live a house by renting" should be revised to "One person can live all his life with his own home, but it is difficult to live in a house by renting."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and the correct formation of comparative structures. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly in complex and compound sentences will enhance clarity and coherence.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to diversify sentence structures and improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Engaging in targeted practice and revising the essay with these points in mind will lead to more effective writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals think owning a home rather than renting one is very important. While other individuals do not concur with this, believing that owning a home is not necessary. In my opinion, I concur with the notion that owning a home rather than renting one is highly significant for people.

In any case, renting a home that is suitable and convenient for any person can be a good option. They may simply rent a home for study or relaxation, as it is less costly than purchasing a house. However, if one individual owns a house and resides in their own home, this indicates that he has more financial resources than one who rents a home. Since one individual desires to own a home, they have sufficient funds to purchase it. The cost of purchasing a house is higher than the cost of renting a home. One individual can reside in their own home for their entire life, but it is challenging to rent a house.

In conclusion, individuals should opt for homeownership rather than renting. Living in one’s own home is comfortable for individuals, while renting a home is only temporary for those who lack sufficient funds to purchase it.