In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people.
Why might this be the case?
Do you think this is a positive or a negative situation?

Nowadays many people want to buy a house instead of renting a house. In my opinion, having your own house is really good and it also brings many benefits.
There are two main causes of having a house. One main cause of having a house is that it ensures stability because it remains in the same place over a long period of time, no changes in terms of residence. For example, homeowners do not have to worry when their lease expires or when the landlord no longer rents the house like tenants. Another main issue with owning a home is that there is no financial burden regarding monthly rental fee so that people feel more comfortable and confident in affording other expenses. For instance, instead of spending three to four million each month on rent, homeowners will use that money to buy clothes, cosmetics or things they like.
There are two benefits of having your own home. One of the advantages is freedom in exercising many activities. For example, you are able to renovate whenever possible or when you own many houses you can rent them out to increase your income. Another benefit is a source of savings for future generations so that inheritance leads to the assurance of a prosperous life for one's children. For instance, nowadays people who own a house are more likely to get married than those who do not own a house.
In conclusion, I agree that having a home is very important and it also has many benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "want to buy a house instead of renting a house" -> "prefer to purchase a house over renting one"
   Explanation: "Prefer to purchase a house over renting one" is more formal and precise, avoiding the repetition of "house" and using "purchase" instead of "buy" for a more formal tone.

3. "having your own house is really good" -> "owning a house is advantageous"
   Explanation: "Owning a house is advantageous" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "really good," which is too informal for academic writing.

4. "it also brings many benefits" -> "it also offers numerous benefits"
   Explanation: "Offers numerous benefits" is more formal and precise than "brings many benefits," aligning better with academic style.

5. "One main cause of having a house" -> "A primary reason for owning a house"
   Explanation: "A primary reason for owning a house" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "One main cause of having a house."

6. "it ensures stability because it remains in the same place over a long period of time, no changes in terms of residence" -> "it provides stability as it remains in the same location over an extended period, without changes in residence"
   Explanation: "Provides stability as it remains in the same location over an extended period, without changes in residence" is more formal and precise, improving clarity and formality.

7. "homeowners do not have to worry when their lease expires" -> "homeowners are not concerned when their lease expires"
   Explanation: "Are not concerned" is a more formal expression than "do not have to worry," which is too colloquial for academic writing.

8. "there is no financial burden regarding monthly rental fee" -> "there is no financial burden associated with monthly rental fees"
   Explanation: "Associated with" is more formal and precise than "regarding," and "fees" is plural to match the general context.

9. "people feel more comfortable and confident in affording other expenses" -> "individuals feel more financially secure in managing other expenses"
   Explanation: "Financially secure in managing other expenses" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of being able to afford expenses comfortably.

10. "instead of spending three to four million each month on rent" -> "instead of allocating three to four million each month for rent"
    Explanation: "Allocating" is a more formal term than "spending," and specifying "for rent" clarifies the purpose of the money.

11. "you are able to renovate whenever possible" -> "you have the flexibility to renovate as needed"
    Explanation: "Have the flexibility to renovate as needed" is more formal and precise, avoiding the casual "whenever possible."

12. "owning a house are more likely to get married" -> "homeownership increases the likelihood of marriage"
    Explanation: "Homeownership increases the likelihood of marriage" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the relationship between owning a house and getting married.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing why owning a home is important and providing a personal opinion on the situation. The reasons given for the importance of homeownership include stability and financial comfort, while the benefits mentioned include freedom and generational savings. However, the essay could have explored more diverse reasons and implications regarding the societal impact of homeownership.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should include a broader range of reasons for the importance of homeownership, such as cultural factors or psychological aspects. Additionally, the opinion on whether this situation is positive or negative could be more explicitly stated and supported with examples or counterarguments.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position favoring homeownership, stating that it is "really good" and brings many benefits. However, the position could be more explicitly articulated throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion where it merely restates the importance of homeownership without addressing whether this situation is ultimately positive or negative.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint on the overall implications of homeownership in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, integrating phrases that reinforce their stance throughout the body paragraphs would enhance clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of homeownership, such as stability and financial freedom. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions that homeowners do not face rental burdens, it does not explore the potential downsides of homeownership, such as maintenance costs or market fluctuations.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Including counterarguments or discussing the complexities of homeownership would enrich the essay and demonstrate critical thinking.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of homeownership and its benefits. However, some points, such as the mention of marriage rates among homeowners, feel somewhat tangential and could be better connected to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all examples and points directly support the main argument. It may be beneficial to explicitly link each point back to the central thesis to reinforce the essay’s coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more varied examples, and a stronger connection between ideas to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and benefits, and a conclusion. The logical flow is maintained as the writer transitions from discussing reasons for home ownership to its advantages. However, the organization could be improved by explicitly linking the causes to the benefits, which would enhance the overall coherence. For example, the transition from discussing stability to financial freedom could be more clearly articulated to show how stability contributes to financial security.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For instance, after discussing stability, you could introduce the financial aspect by saying, "This stability not only provides peace of mind but also allows homeowners to allocate their finances more effectively." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main thesis to reinforce the overall argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of home ownership. The first body paragraph addresses the causes, while the second discusses the benefits. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "There are several compelling reasons why individuals prefer to own homes rather than rent."
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. This will help guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence at the end of each paragraph to summarize the key point and link it back to the overall argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs basic cohesive devices such as "for example" and "another," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. For instance, more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the flow of ideas. The use of phrases such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently" could provide more depth to the connections between points.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, when transitioning from the discussion of stability to financial benefits, you could use "Moreover," or "Additionally," to introduce the next point. This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource in your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, there are opportunities for refinement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and cohesiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "financial burden," "renovate," and "inheritance." However, the repetition of phrases like "having a house" and "owning a home" indicates a limited lexical variety. For instance, the phrase "having your own house" could have been varied with synonyms like "possessing property" or "homeownership" to enhance the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms to avoid redundancy. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternative expressions. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic, such as "real estate," "property investment," or "financial security," would elevate the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "no financial burden regarding monthly rental fee" could be more accurately expressed as "elimination of monthly rental expenses." The term "prosperous life" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with more specific terms like "financial stability" or "economic security."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by practicing paraphrasing and ensuring that the chosen words accurately reflect the context. Engaging with academic texts or essays can also provide insight into how to use vocabulary more precisely.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, there is a minor inconsistency in the phrase "three to four million each month on rent," where it would be clearer to specify the currency (e.g., "three to four million dollars"). This lack of specificity does not reflect a spelling error but highlights the importance of clarity in writing.
  • How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in numerical expressions. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and clarity. By actively expanding vocabulary, refining word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their overall score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, the use of "One main cause of having a house is that it ensures stability…" showcases an effective complex structure. However, the essay tends to rely heavily on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which can make the writing feel repetitive. The phrases "One main cause of having a house" and "Another main issue with owning a home" are examples of a pattern that could be varied.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences with subordinate clauses, use passive voice where appropriate, and employ a wider range of conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "One main cause," the writer could use phrases like "A significant reason for homeownership is…" or "Another factor contributing to this trend is…". Additionally, varying the sentence length and structure can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits good grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "no changes in terms of residence" could be more clearly expressed as "there are no changes in residence." Additionally, the phrase "there is no financial burden regarding monthly rental fee" should be corrected to "monthly rental fees" for grammatical consistency. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "so that" in "there is no financial burden regarding monthly rental fee so that people feel more comfortable."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and pluralization, ensuring that nouns are correctly matched with their verbs. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common mistakes can also be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, to ensure clarity and improve readability. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation might be lacking or where sentence structures could be enhanced for better flow.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, many people prefer to purchase a house over renting one. In my opinion, owning a house is really good, and it also offers numerous benefits.

There are two main reasons for owning a house. A primary reason is that it provides stability, as it remains in the same location over an extended period, without changes in residence. For example, homeowners are not concerned when their lease expires or when the landlord no longer rents the house, unlike tenants. Another main issue with owning a home is that there is no financial burden associated with monthly rental fees, so people feel more comfortable and confident in managing other expenses. For instance, instead of allocating three to four million each month for rent, homeowners can use that money to buy clothes, cosmetics, or things they like.

There are two benefits of having your own home. One of the advantages is the freedom to engage in many activities. For example, you have the flexibility to renovate as needed, or if you own multiple houses, you can rent them out to increase your income. Another benefit is that homeownership serves as a source of savings for future generations, as inheritance leads to the assurance of a prosperous life for one’s children. For instance, currently, people who own a house are more likely to get married than those who do not own a house.

In conclusion, I agree that having a home is very important, and it also has many benefits.