In the future, it seems it will be more difficult to live on the earth. Some people think more money should be spent on researching other planets to live on, such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The notion arises that since the Earth is facing a chain of environmental issues, more funding should be diverted into space exploration evaluating the potential for establishing human settlements on other planets, such as Mars. Despite its appealing merits, I only concur with the stance to some extent.
On the one hand, investments in the study of the other celestial bodies in the universe to find a safe haven for human civilization, in case the Earth is rendered uninhabitable due to natural disasters or human activities, are conceivable. Our planet is now facing a multitude of problems, ranging from the depletion of natural resources and climate change to pollution of all kinds, to name a few. Nothing guarantees that the situation could not deteriorate in the future, not to mention a looming nuclear war, if it were to break out, could eradicate the whole planet, hence the need for thoughtful preparations. These efforts would ensure the survival of our species, whatever the future holds.
Having said that, there are certainly valid concerns regarding the pursuit of extraterrestrial colonization. The space programs, while being considered the pinnacle of our technological advancements, are also extremely time and resource intensive. A successful launch that costs billions of dollars could only propel a spacecraft with no more passengers than a family car into space. It is therefore considered an escape plan only for the social elites to get away with what they caused to the planet. The efforts required for such endeavors, according to many, should be instead utilized in addressing pressing issues humankind is facing right now, such as hunger, poverty, or illiteracy. It would be much more feasible and cost-effective to focus on promoting a sustainable development scheme, in doing so prolonging the remaining time we have on Earth, rather than attempting to colonize another planet.
To sum up, while research on other planets is an important aspect to ensure our survival in the future, it should not be the sole focus aside from a myriad of immediate issues that also need our attention. The main key would be how to strike a balance between investing in space exploration and addressing the immediate needs of the people on our planet.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The notion arises that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "It is argued that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an idea in academic writing, enhancing the tone and clarity of the statement.
"more funding should be diverted" -> "additional funding should be allocated"
Explanation: "Additional funding should be allocated" is more precise and formal, suggesting a deliberate and strategic allocation of resources, which is more suitable for an academic context.
"appealing merits" -> "attractive merits"
Explanation: "Attractive merits" is a more precise term that better conveys the positive qualities of the idea being discussed, aligning with formal academic language.
"I only concur with the stance to some extent" -> "I partially agree with this stance"
Explanation: "I partially agree with this stance" is a more direct and formal expression, avoiding the colloquial tone of "only concur" and enhancing the academic tone.
"rendered uninhabitable" -> "rendered uninhabitable"
Explanation: This is a correct usage of the verb "rendered," which is appropriate for formal writing and enhances the sentence’s grammatical correctness.
"a multitude of problems" -> "a variety of challenges"
Explanation: "A variety of challenges" is a more precise and formal way to describe the range of issues, fitting better in an academic context.
"to name a few" -> "to mention a few"
Explanation: "To mention a few" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, avoiding the colloquial tone of "to name a few."
"could only propel a spacecraft with no more passengers than a family car" -> "could only carry a payload equivalent to that of a family car"
Explanation: "Carry a payload equivalent to that of a family car" is a more precise and technical description, suitable for discussing space exploration in an academic context.
"It is therefore considered an escape plan only for the social elites" -> "This is thus viewed as an escape plan primarily for the affluent"
Explanation: "This is thus viewed as an escape plan primarily for the affluent" uses more formal language and avoids the pejorative term "social elites," which can be seen as biased and informal.
"get away with what they caused to the planet" -> "avoid accountability for their actions on the planet"
Explanation: "Avoid accountability for their actions on the planet" is a more formal and objective way to express the idea, avoiding the informal and accusatory tone of "get away with what they caused to the planet."
"much more feasible and cost-effective" -> "significantly more practical and cost-effective"
Explanation: "Significantly more practical and cost-effective" uses more precise and formal language, enhancing the academic tone and clarity of the comparison.
"prolonging the remaining time we have on Earth" -> "extending the remaining time available on Earth"
Explanation: "Extending the remaining time available on Earth" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea, aligning better with academic style.
"The main key would be" -> "The primary consideration would be"
Explanation: "The primary consideration would be" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the main point, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether more money should be spent on researching other planets. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position of partial agreement, which is maintained throughout the essay. The first body paragraph presents arguments in favor of space exploration, highlighting the potential need for human settlements on other planets due to Earth’s environmental issues. The second body paragraph counters this by discussing the drawbacks of such investments and emphasizing the importance of addressing immediate problems on Earth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or data to support their claims about the environmental issues on Earth and the potential benefits of space exploration. Additionally, explicitly referencing the implications of neglecting immediate issues could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, indicating that the writer agrees with the statement to some extent. This is evident in the consistent use of phrases like "I only concur with the stance to some extent" and "while research on other planets is an important aspect." However, the phrase "to some extent" could lead to ambiguity regarding the writer’s overall stance.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the conclusion. A more definitive statement about the balance they advocate for could help clarify their position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas reasonably well. The first paragraph discusses the necessity of space exploration as a contingency plan, while the second paragraph critiques the feasibility and ethical implications of such endeavors. However, some ideas lack depth; for instance, the mention of "natural disasters or human activities" could be elaborated with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples to support their claims. For instance, discussing specific technological advancements or historical examples of space exploration could enhance the argument’s credibility and depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate over funding for space exploration versus addressing Earth’s immediate issues. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For example, the mention of "nuclear war" feels somewhat tangential and could be more directly linked to the overall argument about the necessity of space exploration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of funding for space exploration versus addressing current issues. Avoiding overly broad or unrelated examples will help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a balanced view, it could benefit from more specific examples, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, and tighter focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized into distinct points: the first paragraph discusses the potential necessity of space exploration due to Earth’s problems, while the second paragraph presents counterarguments regarding the prioritization of immediate issues. This logical progression aids in understanding the writer’s perspective. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother, particularly in the second body paragraph where the shift from discussing the costs of space programs to the critique of social equity feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the costs of space exploration, a phrase like "In contrast to these extravagant expenditures" could better introduce the subsequent argument about addressing immediate social issues. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can help reinforce the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, which helps maintain coherence. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer internal organization. The ideas presented seem somewhat jumbled, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument’s progression.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could begin with a statement like, "Despite the allure of space colonization, there are pressing terrestrial issues that demand our immediate attention." Additionally, consider using supporting sentences that build on the topic sentence in a logical sequence, perhaps by grouping similar ideas together or using bullet points for clarity in complex arguments.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Having said that," and "To sum up," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied expressions to enhance cohesion and avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases that serve similar functions. For example, instead of repeating "on the one hand" and "having said that," consider using "Firstly" and "Conversely" or "Nevertheless." Additionally, using conjunctions (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore") and referencing back to previous points can help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of space exploration and environmental issues. Phrases such as "chain of environmental issues," "celestial bodies," and "sustainable development scheme" showcase an ability to use varied and topic-specific language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the repeated use of "issues" and "concerns" could be replaced with synonyms like "challenges" or "dilemmas" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "issues," they could use "challenges," "problems," or "predicaments" to avoid redundancy and enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "natural disasters" and "extraterrestrial colonization" used correctly in context. However, there are moments where the precision of vocabulary could be improved. For example, the phrase "the pinnacle of our technological advancements" might be seen as overly grandiose when discussing space programs, which could be more accurately described as "significant achievements" or "notable milestones."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the connotations of the words they choose. They could replace vague terms with more specific alternatives; for instance, instead of "considered the pinnacle," they might say "represent significant achievements." This would help convey their arguments more clearly and effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "environmental," "colonization," and "sustainable" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: Although the spelling is accurate, it is always beneficial to maintain good practices. The writer should continue to proofread their work and consider using tools like spell checkers or writing apps that highlight spelling errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked mistakes or awkward phrasing.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and overall clarity. By incorporating a wider variety of synonyms, choosing more precise vocabulary, and maintaining their strong spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the notion arises that since the Earth is facing a chain of environmental issues" and "the efforts required for such endeavors, according to many, should be instead utilized in addressing pressing issues humankind is facing right now" showcase the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. This variety contributes to the overall fluency and coherence of the writing. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be further diversified. For example, the repeated use of "on the one hand" and "having said that" could be replaced with other transitional phrases to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and conjunctions. For instance, using alternatives like "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Moreover," can help to introduce new ideas and enhance coherence. Additionally, integrating more short, impactful sentences can create a rhythm that balances the longer, more complex sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors present. For example, the phrase "if it were to break out, could eradicate the whole planet" correctly uses the subjunctive mood, demonstrating a strong command of grammatical structures. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and phrases. However, there are minor issues, such as the comma splice in "the situation could not deteriorate in the future, not to mention a looming nuclear war, if it were to break out, could eradicate the whole planet," which could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to sentence boundaries and avoid comma splices by using conjunctions or breaking the sentence into two. For instance, the aforementioned sentence could be revised to: "Nothing guarantees that the situation could not deteriorate in the future. Furthermore, a looming nuclear war, if it were to break out, could eradicate the whole planet." Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules regarding complex sentences and ensuring that clauses are properly connected will strengthen overall accuracy.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Bài sửa mẫu

The notion arises that since the Earth is facing a chain of environmental issues, more funding should be diverted into space exploration to evaluate the potential for establishing human settlements on other planets, such as Mars. Despite its attractive merits, I only partially agree with this stance.

On the one hand, investments in the study of other celestial bodies in the universe to find a safe haven for human civilization, in case the Earth is rendered uninhabitable due to natural disasters or human activities, are conceivable. Our planet is now facing a multitude of problems, ranging from the depletion of natural resources and climate change to pollution of all kinds, to mention a few. Nothing guarantees that the situation could not deteriorate in the future, and a looming nuclear war, if it were to break out, could eradicate the whole planet; hence the need for thoughtful preparations. These efforts would ensure the survival of our species, whatever the future holds.

Having said that, there are certainly valid concerns regarding the pursuit of extraterrestrial colonization. Space programs, while being considered the pinnacle of our technological advancements, are also extremely time and resource-intensive. A successful launch that costs billions of dollars could only carry a payload equivalent to that of a family car into space. It is thus viewed as an escape plan primarily for the affluent to avoid accountability for their actions on the planet. The efforts required for such endeavors, according to many, should instead be utilized in addressing pressing issues humankind is facing right now, such as hunger, poverty, or illiteracy. It would be significantly more practical and cost-effective to focus on promoting a sustainable development scheme, thus extending the remaining time we have on Earth, rather than attempting to colonize another planet.

To sum up, while research on other planets is an important aspect to ensure our survival in the future, it should not be the sole focus aside from a myriad of immediate issues that also need our attention. The primary consideration would be how to strike a balance between investing in space exploration and addressing the immediate needs of the people on our planet.