In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Citizens prefer to reading everything they want on the Internet and do not need to pay fee in the recent time instead purchase newspapers and books. I am in favor of this essay and I will give further explanation below.
In the past, the company that printed newspapers and books was deforestation as much just for their profit from people who wanted to explore news. For example, both of old and young generation read news by ink information on the papers, and at that time, the technology was not innovation enough to catch news. Moreover, when the residence finish reading, they tend to throw away that papers, consequently effective the environment too much.
On the other hand, the trend of technology 4.0 is improving, people can easier to access the Internet and faster to catch latest stuffs. In addition, we do not pay money for information like news or books. For instance, my niece started to read books on the Internet when she is just 10 years old. Personally, I think that the development of technology makes our life productive than before. Furthermore, the news is got by citizens wherever and whenever if they want such as when they are on the trip or even when they are working.
In conclusion, the trend of using online method that increasing and the book and news was printed gradually disappear. That situation also help the government to limit the percentage of deforestation as well.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"prefer to reading" -> "prefer reading"
Explanation: The phrase "prefer to reading" lacks grammatical correctness. "Prefer reading" is a more concise and grammatically accurate alternative. -
"do not need to pay fee" -> "do not need to pay fees"
Explanation: "Pay fee" should be replaced with "pay fees" to maintain proper pluralization. Additionally, using "fees" instead of "fee" is more precise and formal. -
"in the recent time" -> "recently"
Explanation: "In the recent time" is awkward and less formal. "Recently" is a simpler and more appropriate adverb to indicate the time frame. -
"instead purchase newspapers" -> "but rather purchase newspapers"
Explanation: "Instead purchase" is not idiomatic; "but rather purchase" is a more formal and appropriate construction in this context. -
"the company that printed newspapers and books was deforestation as much" -> "the company that printed newspapers and books contributed to deforestation"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and lacks proper grammar. "Contributed to deforestation" provides a clearer and more precise explanation of the company’s impact on the environment. -
"ink information on the papers" -> "inked information on paper"
Explanation: "Ink information on the papers" is awkward and ungrammatical. "Inked information on paper" is a more concise and accurate phrase. -
"the technology was not innovation enough" -> "the technology was not innovative enough"
Explanation: "Not innovation enough" is grammatically incorrect. "Not innovative enough" is the correct form, indicating a lack of innovation in technology. -
"catch news" -> "access news"
Explanation: "Catch news" is colloquial and informal. "Access news" is a more formal and appropriate phrase. -
"Moreover, when the residence finish reading" -> "Moreover, when residents finish reading"
Explanation: "When the residence finish reading" is grammatically incorrect. "When residents finish reading" is the correct form, referring to people who live in a particular place. -
"consequently effective the environment too much" -> "consequently affecting the environment significantly"
Explanation: "Consequently effective the environment too much" is awkward and unclear. "Consequently affecting the environment significantly" is a clearer and more precise phrase. -
"the trend of technology 4.0 is improving" -> "the advancement of Industry 4.0 technology"
Explanation: "Trend of technology 4.0 is improving" lacks clarity and precision. "Advancement of Industry 4.0 technology" is a more specific and formal description. -
"easier to access the Internet" -> "easier to access the internet"
Explanation: "The Internet" should be capitalized when referring to the global network of computers. Lowercase "internet" refers to any interconnected computer network. -
"catch latest stuffs" -> "access the latest information"
Explanation: "Catch latest stuffs" is informal and unclear. "Access the latest information" is a more precise and formal phrase. -
"the news is got by citizens" -> "citizens can obtain the news"
Explanation: "The news is got by citizens" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Citizens can obtain the news" is a clearer and more formal construction. -
"the trend of using online method that increasing" -> "the increasing trend of online usage"
Explanation: "Using online method that increasing" is grammatically incorrect. "The increasing trend of online usage" is a more precise and grammatically correct phrase. -
"book and news was printed gradually disappear" -> "printed books and newspapers are gradually disappearing"
Explanation: "Book and news was printed gradually disappear" lacks grammatical correctness. "Printed books and newspapers are gradually disappearing" is a clearer and more grammatically correct statement. -
"help the government to limit the percentage of deforestation as well" -> "aid the government in reducing deforestation rates"
Explanation: "Help the government to limit the percentage of deforestation as well" is awkward and unclear. "Aid the government in reducing deforestation rates" is a more concise and precise phrase.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the shift towards online reading and the decline of printed newspapers and books, but it lacks depth in discussing the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. There’s mention of personal agreement, but it could be strengthened by providing more nuanced reasoning.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should ensure a comprehensive exploration of both sides of the argument, offering a clear stance and supporting it with specific examples or reasons. This could involve discussing potential drawbacks or limitations of relying solely on online sources.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position in favor of online reading, but there are instances where the stance could be clearer. For instance, while the writer expresses agreement with the trend towards online reading, the reasoning behind this stance is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. Some points, such as the impact on deforestation, could be more directly linked to the argument for online reading.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main position and that all supporting points directly contribute to the argument. This can be achieved by clearly stating the main thesis in the introduction and revisiting it in the conclusion.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. While it mentions the advantages of online reading, such as accessibility and environmental benefits, these points are not thoroughly elaborated upon or supported with evidence or examples. The discussion remains surface-level and lacks analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide more specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to illustrate key points. Additionally, each idea should be expanded upon with deeper analysis to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but deviates at times, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion shifts towards the impact of technology on accessing news. While related, this tangent could be better integrated into the main argument about the decline of printed newspapers and books.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points contribute directly to answering the essay prompt. Tangential discussions should be either omitted or more tightly linked to the central argument to avoid detracting from the overall coherence and relevance of the essay.
Overall, while the essay presents a basic argument in favor of online reading and acknowledges some relevant points, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, and relevance to the essay prompt. By addressing these areas, the writer can strengthen the essay and achieve a higher band score for task response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It introduces the topic in the first paragraph and provides arguments in favor of the idea throughout the essay. However, there are some instances of unclear connections between ideas, such as the abrupt transition from discussing the environmental impact of printed newspapers to the benefits of accessing information online.
- How to improve: To enhance logical coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, maintaining a clear progression of ideas. Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect different points more effectively. Additionally, consider restructuring the essay to present arguments in a more sequential manner, addressing each aspect of the topic in a logical order.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the topic, but they lack coherence within themselves and fail to clearly develop the presented ideas. For instance, the second paragraph discusses the environmental impact of printed newspapers, but it could be more focused and developed.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Aim for a balance between unity and coherence within each paragraph. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and clarity.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices. There are instances of basic transitional words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Furthermore"), but they are used inconsistently and do not contribute significantly to the overall cohesion of the essay. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices within paragraphs, resulting in disjointedness.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional expressions, to establish clearer relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Focus on using cohesive devices not only at the beginning of paragraphs but also within sentences to maintain coherence at a micro level.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of organizing information logically, effectively using paragraphs, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices employed. By implementing the suggested strategies, the essay can achieve greater clarity and coherence, thereby enhancing its overall coherence and cohesion score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
- Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "deforestation," "innovation," "productive," and "gradually disappear." However, there is a lack of variety and sophistication in vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "the technology was not innovation enough" could be expressed more precisely.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, aim to incorporate more diverse and nuanced terms relevant to the topic. Instead of repetitive phrases, explore synonyms and alternative expressions. Additionally, consider using idiomatic expressions or figurative language to add depth to your writing.
- Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some vocabulary choices are imprecise or awkwardly used, such as "the technology was not innovation enough." Additionally, there are instances where more precise terminology could be employed to convey ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: Work on using vocabulary more precisely by selecting words that accurately convey intended meanings. Avoid vague or overly general terms. Consider how specific terminology can enhance clarity and coherence in your writing. Utilize a thesaurus or vocabulary resources to explore alternative word choices and their nuances.
- Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "deforestation" spelled as "deforestation" and "residence" instead of "residents." These errors detract from the overall quality and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing spelling and grammar checkers during the writing process. Proofreading your work carefully before submission can help catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, practice spelling commonly used words to reinforce correct spelling patterns.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and utilizes some relevant vocabulary, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on expanding your vocabulary, using words more precisely, and refining spelling skills can enhance the effectiveness and professionalism of your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex structures, such as conditional sentences ("In the past, the company that printed newspapers and books was deforestation as much just for their profit from people who wanted to explore news"), but these structures are often awkward or unclear in meaning. Additionally, simpler sentence structures predominate, limiting the essay’s overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, strive for a more diverse array of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and varied clause structures. Additionally, focus on clarity and coherence in complex sentences to ensure that meaning is effectively communicated.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains basic grammatical accuracy, there are notable errors throughout. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Citizens prefer to reading"), article usage ("the company that printed newspapers and books was deforestation"), tense consistency ("the technology was not innovation enough"), and word choice ("effective the environment too much"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, are also present ("Moreover, we do not pay money for information like news or books").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on fundamental aspects of English grammar, such as verb forms, article usage, and sentence structure. Proofreading carefully for errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and punctuation can help improve overall accuracy. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from others or utilizing grammar resources to address specific areas of weakness.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent times, many people prefer reading everything they want online without having to pay fees instead of purchasing newspapers and books. I support this view and will provide further explanation below.
In the past, companies that printed newspapers and books contributed significantly to deforestation in their pursuit of profit from people seeking news. For example, both the older and younger generations relied on printed materials for news consumption when technology was not advanced enough to provide alternative means. Additionally, after reading, these materials were often discarded, leading to adverse environmental effects.
However, with the advancement of technology, particularly in the era of Industry 4.0, accessing the Internet has become easier and faster, allowing people to stay updated with the latest information. Furthermore, online information sources like news websites and digital books are usually free of charge. For instance, my niece, at just 10 years old, began reading books online. Personally, I believe that technological advancements have made our lives more efficient than ever before. Moreover, individuals can access news whenever and wherever they want, whether they are traveling or working.
In conclusion, the trend of using online platforms for information consumption is on the rise, leading to a gradual disappearance of printed books and newspapers. This shift also contributes to the reduction of deforestation, benefiting the environment and society as a whole.
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