It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, while others believe the opposite.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals are of the claim that hosting international sports events such as Olympic Games or football World Cup waste numerous money. Meanwhile, others people believe that it is beneficial to do that. While both viewpoints are valid, i prefer the latter view based on some major reasons that are explained in this essay.
On the one hand, there are two persuasive rationales that supports the claim that the host countries could have a various drawbacks .Firstly, The host country need to spend a lot of money to build a numerous number of new stadiums and sports facilities, which useless after the events because they only need a few count of that. As a result, this nation spend significant money only for the facilities and they also pay for other things like meal for athletes, cleaning the city or investing in safety. Furthermore, if this country performed inefficiently, they would not only earn anything but also be criticized. For instance, the Olympic, hosting in France, they spent over 40,000 dollars only for cleaning the Nin river, but it is also dark, so audiences are extremely disappointed.
On the other hand, despite of high cost , i strongly support the claim that international sports events hold many positive impacts. Firstly, hosting the world sports events attract people from other countries. Therefore, this is a good chance to advertise and enhance the finance. For example, the averaged number of tourists set foot in country hosting World Cup is always over 10 millions lead to a rapid grow in their services such as hotel, transportation. Secondly, because of the attraction of international events, the government have opportunities to establish new relationship with other politicians in the world. Consequently, the nations will have a chance to develop significantly since having many worldwide connection.
In conclusion, while some may oppose with the idea of hosting international sports events, i still hold the belief that such events provide many disadvantages which far outweigh the cost

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals are of the claim" -> "Some individuals claim"
   Explanation: The phrase "are of the claim" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. Simplifying it to "claim" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances readability.

2. "waste numerous money" -> "waste a significant amount of money"
   Explanation: "Waste numerous money" is grammatically incorrect and vague. "A significant amount of money" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing.

3. "others people believe" -> "others believe"
   Explanation: The phrase "others people" is redundant. Removing "people" simplifies the sentence and maintains formal tone.

4. "i prefer the latter view" -> "I prefer the latter view"
   Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error of lowercase "i" in formal writing.

5. "major reasons that are explained" -> "major reasons that will be explained"
   Explanation: Changing "are explained" to "will be explained" corrects the tense to future, which is more appropriate for an essay structure that outlines reasons to come.

6. "The host country need" -> "The host country needs"
   Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement error from "need" to "needs" to match the singular subject "country."

7. "a numerous number of new stadiums" -> "numerous new stadiums"
   Explanation: "A numerous number of" is redundant. "Numerous new stadiums" is more concise and maintains the intended meaning.

8. "which useless after the events" -> "which are useless after the events"
   Explanation: Adds the necessary article "are" to correct the grammatical structure.

9. "a few count of that" -> "a few of these"
   Explanation: "A few count of that" is awkward and unclear. "A few of these" is clearer and more grammatically correct.

10. "spend significant money only for the facilities" -> "spend significant funds primarily on facilities"
    Explanation: "Money" is too informal and vague; "funds" is more precise and formal. "Primarily on" is more specific than "only for."

11. "they also pay for other things like meal for athletes" -> "they also cover expenses such as meals for athletes"
    Explanation: "Pay for other things like meal for athletes" is informal and lacks specificity. "Cover expenses such as meals for athletes" is more formal and precise.

12. "investing in safety" -> "investing in safety measures"
    Explanation: Adding "measures" specifies what is being invested in, enhancing clarity and formality.

13. "if this country performed inefficiently" -> "if the country performs inefficiently"
    Explanation: Changing "this country" to "the country" corrects the definite article usage, and "performs" aligns with the present tense needed for hypothetical scenarios.

14. "they would not only earn anything but also be criticized" -> "they would neither earn anything nor be praised"
    Explanation: "Earn anything" is vague and incorrect; "earn anything" is more precise. "Be praised" is more specific than "be criticized," which is too broad.

15. "despite of high cost" -> "despite the high cost"
    Explanation: "Despite of" is grammatically incorrect. "Despite the high cost" corrects this and maintains formal tone.

16. "i strongly support" -> "I strongly support"
    Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error of lowercase "i" in formal writing.

17. "the averaged number of tourists" -> "the average number of tourists"
    Explanation: "Averaged" is incorrect; "average" is the correct form.

18. "rapid grow in their services" -> "rapid growth in their services"
    Explanation: "Grow" should be "growth" to match the noun form required in this context.

19. "the government have opportunities" -> "the government has opportunities"
    Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement error from "have" to "has" to match the singular subject "government."

20. "establish new relationship" -> "establish new relationships"
    Explanation: "Relationship" should be plural to match the context of multiple connections being formed.

21. "have opportunities to develop significantly" -> "have the opportunity to develop significantly"
    Explanation: "Have opportunities" is vague; "have the opportunity" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the hosting of international sports events, presenting arguments for both the negative and positive aspects. The first paragraph discusses the drawbacks, such as financial costs and the potential for criticism if the event is poorly managed. The second paragraph presents the benefits, including tourism and international relations. However, the essay could improve by providing a more balanced exploration of both sides before stating a clear opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth. For instance, when discussing the drawbacks, the essay could include statistics or examples of countries that faced financial difficulties post-event. Similarly, when discussing the benefits, it could elaborate on the long-term economic impacts or cultural benefits that arise from hosting such events.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear preference for the benefits of hosting international sports events, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the drawbacks and benefits could be smoother, as the shift may confuse readers about the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, consider using transitional phrases that reinforce the writer’s opinion. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, a sentence like "Despite these challenges, I believe the benefits outweigh the costs" would help clarify the position. Additionally, reiterating the position in the body paragraphs can strengthen the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the financial burden of hosting and the potential for increased tourism. However, some points lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For instance, the claim about the number of tourists could be backed with specific data or examples from past events to enhance credibility.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, incorporate relevant examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, when discussing tourism, referencing a specific World Cup or Olympic Games and its economic impact on the host country would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of hosting international sports events. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of the drawbacks, where the example provided about the cleaning of the river could be seen as somewhat tangential to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the main topic. Avoid introducing details that do not clearly support the overall argument. For instance, instead of focusing on a specific instance of criticism, it might be more effective to discuss broader implications of hosting events, such as public sentiment or long-term economic impacts.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The arguments for both sides of the debate are presented logically, with the writer clearly stating their opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the drawbacks of hosting events to the benefits could be more explicitly signposted to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" when moving from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the first paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development of ideas. For example, the first paragraph could begin with a sentence that summarizes the main argument against hosting international sports events before diving into specific points.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Ensure that each supporting sentence logically follows from the topic sentence and contributes to the overall argument. This will make the essay easier to follow and strengthen the coherence of each paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the one hand," and "On the other hand," to indicate the structure of arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "despite of high cost" is awkwardly phrased and could be improved for clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In addition," "However," and "For instance." Additionally, ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct; for example, "despite the high cost" would be more appropriate than "despite of high cost." This will enhance the overall flow of the essay and improve the clarity of the arguments presented.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, focusing on improving logical transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For example, phrases like "international sports events," "beneficial," and "positive impacts" show an effort to incorporate diverse vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition and limited synonyms, such as "money" and "spend," which are used multiple times without variation. Additionally, terms like "numerous" and "various" are used somewhat interchangeably, which can lead to redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "money," alternatives like "funds," "capital," or "financial resources" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "financial burden" or "economic investment" could add depth to the discussion.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "waste numerous money" should be "waste a lot of money" or "waste significant funds." The term "numerous number" is also incorrect; it should simply be "numerous" or "a large number." Furthermore, the phrase "the Olympic, hosting in France" is awkward and should be rephrased to "the Olympics hosted in France."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing word choices and ensuring they fit the context. For instance, instead of "cleaning the Nin river," a more precise phrase could be "cleaning the Seine River." Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more suitable words can help avoid vague expressions.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "i" should be capitalized to "I," "the claim" should be "the view," "numerous money" is incorrect, and "the averaged number of tourists" should be "the average number of tourists." Additionally, "the nations will have a chance to develop significantly since having many worldwide connection" should be "connections" to be grammatically correct.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spell-check tools or writing software that highlights errors. Practicing spelling common words and phrases, especially those relevant to the topic, can also be beneficial. Moreover, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using varied vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For example, the opening sentence uses a simple structure: "Some individuals are of the claim that hosting international sports events such as Olympic Games or football World Cup waste numerous money." This could be improved by incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or relative clauses. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" indicates an attempt to structure arguments, but the overall complexity remains limited.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more complex sentence forms. For instance, instead of saying "the host country need to spend a lot of money," they could say, "the host country is required to invest a substantial amount of money." Additionally, incorporating relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…") and varied sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases) will help diversify the writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "waste numerous money" should be "wastes a large amount of money," and "others people" should be "other people." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "the host countries could have a various drawbacks" (should be "a variety of drawbacks"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "Firstly" and "On the other hand"), further detract from the overall quality.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially after transitional phrases, will enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar checking tools can also help identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay.

In summary, while the essay presents valid arguments, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals claim that hosting international sports events such as the Olympic Games or the football World Cup wastes a significant amount of money. Meanwhile, others believe that it is beneficial to do so. While both viewpoints are valid, I prefer the latter view based on some major reasons that will be explained in this essay.

On the one hand, there are two persuasive rationales that support the claim that host countries could face various drawbacks. Firstly, the host country needs to spend a lot of money to build numerous new stadiums and sports facilities, which are useless after the events because they only need a few of these. As a result, this nation spends significant funds primarily on facilities, and they also cover expenses such as meals for athletes, cleaning the city, or investing in safety measures. Furthermore, if this country performs inefficiently, they would neither earn anything nor be praised. For instance, during the Olympics hosted in France, they spent over 40,000 dollars just for cleaning the Seine River, but it was still dark, so audiences were extremely disappointed.

On the other hand, despite the high cost, I strongly support the claim that international sports events hold many positive impacts. Firstly, hosting world sports events attracts people from other countries. Therefore, this is a good opportunity to advertise and enhance the economy. For example, the average number of tourists who visit a country hosting the World Cup is always over 10 million, leading to rapid growth in their services such as hotels and transportation. Secondly, because of the attraction of international events, the government has opportunities to establish new relationships with other politicians in the world. Consequently, nations will have a chance to develop significantly by having many worldwide connections.

In conclusion, while some may oppose the idea of hosting international sports events, I still hold the belief that such events provide many advantages that far outweigh the costs.