It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, while others believe the opposite. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It costs a lot of money for a country to host an international sports event, such as the Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people think that this is a waste of money, while others believe the opposite.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many individuals think that hosting international sporting event, for example the Olympics, required a significant financial outlay. However, others believe that this event can bring numerous advantages for their nation. In my opinion, this problem depends on levels of development of different countries. So I will discuss both view in this essay.
On the on hand, organising a big sport competition can waste money in some parts of the world, such as developing countries. The reason is that sporting events need to cost more expenses than things to which they are needed to receive. For instance, a host country must to construct venues, accommodations, and medical services for all athletes and coaches from participating countries. Therefore, it will be more legitimate and meaningful when they use money to develop economy, education, living standards and stabilize to become comprehensive and powerful nation
On the other hand, developed counties find it essential to be the host of a influental sporting event, Firstly, these nations will have opportunities to introduce the traditional and cultural values of their countries widespread through the media can be improved considerably and further to boost the economy. Moreover hosting a successful major sports event will increase credibility and create resonance to other countries in the world. As a result, credit brings sustainable trade diplomacy opportunities and in long time for their nations
To sum up, for undeveloped and developing countries, organising a big sports event need a large amount of money which they which they should use for more urgent purposes but for developed nations, this is an opportunity to develop strong tourist industries and economy
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Many individuals think" -> "Many people believe"
Explanation: "Believe" is more commonly used in academic writing than "think" when referring to opinions or beliefs, enhancing the formality of the statement. -
"hosting international sporting event" -> "hosting an international sporting event"
Explanation: Adding the definite article "an" before "international sporting event" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the sentence’s clarity and formality. -
"required a significant financial outlay" -> "requires a significant financial investment"
Explanation: "Requires" is the correct form for the present tense, and "investment" is a more precise term than "outlay" in this context, aligning better with financial terminology used in academic discourse. -
"this event can bring numerous advantages" -> "this event can offer numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Offer" is more specific and formal than "bring" in the context of providing advantages, and "benefits" is a more precise term than "advantages" in academic writing. -
"levels of development of different countries" -> "levels of development among different countries"
Explanation: "Among" is more appropriate than "of" when referring to a relationship between countries, improving the grammatical accuracy and clarity of the phrase. -
"On the on hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: "On one hand" is the correct idiomatic expression, correcting the typographical error and enhancing the formal tone. -
"organising a big sport competition" -> "organizing a major sporting competition"
Explanation: "Organizing" is the correct spelling, and "major" is more precise than "big" in describing the scale of the event, aligning better with formal language standards. -
"cost more expenses" -> "incur greater expenses"
Explanation: "Incur" is the correct verb to use when discussing the cost of something, and "greater" is more formal than "more" in this context. -
"things to which they are needed to receive" -> "services that they require"
Explanation: "Services that they require" is clearer and more direct than the awkward and incorrect original phrase, improving readability and precision. -
"it will be more legitimate and meaningful" -> "it would be more legitimate and meaningful"
Explanation: "Would" is the correct conditional form to use in hypothetical situations, enhancing the grammatical correctness and formality of the sentence. -
"develop economy, education, living standards and stabilize to become comprehensive and powerful nation" -> "develop their economy, education, and living standards, thereby stabilizing their nation and enhancing its comprehensiveness and power"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure, uses more precise language ("thereby stabilizing"), and corrects grammatical errors for better readability and formality. -
"developed counties" -> "developed countries"
Explanation: Corrects the typographical error and ensures the term is used correctly in the context of nations. -
"influental" -> "influential"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error, ensuring the word is used correctly and maintaining the academic tone. -
"through the media can be improved considerably and further to boost the economy" -> "through the media, which can significantly enhance the economy"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the sentence structure and uses more precise language ("significantly enhance") to improve the academic tone. -
"credit brings sustainable trade diplomacy opportunities and in long time for their nations" -> "credit fosters sustainable trade diplomacy opportunities and long-term benefits for their nations"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more precise verb than "brings" in this context, and "long-term benefits" is a clearer and more formal expression than "in long time." -
"organising a big sports event need a large amount of money" -> "organizing a major sporting event requires a significant amount of money"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense and uses "requires" for a more formal tone, and "significant" is more precise than "large" in this context. -
"which they which they should use for more urgent purposes" -> "which they should allocate to more pressing purposes"
Explanation: Corrects the awkward and redundant construction, replacing it with a clearer and more formal expression.
These changes enhance the academic tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, aligning it with the standards of formal academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the financial implications of hosting international sports events. It presents arguments for both sides: the potential waste of resources in developing countries and the benefits for developed nations. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the argument for the benefits of hosting events is less developed than the argument against it. The essay mentions the advantages for developed countries but does not provide specific examples or elaborate on these points sufficiently.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for both perspectives. For instance, citing specific instances where hosting an event has led to economic growth or cultural exchange in developed nations would strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensuring that both sides are given equal weight in the discussion will provide a more comprehensive answer.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a personal opinion that the impact of hosting events depends on the country’s level of development. However, this position is somewhat vague and could be more explicitly articulated. The essay does not consistently reinforce this viewpoint throughout the discussion, which may leave the reader unclear about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly restate their opinion in the conclusion and ensure that each paragraph ties back to this central argument. Using phrases like "In my view" or "I believe" at the beginning of relevant sections can help clarify the writer’s stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development. For example, while it mentions the costs associated with hosting events, it does not delve into the potential long-term benefits or provide concrete examples of successful events. The argument about cultural exposure in developed countries is introduced but not sufficiently supported with examples or elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing statistics, examples from specific countries, or discussing potential long-term benefits of hosting events. Each idea should be clearly linked to the overall argument and supported with relevant evidence.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the financial implications of hosting international sports events. However, there are moments where the focus becomes unclear, particularly in the transition between discussing developing and developed countries. The phrase "this problem depends on levels of development of different countries" is somewhat ambiguous and could lead to confusion about the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question. Using clear topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph can help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring clarity in the argument will help maintain the essay’s focus.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a relevant discussion, improvements in clarity, depth of argumentation, and balance between perspectives will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections addressing both viewpoints regarding the hosting of international sports events. The introduction outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion, while the body paragraphs are divided into arguments for and against hosting such events. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between discussing the negative impacts on developing countries and the positive aspects for developed countries could be smoother. The phrase "On the on hand" is a typographical error that disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases between contrasting ideas. For example, instead of "On the on hand," use "Conversely" or "In contrast." Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through your argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be more clearly defined; it starts with a general statement but lacks a strong topic sentence that ties back to the essay prompt.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly reflect the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "In contrast, developed countries often view hosting international sports events as a strategic opportunity." This would provide a clearer connection to the overall argument and improve the reader’s understanding.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used but could be better integrated into the context of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore" to add information, "consequently" to show cause and effect, or "in addition" to introduce supplementary points. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a context that clearly illustrates the relationship between ideas, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "significant financial outlay," "numerous advantages," and "traditional and cultural values." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "big sport competition" and "developing countries." The use of "essential" and "opportunities" is appropriate, but there are instances where synonyms could have been employed to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, the writer should consider using synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "big sport competition," alternatives like "major sporting event" or "international sports tournament" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to economics and cultural exchange could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "need to cost more expenses than things to which they are needed to receive" is awkward and unclear. The term "legitimate" in "more legitimate and meaningful" is also misused; it does not convey the intended meaning effectively. The phrase "credit brings sustainable trade diplomacy opportunities" is vague and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. For instance, instead of saying "need to cost more expenses," a clearer expression could be "incur higher costs than the benefits they provide." Furthermore, replacing "legitimate" with "beneficial" or "practical" would convey the intended meaning more accurately. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and seeking feedback on word choice can also help improve precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "on hand" (should be "one hand"), "counties" (should be "countries"), and "influental" (should be "influential"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud to catch errors and using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing practice and reviewing spelling rules can also contribute to improved accuracy.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their overall performance in this criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many individuals think that hosting international sporting event…") and compound sentences ("However, others believe that this event can bring numerous advantages for their nation."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which affects the overall sophistication of the writing. For example, the sentence "The reason is that sporting events need to cost more expenses than things to which they are needed to receive" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses effectively. For instance, instead of saying "The reason is that sporting events need to cost more expenses," the writer could say, "One reason some argue that hosting sporting events is a waste of money is that the expenses often exceed the benefits." This not only adds variety but also improves clarity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For example, "hosting international sporting event" should be "hosting an international sporting event," and "On the on hand" should be corrected to "On the one hand." Additionally, phrases like "must to construct" are incorrect; it should simply be "must construct." The misuse of articles and prepositions is a recurring issue, which affects the overall grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on the correct use of articles (e.g., "an international sporting event"), verb forms (e.g., "must construct" instead of "must to construct"), and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these common errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation, such as ensuring commas are used correctly to separate clauses, will enhance clarity and professionalism.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and presents both views, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
Many individuals think that hosting an international sporting event, for example, the Olympics, requires a significant financial outlay. However, others believe that this event can bring numerous advantages for their nation. In my opinion, this issue depends on the levels of development among different countries. So, I will discuss both views in this essay.
On the one hand, organizing a major sporting competition can waste money in some parts of the world, such as developing countries. The reason is that sporting events incur greater expenses than the benefits they are likely to receive. For instance, a host country must construct venues, accommodations, and medical services for all athletes and coaches from participating countries. Therefore, it would be more legitimate and meaningful when they use money to develop their economy, education, and living standards, thereby stabilizing their nation and enhancing its comprehensiveness and power.
On the other hand, developed countries find it essential to be the host of an influential sporting event. Firstly, these nations will have opportunities to introduce the traditional and cultural values of their countries widely through the media, which can significantly enhance the economy. Moreover, hosting a successful major sports event will increase credibility and create resonance with other countries in the world. As a result, credit fosters sustainable trade diplomacy opportunities and long-term benefits for their nations.
To sum up, for undeveloped and developing countries, organizing a major sporting event requires a significant amount of money, which they should allocate to more pressing purposes. However, for developed nations, this is an opportunity to develop strong tourist industries and boost their economy.
