It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaurs, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaurs, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening.
Do you agree or disagree?

In the knowledge-based society, the problem of the extinction of some animal species. Many people believe that some species are on the verge of extinction because of the natural process and people don't need to find a way to prevent this from happening. I strongly disagree with this opinion, in this essay, I will explain the reason why.

Some animal species are extinction not due to natural factors but due to human factors. One of the main causes of the extinction of animals is that the rampant poaching. In the real life, the situation of poaching is really serious, humans have hunted animals so crazily for personal gain or entertainment that they have defied the law. This may lead to many species' populations are dramatically decreasing. The second reason is the human activities. Some agricultural and industrial activities destroy the natural habitats. Therefore, animals cannot find food and reproduce. For instance, some activities such as slash-and-burn farming will require cutting down trees and deforestation to have an area to do. That means giraffes won't have certain leaves to eat, or birds won't have a place to build their nests.

Turning to the other side of the argument, animals also have a positive impact on the humans life. Firstly, animals have many recreational values for people. Many animals play important roles in sports and leisure activities. For instance, in the today's world, that's have some competition such as riding horses or bull's head, and there are many zoos for children can travel and see in their free times. Another benefit of animals for human is economic values. Wild animals are important to tourism. In each country that have a different animal species can attract tourists from other areas to travel to have more practical knowledge about these species. Therefore, humans have the responsibility of protecting the animals.

In conclusion, people should try to protect the animal from extinction. The government needs to promulgate more laws to prevent this problem and have more solutions to thoroughly resolve.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In the knowledge-based society, the problem of the extinction of some animal species." -> "In today’s knowledge-based society, the issue of the extinction of certain animal species is prominent."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks specificity and sounds somewhat informal. By rephrasing it to "In today’s knowledge-based society, the issue of the extinction of certain animal species is prominent," the sentence becomes more precise and formal.
"Many people believe that some species are on the verge of extinction because of the natural process and people don’t need to find a way to prevent this from happening." -> "Many individuals believe that certain species are nearing extinction due to natural processes and argue against the necessity of preventive measures."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and formal tone. By restructuring it to "Many individuals believe that certain species are nearing extinction due to natural processes and argue against the necessity of preventive measures," it becomes clearer and more academically appropriate.
"I strongly disagree with this opinion, in this essay, I will explain the reason why." -> "I dissent from this viewpoint; in the following discourse, I will elucidate my rationale."
Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is too informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "dissent" maintains formality. Additionally, "in this essay" is redundant; hence, it’s better to start with "in the following discourse" to avoid repetition and maintain a formal tone.
"Some animal species are extinction not due to natural factors but due to human factors." -> "Certain animal species face extinction not solely due to natural factors, but predominantly due to human activities."
Explanation: "Some animal species are extinction" is grammatically incorrect. Replacing it with "Certain animal species face extinction" corrects the error. Also, "not due to natural factors but due to human factors" is informal; "not solely due to natural factors, but predominantly due to human activities" is more academically appropriate.
"One of the main causes of the extinction of animals is that the rampant poaching." -> "Rampant poaching stands out as one of the primary contributors to animal extinction."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and formality. By rephrasing it to "Rampant poaching stands out as one of the primary contributors to animal extinction," it becomes more concise and academically appropriate.
"In the real life, the situation of poaching is really serious, humans have hunted animals so crazily for personal gain or entertainment that they have defied the law." -> "In reality, the severity of poaching is profound; humans have relentlessly hunted animals for personal gain or entertainment, often flouting legal regulations."
Explanation: "In the real life" is colloquial and informal. "Really serious" and "so crazily" are overly simplistic. Replacing them with "In reality" and "profound severity" respectively enhances the formality of the sentence. Additionally, "they have defied the law" lacks specificity; "often flouting legal regulations" provides more clarity.
"This may lead to many species’ populations are dramatically decreasing." -> "This may result in a significant decline in the populations of many species."
Explanation: The original sentence has a grammatical error ("are" should be removed after "populations") and lacks formality. By rephrasing it to "This may result in a significant decline in the populations of many species," the sentence becomes grammatically correct and more formal.
"The second reason is the human activities." -> "A second significant factor is human activities."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks specificity and formal tone. By rephrasing it to "A second significant factor is human activities," it becomes more concise and academically appropriate.
"Some agricultural and industrial activities destroy the natural habitats." -> "Certain agricultural and industrial practices lead to the destruction of natural habitats."
Explanation: The original sentence is too general and lacks precision. By rephrasing it to "Certain agricultural and industrial practices lead to the destruction of natural habitats," it becomes more specific and formal.
"Turning to the other side of the argument, animals also have a positive impact on the humans life." -> "On the contrary, animals also exert a positive influence on human life."
Explanation: "Turning to the other side of the argument" is informal. By replacing it with "On the contrary," the sentence becomes more formal. Additionally, "humans life" should be "human life" for grammatical correctness.
"Firstly, animals have many recreational values for people." -> "Firstly, animals provide significant recreational value for humans."
Explanation: "Recreational values" is informal and lacks precision. By rephrasing it to "provide significant recreational value for humans," the sentence becomes more concise and academically appropriate.
"Many animals play important roles in sports and leisure activities." -> "Many animals play pivotal roles in sports and leisure pursuits."
Explanation: "Important roles in sports and leisure activities" is slightly informal. By rephrasing it to "pivotal roles in sports and leisure pursuits," the sentence becomes more formal and precise.
"For instance, in the today’s world, that’s have some competition such as riding horses or bull’s head, and there are many zoos for children can travel and see in their free times." -> "For instance, in contemporary society, various competitions such as horse riding and bullfighting exist, and numerous zoos offer recreational opportunities for children during their leisure time."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and informal. By rephrasing it to "For instance, in contemporary society, various competitions such as horse riding and bullfighting exist, and numerous zoos offer recreational opportunities for children during their leisure time," it becomes clearer and more formal.
"Another benefit of animals for human is economic values." -> "Another benefit of animals for humans is their economic value."
Explanation: "Economic values" is informal. By rephrasing it to "economic value," the sentence becomes more concise and academically appropriate.
"In each country that have a different animal species can attract tourists from other areas to travel to have more practical knowledge about these species." -> "Countries rich in diverse animal species can attract tourists from other regions seeking to gain practical knowledge about these species."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. By rephrasing it to "Countries rich in diverse animal species can attract tourists from other regions seeking to gain practical knowledge about these species," it becomes grammatically correct and clearer.
"Therefore, humans have the responsibility of protecting the animals." -> "Thus, humans bear the responsibility of protecting animal species."
Explanation: "Protecting the animals" is too general. By rephrasing it to "protecting animal species," the sentence becomes more specific and formal.
"The government needs to promulgate more laws to prevent this problem and have more solutions to thoroughly resolve." -> "Governments should enact stringent laws and devise comprehensive solutions to address this issue effectively."
Explanation: "Promulgate more laws" is informal and lacks precision. By rephrasing it to "enact stringent laws" and "devise comprehensive solutions," the sentence becomes more formal and concise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by presenting arguments both in agreement and disagreement with the statement. However, the essay could provide a more thorough analysis of why preventing animal extinction is important despite it being a natural process.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should offer a deeper exploration of why preventing animal extinction is crucial, perhaps by discussing the ecological, ethical, and scientific reasons behind conservation efforts. Additionally, directly engaging with the prompt by acknowledging and refuting the argument that animal extinction is a natural process would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, explicitly stating disagreement with the idea that people should not try to prevent animal extinction.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the essay could reinforce its position by consistently referring back to this stance throughout each paragraph and by structuring the argument in a way that reinforces the central disagreement with the prompt.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. While it briefly mentions human factors contributing to animal extinction, such as poaching and habitat destruction, it does not elaborate on these points or provide evidence to support them. Additionally, the essay introduces the benefits of animals to humans but does not expand on these points or provide examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, each point should be developed with specific examples, statistics, or case studies to bolster the argument. Providing more detailed explanations and evidence would enhance the persuasiveness of the essay’s claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing reasons why preventing animal extinction is important and countering the idea that it is a natural process. However, there are some instances of tangential discussion, such as mentioning the recreational and economic values of animals to humans, which are only loosely related to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid introducing tangential topics and instead focus on directly addressing the reasons why preventing animal extinction is necessary. Streamlining the discussion to stay closely aligned with the central argument would improve coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear disagreement with the prompt and touches on relevant points, it would benefit from deeper analysis, more thorough development of ideas, and tighter focus to fully address the complexities of the topic and earn a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there are some issues with coherence and logical progression within paragraphs. For instance, the first body paragraph introduces reasons for animal extinction caused by human activities, but the second body paragraph abruptly shifts to the positive impacts of animals on human life. This lack of smooth transition affects the overall logical flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph maintains a cohesive connection to the main argument. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay prompt and previous paragraph. Use transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs. For example, in the second body paragraph, a transitional phrase such as "However, it is essential to consider the positive contributions of animals to human life" could improve coherence and cohesion.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph attempts to address a distinct aspect of the argument, but some paragraphs lack unity and coherence. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses reasons for animal extinction, while the second paragraph abruptly shifts to the benefits of animals for humans. This lack of coherence within paragraphs hinders the overall readability and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single aspect of the argument. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider the use of transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect ideas within paragraphs. Additionally, aim for a balance in paragraph length to maintain visual appeal and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates some cohesive devices to connect ideas and facilitate coherence. However, the range and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved. While there are instances of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("but," "therefore"), and transitional phrases ("turning to the other side of the argument"), their usage is limited. Furthermore, the essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, relying heavily on repetitive structures and simplistic transitions.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices to include a variety of conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns. Utilize cohesive devices not only to connect sentences within paragraphs but also to establish coherence between paragraphs. For example, instead of repetitive phrases like "for instance" or "on the other hand," consider using a wider range of transitional phrases such as "in contrast," "furthermore," or "conversely." Additionally, pay attention to the placement and frequency of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases like "extinction," "poaching," "agricultural and industrial activities," "deforestation," "recreational values," "economic values," "promulgate," and "resolve." However, there is a tendency to repeat certain words and phrases, such as "animal species," "extinction," and "human factors," which limits the variety of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance your score in this criterion, strive to incorporate a wider array of vocabulary throughout the essay. For example, instead of frequently repeating "animal species," use synonyms like "fauna," "wildlife," or "creatures." Similarly, vary your phrasing by using alternatives to "extinction" such as "disappearance," "loss of biodiversity," or "decline in population." This will show greater lexical resource and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Vocabulary is generally used with moderate precision. For instance, terms like "rampant poaching" and "slash-and-burn farming" are specific and appropriate. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or contextually accurate. For example, "economic values" could be specified as "economic benefits," "tourism revenue," or "economic contribution."
- How to improve: To achieve a higher band, aim for more precise and nuanced vocabulary choices. For instance, instead of using general terms like "human activities," specify them as "industrial activities," "urban expansion," or "deforestation." This will add clarity and specificity to your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors such as "the rampant poaching" (should be "rampant poaching") and "promulgate" (which is used correctly but might not be a familiar word to all readers).
- How to improve: To further improve, consider reviewing and editing your work carefully to catch any minor spelling errors. Additionally, ensure that less common vocabulary words are used correctly and in context.

In summary, your essay demonstrates a solid foundation in vocabulary usage, but there is room for improvement in both range and precision. By varying your vocabulary more and using more precise terms where appropriate, you can enhance the lexical resource of your writing and aim for a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Additionally, continue to pay attention to spelling accuracy to avoid minor errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is a lack of complex sentence structures such as compound-complex sentences or advanced grammatical constructions. The majority of sentences follow a subject-verb-object pattern, which may limit the variety and sophistication of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of the essay, the writer should aim to incorporate more diverse sentence structures. This could involve utilizing complex sentences with subordinate clauses, employing rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion, and varying sentence beginnings to create a more engaging and nuanced prose style. Additionally, incorporating transitions and discourse markers to connect ideas and create coherence can further enrich the essay’s structural complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical coherence, there are several instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("Some animal species are extinction not due to natural factors but due to human factors") and word choice ("In the knowledge-based society, the problem of the extinction of some animal species").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Proofreading for errors in verb forms, singular/plural agreement, and pronoun antecedent agreement can help enhance clarity and precision in expression. Additionally, revising awkward phrasings and ensuring coherence between sentences can contribute to a more polished and fluent writing style. Furthermore, refining punctuation skills, particularly regarding comma usage and sentence boundary markers, can aid in clarifying meaning and improving readability.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, the issue of certain animal species facing extinction is prominent. Many individuals believe that some species are nearing extinction due to natural processes and argue against the necessity of preventive measures. I dissent from this viewpoint; in the following discourse, I will elucidate my rationale.

Certain animal species face extinction not solely due to natural factors, but predominantly due to human activities. Rampant poaching stands out as one of the primary contributors to animal extinction. In reality, the severity of poaching is profound; humans have relentlessly hunted animals for personal gain or entertainment, often flouting legal regulations. This may result in a significant decline in the populations of many species. A second significant factor is human activities. Certain agricultural and industrial practices lead to the destruction of natural habitats. On the contrary, animals also exert a positive influence on human life.

Firstly, animals provide significant recreational value for humans. Many animals play pivotal roles in sports and leisure pursuits. For instance, in contemporary society, various competitions such as horse riding and bullfighting exist, and numerous zoos offer recreational opportunities for children during their leisure time. Another benefit of animals for humans is their economic value. Countries rich in diverse animal species can attract tourists from other regions seeking to gain practical knowledge about these species. Thus, humans bear the responsibility of protecting animal species.

Governments should enact stringent laws and devise comprehensive solutions to address this issue effectively. In conclusion, it is crucial for people to try to protect animals from extinction. The government needs to promulgate more laws to prevent this problem and develop more solutions to thoroughly resolve it.