It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.

It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be.
Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.

Many people committe the fact that the redution of connection and emotion of members within households become more common than in the past. My essay will thoroughtly analyze some major causes and propose feasible solutions to the issue
There are two main reasons for closeness within families is lacking of time together and difference thinking between generation. First, the struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance is a contributing factor; extended working hours leave less time for meaningful family activities. After working time, they prefer to entertain by technological advancements, such as smartphones and social media, have created virtual spaces where individuals often prioritize online relationships over face-to-face interactions with their own family members. It is the primary reason for misunderstandings with each others day by day. Second, different in intergenerational communication styles often lead to misunderstandings, create a emotional distance between younger and older members of the household. Due to affraid of justicing by others, family member don’t want to share personal secret information which can be widen space in family relationship.
Two practical solutions are suggested to alleviate the situation. To start with, to bring family member close together, it is esencial they delicate quality time regularly engaging shared activities without distractions. These activities will build love and empathy within each others, strengthen family’s bond. Futhermore, improving the understanding about generations, accepting and respecting the distinction would contribute precious trust in family members. Strengthening overall sense of belongingness through communicational efforts would significantly enhance levels of family cohesion.
In conclution, lacking of time to bond with family members and distinction between age groups within a family that affect closeness which is more and more common nowadays, and there are a number of ways that could be done to counteract this problem such as allocating valuable time and learning about each other.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "committe the fact that" -> "acknowledge the fact that"
   Explanation: "Committe" is not a verb in this context. "Acknowledge" is the correct verb to use when referring to recognizing or accepting something as true or valid, which is more appropriate for academic writing.

2. "redution of connection and emotion" -> "reduction in emotional connections"
   Explanation: "Redution" is a typographical error and should be "reduction." Additionally, "emotional connections" is a more precise and formal way to describe the relationship between family members.

3. "thoroughtly" -> "thoroughly"
   Explanation: This is a spelling error. "Thoroughly" is the correct spelling, which means doing something carefully and completely, fitting the context of the essay.

4. "closeness within families is lacking of time together" -> "closeness within families is lacking due to a lack of shared time"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the cause of the issue.

5. "difference thinking" -> "differences in thinking"
   Explanation: "Difference thinking" is not a standard phrase. "Differences in thinking" is the correct expression, indicating variations in the way people think.

6. "struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance" -> "struggle to achieve a healthy work-life balance"
   Explanation: "Maintain" implies a current state, whereas "achieve" suggests a goal-oriented effort, which is more appropriate in this context, emphasizing the effort required to attain a balance.

7. "entertain by technological advancements" -> "entertain themselves with technological advancements"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. Adding "themselves" corrects the possessive and clarifies that it is the individuals who are entertained.

8. "have created virtual spaces where individuals often prioritize online relationships over face-to-face interactions" -> "have created virtual spaces where individuals frequently prioritize online relationships over face-to-face interactions"
   Explanation: "Often" is somewhat vague; "frequently" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.

9. "Due to affraid of justicing by others" -> "Due to fear of being judged by others"
   Explanation: "Affraid" is a typographical error and should be "afraid." Additionally, "justicing" is not a standard term; "being judged" is the correct phrase.

10. "don’t want to share" -> "do not wish to share"
    Explanation: "Don’t" is too informal for academic writing. "Do not wish to" is more formal and appropriate.

11. "which can be widen space in family relationship" -> "which can widen the space in family relationships"
    Explanation: "Widen" should be "widen" for grammatical correctness, and "family relationship" should be pluralized to "family relationships" to match the plural context.

12. "esencial they delicate" -> "essential they dedicate"
    Explanation: "Esencial" is a typographical error and should be "essential." "Delicate" is incorrect; "dedicate" is the correct verb to use in this context, meaning to give time and effort to something.

13. "Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "Futhermore" is a typographical error and should be "Furthermore," which is the correct adverbial form.

14. "In conclution" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "In conclution" is a typographical error and should be "In conclusion," which is the correct term used to conclude an argument or discussion.

15. "could be done to counteract this problem" -> "can be implemented to mitigate this issue"
    Explanation: "Could be done" is somewhat informal and vague; "can be implemented" is more direct and formal. "Mitigate" is also more precise than "counteract" in this context, suggesting to reduce the severity of the problem.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the decline in family closeness and suggesting solutions. The reasons provided, such as the lack of time due to work commitments and generational differences in communication, are relevant and well-explained. However, the explanation of these reasons could be more detailed, particularly in linking them directly to the impact on family relationships. For instance, while the mention of technology is pertinent, it could benefit from specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that each reason is elaborated with concrete examples or data that illustrate the impact of these factors on family dynamics. Additionally, the solutions could be more specific, perhaps by suggesting particular activities or strategies families could implement to foster closeness.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the decline in family closeness and the necessity for solutions. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion reiterates the main points. However, there are moments where the clarity of the position is slightly undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can distract the reader. For example, phrases like "afraid of justicing by others" are unclear and could confuse the reader about the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should focus on refining sentence structure and grammar. Proofreading for grammatical accuracy and coherence will help ensure that the position is communicated more effectively. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for family disconnection and potential solutions. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For example, the point about technology could be expanded to include specific examples of how it replaces family time, and the solutions could be more actionable and detailed. The support for ideas is also lacking; while the problems are identified, there is little evidence or elaboration to substantiate the claims.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Including anecdotes, statistics, or studies related to family dynamics and technology use could significantly bolster the argument. Furthermore, each solution should be elaborated upon to explain how it can be implemented effectively.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt regarding the decline in family closeness and suggesting solutions. However, there are instances where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion of generational differences could be more tightly linked to the overall theme of family closeness. The phrase "create a emotional distance" is vague and could be more explicitly tied to the consequences of these differences.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central theme of family closeness. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that directly address the prompt can help keep the discussion on track. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that all statements are clearly connected to the main argument will enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, there are areas for improvement in clarity, detail, and support that could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing reasons for the lack of family closeness, and proposed solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons to solutions is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses reasons for the lack of closeness, but the connection to the proposed solutions could be more explicitly stated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For example, after discussing the reasons for family disconnection, a sentence like "To address these challenges, several solutions can be implemented" would create a smoother transition to the solutions section.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the paragraphs could be more clearly defined. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for clarity. For example, the discussion about work-life balance and technological distractions could be two distinct paragraphs, allowing for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph. For example, start the paragraph on technological distractions with a clear statement about how technology impacts family relationships.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "to start with," which help to organize the information. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing. For instance, phrases like "due to affraid of justicing by others" are confusing and detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "moreover," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clear. For example, revise "due to affraid of justicing by others" to "due to a fear of judgment from others," which enhances clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion. Focus on creating smoother transitions, clearer paragraph definitions, and a broader range of cohesive devices to enhance the overall clarity and flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Words such as "connection," "emotion," "intergenerational communication," and "cohesion" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, phrases like "lacking of time together" and "different thinking between generation" indicate a limited range and awkward phrasing. The use of "entertain by technological advancements" is also somewhat clumsy and could be expressed more naturally.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of "lacking of time together," consider using "insufficient quality time" or "limited family interaction." Additionally, phrases like "technological advancements" could be replaced with "digital technology" or "modern communication tools" for greater clarity and variety.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "the struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance" is well-phrased, but "different in intergenerational communication styles" should be "differences in intergenerational communication styles." The phrase "affraid of justicing by others" is unclear and appears to be a misspelling of "afraid of judgment," which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review vocabulary choices and ensure they convey the intended meaning accurately. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words. For instance, replacing "widen space in family relationship" with "broaden familial relationships" would enhance clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact readability and professionalism. Words such as "committe," "redution," "thoroughtly," "esencial," "futhermore," and "conclution" are misspelled. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. For example, ensuring the correct spelling of "essential" and "conclusion" will improve the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some understanding of lexical resource, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will help elevate the overall quality of the writing and potentially improve the band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Many people committe the fact that…") and compound sentences ("To start with, to bring family member close together, it is esencial they delicate quality time regularly engaging shared activities without distractions."). However, the use of complex structures is limited, and many sentences are awkwardly constructed or contain grammatical errors. For example, phrases like "the struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance is a contributing factor" could be expanded into more complex structures to enhance sophistication.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance is a contributing factor," the writer could say, "One significant factor contributing to the lack of family closeness is the struggle many individuals face in maintaining a healthy work-life balance." Additionally, using varied sentence openings and transitions can help improve the overall flow and complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity and coherence. For instance, "committe" should be "commit," "redution" should be "reduction," and "affraid" should be "afraid." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "the closeness within families is lacking of time together," which should be "the closeness within families is due to a lack of time together." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of conjunctions, further detract from the essay’s readability.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as spelling mistakes and incorrect verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises can also help reinforce correct usage. Additionally, the writer should familiarize themselves with punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading more academic texts can provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context, which can be beneficial for improving overall writing skills.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and some variety in sentence structures, significant grammatical and punctuation errors limit its effectiveness. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy, the writer can enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing, potentially raising their band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people **acknowledge the fact that** the reduction in emotional connections among members within households has become more common than in the past. My essay will **thoroughly** analyze some major causes and propose feasible solutions to this issue.

There are two main reasons why **closeness within families is lacking due to a lack of shared time** and **differences in thinking** between generations. First, the struggle to maintain a healthy work-life balance is a contributing factor; extended working hours leave less time for meaningful family activities. After working hours, individuals prefer to **entertain themselves with technological advancements**, such as smartphones and social media, which have created virtual spaces where individuals frequently prioritize online relationships over face-to-face interactions with their own family members. This is the primary reason for misunderstandings with each other day by day. Second, **differences in** intergenerational communication styles often lead to misunderstandings, creating an emotional distance between younger and older members of the household. **Due to fear of being judged by others**, family members do not wish to share personal secrets, which can **widen the space in family relationships**.

Two practical solutions are suggested to alleviate the situation. To start with, to bring family members closer together, it is **essential they dedicate** quality time regularly to engaging in shared activities without distractions. These activities will build love and empathy among each other and strengthen the family’s bond. **Furthermore**, improving understanding about generations and accepting and respecting the distinctions would contribute to precious trust among family members. Strengthening the overall sense of belonging through communicational efforts would significantly enhance levels of family cohesion.

**In conclusion**, the lack of time to bond with family members and the distinctions between age groups within a family affect closeness, which is becoming more common nowadays. There are a number of ways that could be implemented to mitigate this issue, such as allocating valuable time and learning about each other.