It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

It is alleged that in various nations, science are not chosen as a major subject by students.This essay will demonstrates the matters and the aftermaths on global society about this dilemma.

In the first place, the main reason why students are not into studying science is the lack of practical application.This could be deduced by the fact that comparing to social study which learns about effects on society, scientific study requires student to dive into research, mostly in laboratories to gain results.Consequently, students have the tendency to be outdated compare to others work in another field.Moreover, researchers working in science may receive lower income than social researchers, which makes them harder to devote to global scientific development.A study which was taken in 2022 showed that nearly 80% people in 70 countries studied in science preceived themselves as falling behind people who studied in society.

Secondly, the results on public would be numerous.The decrease in scientific scholars could leads to the diminishing of future scientists.By virtue of parents' advice, students are more concerned when choosing science as a major.Hence, the advances in science field might be more challenging to achieve due to the lack of young generation.For instance, the number of registeration in experimental studies in New York and 20 biggest cities in the world had dropped dramatically from 68% in 2011 to 47% in 2023,according to a study from New York Times.

In conclusion, the decline in choosing science is increasing sighnificantly in countless nations.Hence, this trend will lead our society to a more fatal status.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "science are not chosen" -> "science is not chosen"
   Explanation: The subject "science" should be singular to agree with the verb "is" in the singular form, maintaining grammatical correctness and formal tone.

2. "This essay will demonstrates" -> "This essay will demonstrate"
   Explanation: The verb "demonstrate" should be in the base form to agree with the future tense "will," ensuring grammatical accuracy.

3. "the matters and the aftermaths" -> "the issues and consequences"
   Explanation: "Matters" and "aftermaths" are not commonly used in this context; "issues" and "consequences" are more precise and appropriate for academic writing.

4. "not into studying science" -> "not interested in studying science"
   Explanation: "Not into" is an informal expression; "not interested in" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

5. "This could be deduced by the fact that" -> "This can be inferred from the fact that"
   Explanation: "Deduced" is less commonly used in this context; "inferred" is more precise and academically appropriate.

6. "comparing to social study" -> "compared to social studies"
   Explanation: "Comparing to" is grammatically incorrect; "compared to" is the correct comparative form, and "social study" should be pluralized to "social studies" for accuracy.

7. "student to dive into research" -> "students to delve into research"
   Explanation: "Dive" is too informal and vague; "delve" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic context.

8. "students have the tendency to be outdated compare to others work" -> "students tend to lag behind others in their work"
   Explanation: "Have the tendency to be outdated" is awkward and incorrect; "tend to lag behind" is clearer and more formal.

9. "researchers working in science may receive lower income" -> "researchers in the field of science may receive lower salaries"
   Explanation: "Income" is too broad and informal; "salaries" is specific and appropriate for discussing professional compensation.

10. "which makes them harder to devote to global scientific development" -> "which makes it more challenging for them to contribute to global scientific development"
    Explanation: "Harder to devote" is awkward and unclear; "more challenging for them to contribute" is clearer and more formal.

11. "preceived themselves as falling behind" -> "perceived themselves as falling behind"
    Explanation: "Preceived" is a typographical error; "perceived" is the correct spelling.

12. "could leads to the diminishing of future scientists" -> "could lead to a diminution in the number of future scientists"
    Explanation: "Leads" should be "lead" for subject-verb agreement, and "diminution" is a more formal term than "diminishing."

13. "advances in science field" -> "advances in the field of science"
    Explanation: "Science field" is informal; "the field of science" is the correct and formal expression.

14. "registeration" -> "registration"
    Explanation: "Registeration" is a typographical error; "registration" is the correct term.

15. "registeration in experimental studies" -> "registration in experimental studies"
    Explanation: Same correction as above.

16. "increasing sighnificantly" -> "increasing significantly"
    Explanation: "Sighnificantly" is a typographical error; "significantly" is the correct spelling.

17. "our society to a more fatal status" -> "our society to a more precarious state"
    Explanation: "Fatal" is too strong and informal; "precarious" is more appropriate and formal, and "state" is preferred over "status" in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes for the decline in students choosing science and discussing the potential effects on society. The first paragraph effectively outlines the lack of practical application and lower income as reasons for this trend. The second paragraph discusses the consequences, such as the potential decrease in future scientists and the challenges in scientific advancement. However, the explanations could be more detailed and specific, particularly in linking the causes to the effects.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more concrete examples and elaborate on how the identified causes directly lead to the stated effects. For instance, discussing specific societal implications of a reduced scientific workforce would strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the issue of declining interest in science. The introduction sets the stage for discussing causes and effects, and the conclusion reiterates the seriousness of the trend. However, the position could be more forcefully articulated, especially in the conclusion, which feels somewhat vague.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that the position is explicitly stated in both the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, using more definitive language and avoiding phrases like "could be" or "might be" can help assert the position more strongly.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the causes and effects of the decline in science study but lacks depth in extending these ideas. For example, while the lack of practical application is mentioned, the essay does not explore how this impacts students’ motivations or interests in science. The supporting evidence, such as the study from 2022, is relevant but could be better integrated and explained.
  • How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. This could involve discussing how educational systems can better integrate practical applications of science to engage students or providing more statistics or case studies that illustrate the consequences of fewer students in science.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and effects of students’ declining interest in science. However, there are moments where the connection to the main topic feels tenuous, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion of parents’ advice could be more explicitly tied to the broader societal implications.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each cause and effect to the overarching theme of the essay and avoiding tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, but it would benefit from more detailed explanations, stronger connections between points, and clearer articulation of the writer’s position.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the causes of students’ disinterest in science to the effects on society feels abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on causes, while the second shifts to effects without a clear linking sentence or transition. This can confuse readers about the relationship between the two sections.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the causes to the effects. For example, after discussing the reasons for the decline in science enrollment, a sentence like "This decline has significant implications for society, as outlined in the following paragraph" would help guide the reader more smoothly into the next section.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the prompt. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized into separate sentences for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. In the conclusion, summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument and provide a more cohesive ending.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "In the first place" and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions are not used effectively. For example, the phrase "By virtue of parents’ advice" is somewhat unclear and could confuse readers about its intended meaning. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices like "Consequently" and "Hence" is appropriate, but more variety could enhance the essay’s flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "As a result," or "In addition." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used in a context that clearly conveys the intended relationship between ideas. For instance, rephrasing "By virtue of parents’ advice" to "Due to parental influence" would clarify the meaning and improve coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the logical flow, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "dilemma," "practical application," and "diminishing." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "students are not into studying science" and "the lack of practical application." The use of "alleged" and "global society" adds some variety, but overall, the range does not extend to more sophisticated or nuanced expressions.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For instance, instead of saying "not into studying science," one could say "disinterested in pursuing science." Additionally, using phrases like "practical implications" instead of "practical application" could elevate the language. Engaging with academic texts or vocabulary lists related to science and education could help broaden the lexical repertoire.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "the aftermaths on global society" is awkward; "aftermaths" is not commonly used in this context, and "effects" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "comparing to social study" should be "compared to social studies," which reflects a misunderstanding of comparative structures.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on contextually appropriate word choices. Reviewing grammar and vocabulary usage in comparative sentences can help. For example, instead of saying "the results on public would be numerous," a more precise phrasing would be "the effects on the public could be significant." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises that emphasize context can aid in developing this skill.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "demonstrates" (should be "demonstrate"), "registeration" (should be "registration"), and "sighnificantly" (should be "significantly"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spelling check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading more extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay meets some basic criteria for lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement, particularly in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these aspects will help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "This essay will demonstrates the matters and the aftermaths on global society about this dilemma." are prevalent, which restricts the complexity and variety of the writing. There are some attempts at compound sentences, such as "Moreover, researchers working in science may receive lower income than social researchers, which makes them harder to devote to global scientific development." However, the overall structure remains basic and lacks the sophistication expected at higher band scores.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. For example, using introductory phrases or clauses can help diversify the writing. Additionally, integrating relative clauses and conditional sentences can add depth. For instance, instead of saying "students are not into studying science," one could say, "Many students, who are often influenced by societal trends, show a disinterest in studying science."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "science are not chosen as a major subject" should be "science is not chosen as a major subject," indicating a subject-verb agreement error. Additionally, punctuation errors such as missing spaces after periods and commas (e.g., "students.This essay will demonstrates") hinder readability. The phrase "could leads to" is also incorrect; it should be "could lead to." These errors contribute to the overall impression of grammatical inaccuracy.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those that emphasize common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and spacing can help catch mistakes before submission. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying persistent errors. For example, revising the sentence "the decline in choosing science is increasing sighnificantly" to "the decline in students choosing science is becoming significantly more pronounced" would improve clarity and correctness.

In summary, to elevate the essay’s band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy through targeted practice and careful proofreading.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is alleged that in various nations, science is not chosen as a major subject by students. This essay will demonstrate the issues and consequences on global society regarding this dilemma.

In the first place, the main reason why students are not interested in studying science is the lack of practical application. This can be inferred from the fact that, compared to social studies, which learn about effects on society, scientific study requires students to delve into research, mostly in laboratories, to gain results. Consequently, students tend to lag behind others in their work in another field. Moreover, researchers working in science may receive lower salaries than social researchers, which makes it more challenging for them to contribute to global scientific development. A study conducted in 2022 showed that nearly 80% of people in 70 countries who studied science perceived themselves as falling behind those who studied social subjects.

Secondly, the effects on the public would be numerous. The decrease in scientific scholars could lead to a diminution in the number of future scientists. By virtue of parents’ advice, students are more concerned when choosing science as a major. Hence, the advances in the field of science might be more challenging to achieve due to the lack of the younger generation. For instance, the number of registrations in experimental studies in New York and the 20 biggest cities in the world had dropped dramatically from 68% in 2011 to 47% in 2023, according to a study from the New York Times.

In conclusion, the decline in choosing science is increasing significantly in countless nations. Hence, this trend will lead our society to a more precarious state.