It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subjects. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

Among the issues that have always concerned governments, academics and the public in the contemporary society, the decrease of students studying science subjects becomes the most prominent. As a matter of fact, its effects are so serious that we cannot turn a blind eye to it anymore. As far as I am concerned, this following essay will analyze the root of this issue as well as its impacts on society.
It has been recognized that there are a wide range of reasons for the decline of the figure for people studying science subjects. First and foremost, science subjects are usually more difficult and demanding which requires undergraduates to put in more effort to gain knowledge than the other subjects. More importantly, scientific graduates tend to face a variety of adversities in career opportunities due to the high standard requirement of knowledge and practice in the scientific industry. However, it is evident that undergrads rarely have enough experience as this field expects. Above all else, these particular subjects are likely to require expensive tuition, especially in medical courses, engineering, etc. As a consequence, the number of people choosing science subjects for studying which has a tendency to fall is an inevitable outcome.
Apart from it, there are a host of impacts of this problem that we cannot turn a deaf ear to anymore. First of all, shortage of scientific employees is attributed to this phenomenon. There is no doubt that lack of employees is the main contributor into the plummet of the experts in some fields which keep a crucial role in current society such as medicine, technic, equipment, etc. It means that, in the near future, social healthcare and industrial development may be influenced badly. Equally important, students tend to choose to study other subjects, for example economy, finance, etc., takes its toll on the career opportunities in these fields. Therefore, a decline in the number of students choosing to study science subjects would be harmful for society.
The matter of decreasing the number of people choosing science subjects to study has been arousing people’s worldwide concern. It is noted that people from the power, educational organizations and especially, the public, had better be aware of its effects and take strong actions in order to prohibit the worst cases that might take place. Hopefully, this situation will be better in the future.

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Errors and Improvements:

"the decrease of students studying science subjects becomes the most prominent" -> "the declining enrollment of students in science subjects emerges as the most prominent issue"
Explanation: Replacing "the decrease of students studying science subjects becomes" with "the declining enrollment of students in science subjects emerges as" provides a more formal and precise expression, emphasizing the seriousness of the issue.
"its effects are so serious that we cannot turn a blind eye to it anymore" -> "its consequences are sufficiently grave to warrant serious attention"
Explanation: Substituting "its effects are so serious that we cannot turn a blind eye to it anymore" with "its consequences are sufficiently grave to warrant serious attention" maintains formality while offering a more sophisticated expression of the severity of the issue.
"As far as I am concerned, this following essay will analyze the root of this issue" -> "This essay will examine the underlying causes of this issue"
Explanation: Replacing "As far as I am concerned, this following essay will analyze the root of this issue" with "This essay will examine the underlying causes of this issue" streamlines the statement, eliminating unnecessary personalization and enhancing formality.
"First and foremost, science subjects are usually more difficult and demanding which requires undergraduates to put in more effort to gain knowledge than the other subjects" -> "Primarily, science subjects are inherently more challenging, necessitating undergraduates to invest greater effort in acquiring knowledge compared to other disciplines"
Explanation: Substituting "First and foremost, science subjects are usually more difficult and demanding which requires undergraduates to put in more effort to gain knowledge than the other subjects" with "Primarily, science subjects are inherently more challenging, necessitating undergraduates to invest greater effort in acquiring knowledge compared to other disciplines" enhances precision and formality.
"scientific graduates tend to face a variety of adversities" -> "graduates in the scientific field encounter a range of challenges"
Explanation: Changing "scientific graduates tend to face a variety of adversities" to "graduates in the scientific field encounter a range of challenges" replaces a less formal term with a more sophisticated one, maintaining the academic tone.
"it is evident that undergrads rarely have enough experience as this field expects" -> "it is evident that undergraduates often lack the requisite experience demanded by this field"
Explanation: Replacing "it is evident that undergrads rarely have enough experience as this field expects" with "it is evident that undergraduates often lack the requisite experience demanded by this field" improves formality and specificity.
"Above all else, these particular subjects are likely to require expensive tuition, especially in medical courses, engineering, etc." -> "Moreover, these specific subjects often entail high tuition costs, particularly in medical courses and engineering, among others."
Explanation: Substituting "Above all else, these particular subjects are likely to require expensive tuition, especially in medical courses, engineering, etc." with "Moreover, these specific subjects often entail high tuition costs, particularly in medical courses and engineering, among others." provides a more precise and structured statement.
"there are a host of impacts of this problem" -> "this problem has a myriad of impacts"
Explanation: Changing "there are a host of impacts of this problem" to "this problem has a myriad of impacts" introduces a more varied and formal vocabulary.
"we cannot turn a deaf ear to anymore" -> "we can no longer ignore"
Explanation: Replacing "we cannot turn a deaf ear to anymore" with "we can no longer ignore" simplifies the expression while maintaining a formal tone.
"takes its toll on the career opportunities in these fields" -> "impacts career opportunities in these fields"
Explanation: Substituting "takes its toll on the career opportunities in these fields" with "impacts career opportunities in these fields" offers a more formal and concise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Quoted text: "As far as I am concerned, this following essay will analyze the root of this issue as well as its impacts on society."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks a clear and concise thesis statement that explicitly outlines the writer’s position on the issue. A well-structured introduction should present the main points the essay will cover. To improve, explicitly state your position on why the decline in students studying science is concerning, and provide a roadmap for your essay. For example, "In this essay, I will argue that the decline in students choosing science subjects is a critical issue with far-reaching consequences. I will explore the root causes of this trend and discuss its profound impacts on society."
- Improved example: "In this essay, I will argue that the decline in students choosing science subjects is a critical issue with far-reaching consequences. I will explore the root causes of this trend and discuss its profound impacts on society, providing a comprehensive analysis of both the reasons behind the decline and the potential consequences for various sectors."
Quoted text: "First and foremost, science subjects are usually more difficult and demanding which requires undergraduates to put in more effort to gain knowledge than the other subjects."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you correctly identify a reason for the decline in students choosing science subjects, the explanation lacks depth and specificity. Instead of a general statement, delve into specific challenges or misconceptions that students may have about science subjects. Provide personal examples or experiences that support your claim. This will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
- Improved example: "First and foremost, the perception that science subjects are more difficult and demanding might discourage students. For instance, complex mathematical concepts in physics can be intimidating. Drawing from my own experience, I initially found calculus challenging. By sharing personal anecdotes, the essay would resonate more with the reader."
Quoted text: "Equally important, students tend to choose to study other subjects, for example economy, finance, etc., takes its toll on the career opportunities in these fields."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The statement lacks clarity and precision. It is essential to elaborate on how the choice of students to study non-science subjects affects career opportunities in fields like economy and finance. Provide specific examples or reasoning to support this claim, making the connection between students’ choices and societal implications more explicit.
- Improved example: "Equally important, when students opt for non-science subjects such as economics and finance, the workforce in scientific fields may experience a shortage of skilled professionals. For instance, a decline in the number of students pursuing engineering may lead to a scarcity of qualified engineers, affecting the development of critical infrastructure projects."

Overall, the essay could benefit from a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction and deeper, more specific development of the reasons and their impacts. Enhancing the examples with personal experiences and providing more detailed reasoning will strengthen the Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay exhibits a reasonably coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. There is an attempt at logical organization, addressing both causes and effects of the decrease in students studying science. Cohesive devices are used, but there are instances where cohesion within sentences is somewhat mechanical, and there’s room for improvement in the logical flow between ideas. Paragraphing is generally used, but it could be more logically organized, especially in the body paragraphs. Overall, the essay shows a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion but lacks the refinement for a higher band score.

How to improve:

Work on creating a more seamless connection between sentences and ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices more naturally to enhance the overall flow.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme and follows a logical progression. This will contribute to a more organized and cohesive essay structure.
Pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that each paragraph is logically placed and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
Avoid repetitive language and aim for more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Review the use of transitions between paragraphs to create smoother transitions between different parts of the essay.

Remember to consistently practice and refine these aspects to achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The writer effectively addresses the causes and effects of the decline in students studying science subjects. While there are some noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, they do not severely impede communication. The essay lacks the very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features required for a Band 8.

How to improve:

Refine Vocabulary Usage: Continue expanding the range of vocabulary, focusing on incorporating more sophisticated and precise terms related to science subjects and their impacts on society.
Enhance Word Choice and Collocation: Pay attention to word choice and collocation to avoid occasional inaccuracies. This can be achieved through thorough proofreading and editing.
Spelling and Word Formation: Review and correct the noticeable errors in spelling and word formation to enhance overall writing accuracy.

Overall, with targeted improvements in vocabulary use and language accuracy, the essay has the potential to move towards a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a reasonable range of structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, although they tend to be less accurate than simple sentences. The essay effectively communicates the main points despite some grammatical errors and punctuation issues. The essay’s structure and coherence contribute to a generally clear presentation.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining the use of complex sentence structures with greater accuracy. Paying attention to punctuation and ensuring consistent grammatical correctness will contribute to a smoother and more precise expression of ideas. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate minor errors that currently exist in the text, providing a cleaner presentation overall.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, one pressing concern that has captured the attention of governments, academics, and the public is the decline in students opting for science subjects. This issue is significant, and its consequences cannot be ignored any longer. In this essay, we will delve into the root causes of this decline and explore its impacts on society.

The decrease in the number of students pursuing science subjects can be attributed to various factors. Firstly, these subjects are often perceived as more challenging, demanding students to invest extra effort compared to other disciplines. Moreover, graduates in scientific fields face considerable challenges in securing career opportunities due to the high standards of knowledge and practical skills required. Unfortunately, many undergraduates lack sufficient experience in these areas. Additionally, the cost of tuition, especially in fields like medicine and engineering, acts as a deterrent, contributing to the inevitable decline in the number of students choosing science subjects.

The repercussions of this trend are extensive and cannot be ignored any longer. A primary concern is the shortage of skilled scientific professionals, impacting crucial sectors such as medicine, technology, and equipment. The scarcity of experts in these fields may adversely affect social healthcare and industrial development in the near future. Furthermore, the shift in student preferences towards subjects like economics and finance has consequences for career opportunities in these fields, posing a potential harm to society.

The diminishing interest in science subjects demands attention on a global scale. Leaders, educational institutions, and the public need to be aware of its effects and take decisive actions to prevent detrimental outcomes. It is essential to address this issue collectively, ensuring a better future where the significance of science in society is recognized and encouraged.