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It was predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century would have much more free time than past. To what extent has this prediction come true?

It was predicted that with the development of technology, people in the 21st century would have much more free time than past. To what extent has this prediction come true?

It is undoubtedly true that technology has been developing at an astonishing rate, which was expected to make people have more square time than in the past. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this prediction and this essay will explain why.

Admittedly, technological progress has undeniably automated many domestic chores, thereby saving time in one’s daily life. Tedious everyday doings, with the help of top-notch technological equipment, can be completed with ease and convenience. Take a vacuum cleaner as an example, it can clean our room with just a click of a button. Moreover, advancements in communication and transportation have facilitated a more efficient way to accomplish various tasks. For instance, online shopping and digital banking allow people to finish their tasks with just their phones, which will result in people having more free time than in the past. enabling them to have more leisure time for themselves. Compared to the days when we did not have these technological advancements, it is indisputable that these innovations have helped us have more spare time.

In addition, I believe that productivity in work life has increased thanks to advanced technology. In agriculture, for example, machines such as plowing machines or automated irrigation systems have dramatically increased efficiency, meaning that farmers can produce more products in less time with less effort than ever before. Efficiency is also seen in the case of remote working instead of the traditional method of work, where employees can work regardless of geographical location, requiring nothing more than a computer with Internet access. Online conferences, messaging applications, and collaborative platforms can facilitate real-time communication and collaboration among teams, streamlining decision-making processes and speeding up project completion.

In conclusion, I am convinced that our free time has dramatically increased thanks to the development of technology. This is due to the reduced time of doing household chores and completing tasks, the growth of productivity and the work-from-home option.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is undoubtedly true" -> "It is evident"
    Explanation: "It is evident" is a more concise and academically appropriate phrase that conveys certainty without the redundancy of "undoubtedly true."

  2. "make people have more square time" -> "allow individuals to have more leisure time"
    Explanation: "Make people have more square time" is awkward and unclear. "Allow individuals to have more leisure time" is clearer and more formal, replacing the colloquial "square time" with the precise term "leisure time."

  3. "In my opinion, I strongly agree" -> "I strongly concur"
    Explanation: "In my opinion, I strongly agree" is redundant. "I strongly concur" simplifies the statement while maintaining the strength of the agreement.

  4. "tedious everyday doings" -> "tedious daily tasks"
    Explanation: "Everyday doings" is an informal and vague term. "Daily tasks" is more precise and suitable for academic writing.

  5. "with the help of top-notch technological equipment" -> "utilizing advanced technological equipment"
    Explanation: "With the help of" is informal and vague. "Utilizing" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.

  6. "can be completed with ease and convenience" -> "can be accomplished with ease and convenience"
    Explanation: "Completed" is less specific than "accomplished," which better conveys the idea of achieving a goal through effort.

  7. "it can clean our room with just a click of a button" -> "it can clean the room with a single button press"
    Explanation: "Just a click of a button" is informal and colloquial. "A single button press" is more formal and precise.

  8. "enabling them to have more leisure time for themselves" -> "enabling them to allocate more time for leisure"
    Explanation: "Have more leisure time for themselves" is redundant. "Allocate more time for leisure" is more concise and formal.

  9. "it is indisputable that these innovations have helped us have more spare time" -> "it is undeniable that these innovations have afforded us more leisure time"
    Explanation: "Indisputable" is slightly less formal than "undeniable," and "helped us have more spare time" is awkward. "Afforded us more leisure time" is more direct and formal.

  10. "machines such as plowing machines or automated irrigation systems" -> "machines such as plows and automated irrigation systems"
    Explanation: "Plowing machines" is redundant as "plows" is sufficient. This simplification enhances clarity and formality.

  11. "meaning that farmers can produce more products in less time with less effort than ever before" -> "resulting in farmers producing more products in less time with reduced effort"
    Explanation: The original phrase is wordy and informal. The revised version is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

  12. "the traditional method of work" -> "traditional work methods"
    Explanation: "The traditional method of work" is awkward and verbose. "Traditional work methods" is more concise and formal.

  13. "requiring nothing more than a computer with Internet access" -> "requiring only a computer with Internet access"
    Explanation: "Nothing more than" is slightly informal and can be replaced with "only," which is more direct and formal.

  14. "online conferences, messaging applications, and collaborative platforms" -> "online conferencing tools, messaging platforms, and collaborative software"
    Explanation: "Conferences, applications, and platforms" are vague and informal. "Conferencing tools, platforms, and software" are more specific and formal terms suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the extent to which the prediction about increased free time due to technological development has come true. It covers multiple facets: automation of domestic chores, advancements in communication and productivity, and the impact on work-life balance.
    • How to improve: To further enhance, ensure each paragraph explicitly ties back to the prompt’s core question. For instance, linking the productivity gains directly to the prediction would strengthen the coherence.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, stating early on a strong agreement with the prediction. Each subsequent paragraph reinforces this position with examples and explanations related to technological advancements.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, ensuring that each example and argument directly supports this position without ambiguity would bolster coherence. This could involve more explicit transitions that reinforce the thesis.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly and supports them with relevant examples (e.g., vacuum cleaners for automation, remote work for productivity). Each example is extended to illustrate its impact on free time or productivity.
    • How to improve: To enhance, ensure each example not only supports the main argument but also extends the discussion by exploring potential counter-arguments or broader implications. This would add depth and complexity to the essay’s analysis.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by consistently discussing the effects of technology on free time and productivity. However, there are moments where the connection to the central thesis could be more explicit.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, explicitly connect each example or argument back to the overarching thesis statement. This clarity will reinforce the relevance of each point to the essay’s main argument.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains coherence throughout. To improve further, ensure that each paragraph consistently reinforces the thesis and explicitly connects back to the central argument about the impact of technology on free time in the 21st century. This will strengthen both the clarity and coherence of the essay, potentially elevating it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong logical organization throughout. It begins with a clear thesis statement affirming agreement with the prompt, followed by well-structured body paragraphs that explore different aspects of how technology has increased free time. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point (domestic chores, productivity in work life) supported by specific examples (vacuum cleaners, agricultural machines, remote work technologies). The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. This can help maintain focus and coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph addresses a separate aspect of the argument (domestic chores, productivity in work life) with clear transitions between them. Sentences within paragraphs are coherent and contribute to the overall argumentative structure.
    • How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains a unified focus on its central idea. Reviewing topic sentences to directly link back to the thesis statement can further reinforce the structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices effectively. Transition words and phrases (‘undeniably’, ‘moreover’, ‘in addition’, ‘in conclusion’) help guide the reader through the argumentative progression. Pronouns (‘this’, ‘these’) and demonstratives (‘such as’) are used to refer back to previously mentioned ideas and examples, enhancing cohesion.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally well-utilized, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases (‘furthermore’, ‘however’, ‘on the other hand’) to provide more nuanced connections between ideas. This can enrich the essay’s coherence by offering alternative viewpoints or contrasting evidence.

Overall, the essay effectively achieves coherence and cohesion with a clear organizational structure, well-defined paragraphs, and a variety of cohesive devices. Strengthening topic sentences and expanding the range of linking words could further enhance its clarity and argumentative depth.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. It includes terms like "technological progress," "automation," "efficient," "innovations," "advancements," and "productivity." These words effectively convey the writer’s ideas and support their arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety further, consider incorporating more specific and nuanced vocabulary related to technology and its impact on daily life. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "technological progress," explore synonyms like "technological advancements," "digital innovations," or "technological breakthroughs" where appropriate. This would add depth and sophistication to your expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with adequate precision. For example, terms like "automation" and "efficiency" are used accurately in contexts related to technological advancements and productivity gains.
    • How to improve: To refine precision, focus on using vocabulary that precisely fits the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "top-notch technological equipment," specify the type of equipment (e.g., "state-of-the-art robotic devices"). This specificity not only avoids vagueness but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling in the essay is mostly accurate. However, there are a few minor errors such as "doings" instead of "chores," and "square time" instead of "spare time." These do not significantly impede comprehension but indicate room for improvement in spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading more attentively for commonly misspelled words and paying close attention to detail during the writing process. Utilizing spell-check tools can also help catch errors that might be missed otherwise.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary relevant to the discussion of technology and free time. By refining lexical variety, enhancing precision in vocabulary usage, and improving spelling accuracy, the essay can further elevate its clarity and impact.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It utilizes complex sentences ("Admittedly, technological progress has undeniably automated many domestic chores…") alongside simpler constructions ("In my opinion, I strongly agree with this prediction…"). There is effective use of conditional sentences ("If we compare to the days when we did not have these technological advancements…"), and examples are articulated clearly using both simple and compound sentence structures.
    • How to improve: To further enhance, consider integrating more complex sentence structures such as compound-complex sentences or sentences with embedded clauses. This can elevate the sophistication of the essay’s syntax and provide more nuanced connections between ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. There are minor instances where articles could be adjusted ("…a more efficient way to accomplish various tasks"), and some sentence structures could benefit from smoother transitions to improve readability ("Efficiency is also seen in the case of remote working instead of the traditional method of work…").
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to article usage (‘a’, ‘an’, ‘the’) to ensure precision in expression. Review sentence transitions to ensure coherence between ideas within paragraphs, which will aid in conveying ideas more effectively. Consider revising complex sentences for clarity without sacrificing complexity.

This feedback highlights the essay’s strengths in grammatical range and accuracy while suggesting nuanced improvements to elevate the overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that technological advancements have progressed at a remarkable pace, promising individuals more leisure time compared to the past. I strongly concur with this prediction, and this essay will elaborate on why.

It is undeniable that technology has automated numerous domestic tasks, thus saving valuable time in daily life. Tedious daily chores can now be accomplished with ease and convenience using advanced technological equipment. For instance, a simple press of a button on a vacuum cleaner can clean a room efficiently. Furthermore, advancements in communication and transportation have streamlined task completion. For example, tasks like online shopping and digital banking can now be completed swiftly via smartphones, enabling individuals to allocate more time for leisure. It is undeniable that these innovations have afforded us more leisure time compared to earlier times.

Moreover, productivity in various industries has surged due to technological advancements. In agriculture, for instance, machines such as plows and automated irrigation systems have enhanced efficiency significantly. This allows farmers to produce more goods in less time with reduced effort. Similarly, the shift towards remote work facilitated by technology has replaced traditional work methods. Employees can now work from anywhere with just a computer and Internet access. Tools like online conferencing, messaging platforms, and collaborative software have enabled real-time communication and streamlined project execution.

In conclusion, it is evident that technological progress has indeed translated into more free time for people. This is primarily due to the automation of household chores and tasks, as well as increased productivity in work settings, including the option to work remotely.

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