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Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out.

In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

Discussion surrounding the topic of learning languages is becoming increasingly popular. As a matter of fact, some individuals suppose that studying English at school is more important than knowing the local tongues. Many of these run the risk of going extinct if they are not taught. From my perspective, It's critical that all people acquire English and We ought to make an effort to preserve regional tongues.
On the one hand, it is irrefutable that people may need English for for their daily life. The majority of individuals would rather acquire English due to the fact that it is presently prevalent in all nations has evolved into a recognized worldwide language. Furthermore, some individuals disregard their mother tongue while selecting English as their main means of communication, which contributes to the progressive extinction of traditional culture. However, although the core of this standpoint is valid to some extend, i believe this to be a short-sighted view
On the other hand, Conserving local language is crucial for maintaining culture, and there are several ways we could accomplish the following: Explain to everyone the core value of traditional languages and their importance. Additionally, expanding and enhancing the local lexicon to make it more modern is essential since people will notice the uniqueness and be drawn to it. Unless we change and improve scientifically, the solutions proposed will become counterproductive.
To put it briefly, every language must safeguard and develop its unique characteristics. It's crucial to demonstrate multifaceted nature and science of each language. In order to widen our knowledge, we also need to preserve the native tongue and learn more English.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "suppose" -> "assert"
    Explanation: Replacing "some individuals suppose" with "some individuals assert" adds formality and conviction to the statement, aligning with academic style.

  2. "tongues" -> "languages"
    Explanation: Changing "knowing the local tongues" to "knowing the local languages" is a more precise and academically appropriate term.

  3. "run the risk of going extinct" -> "face the risk of extinction"
    Explanation: The phrase "run the risk of going extinct" is simplified. Changing it to "face the risk of extinction" maintains formality and clarity.

  4. "It’s critical that all people acquire English" -> "It is imperative that individuals acquire proficiency in English"
    Explanation: The revision replaces the colloquial "It’s critical" with the more formal "It is imperative" and enhances the phrase "acquire English" to "acquire proficiency in English" for greater precision.

  5. "We ought to make an effort" -> "Efforts should be made"
    Explanation: The phrase "We ought to make an effort" is replaced with the more formal and passive construction "Efforts should be made."

  6. "may need English for for their daily life" -> "might require English for their daily activities"
    Explanation: The phrase "may need English for for their daily life" is corrected to "might require English for their daily activities" for clarity and formality.

  7. "due to the fact that" -> "because"
    Explanation: Replacing "due to the fact that" with "because" streamlines the sentence and adheres to a more formal style.

  8. "presently prevalent" -> "widely spoken"
    Explanation: Changing "presently prevalent" to "widely spoken" maintains the meaning while using a more formal and precise expression.

  9. "Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
    Explanation: Substituting "Furthermore" with "Moreover" enhances the transition between ideas, providing a more formal and sophisticated connection.

  10. "disregard their mother tongue" -> "neglect their native language"
    Explanation: The term "disregard their mother tongue" is replaced with "neglect their native language" for a more formal and accurate representation.

  11. "core of this standpoint" -> "essence of this perspective"
    Explanation: "core of this standpoint" is modified to "essence of this perspective" for a more refined and academically appropriate expression.

  12. "to some extend" -> "to some extent"
    Explanation: Correcting "to some extend" to "to some extent" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  13. "Conserving" -> "Preserving"
    Explanation: Replacing "Conserving local language" with "Preserving local language" maintains the meaning while using a more formal term.

  14. "the following" -> "this"
    Explanation: Changing "we could accomplish the following" to "we could accomplish this" provides a more direct and concise expression.

  15. "Explain to everyone" -> "Articulate to all"
    Explanation: The phrase "Explain to everyone" is substituted with "Articulate to all" for a more formal and precise wording.

  16. "core value" -> "fundamental value"
    Explanation: The term "core value" is replaced with "fundamental value" for a more precise and formal description.

  17. "local lexicon" -> "indigenous vocabulary"
    Explanation: Changing "local lexicon" to "indigenous vocabulary" adds a more formal and precise term.

  18. "more modern" -> "contemporary"
    Explanation: Replacing "more modern" with "contemporary" enhances the formality and precision of the sentence.

  19. "change and improve scientifically" -> "evolve and advance systematically"
    Explanation: The phrase "change and improve scientifically" is replaced with "evolve and advance systematically" for a more formal and accurate expression.

  20. "multifaceted nature and science" -> "complex nature and linguistic characteristics"
    Explanation: Altering "multifaceted nature and science" to "complex nature and linguistic characteristics" provides a more specific and formal description.

  21. "native tongue" -> "indigenous language"
    Explanation: Replacing "native tongue" with "indigenous language" adds formality and precision to the expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both parts of the question, expressing the importance of learning English and suggesting ways to preserve local languages. However, the discussion on the importance of learning English lacks depth, and the reasoning for preserving local languages is somewhat limited.

    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay should provide more nuanced insights into why learning English is important and offer a more comprehensive exploration of strategies to preserve local languages. Expanding on the consequences of neglecting local languages would strengthen the response.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position, arguing that it is critical for everyone to learn English and emphasizing the importance of preserving local languages. However, the presentation of the counterargument is somewhat ambiguous, and the stance on it is not entirely clear.

    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the essay should explicitly acknowledge the opposing viewpoint and provide a more robust counterargument. This can be achieved by addressing potential drawbacks of prioritizing English and offering a more balanced evaluation.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they are not sufficiently developed. For instance, the importance of learning English is mentioned without providing detailed examples or reasons. Similarly, the strategies for preserving local languages lack elaboration and concrete details.

    • How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, the essay should provide specific examples, evidence, or real-life scenarios to support arguments. Developing each point with more detail will enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but tends to be somewhat repetitive, especially in emphasizing the importance of both learning English and preserving local languages. There is room for improvement in terms of staying focused on the key points.

    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid redundancy and ensure that each paragraph contributes uniquely to the overall argument. Clear transitions between ideas can help in creating a more cohesive and organized essay.

In conclusion, while the essay addresses the key components of the prompt, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of counterarguments, development of ideas, and maintaining focus. Incorporating specific examples and providing a more nuanced exploration of the topic will contribute to a more compelling and well-rounded essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. There is a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, within the paragraphs, ideas are not consistently developed logically. For instance, the transition between discussing the importance of English and the need to preserve local languages could be smoother. Additionally, the ideas within each paragraph lack cohesion, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of thoughts.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a more structured approach to paragraph development. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument, and the transitions between paragraphs should be smoother. Use topic sentences to guide the reader and ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure and effectiveness vary. The introduction and conclusion are adequately distinct, but the body paragraphs lack consistency in their development. Some paragraphs are too lengthy, covering multiple ideas without clear breaks, while others are brief and lack thorough exploration of the topic.
    • How to improve: Work on creating more uniform and effective paragraph structures. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that ideas within a paragraph are well-developed. Aim for a balance between depth and brevity, avoiding overly long or short paragraphs. Use topic sentences and concluding sentences to reinforce the main points within each paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay makes use of some cohesive devices, such as transition words ("on the one hand," "on the other hand") and pronouns ("it," "this"). However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved. The connection between sentences and ideas is at times unclear, impacting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas. Utilize a range of transition words and phrases to signal shifts between arguments or points of view. Additionally, pay attention to pronoun reference to ensure clarity. Explicitly connect ideas within and between paragraphs to enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to incorporate varied words. For example, phrases like "recognized worldwide language" and "progressive extinction of traditional culture" show an attempt to use diverse language. However, there is a lack of consistency, and some phrases, such as "It’s critical," are repetitive and less sophisticated.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, aim for more precise and sophisticated word choices throughout the essay. Explore synonyms and alternative expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of "It’s critical," consider alternatives like "It is imperative" or "It is essential." Additionally, introduce domain-specific vocabulary related to the discussion of language preservation and cultural importance.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage in certain instances. For instance, the phrase "some individuals suppose" could be replaced with a more precise term like "argue" or "contend." Additionally, the expression "core value of traditional languages" may benefit from a more exact term to convey the significance clearly.
    • How to improve: Focus on using precise and contextually fitting vocabulary. Instead of general terms, opt for more specific words that convey the intended meaning accurately. In the case of "some individuals suppose," consider using terms like "assert" or "propose." For "core value," explore alternatives like "inherent significance" or "fundamental importance" to add precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout, with no glaring spelling errors. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as "for for" and "multifaceted nature and science," which impact the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, review the essay carefully for typographical errors. Additionally, pay attention to grammatical structures to ensure proper word usage. In particular, address double words like "for for" and consider rephrasing sentences to eliminate redundancies, as in the case of "multifaceted nature and science." Proofreading and self-editing can significantly contribute to improved spelling and grammatical precision.

Overall, while the essay displays competence in vocabulary usage, refining and diversifying the language, using more precise terms, and ensuring grammatical accuracy will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety. For instance, the repetition of sentence structures like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" could be diversified for a more nuanced expression of ideas. Additionally, some sentences are lengthy and complex, showcasing an attempt at sophistication, but there’s a need for more finesse in balancing sentence complexity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound and compound-complex sentences. Replace repetitive phrases with alternative expressions to avoid monotony. Aim for a balance between sentence lengths to improve readability and coherence.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally sound command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable instances of errors. For example, "for for" in "for for their daily life" is redundant, and there are some issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "It’s critical that all people acquire English." Punctuation usage, while generally correct, could be refined for improved clarity and precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your essay to identify and correct errors in subject-verb agreement and eliminate redundancy. In terms of punctuation, pay close attention to the use of commas and ensure they are appropriately placed to enhance clarity. Consider revising sentence structures to avoid potential confusion caused by complex constructions.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures and refinement of grammatical accuracy. To elevate the writing, focus on incorporating diverse sentence structures and conducting thorough proofreading to address grammatical issues and enhance overall clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The discourse on language acquisition is gaining popularity, with the perception that learning English at school holds greater significance than acquiring proficiency in local languages. Many of these indigenous languages face the risk of extinction if not taught. In my view, it is imperative that individuals assert themselves to acquire proficiency in English, and efforts should be made concurrently to preserve regional tongues.

On one hand, it is undeniable that individuals might require English for their daily activities. The preference for English stems from its widespread usage globally, making it a widely spoken language. Moreover, some individuals neglect their native language in favor of English, contributing to the gradual extinction of traditional cultures. However, the essence of this perspective is valid only to some extent, and I consider it a short-sighted view.

On the other hand, preserving local languages is crucial for maintaining cultural diversity. Efforts should be made to articulate to all the fundamental value of traditional languages and their importance in preserving cultural identity. Additionally, expanding and enhancing the indigenous vocabulary to make it more contemporary is essential. This ensures that people recognize the uniqueness of their language and are drawn to it. Unless we preserve and evolve systematically, the proposed solutions may become counterproductive.

In conclusion, every language should safeguard and develop its unique characteristics. It is crucial to articulate the complex nature and linguistic characteristics of each language. To widen our knowledge, we need to both preserve our native tongue and acquire proficiency in English. It is a delicate balance that ensures the richness of cultural diversity is upheld.

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