Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people argue that the similar shops and products in other countries are an advantage, while others think about the opposite. I believe that there are some conveniences with various versions of items. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the opinion and provide some suitable examples.

It is possible that when an equivalent type of item is produced by distinct companies and many brands also sell a kind, it may cause negative influences on the quality of products because of commercial competition. Therefore, to consume products, the brand tends to minimize the fee of the production such as using lower ingredients or adding chemical substances, etc. This aims to create price benefits, however, it is predicted to make the quality of products deteriorate. For example, to reduce the price of alcohol, the producers might add ethanol, which is a toxin used for industry and could cause health issues for humans.

If plenty of companies produce the same goods and people can sell an item from any shop, this is a convenience for customers when choosing appropriate products at an affordable price. Moreover, due to the difference in the production and components, people might purchase an item with a large price range and structure. As a result, It makes sure that people still have an opportunity to own essential products at any price. Personally, I think the diversity of products, having the same effects, is likely to provide more options for consumer choice with the most suitable products for their purposes.

In conclusion, although equivalent brands and items have some negative sides, i argue that there are more benefits for customers when varying the version of commercial products and brands

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people argue that the similar shops and products in other countries are an advantage, while others think about the opposite." -> "Some individuals contend that the presence of similar shops and products in other countries is advantageous, while others hold the opposing view."
Explanation: Replacing "Some people argue" with "Some individuals contend" and "think about the opposite" with "hold the opposing view" refines the language to be more formal and precise, suitable for academic writing.
"I believe that there are some conveniences with various versions of items." -> "I contend that there are certain advantages associated with various versions of products."
Explanation: "I believe" is somewhat informal for academic writing; "I contend" is more assertive and formal. Also, "conveniences" is vague; "advantages" is more specific and appropriate. "Items" is less formal than "products," which is commonly used in academic contexts.
"It is possible that when an equivalent type of item is produced by distinct companies and many brands also sell a kind, it may cause negative influences on the quality of products because of commercial competition." -> "It is plausible that when equivalent products are manufactured by various companies and numerous brands offer similar products, this may negatively impact product quality due to commercial competition."
Explanation: "It is possible that" is too vague; "It is plausible that" is more precise and academic. "An equivalent type of item" is unclear; "equivalent products" is more direct. "Many brands also sell a kind" is awkward and unclear; "numerous brands offer similar products" is clearer and more formal.
"the brand tends to minimize the fee of the production" -> "the brand tends to reduce production costs"
Explanation: "Minimize the fee of the production" is awkward and unclear; "reduce production costs" is straightforward and commonly used in business and academic contexts.
"This aims to create price benefits, however, it is predicted to make the quality of products deteriorate." -> "This strategy aims to reduce costs, but it is likely to compromise product quality."
Explanation: "This aims to create price benefits" is unclear; "This strategy aims to reduce costs" is more specific and formal. "However" is informal; "but" is more suitable for academic writing. "Make the quality of products deteriorate" is a bit informal; "compromise product quality" is more precise and formal.
"If plenty of companies produce the same goods and people can sell an item from any shop," -> "If numerous companies produce similar goods and consumers can purchase items from any store,"
Explanation: "Plenty of companies" is informal; "numerous companies" is more precise. "People can sell an item from any shop" is awkward and informal; "consumers can purchase items from any store" is clearer and more formal.
"As a result, It makes sure that people still have an opportunity to own essential products at any price." -> "Consequently, this ensures that consumers still have the opportunity to acquire essential products at any price."
Explanation: "As a result" is a bit informal; "Consequently" is more formal. "It makes sure" is informal; "this ensures" is more appropriate for academic writing. "People" is less formal than "consumers," and "own" is less precise than "acquire."
"i argue that there are more benefits for customers when varying the version of commercial products and brands" -> "I argue that there are more benefits for consumers when varying the versions of commercial products and brands"
Explanation: "i" should be capitalized as "I" for proper grammatical structure. "More benefits for customers" is less formal; "more benefits for consumers" is more precise and formal. "Varying the version" is awkward; "varying the versions" is grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the presence of similar shops and products in different countries. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the two opposing views. The second paragraph discusses the negative aspects, focusing on quality concerns due to competition, while the third paragraph highlights the positive aspects, emphasizing consumer choice and affordability. However, the discussion of the negative side could be more balanced with a clearer articulation of the positive aspects.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both sides are explored in equal depth. Consider adding more examples or details to support the negative viewpoint, such as specific instances where product quality has suffered due to competition. Additionally, when discussing the positive aspects, it would be beneficial to include examples of how consumer choice has improved in specific contexts.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear personal opinion that leans towards the benefits of having a variety of products. However, the position is somewhat diluted by the way it is introduced and concluded. The phrase "I believe that there are some conveniences with various versions of items" is vague and could be more assertive. The conclusion reiterates the opinion but does so in a way that feels somewhat rushed and lacks a strong final statement.
- How to improve: Strengthen the position by clearly stating your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. Use definitive language such as "I strongly believe" or "It is clear that" to convey confidence in your stance. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph ties back to this central position, reinforcing it with relevant examples and reasoning.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both the positive and negative aspects of similar shops and products. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the negative impact on quality is mentioned, it lacks a thorough exploration of how this affects consumers beyond the example provided. Similarly, the positive side is discussed but could benefit from more concrete examples or data to substantiate the claims made.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, incorporate more examples and elaboration. For instance, when discussing the negative impacts, consider including statistics or studies that show how competition has led to lower quality in certain industries. For the positive side, examples of specific products or brands that have thrived due to competition could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For example, the discussion about the use of lower-quality ingredients could be more directly tied to the overall theme of the impact of similar shops and products rather than just focusing on the production aspect.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the prevalence of similar shops and products is positive or negative. Avoid introducing tangential ideas that do not directly support your argument. It may help to outline your main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, with the first focusing on the negative aspects of similar shops and products, and the second discussing the positive aspects. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the connection between the negative impact of competition on product quality and the subsequent discussion on consumer convenience could be more explicitly stated to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help to signal shifts in perspective more effectively. This will guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs explore differing viewpoints. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and reflective of the arguments presented, as it currently feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a strong summary of the main points.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates its main idea. Additionally, the conclusion should restate the main arguments and provide a final thought or recommendation, reinforcing the writer’s opinion in a more impactful manner.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas could enhance cohesion. The phrase "this is a convenience for customers" could be better connected to the previous sentence by using a cohesive device that explicitly links the two ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, practice using referencing techniques, such as pronouns or paraphrasing, to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advantage," "negative influences," "commercial competition," and "affordable price." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "products" and "items." The phrases "similar shops and products" and "equivalent type of item" suggest a limited lexical variety, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "products," alternatives like "goods," "merchandise," or "offerings" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as "diverse offerings" or "competitive pricing."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that may confuse the reader. For instance, the phrase "the brand tends to minimize the fee of the production" is awkwardly constructed. The term "fee" is not typically used in this context; "cost" would be more appropriate. Furthermore, the phrase "adding chemical substances, etc." lacks specificity and can lead to ambiguity regarding what substances are being referred to.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more specific language. Instead of "adding chemical substances," they could specify what types of chemicals are commonly used in food production, such as "preservatives" or "artificial flavorings." Additionally, reviewing the context in which certain terms are used can help ensure that the vocabulary aligns more closely with the intended meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "i argue" should be capitalized as "I argue," and "It makes sure that people still have an opportunity" should not capitalize "It" mid-sentence. Additionally, the phrase "toxin used for industry" could be clearer if rephrased to "toxin commonly used in industrial applications."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with common spelling rules and exceptions in English can help reduce mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary appropriate for the task, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, choosing words more carefully, and proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, the sentence "It is possible that when an equivalent type of item is produced by distinct companies and many brands also sell a kind, it may cause negative influences on the quality of products because of commercial competition" showcases a complex structure with multiple clauses. However, the overall variety is limited, and many sentences follow a similar pattern, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. Additionally, some sentences are overly convoluted, which can obscure meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with varied conjunctions and relative clauses. For instance, instead of saying "this is a convenience for customers when choosing appropriate products at an affordable price," you could rephrase it to "this convenience allows customers to select appropriate products at affordable prices, enhancing their shopping experience." Experimenting with different sentence beginnings and using a mix of active and passive voice can also add variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "think about the opposite" is awkward and should be revised to "hold an opposing view." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the comma before "however" in "This aims to create price benefits, however, it is predicted to make the quality of products deteriorate," which should be replaced with a semicolon or a period to separate the two independent clauses. The use of lowercase "i" in "i argue" is also a grammatical error that needs correction.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to proofread the essay for common mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, will help clarify sentence structure. Reading more academic texts can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage. Consider using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing your essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people argue that the presence of similar shops and products in other countries is an advantage, while others hold the opposing view. I believe that there are certain conveniences associated with various versions of items. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the opinion and provide some suitable examples.

It is possible that when an equivalent type of item is produced by distinct companies and many brands also sell a similar kind, it may negatively impact the quality of products due to commercial competition. Therefore, to reduce costs, the brand tends to minimize the expenses of production by using lower-quality ingredients or adding chemical substances, etc. This strategy aims to create price benefits; however, it is likely to compromise product quality. For example, to reduce the price of alcohol, producers might add ethanol, which is a toxin used in industry and could cause health issues for humans.

If numerous companies produce similar goods and people can purchase items from any shop, this is a convenience for customers when choosing appropriate products at an affordable price. Moreover, due to the differences in production and components, people might find items with a wide price range and structure. As a result, this ensures that people still have the opportunity to acquire essential products at various prices. Personally, I think the diversity of products, having similar effects, is likely to provide more options for consumer choice with the most suitable products for their purposes.

In conclusion, although equivalent brands and items have some negative aspects, I argue that there are more benefits for consumers when varying the versions of commercial products and brands.