many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?
many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison
What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?
Nowadays,the proliferation of digital technology develop more thrivingly than the previous decades.This stimulates our brain function and behaviour for national security attack.According to current figure, the rate of crime climb rapidly as well as many jail are extremely cramped for arresting.In fact, many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison all over the world.Ironically , there are many hidden cause and illegall operation when they are paid for liberty in social system.I wholeheartly concur that government should impose stringent punishment in order to plummet chaotic crime in social background as soon as possible.
As far as I'm concerned,the prison is surrounded by four dark wall without pleasant ambience.Therefore,many cirme can't think out of box so as to undertake their preference and fullfillment.In the long period, the associated enormous anxiety with horrible resentation will make them become an atrocious person for negative attitude.On the top of that,law system enables to put unpredictable risk at criminal conviction.This leads to realize wrongly innocent individual or organizations.Especially,they can nourish huge hatred for revenge activities after finishing punishment.Moreover,electronic devices advancement generate benefical condition for juvenil delinquency to evoke language violence.In particular,this behaviour is the primary cause for quarrels which happen frequently at educational institutions.
To tackle these urgent circumstances,local authorities should install automatically for camera system to monitor criminal activities on a daily basic.As a result,inhabitant can guarantee the standard of living as well as protect safely for their property.Furthermore, It's is advisable that law system is forced to consider meticulously before convicting crimes.Crucially,Individual not only enhance awareness but also modify silly mistakes such as conflict or fight.
In a nutshell,law system and punishment play a vital role in controlling security for social structure.Unless our country improve for transformative policies,they are struggle with identifying authentic crimes.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowadays,the proliferation of digital technology develop more thrivingly than the previous decades." -> "Currently, the proliferation of digital technology has developed more rapidly than in previous decades."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The suggested revision corrects the verb tense and adverb usage, enhancing clarity and formality. -
"stimulates our brain function and behaviour for national security attack" -> "stimulates our cognitive functions and behaviors, potentially compromising national security"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and awkwardly structured. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise academic language. -
"According to current figure, the rate of crime climb rapidly as well as many jail are extremely cramped for arresting." -> "According to current statistics, the crime rate is increasing rapidly, and many prisons are severely overcrowded."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and uses vague terms. The revision corrects these issues and uses more precise language. -
"Ironically, there are many hidden cause and illegall operation when they are paid for liberty in social system." -> "Ironically, there are numerous hidden causes and illegal operations when they are granted freedom within the social system."
Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors and vague terms. The revision corrects these issues and uses more formal and precise language. -
"I wholeheartly concur" -> "I wholeheartedly concur"
Explanation: The original spelling is incorrect. The word "wholeheartedly" should be spelled as one word. -
"plummet chaotic crime" -> "reduce chaotic crime"
Explanation: "Plummet" is incorrectly used here; "reduce" is the correct verb to use in this context. -
"the prison is surrounded by four dark wall" -> "prisons are surrounded by four dark walls"
Explanation: The original is grammatically incorrect and lacks plural agreement. The revision corrects these issues. -
"cirme can’t think out of box" -> "criminals cannot think outside the box"
Explanation: The original phrase is informal and grammatically incorrect. The revision uses more formal language and corrects the grammar. -
"horrible resentation" -> "horrible resentment"
Explanation: The original is a typographical error. The correct term is "resentment." -
"electronic devices advancement generate benefical condition" -> "advancements in electronic devices create beneficial conditions"
Explanation: The original is awkwardly phrased and grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects these issues and improves clarity. -
"juvenil delinquency" -> "juvenile delinquency"
Explanation: The original is a typographical error. The correct term is "juvenile." -
"It’s is advisable" -> "It is advisable"
Explanation: The original contains a grammatical error. The correction removes the unnecessary contraction and improves the sentence structure. -
"Individual not only enhance awareness but also modify silly mistakes" -> "Individuals not only enhance their awareness but also correct their mistakes"
Explanation: The original is grammatically incorrect and lacks specificity. The revision corrects these issues and clarifies the meaning. -
"Unless our country improve for transformative policies" -> "Unless our country improves its transformative policies"
Explanation: The original is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects these issues and clarifies the meaning.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying causes for recidivism, such as the prison environment and the impact of technology on youth. However, the discussion is somewhat vague and lacks depth. For instance, while the author mentions "hidden causes" and "illegal operations," these points are not elaborated upon, leaving the reader unclear about what these causes entail. The solutions proposed, such as installing surveillance cameras and reconsidering the legal system, are relevant but not sufficiently detailed or practical.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline specific causes of reoffending with concrete examples and evidence. Additionally, solutions should be more thoroughly developed, perhaps by discussing the implementation of rehabilitation programs or community support initiatives that could effectively reduce recidivism rates.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that supports the need for stricter punishments and improved legal systems. However, the clarity of this position is undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, phrases like "I wholeheartly concur" and "plummet chaotic crime" are unclear and detract from the overall message.
- How to improve: The author should work on clearly stating their position in the introduction and maintaining it throughout the essay. Using straightforward language and avoiding overly complex structures can help convey the argument more effectively. Additionally, a more structured approach, such as clearly delineating causes and solutions in separate paragraphs, would enhance clarity.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the causes of crime and potential solutions, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of "enormous anxiety" and "horrible resentment" lacks explanation on how these feelings specifically lead to further criminal behavior. Similarly, the proposed solutions are not backed by reasoning or examples that illustrate their effectiveness.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. Providing specific examples or case studies that illustrate how certain factors lead to recidivism would strengthen the argument. Additionally, discussing the potential effectiveness of the suggested solutions with evidence or expert opinions would provide more robust support for the claims made.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the causes of recidivism and potential solutions. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as the mention of "juvenile delinquency" and "language violence," which, while related, do not directly address the main question about recidivism among released prisoners. This can confuse readers about the main argument being presented.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the causes and solutions of recidivism. It may be helpful to create an outline before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to answering the prompt. Additionally, revisiting the prompt throughout the writing process can help keep the essay aligned with the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical sequence, but the overall organization is weak. For instance, the introduction introduces the topic but does not clearly outline the causes and solutions that will be discussed. The body paragraphs do not follow a clear structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The transition from discussing the causes of recidivism to potential solutions is abrupt and lacks clear connections.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should begin with a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, with the first sentence of each paragraph serving as a topic sentence. Additionally, using transitional phrases (e.g., "Firstly," "Moreover," "In conclusion") can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. There are instances where ideas within paragraphs overlap, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, the second paragraph mixes several ideas about the prison environment and its psychological effects without clear separation. This can confuse readers about the main point of the paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting sentences relate directly to that idea. It would be beneficial to separate distinct ideas into different paragraphs. For instance, one paragraph could focus on the psychological effects of imprisonment, while another could discuss systemic issues in the legal system.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. Words like "moreover" and "therefore" are used, but they are not consistently applied, and some sentences lack clear connections. For example, the transition between discussing the prison environment and the legal system is abrupt, leaving the reader unsure of how the ideas relate.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "in addition"), pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, and phrases that indicate cause and effect (e.g., "as a result," "consequently"). Practicing linking sentences within and between paragraphs can also improve the overall flow of the essay.
In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it suffers from issues related to organization, paragraph structure, and cohesion. By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument, potentially raising their band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, but it often falls short of being effective. For instance, terms like "proliferation," "juvenile delinquency," and "chaotic crime" show some range. However, phrases such as "dark wall" and "horrible resentation" are either vague or incorrect, which detracts from the overall lexical diversity. Additionally, the use of "beneficial condition" is awkward and could be expressed more clearly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of "dark wall," consider using "oppressive environment" or "confining space." Engaging with vocabulary exercises or reading a wider array of texts can also help in discovering new words and phrases that can be used appropriately in context.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, "the associated enormous anxiety with horrible resentation" is unclear; "resentation" is not a recognized word and seems to be a misspelling of "resentment." Furthermore, "nourish huge hatred" is an awkward phrase; "nourish" typically refers to providing sustenance and does not fit well with "hatred."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using words that accurately convey their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "nourish huge hatred," a more precise expression could be "foster deep resentment." Additionally, proofreading for clarity and correctness can help identify and correct imprecise vocabulary before submission.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "cirme" (crime), "benefical" (beneficial), "It’s is" (It is), and "wholeheartly" (wholeheartedly). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used words. Regularly reviewing and correcting written work can also help in identifying and rectifying spelling mistakes.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates some effort to use varied vocabulary, it suffers from issues related to precision and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use varied sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("The prison is surrounded by four dark walls") and complex sentences ("As far as I’m concerned, the prison is surrounded by four dark walls without pleasant ambience"). However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are awkwardly constructed or lack clarity. For example, phrases like "the proliferation of digital technology develop more thrivingly than the previous decades" contain grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones and using different types of clauses. For instance, incorporating relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…") or conditional sentences (e.g., "If criminals are not rehabilitated, they may…") can enhance the complexity and variety of the writing. Additionally, reviewing sentence structure can help avoid awkward phrasing and improve clarity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the rate of crime climb rapidly" should be "the rate of crime climbs rapidly") and incorrect word forms ("benefical" should be "beneficial"). Punctuation errors are also present, including missing commas and incorrect spacing (e.g., "Nowadays,the proliferation" should be "Nowadays, the proliferation"). These errors hinder the readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, such as the correct use of commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammar and punctuation usage. It may be beneficial to proofread the essay carefully or use grammar-checking tools to identify and correct errors before submission.
Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can strengthen their writing skills and improve their IELTS score.
Bài sửa mẫu
**Improved Essay:**
Nowadays, the proliferation of digital technology has developed more rapidly than in previous decades. This stimulates our cognitive functions and behaviors, potentially compromising national security. According to current statistics, the crime rate is increasing rapidly, and many prisons are severely overcrowded. In fact, many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison all over the world. Ironically, there are numerous hidden causes and illegal operations when they are granted freedom within the social system. I wholeheartedly concur that the government should impose stringent punishments in order to reduce chaotic crime in society as soon as possible.
As far as I’m concerned, prisons are surrounded by four dark walls without a pleasant ambiance. Therefore, many criminals cannot think outside the box, which prevents them from pursuing their preferences and fulfillment. Over time, the enormous anxiety associated with horrible resentment can transform them into individuals with a negative attitude. On top of that, the legal system can create unpredictable risks in criminal convictions. This may lead to the wrongful conviction of innocent individuals or organizations. Especially, they can develop a deep-seated hatred that fuels revenge activities after serving their sentences. Moreover, advancements in electronic devices create beneficial conditions for juvenile delinquency, which can provoke violent behavior. In particular, this behavior is a primary cause of quarrels that happen frequently in educational institutions.
To tackle these urgent circumstances, local authorities should install automatic camera systems to monitor criminal activities on a daily basis. As a result, residents can ensure a higher standard of living while protecting their property. Furthermore, it is advisable that the legal system is forced to consider cases meticulously before convicting individuals. Crucially, individuals not only enhance their awareness but also correct their mistakes, such as conflicts or fights.
In a nutshell, the legal system and punishment play a vital role in maintaining security within the social structure. Unless our country improves its transformative policies, we will continue to struggle with identifying authentic crimes.