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Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, technological advancements have brought about many changes in the way people work: they can choose to do their work either at the office or at home. However, a school of thought holds that only workers can reap rewards from this trend, and managers cannot. I completely disagree with this viewpoint for several reasons outlined below.
On the one hand, not only workers but also business owners can benefit from working online. First, it allows both of them to save a lot of money since the doers do not need to pay for their accommodation or commuting costs, and the people who establish companies also do not need to pay for the brick-and-mortal, or electric and water bills. This money can be saved for their other personal purposes, such as paying debt or improving their living condition. Furthermore, by working in the comfort of their own homes, they can also spend time rearing and nurturing their children and spouses, resulting in better family relations.
On the other hand, Internet-based working can be beneficial to not solely the job holders but also the employers. This is because when they are allowed to do their work online, they can have a chance to do many jobs at the same time, provided that they can still maintain their productivity. For example, during the Covid-19 quarantine, my brother did three online jobs to make ends meet, so he could have enough money to raise a family. Moreover, with the experiences he earned when he did three various jobs, he has been offered a new job with a higher salary than the sum of three jobs. Although this may give rise to some inconvenience and stress, he still felt happy and joyful when he had an opportunity to work from home and do different jobs.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that web-based working can benefit both salary earners but also the organization bosses.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In this day and age" -> "In the contemporary era"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial expression "In this day and age" with "In the contemporary era" elevates the formality of the introduction.

  2. "they can choose to do their work either at the office or at home" -> "they have the option to work either in the office or remotely"
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces more precise language and avoids the informal use of "choose to do their work."

  3. "a school of thought holds that only workers can reap rewards from this trend" -> "some argue that only employees can benefit from this trend"
    Explanation: The alteration introduces a more nuanced expression "some argue" instead of the informal "a school of thought," contributing to a more academic tone.

  4. "I completely disagree with this viewpoint" -> "I strongly disagree with this perspective"
    Explanation: The replacement of "completely" with "strongly" adds emphasis, and the substitution of "viewpoint" with "perspective" enhances the formality of the statement.

  5. "not only workers but also business owners" -> "both employees and business owners"
    Explanation: The suggested change provides a more concise and formal way to express the idea.

  6. "since the doers do not need to pay for their accommodation or commuting costs" -> "as individuals are not required to cover accommodation or commuting expenses"
    Explanation: The revised wording eliminates the informal term "doers" and employs a more formal structure for clarity.

  7. "brick-and-mortal, or electric and water bills" -> "brick-and-mortar, as well as electricity and water bills"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "brick-and-mortar" and providing parallel structure with "as well as" enhances the precision and formality of the phrase.

  8. "This money can be saved for their other personal purposes" -> "These savings can be allocated to other personal needs"
    Explanation: The change improves clarity and replaces the informal "money" with a more formal term, "savings."

  9. "rearing and nurturing their children and spouses" -> "caring for and nurturing their children and spouses"
    Explanation: Substituting "rearing" with "caring for" maintains the meaning while using a more formal expression.

  10. "Internet-based working" -> "Web-based employment"
    Explanation: The alteration provides a more formal term, "employment," and replaces the informal "Internet-based" with "Web-based."

  11. "they can have a chance to do many jobs at the same time" -> "they can have the opportunity to undertake multiple tasks simultaneously"
    Explanation: The revision replaces colloquial language with more formal expressions, improving the academic tone.

  12. "make ends meet" -> "meet their financial needs"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the informal expression "make ends meet" with a more formal and precise alternative.

  13. "he still felt happy and joyful" -> "he still experienced satisfaction and joy"
    Explanation: The substitution introduces more formal language and avoids repetition with a more precise term, "experienced."

  14. "web-based working" -> "online work"
    Explanation: The change replaces the informal "web-based working" with a more straightforward and formal term, "online work."

  15. "salary earners" -> "employees"
    Explanation: Substituting "salary earners" with "employees" maintains clarity while using a more standard and formal term.

  16. "organization bosses" -> "business leaders"
    Explanation: The change provides a more formal term, "business leaders," instead of the informal "organization bosses."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "In this day and age, technological advancements have brought about many changes in the way people work: they can choose to do their work either at the office or at home. However, a school of thought holds that only workers can reap rewards from this trend, and managers cannot. I completely disagree with this viewpoint for several reasons outlined below."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is clear in presenting your disagreement with the idea that only workers benefit from remote work. However, it lacks a concise summary of the main points you will discuss. Consider briefly outlining the reasons you will present to enhance the structure and guide the reader.
    • Improved example: "In this era of technological progress, the nature of work has evolved, providing individuals with the flexibility to choose between office and home environments. Despite the belief that only employees benefit from this shift, I vehemently disagree. In the following paragraphs, I will elucidate several reasons supporting the mutual advantages for both workers and employers."
  2. Quoted text: "On the one hand, not only workers but also business owners can benefit from working online. First, it allows both of them to save a lot of money since the doers do not need to pay for their accommodation or commuting costs, and the people who establish companies also do not need to pay for the brick-and-mortal, or electric and water bills. This money can be saved for their other personal purposes, such as paying debt or improving their living condition. Furthermore, by working in the comfort of their own homes, they can also spend time rearing and nurturing their children and spouses, resulting in better family relations."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about saving money is well-made, but the expression is somewhat convoluted. Simplify your language for clarity. Also, elaborate more on how working from home fosters better family relations. Providing a concrete example from personal experience or general knowledge would bolster your argument.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, remote work slashes expenses for both employees and employers, eliminating costs related to commuting and office infrastructure. This financial relief can be redirected towards personal goals, such as debt reduction or improving living conditions. Additionally, the familial benefits of working from home are profound. For instance, the flexibility allows individuals to actively participate in family life, nurturing stronger bonds and fostering a positive home environment."
  3. Quoted text: "On the other hand, Internet-based working can be beneficial to not solely the job holders but also the employers. This is because when they are allowed to do their work online, they can have a chance to do many jobs at the same time, provided that they can still maintain their productivity. For example, during the Covid-19 quarantine, my brother did three online jobs to make ends meet, so he could have enough money to raise a family. Moreover, with the experiences he earned when he did three various jobs, he has been offered a new job with a higher salary than the sum of three jobs. Although this may give rise to some inconvenience and stress, he still felt happy and joyful when he had an opportunity to work from home and do different jobs."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your example of your brother’s experience is impactful, showcasing the advantages of multitasking and the subsequent career progression. However, the connection to employer benefits could be made clearer. Explicitly state how this ability to juggle multiple tasks is advantageous for employers, perhaps by mentioning increased efficiency or diverse skill development.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, the adaptability of online work benefits employers by enabling multitasking. For instance, during the Covid-19 quarantine, my brother efficiently managed three online jobs simultaneously, showcasing not only his productivity but also his ability to diversify skills. This unique skill set garnered him a new job with a higher salary, emphasizing how employers can capitalize on the versatility and efficiency remote work offers."

Overall, while your essay adequately addresses the task, refining the introduction for clearer structure and providing more detailed examples will enhance the overall persuasiveness and coherence of your argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates overall coherence and cohesion, with a clear structure and progression of ideas. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, followed by body paragraphs that present contrasting viewpoints. There is a logical flow of ideas within paragraphs and between them. The essay effectively employs cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In conclusion"), contributing to the overall coherence. However, some mechanical and faulty cohesion is evident, and certain sentences lack clarity.

How to improve:

  1. Refine the use of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity of relationships between ideas. Ensure that transitional phrases are used appropriately and consistently.
  2. Pay attention to sentence-level cohesion, avoiding instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion. This includes improving the clarity of pronoun references and connections between ideas.
  3. Provide more specific examples and details to support arguments, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
  4. Ensure that each paragraph follows a clear topic sentence, contributing to a more logically organized structure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion but would benefit from more precise use of language and enhanced clarity in expressing ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with attempts at using less common lexical items. There is an effort to convey precise meanings and utilize some less common vocabulary. The writer shows awareness of style and collocation, although occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are noticeable.

The essay utilizes varied vocabulary to discuss the advantages of remote work for both employees and employers. It employs terms such as "reap rewards," "brick-and-mortar," "nurturing," "productivity," and "quarantine," showcasing a fairly good lexical range. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice, such as "the doers" instead of "workers" or "job holders," which slightly impact the precision of expression. Some minor spelling and word formation errors are present, like "brick-and-mortal," "salary earners," and awkward phrasing in places.

How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on refining word choice for more precision and accuracy. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to avoid errors that may slightly impede communication. Additionally, strive for more natural and varied expressions, avoiding awkward phrases or overly informal language ("the doers" could be replaced with a more professional term like "employees"). Further exposure to a wider range of vocabulary and meticulous proofreading can elevate the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, employing a variety of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer has good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few errors present, including some awkward phrasing and word choices. For instance, "a school of thought holds" could be refined for better clarity. Despite these minor errors, the communication is generally effective.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for better clarity and precision. Careful proofreading to eliminate minor errors and awkward phrasing is essential. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied and nuanced vocabulary to further elevate the quality of expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the current era, technological advancements have revolutionized how people work, allowing them the flexibility to work either in office spaces or from the comfort of their homes. However, some believe that this shift benefits only employees and not employers. I completely disagree with this perspective for several reasons.

On one hand, both employees and business owners can profit from remote work. Firstly, it enables them to save significant amounts of money as they no longer have to cover expenses for commuting or office space, including utility bills. These savings can be allocated to personal endeavors like debt repayment or enhancing their quality of life. Additionally, working from home allows individuals to spend more time with their families, nurturing stronger familial bonds.

On the other hand, remote work can also be advantageous for both employees and employers. Allowing employees to work online can enable them to take on multiple tasks concurrently, provided they maintain productivity. For instance, during the Covid-19 lockdown, my brother managed three online jobs to support his family financially. His diversified experiences from these jobs led to a new employment opportunity with a higher salary than the combined income from his previous jobs. Despite potential challenges and stress, the ability to work from home on various assignments brought him joy and contentment.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that remote work benefits not only employees but also employers, offering advantages that contribute positively to both sides.

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