Many employees can now their work from home using modern technology. However, this may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Working online has now been facilitated due to the advancement in technology. Concerning this, some proponents are of the claim that it benefits only employees, not the employers. From my perspective, I deem this statement unjustified as online tasking can reduce overhead cost and thus heighten their access to the talent pool.
Visibly, promote working can help entrepreneurs to reduce operational cost, which would heighten business sustainability. Indeed, online tasking requires no physical space as employees can work at their own home. This feature could eradicate overhead cost such as rental or electricity cost, tremendous helping entrepreneurs to accumulate savings that can be directed to other purposes. Consequently, barring operational expenses, one company can become more profitable thus prosperous. These elements would benefit employers and the business owners on a whole.
It is deducible that the transformation from on-site working to online working enhances the competitive capabilities. First, the intangible and digital environment can eradicate geographical constraints, translating to the ease of talent finding process. Undeniably, online hiring can aid employers in the recruiting course because the digital conditions ameliorate the struggle of far distance, allowing for the ability to tap into a wider pool of talents. The benefit of this is that companies are able to recruit the most suitable hires who may potentially become the centre of their business success. Ultimately, such factors improve business prowess and gain them competitive edge.
In conclusion, a reduction in operational cost and ease of hiring process are what would likely result from the mentioned alteration. Therefore, I disagree with the statement due to the argued viewpoints, proving that workers are not the only one benefiting from this but also the employers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Working online has now been facilitated" -> "The facilitation of remote work has become more prevalent"
Explanation: The phrase "The facilitation of remote work has become more prevalent" is more formal and precise, avoiding the passive construction "has been facilitated" which can sound less direct and less formal.
"Concerning this, some proponents are of the claim" -> "Regarding this, some proponents argue"
Explanation: "Regarding" is more appropriate for introducing a topic in formal writing, and "argue" is more direct and academically appropriate than "are of the claim," which is awkward and unclear.
"I deem this statement unjustified" -> "I consider this assertion to be unjustified"
Explanation: "Consider" is more formal than "deem," and "assertion" is a more precise term than "statement" in academic contexts.
"online tasking" -> "online work"
Explanation: "Tasking" is not commonly used in this context and sounds informal. "Work" is the standard term for describing employment or activities done remotely.
"Visibly" -> "Clearly"
Explanation: "Visibly" is typically used to describe something that can be seen, whereas "clearly" is more appropriate for emphasizing the obviousness of a point in an argument.
"promote working" -> "promote remote work"
Explanation: "Promote working" is vague and incorrect. "Promote remote work" is specific and accurate.
"heighten business sustainability" -> "enhance business sustainability"
Explanation: "Heighten" is less commonly used in this context; "enhance" is more precise and commonly accepted in formal writing.
"tremendous helping" -> "significantly helping"
Explanation: "Tremendous" is an adjective that should be used with a noun, not as an adverb. "Significantly" is the correct adverbial form needed here.
"barring operational expenses" -> "excluding operational expenses"
Explanation: "Barring" is not typically used in this context; "excluding" is the correct term for indicating the removal of something from consideration.
"It is deducible" -> "It is evident"
Explanation: "Deducible" is not commonly used in this context and can be confusing. "Evident" is straightforward and appropriate for indicating something that is clear or obvious.
"the intangible and digital environment" -> "the digital environment"
Explanation: "Intangible" is not necessary here as "digital" already implies the absence of physical presence.
"the ease of talent finding process" -> "the ease of the talent-finding process"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "talent-finding process" corrects the grammatical structure and makes the phrase more formal.
"the digital conditions ameliorate the struggle of far distance" -> "the digital environment alleviates the challenges of geographical distance"
Explanation: "Ameliorate" is correct but less common; "alleviates" is more direct and commonly used in formal writing. "The struggle of far distance" is awkward and unclear; "the challenges of geographical distance" is more precise and formal.
"the centre of their business success" -> "the core of their business success"
Explanation: "Centre" is British English; "core" is more universally accepted in American English and is more precise in this context.
"gain them competitive edge" -> "give them a competitive edge"
Explanation: "Gain" is incorrect in this context; "give" is the correct verb to use with "a competitive edge."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing against the notion that working from home benefits only employees. It presents a clear counterargument that highlights the advantages for employers, such as reduced overhead costs and access to a wider talent pool. The introduction sets the stage for this discussion, and the body paragraphs provide relevant examples to support the thesis. However, the essay could have benefited from explicitly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint in more detail, which would have strengthened the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include a brief acknowledgment of the potential benefits to employees, which would provide a more balanced view. This could be followed by a rebuttal that emphasizes why the benefits to employers are more significant, thus addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is clear and consistent, as the writer maintains that both employers and employees benefit from remote work. The use of phrases like "I deem this statement unjustified" and "I disagree with the statement" reinforces the writer’s stance. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in reiterating this position, as it somewhat dilutes the strength of the argument by focusing on the benefits rather than restating the disagreement.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and reaffirms the position taken in the introduction. Using stronger language in the conclusion to restate the thesis would enhance the overall impact of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the reduction of operational costs and the expansion of the talent pool. Each point is supported with relevant explanations and examples, which effectively illustrate the benefits to employers. However, some points could be further extended with additional examples or data to enhance credibility and depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could incorporate specific examples or statistics related to cost savings or successful companies that have adopted remote work policies. This would not only provide more substantial evidence but also engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, focusing on the benefits of remote work for employers. The arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall thesis. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be clearer, such as "tremendous helping entrepreneurs," which may confuse the reader and detract from the focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all phrases are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Additionally, avoiding overly complex or convoluted sentences would help keep the reader engaged and ensure that the main points are easily understood.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that remote work only benefits employees. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow, each focusing on distinct points that support the thesis. For example, the first body paragraph discusses cost savings for employers, while the second addresses the benefits of a broader talent pool. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the connection between reducing operational costs and enhancing competitive capabilities is not explicitly articulated, which may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly link each paragraph back to the thesis. Additionally, transitional phrases can be employed to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. For instance, using phrases like "In addition to cost savings, another significant advantage is…" can help create a more cohesive flow between paragraphs.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph contains a central idea, and the structure is generally clear. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The first paragraph is relatively dense, while the second is shorter and less developed, which can disrupt the balance of the essay.
- How to improve: Aim for consistency in paragraph length and depth by ensuring that each paragraph fully explores its main idea. This can be achieved by providing more examples or elaborating on points made. For instance, the second paragraph could include specific examples of how companies have successfully reduced costs through remote work, which would strengthen the argument and provide a more balanced structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "indeed," "consequently," and "ultimately," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay occasionally relies on basic connectors. For instance, the use of "first" and "undeniably" is effective, but varying the types of cohesive devices used could enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," or "as a result." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and maintain the flow of ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "employers," you might refer to them as "business owners" or "companies" in subsequent mentions to create a more engaging narrative.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "facilitated," "overhead cost," "sustainability," and "competitive capabilities." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and an ability to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied; for example, the repeated use of "cost" and "benefit" could be replaced with synonyms to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "cost," you might incorporate "expenditure," "outlay," or "financial burden." Additionally, expanding the vocabulary related to technology and remote work can further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "promote working" is awkward and unclear; a more precise term like "remote work" or "telecommuting" would be more effective. Similarly, "tremendous helping" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "tremendously help" or "greatly assist."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure clarity and precision. Review phrases for grammatical correctness and clarity. For example, instead of "the ability to tap into a wider pool of talents," consider "the ability to access a broader talent pool." This not only improves precision but also enhances the overall flow of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are some spelling mistakes, such as "deducible" (which should be "deductible" in this context) and "centre" (which is correct in British English but should be "center" in American English if that is the intended audience). Additionally, "operational cost" should be pluralized to "operational costs" for consistency.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay specifically looking for spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch mistakes that might be overlooked during initial writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with some areas for improvement, focusing on lexical variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the overall quality and clarity of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Indeed, online tasking requires no physical space as employees can work at their own home" and "This feature could eradicate overhead cost such as rental or electricity cost, tremendous helping entrepreneurs to accumulate savings that can be directed to other purposes" show an attempt to use different grammatical forms. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and structural issues, such as "tremendous helping," which detracts from clarity and fluidity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and use conditional clauses or participial phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with "This feature could…" or "It is deducible that…", the writer could use phrases like "By eliminating physical space requirements, online tasking…" or "Given the geographical constraints, companies can…" This would not only diversify sentence structures but also improve coherence and flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "can now their work from home" is missing a verb, which makes it grammatically incorrect. Additionally, the sentence "tremendous helping entrepreneurs to accumulate savings" is awkwardly constructed and lacks proper grammatical form. Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences could benefit from clearer separation to avoid run-on sentences, such as in "Consequently, barring operational expenses, one company can become more profitable thus prosperous," which could be clearer with a comma before "thus."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and ensure that all sentences are complete. Practicing sentence construction and revising sentences for clarity can help. Additionally, using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can assist in identifying and correcting errors before submission. Focusing on punctuation, especially in complex sentences, will also enhance readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Working online has now been facilitated due to advancements in technology. Regarding this, some proponents argue that it benefits only employees, not employers. From my perspective, I consider this assertion to be unjustified, as online work can reduce overhead costs and thus enhance access to a broader talent pool.

Clearly, promoting remote work can help entrepreneurs reduce operational costs, which would enhancebusiness sustainability. Indeed, online work requires no physical office space, allowing employees to work from their own homes. This feature could eliminate overhead costs such as rent and electricity, significantly helping entrepreneurs accumulate savings that can be directed towards other purposes. Consequently, excluding operational expenses, a company can become more profitable and, thus, more prosperous. These elements would benefit employers and business owners as a whole.

It is evident that the transformation from on-site work to online work enhances competitive capabilities. First, the digital environment alleviates the challenges of geographical distance, translating to the ease of the talent-finding process. Undeniably, online hiring can aid employers in the recruitment process because the digital conditions improve the challenges posed by distance, allowing them to tap into a wider pool of talent. The benefit of this is that companies can recruit the most suitable hires, who may potentially become the core of their business success. Ultimately, such factors improve business prowess and give them a competitive edge.

In conclusion, a reduction in operational costs and the ease of the hiring process are likely outcomes of the mentioned shift. Therefore, I disagree with the statement, as the viewpoints presented demonstrate that workers are not the only ones benefiting from this trend; employers also reap significant advantages.