Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists, not local people. Why is this the case? What can be done to attract local people?

It can be argued that museums around the world facing financial struggles brought many benefits but there are also flaws. I believe that it has quite benefits but also flaws. In this essay, I am going to argue my points of view along with my own supporting arguments.

People should realize that there are two main explanations why museums find museums and the gallery was not always successful. First, most people find museums are quite boring, while young people are easily distracted by the price for people, they feel not worth the exhibition fee. The ticket price is really expensive and local people feel that they have not interest in it. On the other hand, the government should put some ideas in the free to visit. Moreover, there is a lot of authorities want to invest more money in public service but the ticket can be updated. However, there may be an application to have places. This not only boosts attention among locals but also encourages them to explore their own national and history without worries about the cost.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It can be argued that museums around the world facing financial struggles" -> "It can be argued that museums worldwide are facing financial struggles"
Explanation: Adding "worldwide" provides a more precise geographical scope, and "are" corrects the grammatical error for subject-verb agreement with "museums."
"brought many benefits but there are also flaws" -> "offer numerous benefits, yet also pose several drawbacks"
Explanation: "Offer numerous benefits, yet also pose several drawbacks" uses more formal and precise language, enhancing the academic tone and clarity.
"I believe that it has quite benefits but also flaws" -> "I contend that it offers several benefits, yet also presents several drawbacks"
Explanation: "I contend" is a more formal alternative to "I believe," and "offers several benefits, yet also presents several drawbacks" is more precise and formal than "has quite benefits but also flaws."
"I am going to argue my points of view along with my own supporting arguments" -> "I will present my viewpoints and supporting arguments"
Explanation: "I will present my viewpoints and supporting arguments" is more concise and formal, avoiding the informal "going to" and the vague "my points of view."
"find museums and the gallery was not always successful" -> "museums and galleries have not always been successful"
Explanation: "Have not always been successful" corrects the grammatical error and uses the plural form "galleries" to match the context.
"most people find museums are quite boring" -> "many people consider museums to be quite boring"
Explanation: "Consider museums to be quite boring" is a more formal expression and avoids the informal "find."
"young people are easily distracted by the price for people, they feel not worth the exhibition fee" -> "young people are often deterred by the high cost, which they deem not worth the exhibition fee"
Explanation: "Are often deterred by the high cost, which they deem not worth the exhibition fee" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward and unclear original phrase.
"The ticket price is really expensive and local people feel that they have not interest in it" -> "The ticket price is quite expensive, and local people lack interest in it"
Explanation: "Lack interest in it" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the sentence structure for clarity and formality.
"the government should put some ideas in the free to visit" -> "the government should consider making some exhibits free to visit"
Explanation: "Consider making some exhibits free to visit" is grammatically correct and more specific, replacing the vague and awkward "put some ideas in the free to visit."
"there is a lot of authorities want to invest more money in public service but the ticket can be updated" -> "many authorities wish to invest more in public services, but the ticket prices can be adjusted"
Explanation: "Many authorities wish to invest more in public services, but the ticket prices can be adjusted" corrects the grammatical errors and uses more precise terminology.
"This not only boosts attention among locals but also encourages them to explore their own national and history without worries about the cost" -> "This not only enhances local interest but also encourages exploration of their national history without financial concerns"
Explanation: "Enhances local interest" and "exploration of their national history without financial concerns" are more precise and formal, improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by identifying reasons why museums are primarily visited by tourists and suggesting potential solutions to attract locals. However, the response is vague and lacks depth. For instance, while it mentions that museums are perceived as boring and expensive, it does not elaborate on these points or provide specific examples. The second part of the question regarding what can be done to attract local people is only partially addressed, with a suggestion about free admission but lacking a comprehensive strategy.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline the reasons why local people do not visit museums, providing specific examples or statistics to support these claims. Additionally, the suggestions for attracting locals should be more detailed and varied, potentially including community events, educational programs, or partnerships with local schools.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. The initial statement indicates a belief in both benefits and flaws of museums, but this duality is not effectively developed throughout the essay. The phrase "I believe that it has quite benefits but also flaws" is vague and does not convey a strong, clear stance. The lack of a definitive position makes it difficult for the reader to understand the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should take a definitive stance on the issue and maintain that throughout the essay. This could be achieved by explicitly stating their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently referring back to it in the body paragraphs. Using clear topic sentences that reflect the main argument can also help in maintaining focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the claim that "most people find museums are quite boring" is not backed by any evidence or examples, making it a weak argument. The suggestion about making museums free to visit is a good start, but it is not sufficiently elaborated upon, leaving the reader wanting more information on how this could be implemented and its potential impact.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples and evidence for each point made. This could include citing studies on museum attendance, discussing successful local initiatives in other cities, or providing anecdotes about community engagement. Additionally, each idea should be fully developed in its own paragraph, allowing for a more thorough exploration of each point.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does attempt to stay on topic, but the execution is flawed. There are moments where the writing deviates from the main focus, such as the mention of "financial struggles" and "authorities wanting to invest more money," which do not directly relate to the reasons for low local attendance or solutions to attract locals. This can confuse the reader and detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to answering the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that each paragraph stays relevant. Additionally, revisiting the prompt throughout the writing process can help keep the response aligned with the question asked.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to develop their ideas more fully, provide clear and consistent arguments, and ensure that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general argument regarding the reasons why museums are primarily visited by tourists rather than locals. However, the organization of information is somewhat unclear. For instance, the introduction mentions "financial struggles" but does not clearly connect this to the main argument about local versus tourist visits. The points made in the body paragraphs are not well-structured; the transition from discussing boredom to ticket prices lacks a clear logical flow. Additionally, the conclusion is missing, which further disrupts the overall logical progression of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, it is crucial to create a clear outline before writing. Start with a strong thesis statement in the introduction that clearly outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details. Consider using a structure such as: introduction, reasons for low local attendance (with separate paragraphs for each reason), and solutions to attract locals, followed by a conclusion summarizing the main points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. While there are attempts to separate ideas, the paragraphs are not clearly defined, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the first paragraph mixes multiple ideas about financial struggles and the perceived value of museums without clear separation. Additionally, there is no distinct conclusion paragraph, which is essential for summarizing the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will discuss. Use supporting sentences to elaborate on the topic, and end with a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. It is also important to include a separate conclusion paragraph that summarizes the key points and reinforces the thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow of ideas. Phrases such as "On the other hand" and "Moreover" are used, but they are not always appropriately placed or varied. The transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt, making it challenging for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the transition from discussing ticket prices to government investment lacks a clear connective phrase that would guide the reader.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, it is important to incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. Consider using phrases such as "In addition," "Furthermore," "Conversely," and "As a result" to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help in developing a more natural flow of ideas.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, it is essential to focus on logical organization, effective paragraphing, and the varied use of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the essay can become clearer and more persuasive.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "financial struggles," "quite boring," and "really expensive" are repeated or overly simplistic. The use of "flaws" and "benefits" is somewhat generic and does not showcase a broader vocabulary that could enhance the argument. For instance, instead of "quite boring," a more varied expression could be "unengaging" or "uninspiring."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of repeating "benefits" and "flaws," consider using terms like "advantages," "disadvantages," "merits," or "drawbacks." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help diversify word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "the price for people" is unclear and does not effectively communicate the intended meaning. Additionally, "they feel not worth the exhibition fee" is awkwardly phrased and could confuse readers. The phrase "the government should put some ideas in the free to visit" lacks clarity and precision.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "the price for people," a clearer phrase could be "the cost of admission." Instead of "put some ideas in the free to visit," consider rephrasing to "implement free admission policies." Practicing paraphrasing and seeking feedback on clarity can help improve precision in vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that hinder readability. For example, "museum and the gallery was not always successful" should be "museums and galleries are not always successful." Additionally, "there are a lot of authorities want to invest" should be "there are many authorities that want to invest." These errors can distract the reader and affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and engaging in spelling exercises can improve overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, the opening sentence uses a simple structure: "It can be argued that museums around the world facing financial struggles brought many benefits but there are also flaws." This sentence lacks complexity and variety. Additionally, the use of phrases like "I believe that it has quite benefits but also flaws" shows redundancy and a lack of sophistication in expression. The essay primarily relies on simple and compound sentences, which restricts the overall grammatical range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying, "People should realize that there are two main explanations why museums find museums and the gallery was not always successful," the writer could say, "One reason that museums struggle to attract local visitors is that many perceive them as uninteresting." This introduces a dependent clause and adds complexity. Practicing the use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, and varied sentence openings will also help diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "museums find museums and the gallery was not always successful" is confusing and grammatically incorrect. The use of "the gallery was not always successful" does not logically connect with the preceding clause. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and affect readability. The phrase "while young people are easily distracted by the price for people, they feel not worth the exhibition fee" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity. For example, instead of "they feel not worth the exhibition fee," a clearer construction would be "they do not feel that the exhibition fee is worth it." Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focused on common errors, can help. Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and coherence before finalizing the essay can significantly enhance grammatical accuracy. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice and revision will be key to making these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

It can be argued that museums around the world are facing financial struggles, which offer numerous benefits, yet also pose several drawbacks. I contend that they provide several benefits, yet also present several drawbacks. In this essay, I will present my viewpoints and supporting arguments.

People should realize that there are two main explanations for why museums and galleries have not always been successful. First, many people consider museums to be quite boring, while young people are often deterred by the high cost, which they deem not worth the exhibition fee. The ticket price is quite expensive, and local people lack interest in it. On the other hand, the government should consider making some exhibits free to visit. Moreover, many authorities wish to invest more in public services, but the ticket prices can be adjusted. This not only enhances local interest but also encourages exploration of their national history without financial concerns.