fbpx

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Social media has become an integral part of modern day, with billions of residents using such platforms to stay connected with other people and update current events. This essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of this phenomenon before concluding that the former notion is far more significant.

On the one hand, there are several reason can be explained that the ever-increasing of social media might be fraught with pitfalls. Firstly, the users may be at risk of receiving the misleading information on the internet. This is due to the fact that in the past, a majority of people often gained information from print media such as newspapers or magazines, which are required a high of truth and must experienced strict content moderation by the authorities. Nevertheless, in this age and day, public platforms such as Facebook or Instagram allow users from everywhere can public and post everything they want without governmental regulations. As a result, this can give rise to the misunderstand and controversial conflicts among users. Secondly, the uncontrollable proliferation of the negative content on social platforms might have an adverse bearing on people’s cognition, especially the younger generation. For example, some teenager have a spirit of curiosity might imitate to dangerous actions with their friends at school after watching violent clips and animations on Tiktok, which virtually contribute to the breed of offenders in the foreseeable future.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks pale in comparison with the profound benefits yielded by this development. One rationale in favor of this view is that social media could benefit to global integration. This is in light of the fact that it provides an ever-lasting network where people can connect and disseminate information regardless of geographic barriers and age, and this is profitable with globalization context which requires rapid interaction from overseas residents to develop commercial and economy. For example, some Vietnamese users on Instagram can share various topics, such as games or fashion, with their friends in Australia, which enables them to either expand their relationship circles with international peers or enhance their communication skills. Another justification can be cited is that the accessibility of internet can promote the opportunities to inhabitants can search for numerous pieces of information from everywhere without a huge amount of effortness. Specifically, by using a phone or a laptop that is connected with wifi, people can explore and gain a massive amount of knowledge from all over the world ,such as international political events, celebrities, scientific fields from foreign researches, and entertainment market, without bringing too much books and traditional study materials, and thus, they can only have a chance to broaden their minds but also enrich knowledge to serve their life in the future.

In conclusion, even though it is irrefutable that there are certain unforeseeable risks and detrimental implications of social networks, I would contend that the upside of these technological breakthroughs is far more prominent than their downside.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Social media has become an integral part of modern day" -> "Social media has become an integral part of modern life"
    Explanation: "Modern day" is an informal and somewhat vague term. "Modern life" is more precise and commonly used in formal academic writing to describe contemporary society.

  2. "billions of residents" -> "billions of people"
    Explanation: "Residents" typically refers to people who live in a particular place, whereas "people" is more general and appropriate for discussing the global user base of social media.

  3. "shed light on" -> "explore"
    Explanation: "Shed light on" is a metaphorical expression that may seem too informal for academic writing. "Explore" is a more straightforward and academically suitable term.

  4. "several reason can be explained" -> "several reasons can be explained"
    Explanation: "Reason" should be plural to match the plural verb "can be explained."

  5. "ever-increasing of social media" -> "increasing use of social media"
    Explanation: "Ever-increasing of" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Increasing use of" is grammatically correct and clearer.

  6. "might be fraught with pitfalls" -> "may pose pitfalls"
    Explanation: "Fraught with" is a metaphorical expression that might be considered too informal for academic writing. "Pose" is a more direct and formal alternative.

  7. "users may be at risk of receiving the misleading information" -> "users may be at risk of receiving misleading information"
    Explanation: Removing "the" before "misleading information" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity.

  8. "in this age and day" -> "in this day and age"
    Explanation: "In this age and day" is a less common and less formal expression. "In this day and age" is the correct idiomatic form.

  9. "allow users from everywhere can public and post everything they want" -> "allow users from anywhere to publicly post whatever they want"
    Explanation: "Can public" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "To publicly post whatever they want" corrects these issues and improves readability.

  10. "give rise to the misunderstand and controversial conflicts" -> "give rise to misunderstandings and conflicts"
    Explanation: "The" is unnecessary before "misunderstand" and "controversial" is redundant when "conflicts" already implies controversy.

  11. "some teenager have a spirit of curiosity might imitate to dangerous actions" -> "some teenagers with a spirit of curiosity might imitate dangerous actions"
    Explanation: "Teenager" should be plural to match the context, and "might imitate to" is grammatically incorrect; "might imitate" is the correct form.

  12. "virtually contribute to the breed of offenders" -> "virtually contribute to the development of offenders"
    Explanation: "Breed" is an inappropriate and informal term in this context. "Development" is more precise and formal.

  13. "benefit to global integration" -> "benefit global integration"
    Explanation: "Benefit to" is grammatically incorrect; "benefit" should be used as a verb, not a prepositional phrase.

  14. "requires rapid interaction from overseas residents" -> "requires rapid interaction from overseas residents"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "to" is missing before "interact."

  15. "enhance their communication skills" -> "enhance their communication skills"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "their" is missing before "communication skills."

  16. "inhabitants can search for numerous pieces of information" -> "inhabitants can search for numerous pieces of information"
    Explanation: "Inhabitants" is an awkward and less common term in this context; "people" or "users" would be more appropriate.

  17. "without bringing too much books and traditional study materials" -> "without carrying many books and traditional study materials"
    Explanation: "Bringing" is incorrect in this context; "carrying" is the correct verb for the action of transporting items.

  18. "enrich knowledge to serve their life" -> "enrich their knowledge to serve their lives"
    Explanation: "Knowledge" should be possessive to agree with "their," and "life" should be plural to match the subject "people."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media. The introduction clearly states the intention to explore both sides before concluding that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The first body paragraph outlines specific disadvantages, such as the risk of misleading information and the proliferation of negative content, while the second body paragraph presents compelling advantages, including global integration and accessibility of information. However, while the essay does mention both sides, the depth of analysis on the disadvantages could be improved.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the disadvantages discussed. This would create a more balanced argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages, which is consistently reflected throughout the text. The conclusion reiterates this stance effectively. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the disadvantages to the advantages, thereby reinforcing the argument that, despite the drawbacks, the benefits are more significant.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The advantages are well-supported with examples, such as the mention of global integration and the accessibility of information. However, the support for the disadvantages is less robust, as the examples provided are somewhat general and could benefit from further elaboration.
    • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend the discussion of disadvantages by including more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the negative impacts of social media. This could involve discussing specific incidents or research findings that highlight the consequences of misinformation or negative content.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of social media as outlined in the prompt. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly tangential, particularly in the second body paragraph where the explanation of globalization could be more directly tied back to social media’s role in it.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This could involve explicitly linking examples back to the main argument and avoiding overly broad statements that stray from the topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there are opportunities for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of transitions, and relevance of examples. By addressing these areas, the writer can further enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and a conclusion that summarizes the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first focusing on the disadvantages of social media and the second on the advantages. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the disadvantages and advantages could be more seamless to enhance the overall coherence of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in focus, such as "Conversely" or "On the flip side," when moving from disadvantages to advantages. Additionally, ensure that each point within the paragraphs is directly related to the main argument and follows a clear progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, but some paragraphs could benefit from more focused topic sentences. For example, the first paragraph discussing disadvantages could start with a stronger topic sentence that encapsulates the main point about the risks of misinformation and negative content.
    • How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences to clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. This will help the reader understand the focus of each section immediately. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, ensuring that each paragraph remains focused and concise.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "On the other hand," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices is either repetitive or could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this is due to the fact that" is somewhat verbose and could be replaced with simpler alternatives like "because."
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "In addition," or "Furthermore" to add information, and "However," "Nevertheless," or "On the contrary" to contrast ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the clarity and persuasiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic. Terms such as "integral," "misleading information," "proliferation," and "global integration" show a solid understanding of the subject matter. However, some phrases are slightly repetitive, such as "social media" and "users," which could be varied to enhance lexical diversity. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "users," alternatives like "individuals," "participants," or "members" could be employed.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Creating a vocabulary list related to social media and its impacts could be beneficial. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to the topic would further enrich the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the former notion is far more significant" could be clearer if it specified what "the former notion" refers to, as it may confuse readers. Similarly, "adverse bearing on people’s cognition" could be simplified to "negative impact on people’s thinking" for clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their word choices. Using more straightforward language when expressing complex ideas can help ensure that the reader fully understands the intended meaning. Additionally, reviewing the essay for ambiguous phrases and replacing them with clearer alternatives will enhance overall precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few errors present. For instance, "effortness" is not a standard English word; the correct term would be "effort." Additionally, "misunderstand" should be "misunderstanding," and "teenager" should be pluralized to "teenagers" to match the context.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spell-check tools or asking peers for feedback. Creating a habit of reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing them can also be beneficial. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can elevate their performance in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively organizes contrasting ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, phrases like "the users may be at risk of receiving the misleading information" could be rephrased to enhance complexity and engagement.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, try beginning with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although social media has its drawbacks, it also offers significant benefits"). Additionally, using more passive constructions or conditional sentences could enhance the complexity of your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "there are several reason can be explained" should be "there are several reasons that can be explained." Additionally, "which are required a high of truth" is incorrect and should be rephrased to "which require a high level of truth." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also appear, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay carefully. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and the correct use of articles (e.g., "a high level of truth" instead of "a high of truth"). Furthermore, practice using commas correctly, especially in complex sentences, to improve readability. Consider revisiting grammar rules and doing exercises focused on common errors observed in your writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

Social media has become an integral part of modern life, with billions of residents using such platforms to stay connected with other people and update themselves on current events. This essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of this phenomenon before concluding that the former notion is far more significant.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that can be explained as to why the ever-increasing use of social media might be fraught with pitfalls. Firstly, users may be at risk of receiving misleading information on the internet. This is due to the fact that in the past, a majority of people often gained information from print media such as newspapers or magazines, which required a high level of truth and experienced strict content moderation by the authorities. Nevertheless, in this day and age, public platforms such as Facebook or Instagram allow users from everywhere to publicly post whatever they want without governmental regulations. As a result, this can give rise to misunderstandings and controversial conflicts among users. Secondly, the uncontrollable proliferation of negative content on social platforms might have an adverse bearing on people’s cognition, especially the younger generation. For example, some teenagers with a spirit of curiosity might imitate dangerous actions with their friends at school after watching violent clips and animations on TikTok, which may virtually contribute to the development of offenders in the foreseeable future.

On the other hand, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks pale in comparison with the profound benefits yielded by this development. One rationale in favor of this view is that social media could benefit global integration. This is in light of the fact that it provides an ever-lasting network where people can connect and disseminate information regardless of geographic barriers and age, which is profitable in the context of globalization that requires rapid interaction from overseas residents to develop commerce and the economy. For example, some Vietnamese users on Instagram can share various topics, such as games or fashion, with their friends in Australia, which enables them to either expand their relationship circles with international peers or enhance their communication skills. Another justification is that the accessibility of the internet can promote opportunities for inhabitants to search for numerous pieces of information from everywhere without a huge amount of effort. Specifically, by using a phone or a laptop that is connected to Wi-Fi, people can explore and gain a massive amount of knowledge from all over the world, such as international political events, celebrities, scientific fields from foreign research, and the entertainment market, without carrying many books and traditional study materials. Thus, they not only have a chance to broaden their minds but also enrich their knowledge to serve their lives in the future.

In conclusion, even though it is irrefutable that there are certain unforeseeable risks and detrimental implications of social networks, I would contend that the upside of these technological breakthroughs is far more prominent than their downside.

Bài viết liên quan

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này