Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people believe that scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, a large number of individuals believe that scientific research should be primarily conducted by the government rather than private corporations. Personally, I agree with people’s thoughts and in this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why government control of scientific research is crucial, and provide examples to support my opinion.
One of the main reasons that I support government control of scientific research is that it ensures that research is conducted in a responsible manner. The government can implement regulations to ensure that research is conducted safely and minimized potential risks. In addition of it, the government can ensure that the results of the research are shared widely and used for the betterment of society, rather than being kept hidden or patented by private companies. For example, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in the United States which was founded by the government supports a wide range of fields including medicine and biology. This sets strict regulations for research and ensures that the research is conducted in a responsible manner. The NIH also requires that the research results be made public so that other scientists and the general public can access the research.
Additionally, what makes government beneficial is helping prevent potential power abuses. Private companies may be tempted to prioritize profit over the public good and may engage in harmful practices such as hiding negative results or using research for corporate interests. One example of a private company that was criticized for its scientific research practices is the tobacco industry. For many years, the tobacco industry conducted research on the health impacts of smoking and tried to hide or downplay the negative results which made residents mislead about the dangers of smoking that negatively impacted their health.
In conclusion, there are several reasons why the government should control and oversee scientific research. Government control of scientific research is important to ensure ethical and responsible conduct and to prevent potential abuses by private companies.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

  2. "a large number of individuals" -> "many individuals"
    Explanation: "Many individuals" is a more concise and formal expression, avoiding the redundancy of "a large number of."

  3. "Personally, I agree with people’s thoughts" -> "I concur with this perspective"
    Explanation: "I concur with this perspective" is more formal and avoids the informal "Personally," which is typically used in personal statements rather than academic essays.

  4. "in this essay, I will discuss" -> "this essay will explore"
    Explanation: "This essay will explore" is a more formal and passive construction, which is preferred in academic writing to maintain objectivity.

  5. "government control of scientific research is crucial" -> "the importance of government control of scientific research"
    Explanation: This rephrasing clarifies the subject and emphasizes the significance of the topic, enhancing the academic tone.

  6. "In addition of it" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, replacing the awkward and incorrect "In addition of it."

  7. "minimized potential risks" -> "minimize potential risks"
    Explanation: "Minimize" should be in the base form to match the present tense of the verb "can ensure," improving grammatical consistency.

  8. "the government can ensure that the results of the research are shared widely and used for the betterment of society" -> "the government can ensure that research results are disseminated widely and utilized for societal betterment"
    Explanation: "Disseminated" and "utilized" are more precise and formal terms, enhancing the academic tone and clarity.

  9. "helping prevent potential power abuses" -> "preventing potential power abuses"
    Explanation: "Preventing" is a more direct and formal verb choice than "helping prevent," which is less specific and less formal.

  10. "may be tempted to prioritize profit over the public good" -> "may prioritize profit over the public interest"
    Explanation: "Public interest" is a more formal and precise term than "public good," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in formal writing.

  11. "may engage in harmful practices such as hiding negative results or using research for corporate interests" -> "may engage in practices such as concealing adverse findings or utilizing research for corporate interests"
    Explanation: "Concealing adverse findings" and "utilizing research" are more precise and formal, replacing the less formal "hiding negative results" and "using research."

  12. "made residents mislead about the dangers of smoking" -> "misled residents about the dangers of smoking"
    Explanation: "Misled" is the correct verb form to use in this context, correcting the grammatical error and improving clarity.

  13. "which made residents mislead about the dangers of smoking" -> "which misled residents about the dangers of smoking"
    Explanation: Again, "misled" is the correct verb form, correcting the grammatical error and enhancing the sentence structure.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of government control over scientific research. The introduction outlines the writer’s agreement with the opinion, and the body paragraphs provide substantial reasoning and examples to support this stance. The essay discusses two main reasons: the responsible conduct of research and the prevention of power abuses by private companies. However, it could further enhance its response by addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging the benefits of private sector involvement in scientific research.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer could include a brief discussion of the potential advantages of private companies conducting research, such as innovation and efficiency. This would demonstrate a more balanced consideration of the topic and strengthen the argument by preemptively addressing opposing views.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for government control of scientific research. The writer’s opinion is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, which reinforces the argument. Each paragraph presents a logical progression of ideas that supports this position. However, the essay could benefit from more explicit transitions that connect the ideas more fluidly.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the writer should use transitional phrases to link ideas between sentences and paragraphs. For example, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition to this," can help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the connection between points.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports its ideas well, using relevant examples such as the National Institutes of Health and the tobacco industry to illustrate the points made. The examples are pertinent and effectively demonstrate the writer’s arguments regarding the benefits of government oversight. However, the essay could delve deeper into the implications of these examples or provide additional supporting details to further substantiate the claims.
    • How to improve: To improve the depth of the argument, the writer should aim to elaborate on the examples provided. For instance, discussing specific regulations implemented by the NIH or detailing the consequences of the tobacco industry’s practices could provide a stronger foundation for the claims made. Additionally, including statistics or studies could enhance the credibility of the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the question of whether scientific research should be controlled by the government or private companies. The arguments presented are relevant and directly related to the prompt. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is a strength of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central argument. This can be achieved by occasionally reiterating how each point supports the overall thesis, which would reinforce the focus and coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By addressing the suggested areas for improvement, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s position and the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph addresses a specific reason supporting government control over scientific research, with the first paragraph focusing on responsible conduct and the second on preventing power abuses. The progression of ideas is coherent, and the use of examples, such as the NIH and the tobacco industry, effectively illustrates the points made. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: To improve the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to connect the ideas more explicitly. For instance, after discussing the NIH, a sentence like "In addition to ensuring responsible conduct, government oversight also plays a crucial role in safeguarding public interests" could serve as a bridge to the next argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first paragraph discussing responsible conduct and the second addressing the prevention of power abuses. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, reinforcing the writer’s stance. However, the introduction could be more distinct in outlining the points that will be discussed, as it currently blends into the first paragraph.
    • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider revising the introduction to clearly delineate the main points that will be covered in the body of the essay. For example, explicitly stating, "This essay will explore the importance of responsible conduct and the prevention of corporate power abuses" would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "In addition," "For example," and "Additionally," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking phrases and words. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Additionally," consider alternatives like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" when presenting contrasting ideas. This variation will enhance the essay’s fluidity and keep the reader engaged.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "conducted," "responsible manner," "regulations," and "potential power abuses." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "government control" and "scientific research," which are used multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "government control," you might use "government oversight," "public sector management," or "state regulation." Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the text, such as "ethical oversight" instead of just "responsible manner."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances of imprecise language. For example, the phrase "minimized potential risks" could be more accurately expressed as "minimizing potential risks." Additionally, the term "mislead" in "made residents mislead about the dangers of smoking" is used incorrectly; the correct form should be "misled."
    • How to improve: Focus on grammatical accuracy and the correct forms of words. Review verb forms and ensure that they match the intended meaning. For instance, revise "made residents mislead" to "misled residents." Practicing sentence structure and verb usage will help improve precision in vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with no major spelling errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "In addition of it," which should be "In addition to this." While this is more of a grammatical error, it can affect the perception of spelling and overall fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling and grammatical accuracy, consider proofreading the essay multiple times. Utilize tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers to catch errors. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or incorrect word forms that might not be immediately obvious when reading silently.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and grammatical accuracy. By incorporating varied vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling and grammar, the essay could achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "One of the main reasons that I support government control of scientific research is that it ensures that research is conducted in a responsible manner" showcase the use of a complex structure. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use different conjunctions, and experiment with passive voice constructions. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the government," the writer could use phrases like "It is the government’s responsibility to…" or "Research conducted under government oversight ensures that…". Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If private companies control research, they may prioritize profit over public health") could further diversify the grammatical range.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and correctly structured. However, there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, in the phrase "In addition of it," the correct expression should be "In addition to this." Additionally, there are instances of missing commas, such as before "which" in "the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in the United States which was founded by the government," where a comma should precede "which" to correctly introduce the non-defining relative clause.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common prepositional phrases and ensure correct usage. Reviewing rules for relative clauses and punctuation, particularly the use of commas, will also be beneficial. Practicing with exercises that focus on these areas can help solidify understanding. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for common grammatical pitfalls before submission can help catch errors that may have been overlooked.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical structures and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence variety and enhancing grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, many individuals believe that scientific research should be primarily conducted and controlled by the government rather than private corporations. Personally, I concur with this perspective, and in this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why government control of scientific research is crucial and provide examples to support my opinion.

One of the main reasons that I support government control of scientific research is that it ensures that research is conducted in a responsible manner. The government can implement regulations to ensure that research is conducted safely and minimize potential risks. In addition, the government can ensure that the results of the research are shared widely and used for the betterment of society, rather than being kept hidden or patented by private companies. For example, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) in the United States, which was founded by the government, supports a wide range of fields including medicine and biology. This organization sets strict regulations for research and ensures that it is conducted responsibly. The NIH also requires that the research results be made public so that other scientists and the general public can access the findings.

Furthermore, government control helps prevent potential power abuses. Private companies may be tempted to prioritize profit over the public interest and may engage in harmful practices such as concealing adverse findings or utilizing research for corporate interests. One example of a private company that was criticized for its scientific research practices is the tobacco industry. For many years, the tobacco industry conducted research on the health impacts of smoking and tried to hide or downplay the negative results, which misled residents about the dangers of smoking and negatively impacted their health.

In conclusion, there are several reasons why the government should control and oversee scientific research. Government control of scientific research is important to ensure ethical and responsible conduct and to prevent potential abuses by private companies.

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