Many people think cheap air travel should be encouraged because it gives ordinary people freedom to travel further. However, others think this leads to environmental problems, so air travel should be more expensive in order to discourage people from having it. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Many people think cheap air travel should be encouraged because it gives ordinary people freedom to travel further. However, others think this leads to environmental problems, so air travel should be more expensive in order to discourage people from having it.
Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Numerous people are of the opinion that economical air travel is ideal for ordinary passengers to travel further, while others argue that prices of air travel should be more exorbitant to mitigate adverse implications on the environment. In this essay, I will discuss both of these views and
On the one hand, cheaper air travel can bring several advantages. Firstly, this is conducive to the general public's opportunities to travel more frequently. Thanks to the affordable price of plane, people can get to other cities or foreign nations and explore their cultural values or access modern civilizations. Therefore, people can acquire innovative perspectives to enhance their knowledge comprehensively. Moreover, local economy can be improved. The increasing number of visitors can facilitate career opportunities for inhabitants to sell their products, leading to the growing income of the indigenous business.
On the other hand, air travel costing people more can be beneficial in several ways. First and foremost, the environment can be effectively preserved. When the price of an air trip is improved significantly, standard passengers may not afford to buy an airplane ticket . Therefore, the number of airplanes will decline, which mitigates the effect detrimental emissions to the atmosphere. Furthermore, the huge amount of money can utilized to maintain airplanes' quality. This money will be allocated to preserving and updating the facilities in airplanes so that passengers can receive best services as much as possible.
In conclusion, budget-friendly prices of air travel can enable people to develop their knowledge and local economy, while raising prices can sustain air quality and improve passengers' experience. From my perspective, I advocate for increasing the amount of money for air travel. This can help people live healthily thanks to improved air quality, and also encourage people work industriously to be able to pay for the lavish air travel
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Numerous people are of the opinion" -> "Many individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Many individuals hold the view" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "Numerous people are of the opinion." -
"economical air travel" -> "affordable air travel"
Explanation: "Economical" typically refers to cost-effective in terms of money, whereas "affordable" better conveys the idea of being accessible to a wider range of people. -
"ordinary passengers" -> "general travelers"
Explanation: "General travelers" is more specific and formal than "ordinary passengers," which can sound somewhat informal and vague. -
"prices of air travel should be more exorbitant" -> "air travel prices should be higher"
Explanation: "Exorbitant" typically implies excessively high, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Higher" is straightforward and maintains the formal tone. -
"adverse implications on the environment" -> "negative environmental impacts"
Explanation: "Negative environmental impacts" is a more precise and commonly used academic term than "adverse implications on the environment." -
"Thanks to the affordable price of plane" -> "thanks to the affordability of air travel"
Explanation: "Affordability of air travel" is a more formal and precise phrase than "affordable price of plane," which is awkwardly phrased. -
"get to other cities or foreign nations" -> "travel to other cities or countries"
Explanation: "Travel to" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "get to," which is informal. -
"access modern civilizations" -> "experience modern cultures"
Explanation: "Experience modern cultures" is more specific and academically appropriate than "access modern civilizations," which is vague and potentially misleading. -
"can be improved" -> "can be enhanced"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting improvement in quality or degree, rather than the more general "improved." -
"The increasing number of visitors can facilitate career opportunities" -> "Increased visitor numbers can create career opportunities"
Explanation: "Increased visitor numbers" is more formal and precise than "the increasing number of visitors," and "create" is more specific than "facilitate" in this context. -
"can be effectively preserved" -> "can be effectively maintained"
Explanation: "Maintained" is more specific to the context of sustaining or keeping something in a certain condition, whereas "preserved" can imply a more static state. -
"the huge amount of money can utilized" -> "the significant funds can be utilized"
Explanation: "Significant funds" is more formal and precise than "huge amount of money," and "can be utilized" corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase. -
"best services as much as possible" -> "optimal services"
Explanation: "Optimal services" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of the highest quality possible, avoiding the redundancy of "as much as possible." -
"budget-friendly prices of air travel" -> "affordable air travel prices"
Explanation: Reversing the order improves readability and flow, making the phrase more natural and formal. -
"raising prices can sustain air quality" -> "increasing prices can improve air quality"
Explanation: "Improve" is more accurate than "sustain" in this context, as it directly relates to enhancing the quality of air, not just maintaining it. -
"people work industriously" -> "people work diligently"
Explanation: "Diligently" is a more formal and precise term than "industriously," which can sound slightly informal and less specific in this context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding cheap air travel and its implications. The first paragraph presents the advantages of economical air travel, such as increased opportunities for travel and economic benefits for local communities. The second paragraph discusses the counterargument, emphasizing environmental preservation and the potential for improved airline services with higher ticket prices. However, while both perspectives are mentioned, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances within each viewpoint, particularly regarding the potential trade-offs between economic benefits and environmental costs.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each side is explored in more depth. This could involve providing specific examples or statistics to illustrate the points made, such as data on tourism’s impact on local economies or environmental studies related to air travel emissions. Additionally, a more balanced discussion could be achieved by addressing potential compromises or solutions that consider both economic and environmental perspectives.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, advocating for higher air travel prices to promote environmental health. However, the transition from discussing both sides to stating a personal opinion could be smoother. The phrase "From my perspective, I advocate for increasing the amount of money for air travel" could be more effectively integrated into the body of the essay to reinforce the author’s stance throughout the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently signal their viewpoint in the body paragraphs. This could be achieved by using phrases like "While some argue that…" followed by a reiteration of the author’s perspective. Additionally, the conclusion should not only restate the opinion but also summarize the key arguments that support it, thereby reinforcing the position taken.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of cheap air travel for cultural exchange and local economies, as well as the environmental advantages of higher prices. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the claim that "the number of airplanes will decline" lacks supporting evidence or elaboration on how this would specifically benefit the environment. The mention of improved airline services due to increased funding is also vague and would benefit from more detail.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide concrete examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. For instance, discussing a specific city that has benefited economically from tourism could enhance the argument. Additionally, expanding on how increased prices could lead to better maintenance and service quality would provide a more compelling case for the benefits of higher air travel costs.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt and discussing both sides of the argument. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the phrase "this money will be allocated to preserving and updating the facilities in airplanes so that passengers can receive best services as much as possible" strays slightly from the central argument about environmental concerns and could be more directly tied back to the main topic of air travel costs and their implications.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the main themes of the discussion—economic benefits versus environmental costs—throughout the essay. Additionally, avoiding vague statements and ensuring that all examples and arguments are relevant to the topic will help keep the essay on track.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and provides a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and relevance of their response, potentially achieving an even higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, addressing both sides of the argument as required by the prompt. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are divided into two distinct sections: one for the advantages of cheap air travel and the other for the benefits of more expensive air travel. However, there are moments where the logical flow could be enhanced. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of cheap air travel and the drawbacks of it could be smoother. The essay jumps from one idea to another without sufficient linking sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph and between points within paragraphs. Phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the logical progression of ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that clearly outlines the benefits of cheap air travel before delving into specific examples.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. For instance, instead of starting with "On the one hand," consider stating, "One significant advantage of cheap air travel is that it increases accessibility for the general public." This approach will provide clearer guidance to the reader about what to expect in each paragraph.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this money will be allocated to preserving and updating the facilities in airplanes" lacks a clear connection to the previous sentence discussing the benefits of higher prices, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "In addition," "Consequently," or "As a result" to show cause and effect. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device clearly relates to the preceding and following sentences to maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments, improving the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "economical," "exorbitant," "mitigate," and "indigenous." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation in expression. For instance, the phrase "air travel" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "air travel," alternatives like "aerial transportation" or "flights" could be used. Additionally, the writer could explore more descriptive adjectives or adverbs to enrich their arguments, such as "affordable" instead of "economical" or "significantly" instead of "improved significantly."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the price of an air trip is improved significantly" is awkward and unclear; it would be more effective to say "the price of air travel increases significantly." Additionally, the phrase "the effect detrimental emissions" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased to "the detrimental effects of emissions."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and grammatical correctness. They should revise sentences to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately. For example, instead of saying "the huge amount of money can utilized," it should be "the huge amount of money can be utilized." Regular practice in writing and revising sentences can help improve precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "exorbitant" (misspelled as "exorbitant") and "indigenous" (misspelled as "indigenous"). Additionally, there are grammatical errors that affect the overall quality of the writing, such as "can utilized" instead of "can be utilized."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools like spell checkers. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch spelling and grammatical errors. Reading widely can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
By addressing these areas of lexical resource, the writer can enhance their essay’s overall quality and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence employs a complex structure with a dependent clause ("that economical air travel is ideal for ordinary passengers to travel further"). Additionally, the use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "can" and "may," which limits the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and transition phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "this" or "the," the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to introduce ideas. Additionally, varying the use of modal verbs and incorporating more conditional sentences could add depth to the argumentation.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the price of an air trip is improved significantly" is awkward; a more natural expression would be "the price of an air trip increases significantly." Additionally, the sentence "this money will be allocated to preserving and updating the facilities in airplanes so that passengers can receive best services as much as possible" contains a grammatical error ("the best services" instead of "best services"). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are missing commas that could enhance readability, such as before "while" in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing sentence constructions for clarity and naturalness. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases. Additionally, a thorough proofreading process should be employed to catch grammatical errors and ensure proper punctuation usage, particularly in complex sentences. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also be beneficial in identifying persistent errors.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the writing to a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision, the overall effectiveness of the argumentation can be significantly improved.
Bài sửa mẫu
Numerous people are of the opinion that economical air travel is ideal for ordinary passengers to travel further, while others argue that the prices of air travel should be more exorbitant to mitigate adverse implications on the environment. In this essay, I will discuss both of these views.
On the one hand, cheaper air travel can bring several advantages. Firstly, this is conducive to the general public’s opportunities to travel more frequently. Thanks to the affordability of air travel, people can get to other cities or foreign nations and explore their cultural values or access modern civilizations. Therefore, people can acquire innovative perspectives to enhance their knowledge comprehensively. Moreover, the local economy can be improved. The increasing number of visitors can create career opportunities for inhabitants to sell their products, leading to the growing income of indigenous businesses.
On the other hand, air travel costing people more can be beneficial in several ways. First and foremost, the environment can be effectively preserved. When the price of an air trip is increased significantly, standard passengers may not be able to afford an airplane ticket. Therefore, the number of airplanes will decline, which mitigates the detrimental effects of emissions on the atmosphere. Furthermore, the significant funds can be utilized to maintain the quality of airplanes. This money will be allocated to preserving and updating the facilities in airplanes so that passengers can receive optimal services.
In conclusion, budget-friendly prices of air travel can enable people to develop their knowledge and local economy, while raising prices can sustain air quality and improve passengers’ experience. From my perspective, I advocate for increasing the amount of money for air travel. This can help people live healthily thanks to improved air quality and also encourage people to work diligently to be able to pay for the lavish air travel.
