Many researchers believe that we can now study the behavior of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree. To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

It is expected that many researchers think that people should learn the behavior of children and see if they will engage in criminal behavior in the future. From my perspective view that it is possible to prevent children from committing crimes, I also considered that crime is determined by genetics is not a factor to this behavior.
On the one hand, I argue that genetic factors can partly influence on children’s personalities. For example, if parents are tend to show violent tendencies, their children are more likely to have antisocial behavior or provoke conflicts. However, it is important to note that not all children in this circumstances will become criminal. Individuals from families have a history of heinous crimes can become good citizens and following the rule of law. If parent guidance children properly, it will help them access to formal education.
On the other hand, there are some feasible solutions can prevent children growing up to be criminals. To begin with, children should knowledge formal education which equipping them with positive features, and also instill a sense of empathy. In other words, children allow to have formal education and access to education resources such as books or films at young age can develop their well-being and contributing a better life. Additionally, there is essential for build up a good environment for children. For example, parent should balance a healthy family relationship by teaching children about love and mutual understanding in family, can benefit them to develop their well-being and positive character at a very young age.
In conclusion, I acknowledge that it is possible to prevent children from become criminals, I also convinced that crime is determined by genetics is not a factor.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is expected that many researchers think" -> "It is anticipated that many researchers believe"
Explanation: "It is anticipated that" is more formal and precise than "It is expected that," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing. "Believe" is also more appropriate than "think" in formal academic contexts, as it implies a stronger conviction.
"From my perspective view" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective view" is redundant. "From my perspective" is sufficient and maintains the formal tone required in academic writing.
"I also considered that crime is determined by genetics is not a factor to this behavior" -> "I also contend that genetic factors do not contribute to this behavior"
Explanation: "Contend" is more academically appropriate than "considered," and "do not contribute" is clearer and more direct than "is not a factor to." The phrase "to this behavior" is also unnecessary and can be removed for clarity.
"can partly influence on" -> "can partly influence"
Explanation: "Influence on" is grammatically incorrect. "Influence" is sufficient and correct in this context, indicating the effect on something.
"if parents are tend to show" -> "if parents tend to show"
Explanation: "Are tend to" is grammatically incorrect. "Tend to" is the correct form, indicating a tendency or propensity.
"their children are more likely to have antisocial behavior or provoke conflicts" -> "their children are more likely to exhibit antisocial behavior or engage in conflicts"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is more precise and formal than "have," and "engage in" is more specific than "provoke," which can imply a more active and negative role.
"Individuals from families have a history of heinous crimes can become good citizens" -> "Individuals from families with a history of heinous crimes can become law-abiding citizens"
Explanation: "Law-abiding citizens" is a more specific and formal term than "good citizens," which is vague and informal. Also, "with a history of" is grammatically correct compared to "have a history of."
"If parent guidance children properly" -> "If parents properly guide their children"
Explanation: "Parent guidance" is awkward and incorrect. "Parents properly guide their children" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"there are some feasible solutions can prevent" -> "there are some feasible solutions that can prevent"
Explanation: "That" is necessary to introduce the clause, making the sentence grammatically correct and clearer.
"children should knowledge" -> "children should acquire knowledge"
Explanation: "Acquire knowledge" is the correct phrase, whereas "knowledge" alone is incomplete and grammatically incorrect in this context.
"and also instill a sense of empathy" -> "and also instill empathy"
Explanation: "Instill a sense of" is redundant; "instill" alone is sufficient and more direct.
"children allow to have formal education" -> "children are allowed to receive formal education"
Explanation: "Are allowed to receive" is grammatically correct and clearer than "allow to have," which is awkward and incorrect.
"build up a good environment for children" -> "create a positive environment for children"
Explanation: "Create" is more specific and formal than "build up," which is vague and less commonly used in this context.
"parent should balance a healthy family relationship" -> "parents should maintain a healthy family relationship"
Explanation: "Maintain" is more precise and formal than "balance," which is less specific in this context. Also, "parents" should be plural to match the context of multiple individuals involved in family relationships.
"can benefit them to develop their well-being" -> "can benefit them in developing their well-being"
Explanation: "In developing" is grammatically correct and more formal than "to develop," which is awkwardly phrased in this context.
"I also convinced that crime is determined by genetics is not a factor" -> "I also remain convinced that genetic factors are not determinative"
Explanation: "Remain convinced" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "also convinced," which is less formal. "Determinative" is a more precise term than "determined by genetics," which is vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the influence of genetics on criminal behavior and the potential for preventing children from becoming criminals. The author presents a clear opinion that crime is not primarily determined by genetics and suggests that prevention is possible. However, the response could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which genetics plays a role, as the prompt asks for a degree of agreement or disagreement. The essay mentions genetics but does not sufficiently explore the nuances of this relationship or the implications of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly delineate their stance on the extent of genetic influence on criminal behavior. This could involve providing a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument before arriving at a conclusion. Additionally, explicitly stating how much weight they give to genetics compared to environmental factors would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is somewhat clear, as the author asserts that crime is not determined by genetics and emphasizes the role of prevention. However, the phrasing is occasionally convoluted, making it difficult to follow the argument. For instance, the phrase "I also considered that crime is determined by genetics is not a factor" is awkwardly constructed and could confuse readers about the author’s position.
- How to improve: The author should strive for clearer sentence structures and more direct language. A strong thesis statement at the end of the introduction could help clarify the position. Additionally, using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument will enhance coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the influence of genetics and the importance of a supportive environment. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes lacking in depth. For example, while the author mentions that children from violent backgrounds may exhibit antisocial behavior, they do not provide sufficient evidence or examples to substantiate this claim. The solutions proposed for preventing criminal behavior are relevant but could be better elaborated.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should provide more specific examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include statistics, studies, or real-life examples that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, expanding on the proposed solutions with more detailed explanations of how they can be implemented would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s questions about the role of genetics and the possibility of prevention. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of genetics, which could lead to confusion about the main argument. The phrase "individuals from families have a history of heinous crimes can become good citizens" introduces a new idea without sufficient context or connection to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall thesis. Additionally, avoiding overly complex sentences will help maintain clarity and relevance.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in clarity, depth of support, and explicit connections to the prompt would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The arguments are divided into two main perspectives: the influence of genetics and the potential for prevention. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing genetic influences to preventive measures feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that ties the two ideas together. Additionally, some sentences are convoluted, which can obscure the main points being made.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "Furthermore" can help guide the reader through the shifts in argument more smoothly. Ensuring that each paragraph logically leads to the next will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more focused. For example, the first body paragraph discusses both genetic influences and exceptions, which could be confusing for the reader. The second body paragraph, while discussing preventive measures, lacks a clear structure and could benefit from more distinct points.
- How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to center around a single main idea. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on genetic influences, providing examples and explanations before moving on to exceptions in a separate paragraph. This will make the argument clearer and more digestible for the reader. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence will help reinforce the main idea being discussed.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to contrast different viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections. For example, phrases like "it is important to note" could be more effectively integrated with the surrounding text to enhance clarity. Moreover, there are instances where the use of pronouns could lead to ambiguity, such as "it will help them access to formal education," where "it" could refer to multiple antecedents.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "additionally," "furthermore," "however," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns are used clearly and that their antecedents are unmistakable to avoid confusion. Using synonyms or rephrasing can also help maintain cohesion without repetitive language.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "antisocial behavior," "violent tendencies," and "formal education." However, there are instances where the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive or lacks variation. For example, the phrase "formal education" appears multiple times, which could be diversified with synonyms or related terms such as "structured learning" or "educational programs."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "formal education," they could use phrases like "academic instruction" or "educational opportunities." Additionally, exploring more sophisticated vocabulary related to psychology and behavior, such as "behavioral patterns" or "developmental influences," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, which can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "parent guidance children properly" is awkward and unclear; it should be "parents guide their children properly." Similarly, "knowledge formal education" should be revised to "knowledge through formal education." These inaccuracies detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and ensure that phrases are constructed correctly. Practicing sentence formation and reviewing common collocations in English can help. For example, instead of "children should knowledge formal education," the writer could say, "children should gain knowledge through formal education." This not only clarifies the meaning but also improves the overall flow of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "parent" instead of "parents," "is tend" instead of "tend," and "build up a good environment" which should be "to build a good environment." These errors can disrupt the reader’s understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing exercises and using spell-check tools. Additionally, reading more English texts can help familiarize them with correct spellings and improve their overall language proficiency. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing it regularly can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, many sentences follow a simple subject-verb-object format, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. Phrases such as "I also considered that crime is determined by genetics is not a factor to this behavior" show awkward construction and lack of complexity. The use of conditional sentences is minimal, and there is a reliance on basic clauses rather than more sophisticated structures like relative clauses or varied sentence beginnings.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating different types of sentences, such as complex and compound sentences. For example, instead of saying, "If parents are tend to show violent tendencies, their children are more likely to have antisocial behavior," the writer could revise it to, "If parents tend to exhibit violent tendencies, it is likely that their children will develop antisocial behaviors." This not only improves clarity but also adds complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "I also considered that crime is determined by genetics is not a factor to this behavior" is grammatically incorrect; it should be restructured to clarify the relationship between the clauses. Additionally, phrases like "there are some feasible solutions can prevent children growing up to be criminals" lack necessary prepositions, making them awkward. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also appear throughout the essay, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles and prepositions. For instance, the sentence "there are some feasible solutions can prevent children growing up to be criminals" could be revised to "there are some feasible solutions that can prevent children from growing up to be criminals." Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. The writer could benefit from reviewing grammar rules and engaging in exercises that target specific weaknesses, such as sentence structure and punctuation.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy require significant improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is expected that many researchers think that we can study the behavior of children to see if they will engage in criminal behavior in the future. From my perspective, it is possible to prevent children from committing crimes, and I also contend that crime is not determined by genetics.

On the one hand, I argue that genetic factors can partly influence children’s personalities. For example, if parents tend to show violent tendencies, their children are more likely to exhibit antisocial behavior or engage in conflicts. However, it is important to note that not all children in these circumstances will become criminals. Individuals from families with a history of heinous crimes can become good citizens and follow the rule of law. If parents guide their children properly, it will help them access formal education.

On the other hand, there are some feasible solutions that can prevent children from growing up to be criminals. To begin with, children should acquire knowledge through formal education, which equips them with positive traits and also instills a sense of empathy. In other words, children who are allowed to receive formal education and access educational resources such as books or films at a young age can develop their well-being and contribute to a better life. Additionally, it is essential to create a positive environment for children. For example, parents should maintain a healthy family relationship by teaching children about love and mutual understanding in the family, which can benefit them in developing their well-being and positive character at a very young age.

In conclusion, I acknowledge that it is possible to prevent children from becoming criminals, and I also remain convinced that crime is not determined by genetics.