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Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

The challenge of maintaining concentration and attentiveness in the school environment is a prevalent issue faced by many students. This essay will look at some primary causes and propose viable solutions to address this pervasive problem.

One of the major reasons of this challenge is the significant influence of technology on the learning environment. In an age where smartphones and social media updates are imensely popular, students often find themselves easily distracted by digital devices, preventing them from focusing on classroom activities and academic tasks. This problem could be addressed by implementing clear guidelines on phone use during classes and study sessions. Schools can play a key role in teaching students how to use technology more wisely, reducing distractions and enhancing concentration. This practical approach aims to turn technology into a helpful learning tool rather than a hindrance to students' concentration.

Another source of being distracted at school is the burden of excessive homework,leading to sleep deprivation. The heavy workload imposed by numerous assignments and projects can result in students staying up late to complete their tasks, sacrificing valuable hours of sleep.This negatively affects concentration and alertness during classes.This issuse could be tackled by reducing the amount of homework daily and emphasizing its quality over quantity. To do this effectively, parents and teachers should collaborate to monitor student’s progress and optimize study hour, promoting a balanced approach to academics and prioritizing students' health.

In conclusion, there are various factors leading to students’s difficulty in maintaining focus within the school environment and measures can be implemented to deal with this issue.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "prevalent issue" -> "prevalent challenge"
    Explanation: Replacing "prevalent issue" with "prevalent challenge" maintains a formal tone and emphasizes the difficulty faced by students in maintaining concentration, aligning better with academic language.

  2. "primary causes" -> "underlying factors"
    Explanation: Substituting "primary causes" with "underlying factors" adds nuance to the discussion, suggesting a deeper exploration of the reasons behind the challenge and enhancing the sophistication of the language.

  3. "imensely popular" -> "extremely popular"
    Explanation: Replacing "imensely popular" with "extremely popular" corrects the spelling error and ensures a more formal and precise expression of the widespread popularity of smartphones and social media updates.

  4. "preventing them from focusing" -> "hindering their focus"
    Explanation: Changing "preventing them from focusing" to "hindering their focus" maintains clarity while introducing a more formal and nuanced expression, aligning with academic style.

  5. "clear guidelines" -> "explicit guidelines"
    Explanation: Substituting "clear guidelines" with "explicit guidelines" adds specificity and formality to the recommendation, emphasizing the need for precise and detailed instructions regarding phone use.

  6. "reduce distractions" -> "minimize distractions"
    Explanation: Changing "reduce distractions" to "minimize distractions" provides a more refined and academic choice of words, conveying the idea of achieving a lower level of interference from digital devices.

  7. "practical approach" -> "pragmatic approach"
    Explanation: Replacing "practical approach" with "pragmatic approach" introduces a more sophisticated term, emphasizing a realistic and sensible strategy to address the issue.

  8. "hindrance to students’ concentration" -> "impediment to students’ concentration"
    Explanation: Substituting "hindrance" with "impediment" elevates the vocabulary, offering a more formal and precise term to describe the negative impact of technology on students’ concentration.

  9. "source of being distracted" -> "cause of distraction"
    Explanation: Changing "source of being distracted" to "cause of distraction" simplifies the expression while maintaining formality, providing a clearer description of the issue.

  10. "leading to sleep deprivation" -> "resulting in sleep deprivation"
    Explanation: Substituting "leading to" with "resulting in" improves the flow and formality of the sentence, offering a more precise connection between the excessive homework and the consequent sleep deprivation.

  11. "heavy workload imposed by numerous assignments" -> "substantial workload assigned through numerous assignments"
    Explanation: Expanding "heavy workload" to "substantial workload assigned through numerous assignments" provides a more detailed and formal description, enhancing the academic quality of the statement.

  12. "staying up late" -> "burning the midnight oil"
    Explanation: Changing "staying up late" to "burning the midnight oil" adds a figurative expression, maintaining formality while introducing a commonly used phrase to describe late-night studying.

  13. "This negatively affects" -> "This adversely impacts"
    Explanation: Substituting "negatively affects" with "adversely impacts" introduces a more formal and precise term, aligning with the academic style of the essay.

  14. "concentration and alertness" -> "focus and alertness"
    Explanation: Replacing "concentration and alertness" with "focus and alertness" simplifies the expression without compromising formality, offering a more straightforward description of the impact on students.

  15. "issuse" -> "issue"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in "issuse" to "issue" ensures accuracy and maintains the professionalism of the essay.

  16. "students’s difficulty" -> "students’ difficulty"
    Explanation: Correcting the apostrophe placement in "students’s difficulty" to "students’ difficulty" ensures proper punctuation and adheres to grammatical conventions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses both components of the prompt—identifying reasons for students’ difficulty in concentration and proposing solutions. It discusses the impact of technology and excessive homework on concentration, providing specific examples and proposing practical solutions.
    • How to improve: While the essay is comprehensive, a more nuanced exploration of the effects of technology and homework could enhance the depth of analysis. Providing specific examples or studies to support the claims would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance on the challenges of concentration in schools, attributing them to technology and excessive homework. The proposed solutions align with the established position.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity, explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion can enhance coherence and help the reader follow the essay’s argument more easily.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically, develops them coherently, and supports them with relevant examples. It explains the reasons behind concentration issues and proposes practical solutions in a well-organized manner.
    • How to improve: While the essay is well-structured, providing additional examples or incorporating real-life scenarios could further enhance the development of ideas, making the essay more engaging and convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently addresses the prompt, discussing reasons for students’ difficulty in concentration and proposing feasible solutions. There are no significant deviations from the topic.
    • How to improve: To strengthen focus, ensuring that each body paragraph directly relates to the main topic would add precision. Connecting each point back to the overarching theme will eliminate any potential minor diversions.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively addressing both the reasons for students’ concentration challenges and proposing practical solutions. To improve, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the identified issues, explicit thesis statements, additional examples, and enhanced precision in maintaining focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, starting with an introduction that introduces the problem, followed by well-structured body paragraphs addressing different causes and solutions, and concluding with a brief summary. The progression of ideas is clear, and each paragraph contributes to the overall flow of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. Additionally, ensure that the conclusion reinforces the main points made in the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. Some paragraphs could be more tightly organized, ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the main point of the paragraph.
    • How to improve: Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. Check for coherence within paragraphs to maintain a consistent flow of ideas. Consider the use of transitions between sentences to create a seamless connection.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices, such as transitions and pronouns, to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices used. A more diverse range, including conjunctions, adverbs, and synonyms, could strengthen the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
    • How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices to include a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use transitional words like "furthermore," "however," and "conversely" to create a smoother flow between ideas. Ensure that pronouns and other cohesive elements are used consistently throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, but refining the transitions between paragraphs and incorporating a broader range of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. It incorporates words such as "prevalent," "immensely," "guidelines," and "practical approach." However, there is room for improvement, as some vocabulary choices are more common and could be enriched.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score, consider incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, instead of the commonly used term "a prevalent issue," try alternatives like "a pervasive challenge" or "an ubiquitous dilemma." This can elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively. For instance, the phrase "burden of excessive homework" precisely captures the idea. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more specific, such as in the phrase "the significant influence of technology." Here, specifying the aspects of technology causing distraction would add precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, consider specifying the nature of technological influence. For example, instead of a broad reference to "technology," identify specific distractions like social media updates or smartphone notifications. This will add depth to your analysis.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where spelling errors occur, such as "imensely" (immensely) and "issuse" (issue).
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools to catch and correct such errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work before submission can significantly enhance spelling precision.

In summary, the essay has a solid vocabulary range with room for improvement in terms of sophistication. The precision in vocabulary usage is generally good, but adding specificity in certain areas would enhance clarity. Spelling accuracy is satisfactory, but careful proofreading is essential to eliminate minor errors and strengthen overall language presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It uses a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, contributing to a coherent flow of ideas. For instance, there is a successful incorporation of complex sentences in the second paragraph to explain the influence of technology on concentration. However, there is room for improvement as some sentences tend to be straightforward and lack complexity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider introducing more complex sentence structures, such as using relative clauses, conditional sentences, or participial phrases. For example, in the introductory paragraph, you can add complexity by incorporating a sentence with a subordinate clause to provide more nuanced information about the prevalence of the concentration issue.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. There are, however, a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, in the sentence "In an age where smartphones and social media updates are immensely popular," there is a missing article before "social media updates," making the sentence slightly unclear. Additionally, there is an inconsistency in maintaining parallel structure in the sentence "The heavy workload imposed by numerous assignments and projects can result in students staying up late to complete their tasks, sacrificing valuable hours of sleep."
    • How to improve: Pay closer attention to articles and parallel structure. In the first case, adding "the" before "social media updates" will enhance clarity. For the second issue, ensure consistency in sentence structure by maintaining parallelism. A revised version could be, "The heavy workload imposed by numerous assignments and projects can result in students sacrificing valuable hours of sleep to stay up late and complete their tasks."

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a satisfactory range of sentence structures. To achieve a higher band score, focus on incorporating more complex sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, especially in the areas highlighted.

Bài sửa mẫu

The prevalent challenge of maintaining concentration and attentiveness in the school environment is an issue faced by many students. This essay will explore some primary causes and propose viable solutions to address this pervasive problem.

One major reason for this challenge is the significant influence of technology on the learning environment. In an era where smartphones and social media updates are extremely popular, students often find themselves easily distracted by digital devices, hindering their focus on classroom activities and academic tasks. This problem could be addressed by implementing explicit guidelines on phone use during classes and study sessions. Schools can play a key role in teaching students how to use technology more wisely, minimizing distractions and enhancing concentration. This pragmatic approach aims to turn technology into a helpful learning tool rather than an impediment to students’ concentration.

Another cause of distraction at school is the burden of excessive homework, leading to sleep deprivation. The substantial workload assigned through numerous assignments and projects can result in students burning the midnight oil to complete their tasks, causing sleep deprivation. This adversely impacts focus and alertness during classes. This issue could be tackled by reducing the amount of homework daily and emphasizing its quality over quantity. To do this effectively, parents and teachers should collaborate to monitor students’ progress and optimize study hours, promoting a balanced approach to academics and prioritizing students’ health.

In conclusion, various factors contribute to students’ difficulty in maintaining focus within the school environment, and measures can be implemented to deal with this issue.

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