Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What
are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?
There is a pervasive issue among students regarding their distraction during class. This ongoing trend can be attributed to the prevalence of internet-based devices and the rigid adherence to traditional approaches. This essay will delve into compelling reasons why students find it challenging to pay attention during lessons and propose some practical measures.
To begin with, social networking applications are believed to be the major culprit of this tendency. Seeking continuous engagement with social media, students are more likely to misuse them, even under the scrutiny of teachers during class. Besides, some students have a habit of constantly monitoring technology. Facebook or Instagram, for instance, tends to constantly update the latest news and messages, facilitating students' curiosity and disturbing the concentration of the student curriculum. Additionally, the second explanation lies in the emphasis on repetitive theoretical lectures. Students may get bored because of the monotony of lessons that cover a variety of abstract concepts and impractical aspects. For example, learning about the use of phonology, grammar, and vocabulary in an English class without engaging practice makes it hard for students to follow. This significantly contributes to the distraction of students in the classroom.
To tackle this issue, educational administrators and students necessitate collaborative efforts. Firstly, the school principal should implement a comprehensive ban on electronic devices such as mobile phones, laptops, and iPads in class. All personal handsets could be stored in a secure room, appropriately labeled to be returned to their owners after class ends. This would effectively block the influx of potential distractions from online networking sites. Secondly, educators should redesign lecture content to be more practical. For example, business schools could work in collaboration with enterprises to incorporate factual case studies and engaging biographical material about entrepreneurs. Once engaged, these students will be more likely to focus more fully on their studies, ensuring higher chances of success after graduation.
In conclusion, a great number of students nowadays pay little attention at school due to the advent of social media platforms and lessons largely irrelevant to their needs. However, if schools adopt handset-free classroom policies and align the curriculum with students' needs, students will become more attentive., students will become more attentive.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"compelling" -> "significant"
Explanation: Replacing "compelling" with "significant" maintains the emphasis on the importance of reasons without overly emphasizing their persuasive nature, aligning better with an academic tone.
"To begin with" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "To begin with" is a slightly informal phrase; "Firstly" is a more formal transition that fits better in an academic essay’s structure.
"are believed to be the major culprit of this tendency" -> "are considered primary contributors to this issue"
Explanation: "Believed to be the major culprit" is a bit informal; "considered primary contributors" presents a more formal and precise expression for academic writing.
"Seeking continuous engagement with social media" -> "Constantly seeking interaction on social media"
Explanation: The revised phrase retains the meaning while enhancing formality and clarity in the sentence structure.
"Besides" -> "Additionally"
Explanation: "Besides" is more conversational; "Additionally" maintains formality in academic writing.
"have a habit of constantly monitoring technology" -> "habitually monitor technological devices"
Explanation: The revised phrase uses a more formal and precise structure.
"tends to constantly update" -> "constantly updates"
Explanation: Simplifying the expression while retaining the intended meaning enhances clarity without losing the academic tone.
"For example" -> "For instance"
Explanation: Both phrases serve the same purpose, but "For instance" is slightly more formal for academic contexts.
"that cover a variety of abstract concepts and impractical aspects" -> "that encompass abstract concepts and theoretical aspects"
Explanation: This change maintains formality and provides a more precise description without using the term "impractical."
"makes it hard" -> "makes it challenging"
Explanation: "Hard" is a more informal term; "challenging" is a suitable replacement in academic writing.
"to be more practical" -> "to incorporate practical elements"
Explanation: This change retains the meaning while phrasing it in a more formal and academic style.
"could work in collaboration" -> "could collaborate"
Explanation: A simpler phrase maintains formality without losing clarity.
"Once engaged, these students will be more likely to focus more fully on their studies" -> "Increased engagement is likely to enhance their focus on studies"
Explanation: Rephrasing to simplify the sentence without losing the essence of the message.
"great number" -> "large number"
Explanation: "Great" is slightly informal; "large" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"if schools adopt handset-free classroom policies" -> "should schools implement policies prohibiting electronic devices"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality while presenting the idea in a more direct manner.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "This ongoing trend can be attributed to the prevalence of internet-based devices and the rigid adherence to traditional approaches."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your introduction outlines the two main factors contributing to students’ distraction effectively. However, to enhance clarity, consider briefly previewing the reasons you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This provides a roadmap for the reader, ensuring a clearer understanding of your essay’s structure.
- Improved example: "This ongoing trend can be attributed to the prevalence of internet-based devices, such as smartphones and laptops, and the rigid adherence to traditional teaching approaches. In this essay, we will delve into the negative impact of these factors on students’ concentration in the classroom."
Quoted text: "For example, learning about the use of phonology, grammar, and vocabulary in an English class without engaging practice makes it hard for students to follow."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the lack of engaging practice in language classes is valid. However, to improve, consider providing a concrete example or personal experience to illustrate this. This adds depth to your argument and makes it more persuasive.
- Improved example: "For instance, in an English class, focusing solely on the theoretical aspects of phonology, grammar, and vocabulary, without incorporating practical exercises or real-life applications, makes it hard for students to grasp and retain the language skills. Personal experiences or specific examples can emphasize this point."
Quoted text: "Once engaged, these students will be more likely to focus more fully on their studies, ensuring higher chances of success after graduation."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While your proposed solutions are reasonable, it would strengthen your argument to elaborate on how these measures directly address the issues discussed earlier. Connect the solutions explicitly to the problems to make the cause-and-effect relationship clearer.
- Improved example: "Implementing a ban on electronic devices and redesigning the curriculum are practical solutions that directly address the issues of distractions caused by social media and irrelevant lessons. By removing potential sources of distraction and making the content more aligned with students’ needs, these measures ensure that students are more likely to focus fully on their studies, consequently enhancing their chances of success after graduation."
Overall, your essay effectively addresses the task, providing relevant reasons and proposing practical solutions. However, refining the introduction, incorporating specific examples, and strengthening the connection between problems and solutions will enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of your argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, ensuring a clear progression throughout the text. There is effective use of cohesive devices, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, and there is a clear central topic within each paragraph. The writer effectively discusses the reasons for students’ difficulty in concentrating and proposes practical solutions.
How to improve:
To enhance cohesion further, consider incorporating more varied and sophisticated cohesive devices. While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, increasing their diversity could elevate the coherence to a higher band level. Additionally, pay attention to the length and structure of some sentences to maintain a smoother flow. Overall, maintain the current logical organization while refining the use of cohesive devices for an even more polished essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary with attempts at less common lexical items. There’s effective use of diverse vocabulary in discussing reasons for students’ distraction, incorporating terms like "pervasive issue," "culprit," and "monotony." However, occasional inaccuracies and repetitions hinder achieving a higher band score. For instance, the term "Facebook or Instagram" might be considered slightly informal for the context.
How to improve: Enhance precision by using more sophisticated vocabulary and refining word choice. Avoid overly generic terms like "latest news and messages" by specifying the distracting elements. Additionally, strive for consistency in maintaining formal language throughout the essay, avoiding colloquial terms that may slightly diminish lexical precision. Overall, a more consistent and precise use of vocabulary will further elevate the score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, utilizing a variety of complex structures. The writer effectively uses a mix of simple and complex sentences to convey ideas. There are frequent error-free sentences, contributing to overall clarity. However, some minor errors and awkward phrasing are present, such as in the sentence, "However, if schools adopt handset-free classroom policies and align the curriculum with students’ needs, students will become more attentive., students will become more attentive." Additionally, there are instances where the writer could enhance precision and coherence in expression.
How to improve: To improve, focus on refining sentence structures for better fluency and avoiding repetition. Proofread carefully to eliminate minor errors and ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Consider rephrasing the concluding sentence for better coherence and clarity, perhaps by combining or restructuring the ideas for a more polished ending.
Bài sửa mẫu
A prevalent issue among students is their distraction during class, primarily linked to the widespread use of internet-based devices and a persistent reliance on conventional teaching methods. This essay will explore key reasons behind students’ difficulty in paying attention during lessons and suggest practical solutions.
Firstly, social networking applications are considered significant contributors to this issue. Students, constantly seeking interaction on social media, are prone to misuse these platforms, even when teachers are monitoring the class. Moreover, some students habitually monitor technological devices, such as Facebook or Instagram, which constantly update with the latest news and messages. This constant influx of information piques students’ curiosity, disrupting the focus on the curriculum. Additionally, the emphasis on repetitive theoretical lectures, covering abstract concepts and theoretical aspects, makes it challenging to incorporate practical elements into the learning process. For instance, studying the use of phonology, grammar, and vocabulary in an English class without engaging in practical exercises hampers students’ ability to follow the lessons, contributing significantly to their distraction.
To address this issue, collaborative efforts between educational administrators and students are essential. Firstly, school principals should implement comprehensive bans on electronic devices like mobile phones, laptops, and iPads in class. Personal handsets could be securely stored, labeled for return after class. This measure would effectively block potential distractions from online networking sites. Additionally, educators should redesign lecture content to include more practical elements. For example, business schools could collaborate with enterprises to incorporate factual case studies and engaging biographical material about entrepreneurs. Increased engagement is likely to enhance students’ focus on studies, ensuring higher chances of success after graduation.
In conclusion, a large number of students today pay insufficient attention at school due to the influence of social media platforms and theoretical lessons that lack practical relevance. However, implementing handset-free classroom policies and aligning the curriculum with students’ needs can make students more attentive and improve their learning experience.