Modern forms of communication such as emailing and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. Thiss has had a negative effect on their social life.
Modern forms of communication such as emailing and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. Thiss has had a negative effect on their social life.
Nowaday, there is no doubt that the modern forms of communication have changed the way that people talk to each other and how often they meet the other person. However, it is not all lead to the worse result. They can still lead to a better result in many ways.
The main negative effect is that people spend less time meeting their friends face to face. However, they spend more time searching and surfing on the social medias such as TikTok, Facebook and Instagram. They find it easier to connect to the others just by using a mobile phone. Moreover, spending so much time on social media can lead them to the worse and more boring communication in the real life.
On the other hand, the modern forms of communication can also bring a lot of positive effect. Making group chat can make the students or friends in the group easily communicate to each other. After to covid pandemic, every students often use the modern kind of communication for the online lession. Moreover, texting and messaging online can help you contact more with foreigners.Meeting them through games and adding their social media is one of the ways to make friends online.
In general, the modern ways of communication is not always make the modern people's social life worse.If you can use it properly it will be an advantage.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowaday" -> "Nowadays"
Explanation: "Nowaday" is a typographical error. "Nowadays" is the correct form, which is commonly used in formal and academic writing to refer to the current time period. -
"talk to each other" -> "communicate with each other"
Explanation: "Communicate with each other" is a more formal and precise term than "talk to each other," which is somewhat informal and vague for academic writing. -
"how often they meet the other person" -> "how frequently they interact with others"
Explanation: "Interact with others" is more specific and formal than "meet the other person," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"not all lead to the worse result" -> "not all lead to adverse consequences"
Explanation: "Adverse consequences" is a more precise and formal term than "the worse result," which is grammatically incorrect and informal. -
"spend less time meeting their friends face to face" -> "spend less time engaging in face-to-face interactions with friends"
Explanation: "Engaging in face-to-face interactions" is a more formal and precise way to describe the act of meeting friends in person. -
"searching and surfing on the social medias" -> "browsing social media"
Explanation: "Browsing social media" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the act of using social media platforms. -
"connect to the others" -> "connect with others"
Explanation: "Connect with others" is grammatically correct and more formal than "connect to the others." -
"spending so much time on social media can lead them to the worse and more boring communication in the real life" -> "excessive social media use can lead to less engaging communication in real-life interactions"
Explanation: "Excessive social media use" and "less engaging communication in real-life interactions" are more precise and formal, avoiding the informal and incorrect "the worse and more boring." -
"Making group chat" -> "Creating group chats"
Explanation: "Creating group chats" is a more formal and accurate term than "Making group chat," which is grammatically incorrect. -
"communicate to each other" -> "communicate with each other"
Explanation: "Communicate with each other" is the correct prepositional phrase, whereas "communicate to each other" is grammatically incorrect. -
"After to covid pandemic" -> "Following the COVID-19 pandemic"
Explanation: "Following the COVID-19 pandemic" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the time period after the pandemic. -
"online lession" -> "online lessons"
Explanation: "Lessons" is the correct plural form of "lesson," which is necessary when referring to multiple online classes. -
"texting and messaging online" -> "texting and messaging via online platforms"
Explanation: "Via online platforms" specifies the medium of communication more clearly and formally than "online." -
"contact more with foreigners" -> "maintain more contact with international individuals"
Explanation: "Maintain more contact with international individuals" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of communicating with people from other countries. -
"Meeting them through games and adding their social media" -> "Connecting with them through gaming platforms and adding them on social media"
Explanation: "Connecting with them through gaming platforms and adding them on social media" is more specific and formal, clarifying the methods of online interaction. -
"the modern ways of communication is not always make the modern people’s social life worse" -> "the modern forms of communication do not always negatively impact modern individuals’ social lives"
Explanation: "Do not always negatively impact modern individuals’ social lives" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive effects of modern communication on social life. However, it does not fully explore the "negative effect" aspect as stated in the prompt. The introduction mentions that modern communication has changed how people interact, but it fails to provide a clear and comprehensive analysis of the negative consequences. For instance, while the essay notes that people spend less time face-to-face, it does not elaborate on the implications of this reduction on social relationships or mental health.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should clearly delineate the negative effects of modern communication on social life, supported by specific examples and evidence. Including statistics or studies on social interactions could strengthen the argument. Additionally, a more balanced exploration of both sides with a focus on the negative consequences would provide a more thorough response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position regarding the overall impact of modern communication. While it starts by acknowledging the negative effects, it quickly shifts to discussing positive aspects, which may confuse the reader about the author’s stance. Phrases like "it is not all lead to the worse result" and "not always make the modern people’s social life worse" indicate a lack of decisiveness.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and consistently reinforce it throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement that outlines the main argument would help guide the reader. The writer should also avoid contradictory statements and focus on supporting their primary argument with relevant examples.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. For example, the mention of social media’s role in reducing face-to-face interactions is a good start, but it is not sufficiently extended or supported. The discussion about group chats and online friendships is relevant but feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about negative effects. The use of vague terms like "better result" and "worse and more boring communication" lacks clarity and specificity.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide specific examples and elaborate on each point made. For instance, explaining how reduced face-to-face interaction affects emotional connections or providing examples of how online communication can lead to misunderstandings would add depth. Using clear, concrete language will also help convey ideas more effectively.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly when discussing the positive aspects of modern communication. While it is important to acknowledge both sides, the focus should remain on the negative effects as per the prompt. The transition from negative to positive effects feels abrupt and may distract from the central argument.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the author should prioritize discussing the negative effects of modern communication and limit the exploration of positive aspects. If positive points are included, they should be clearly linked back to the main argument, illustrating how they contrast with or complicate the negative effects. A more structured approach, perhaps by dedicating separate paragraphs to each aspect, could help maintain focus.
In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt, it requires significant improvement in clarity, depth, and focus to achieve a higher band score. By refining the argument, providing specific examples, and maintaining a clear position, the author can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both negative and positive effects of modern communication, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing negative effects to positive effects is abrupt and lacks a clear linking statement. The essay does not fully develop its points, particularly in the second paragraph where the negative effects are mentioned but not elaborated upon with examples or deeper analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "In contrast," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the shifts in argument. Expanding on each point with examples or explanations will also strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs are not well-developed. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the negative effects but is quite short and lacks sufficient detail. The second body paragraph, while addressing positive aspects, also suffers from a lack of depth and clarity.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear main idea supported by specific examples or explanations. The writer should aim for a minimum of three to four sentences per paragraph, ensuring that each point is fully explored. Additionally, the conclusion should be a separate paragraph that summarizes the main points and reinforces the overall argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of effective linking phrases. For example, the transition between the discussion of social media and its effects on real-life communication could be smoother.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "as a result." This will enhance the flow of the essay and make connections between ideas clearer. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will help the writer become more comfortable with their application.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on improving logical organization, paragraph development, and the range of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. For instance, terms like "modern forms of communication," "social media," and "group chat" are relevant and appropriate. However, the vocabulary tends to be repetitive, particularly with phrases like "modern forms of communication" and "spending time." The use of synonyms or more varied expressions could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "modern forms of communication," they could use "contemporary communication methods" or "digital communication tools." Additionally, exploring more specific terms related to social media or communication could enrich the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "lead to the worse result" is vague and could be more clearly articulated as "result in negative outcomes." Similarly, the phrase "the worse and more boring communication" lacks clarity; it would be more effective to specify what aspects of communication are being referred to.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could replace vague terms with more specific descriptors. For instance, instead of "boring communication," they might say "superficial interactions" or "less meaningful conversations." This will help clarify their arguments and strengthen their overall message.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Nowaday" (should be "Nowadays"), "Thiss" (should be "This"), "lead" (should be "led" in past contexts), and "lession" (should be "lesson"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can distract the reader from the content.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors, using spell-check tools, or writing drafts and revising them after a short break. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary usage, focusing on precise language, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complex structures that could enhance the depth of the argument. For instance, phrases like "the modern forms of communication have changed the way that people talk to each other" and "spending so much time on social media can lead them to the worse and more boring communication" are straightforward but do not exhibit complexity. The use of relative clauses, conditional sentences, or varied sentence openings is minimal.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "They can still lead to a better result in many ways," the writer could say, "Although modern communication methods can lead to negative outcomes, they also offer numerous benefits, such as enhanced connectivity and accessibility." This not only adds complexity but also strengthens the argument by juxtaposing contrasting ideas.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "Nowaday" should be "Nowadays," and "it is not all lead to the worse result" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "it does not all lead to worse results." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, which can confuse the reader. For instance, "Moreover, spending so much time on social media can lead them to the worse and more boring communication in the real life" lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing and incorrect article usage ("the real life" should be "real life").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help. Additionally, the writer should pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses (commas) are needed for clarity. For example, the sentence "After to covid pandemic, every students often use the modern kind of communication for the online lession" should be corrected to "After the COVID-19 pandemic, every student often uses modern forms of communication for online lessons," addressing both grammatical and punctuation issues.
In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, improving the range of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and revision are key strategies for improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, there is no doubt that modern forms of communication have changed the way that people talk to each other and how frequently they meet others. However, it does not all lead to negative results. They can still lead to better outcomes in many ways.
The main negative effect is that people spend less time meeting their friends face to face. Instead, they spend more time browsing social media platforms such as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram. They find it easier to connect with others just by using a mobile phone. Moreover, spending so much time on social media can lead to less engaging communication in real-life interactions.
On the other hand, modern forms of communication can also bring many positive effects. Creating group chats can help students or friends in the group easily communicate with each other. Following the COVID-19 pandemic, many students often use modern forms of communication for online lessons. Moreover, texting and messaging online can help you maintain more contact with foreigners. Connecting with them through gaming platforms and adding them on social media is one of the ways to make friends online.
In general, modern ways of communication do not always make people’s social lives worse. If used properly, they can be an advantage.