Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and books from the Internet for no charge. To what extent is this a positive or a negative development?

Stories related to advanced technology and copyright are never far from the front pages and from the collective consciousness. Although downloading music and electronic books for free seems to be less challenging for individuals because of advanced technology, my view leans towards that it is detrimental for authors of these products.

On the one hand, free access to music and books copyright can foster the wider dissemination of knowledge to the public. For instance, along with the growing importance of the internet has eased exposure to copyright so it is easier than ever for copyrighted materials to be approached by companies and individuals around the world; in turn, more people can access copyrighted works which they may not afford to purchase. Furthermore, free access to materials can foster creativity and expand artistic horizons for the public. One outstanding point is that most individuals do not have enough money and time to purchase and go to stores to buy these materials. Therefore, online free access to these resources is a great way to learn and gain knowledge.

Albeit the aforementioned ideas, to my way of thinking, downloading for free has negative impacts on authors. One striking point is the effect on authors which leads to a struggle for them to monetize their works and earn a livelihood. In fact, downloading free books and music not only discourages creators and authors, but also makes them demotivated and hard to monetize to create innovative products, leading to decline in the quality and diversity of art works. Moreover, it also impacts on the creative industries, making it hard for them to produce high-quality products.

To conclude, free access to music and books by advanced technology has both good and bad sides. While I recognise the possible positives of it, I consider it to be a negative development overall.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"never far from the front pages and from the collective consciousness" -> "constantly in the spotlight and within collective awareness"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and redundant. "constantly in the spotlight and within collective awareness" maintains the meaning while employing more formal language.
"Although downloading music and electronic books for free seems to be less challenging for individuals because of advanced technology, my view leans towards that it is detrimental for authors of these products." -> "While the ease of downloading music and electronic books for free due to advanced technology is apparent, I contend that this practice is detrimental to the authors of these products."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using more precise language and adhering to a more formal tone. It also restructures the sentence for better flow.
"On the one hand, free access to music and books copyright can foster the wider dissemination of knowledge to the public." -> "On one hand, unrestricted access to copyrighted music and books can facilitate the broader dissemination of knowledge among the public."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a clearer expression of the idea using more formal language.
"along with the growing importance of the internet has eased exposure to copyright so it is easier than ever for copyrighted materials to be approached by companies and individuals around the world" -> "The increasing prominence of the internet has facilitated access to copyrighted materials, enabling companies and individuals worldwide to readily obtain them."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. The revised version provides a clearer expression of the idea in a more formal tone.
"Furthermore, free access to materials can foster creativity and expand artistic horizons for the public." -> "Moreover, unrestricted access to materials can stimulate creativity and broaden artistic horizons for the public."
Explanation: The suggested alternative maintains clarity while employing more formal language and enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Albeit the aforementioned ideas, to my way of thinking, downloading for free has negative impacts on authors." -> "However, in my view, free downloading has adverse effects on authors."
Explanation: The original phrase "Albeit the aforementioned ideas" is redundant and informal. The revised version maintains clarity while using more formal language and rephrasing for better flow.
"One striking point is the effect on authors which leads to a struggle for them to monetize their works and earn a livelihood." -> "A notable consequence is the impact on authors, resulting in a struggle to monetize their works and sustain their livelihood."
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more concise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"downloading free books and music not only discourages creators and authors, but also makes them demotivated" -> "Obtaining books and music for free not only discourages creators and authors but also demotivates them."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using more formal language and improving the flow of the sentence.
"To conclude, free access to music and books by advanced technology has both good and bad sides." -> "In conclusion, unrestricted access to music and books through advanced technology has both positive and negative aspects."
Explanation: The suggested alternative is more formal and concise, adhering to academic writing standards.
"While I recognise the possible positives of it, I consider it to be a negative development overall." -> "Although I acknowledge the potential benefits, I deem it an overall negative development."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using more formal language and improving the flow of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of individuals downloading copyrighted music and books from the internet for free. It acknowledges the ease of access provided by advanced technology and the potential benefits of wider dissemination of knowledge. However, it primarily focuses on the negative impact on authors, emphasizing the struggle for monetization and the decline in the quality and diversity of artistic works.
- How to improve: To improve, ensure that the essay provides a more balanced discussion of both the positive and negative aspects of the issue. While it’s essential to highlight the negative consequences for authors, also consider discussing potential benefits for consumers and society as a whole.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that downloading copyrighted materials for free is primarily detrimental for authors. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, with the author expressing a negative view on the overall impact of free access to music and books.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that the introduction clearly states the author’s position on the issue. Additionally, use transition sentences to reinforce the central argument and guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the ease of access to copyrighted materials and the potential benefits for the public. However, the development and support of these ideas are somewhat limited. While the negative impact on authors is discussed in more detail, the essay would benefit from providing further evidence and examples to strengthen the arguments.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas, incorporate specific examples, statistics, or expert opinions to bolster the arguments. Additionally, ensure that each point is fully developed with relevant explanations and analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the implications of individuals downloading copyrighted music and books for free. However, there are some instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as the tangential mention of individuals’ lack of money and time to purchase materials.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points directly relate to the central theme of the prompt. Avoid introducing unrelated topics or arguments that detract from the main discussion on the positive and negative aspects of free access to copyrighted materials.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear position and addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in providing a more balanced discussion, extending and supporting ideas with additional evidence, and maintaining focus throughout the essay. Incorporating these suggestions can enhance the coherence and persuasiveness of the argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the author’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs presenting contrasting viewpoints. The first body paragraph discusses the potential benefits of free access to copyrighted materials, while the second explores the negative impacts, before concluding with a succinct summary. However, the progression of ideas within each paragraph could be improved for better coherence. For instance, the first body paragraph jumps from discussing wider dissemination of knowledge to the affordability issue without a smooth transition, creating a slightly disjointed flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the author should focus on maintaining a coherent flow of ideas within each paragraph and between paragraphs. This can be achieved by employing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader and using transition words and phrases to smoothly connect related points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content, with clear separations between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the development of ideas within each paragraph. Some paragraphs lack sufficient elaboration and could benefit from additional supporting details to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, the author should ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that provide evidence and elaboration. Additionally, expanding on key points with specific examples or data can help reinforce the argument and improve the overall effectiveness of the essay’s structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "albeit" to indicate contrasting viewpoints, as well as cohesive devices such as pronouns ("it," "they") to refer back to previously mentioned concepts. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the author should incorporate a wider range of transition words and phrases to indicate logical relationships between ideas (e.g., cause and effect, comparison, concession). Additionally, using cohesive devices such as parallel structure and repetition can help reinforce key points and improve the flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with the author employing a variety of terms to express ideas related to technology, copyright, dissemination of knowledge, creativity, and the impact on authors and industries. For instance, phrases like "advanced technology," "copyrighted materials," "dissemination of knowledge," "monetize their works," and "creative industries" showcase a diverse vocabulary.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a wide range of vocabulary, there is room to incorporate more sophisticated terminology or idiomatic expressions to elevate the lexical richness further. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advanced technology," the author could substitute it with synonyms like "cutting-edge technology" or "state-of-the-art advancements" to add nuance and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For example, terms like "dissemination of knowledge," "monetize their works," and "creative industries" are employed accurately to articulate specific concepts related to the topic.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates precise vocabulary usage overall, there are instances where certain phrases could be refined for greater clarity or specificity. For instance, in the sentence "downloading for free has negative impacts on authors," the term "negative impacts" could be replaced with more precise language like "adverse consequences" or "detrimental effects" to enhance precision and sophistication.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with only minor errors observed. Common words are spelled correctly, and there are no glaring spelling mistakes that detract from readability or comprehension.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, the author could benefit from employing proofreading techniques such as reviewing the essay multiple times, utilizing spell-checking software, or seeking feedback from peers or instructors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences alongside simpler constructions. For example, it employs compound sentences like "Although downloading music and electronic books for free seems to be less challenging for individuals because of advanced technology, my view leans towards that it is detrimental for authors of these products," showcasing the ability to connect ideas cohesively. Additionally, the essay includes complex structures such as "One striking point is the effect on authors which leads to a struggle for them to monetize their works and earn a livelihood," demonstrating a proficiency in constructing complex thoughts.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases a commendable variety of structures, further diversification can enhance its effectiveness. Incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as conditional or relative clauses, could elevate the sophistication of the writing. For instance, integrating phrases like "if individuals were to consider the long-term ramifications" or "which necessitates a reevaluation of current copyright laws" could enrich the analysis and showcase a deeper command of syntax.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a strong grasp of grammar and punctuation, with minimal errors detracting from clarity. However, there are instances where minor errors occur, such as subject-verb agreement inconsistencies ("my view leans towards that it is detrimental for authors of these products") and punctuation missteps (e.g., missing commas before introductory phrases).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tense usage can mitigate errors. Additionally, employing commas judiciously to delineate introductory phrases and separate clauses can refine the essay’s readability and coherence. Revision and proofreading sessions focusing specifically on these areas can help strengthen grammatical precision and punctuation proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, exhibiting a varied sentence structure and proficient handling of grammar and punctuation. By further diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the essay could elevate its clarity and sophistication, potentially leading to even higher band scores in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Stories revolving around advanced technology and copyright issues are constantly in the spotlight and within collective awareness. While the ease of downloading music and electronic books for free due to advanced technology is apparent, I contend that this practice is detrimental to the authors of these products.

On one hand, unrestricted access to copyrighted music and books can facilitate the broader dissemination of knowledge among the public. The increasing prominence of the internet has facilitated access to copyrighted materials, enabling companies and individuals worldwide to readily obtain them. Moreover, unrestricted access to materials can stimulate creativity and broaden artistic horizons for the public.

However, in my view, free downloading has adverse effects on authors. A notable consequence is the impact on authors, resulting in a struggle to monetize their works and sustain their livelihood. Obtaining books and music for free not only discourages creators and authors but also demotivates them, leading to a decline in the quality and diversity of artistic works.

In conclusion, unrestricted access to music and books through advanced technology has both positive and negative aspects. Although I acknowledge the potential benefits, I deem it an overall negative development.