Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Festival is a celebration of an agricultural or religious traditional event. While enjoying festivals is important, I think that people also learn about the meaning behind festivals.

Nowadays, there are many festivals which are celebrated annually in the world. When the festivals happen, people prefer to enjoy these festivals to learn about the meaning or origin of them. I agree that enjoying the moment in festivals is necessary because some festivals are only held once a year so people want to spend time experiencing exciting things in festivals. Moreover, festivals are the time for people to relax after a long time of work and study. In addition, enjoying holidays also helps people to create some beautiful memories and make them remember these festivals. Therefore, enjoying an anniversary is not bad because of some benefits it brings.

However, I think people not only enjoy festivals but also they pay tribute to the meaning behind it. The origin of festivals is linked with some historical events or gods and some historical heroes, so they want to celebrate holidays to help people to pay tribute to the origin of them and give people the festival's meaning. Moreover, there are many festivals that are gradually being restored by human efforts today. For example, in VietNam, the practice of Hau Dong (spirit mediums) declined in the 20th century but has recently seen a resurgence, with thousands of people participating in the festival. This proves that people have not forgotten the origin and meaning behind festivals, moreover, this also proves that people have made efforts to restore festivals that have been lost in the past to help future generations appreciate these intangible heritages more.

In conclusion, while some festivals may have shifted toward entertainment, efforts to reinvigorate cultural heritage ensure that traditional and religious festivals continue to hold meaning and significance in our lives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Festival is a celebration of an agricultural or religious traditional event." -> "Festivals are celebrations of agricultural or religious traditions."
Explanation: The term "festival" should be pluralized to "festivals" to match the plural context of "there are many festivals." Additionally, "traditional event" is redundant and can be simplified to "traditions."
"I think that people also learn about the meaning behind festivals." -> "Moreover, people also learn about the significance of these festivals."
Explanation: "Moreover" is a more formal transitional phrase than "I think," and "significance" is a more precise term than "meaning."
"Nowadays, there are many festivals which are celebrated annually in the world." -> "Currently, numerous festivals are celebrated annually worldwide."
Explanation: "Currently" is more formal than "Nowadays," and "numerous" is more precise than "many." Also, "worldwide" is more appropriate than "in the world."
"people prefer to enjoy these festivals to learn about the meaning or origin of them." -> "people attend these festivals to learn about their meanings and origins."
Explanation: "Attend" is more formal than "enjoy," and "their meanings and origins" is more precise and grammatically correct than "the meaning or origin of them."
"I agree that enjoying the moment in festivals is necessary" -> "I concur that experiencing festivals is essential"
Explanation: "Concur" is more formal than "agree," and "experiencing" is a more academic term than "enjoying the moment."
"some festivals are only held once a year so people want to spend time experiencing exciting things in festivals." -> "some festivals are annual events, prompting people to engage in their unique experiences."
Explanation: "Annual events" is more precise than "held once a year," and "engage in their unique experiences" is more formal and descriptive than "spend time experiencing exciting things."
"enjoying holidays also helps people to create some beautiful memories" -> "enjoying holidays fosters the creation of cherished memories"
Explanation: "Fosters" is a more formal verb than "helps," and "cherished memories" is a more precise and formal phrase than "beautiful memories."
"enjoying an anniversary is not bad because of some benefits it brings." -> "celebrating anniversaries is not detrimental due to the benefits it offers."
Explanation: "Celebrating anniversaries" is more specific than "enjoying an anniversary," and "not detrimental" is a more formal alternative to "not bad."
"people not only enjoy festivals but also they pay tribute to the meaning behind it." -> "people not only enjoy festivals but also pay homage to their underlying significance."
Explanation: "Pay homage" is a more formal expression than "pay tribute," and "underlying significance" is more precise than "meaning behind it."
"The origin of festivals is linked with some historical events or gods and some historical heroes" -> "The origins of festivals are associated with historical events, gods, and heroes."
Explanation: "Origins" should be plural to match "festivals," and "associated with" is more formal than "linked with."
"they want to celebrate holidays to help people to pay tribute to the origin of them" -> "they aim to celebrate these festivals to honor their origins."
Explanation: "Aim to celebrate" is more formal than "want to celebrate," and "honor their origins" is more precise and formal than "help people to pay tribute to the origin of them."
"there are many festivals that are gradually being restored by human efforts today" -> "numerous festivals are being revitalized through contemporary human efforts"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "many," and "revitalized" is a more precise term than "restored."
"In VietNam, the practice of Hau Dong (spirit mediums) declined in the 20th century but has recently seen a resurgence" -> "In Vietnam, the practice of Hau Dong (spirit mediums) declined in the 20th century but has recently experienced a resurgence"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "seen," and "Vietnam" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.
"This proves that people have not forgotten the origin and meaning behind festivals, moreover, this also proves that people have made efforts to restore festivals that have been lost in the past" -> "This demonstrates that people have not forgotten the origins and meanings of festivals, and it also illustrates the efforts made to revive those that were lost in the past."
Explanation: "Demonstrates" and "illustrates" are more formal than "proves," and the rephrasing clarifies the meaning and improves the flow of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt – the enjoyment of festivals and the understanding of their meaning. It acknowledges the importance of enjoying festivals while also emphasizing the significance of preserving and honoring their origins.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples of how people pay tribute to the meaning behind festivals in modern times. This will strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by stating that while enjoying festivals is important, it is equally essential to remember and honor the meaning behind them.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph reinforces the central argument and avoids any ambiguity in the stance taken. Consistency in presenting and supporting the position will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the importance of enjoying festivals and paying tribute to their origins. It extends these ideas by providing an example from Vietnam and supports them with reasoning and evidence.
- How to improve: To further develop the ideas, consider elaborating on how festivals contribute to cultural identity and community cohesion. Providing more detailed explanations and examples will enrich the discussion and engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the balance between enjoying festivals and understanding their meaning. However, there are some instances where the focus shifts slightly away from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central theme of the essay. Avoid tangents or unrelated information that may distract from the main point being made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues for the importance of both enjoying festivals and preserving their meaning. By providing more specific examples, reinforcing the central position consistently, elaborating on ideas, and maintaining focus, the essay can further enhance its coherence and depth of analysis. Well done on achieving a Band Score of 7, and continue to refine your writing by incorporating these suggestions for improvement.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organization of information with a structured introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction sets up the argument, the body paragraphs present the author’s viewpoint with supporting examples, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider providing more transitional phrases between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas and create smoother transitions between different sections of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, consider varying the length and structure of paragraphs to maintain reader interest and engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses cohesive devices such as linking words (e.g., moreover, however, in addition) to connect ideas within and between sentences. These devices help to create a cohesive flow of information throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases to provide a more nuanced and sophisticated connection between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with words like "anniversary," "tribute," "resurgence," "intangible," and "heritages." These words add depth and sophistication to the essay, enhancing the overall lexical resource.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced synonyms or terms related to the topic. For example, instead of using "efforts," you could use "endeavors" or "initiatives" to add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where more specific or nuanced word choices could be beneficial. For example, instead of using "beautiful memories," consider using "nostalgic reminiscences" for a more precise expression.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the context in which words are used and consider synonyms or related terms that convey the intended meaning more accurately. This will help elevate the precision of your vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with only a few minor errors like "VietNam" (should be "Vietnam") and "anniversary" (should be "anniversaries"). Overall, spelling accuracy is commendable.
- How to improve: To further improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully and using spell-check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and patterns to enhance your spelling skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety. For example, there is a tendency to start sentences with "Moreover" repeatedly, which can make the essay sound repetitive. Additionally, more complex sentence structures like conditional sentences or passive voice constructions could be incorporated to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, try incorporating a variety of sentence types such as compound-complex sentences, conditional sentences, and passive voice constructions. Varying the sentence structures will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are some instances of errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition placement. For example, "some festivals are only held once a year so people want to spend time experiencing exciting things in festivals" could be revised to "some festivals are only held once a year, so people want to spend time experiencing exciting things at festivals." Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition placement. Reviewing common grammar rules and practicing sentence structure will help you enhance your writing skills. Additionally, proofreading your work carefully for punctuation errors, such as missing commas or incorrect apostrophe usage, will help improve the overall clarity and correctness of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Festivals are celebrations of agricultural or religious traditions. Moreover, people also learn about the significance of these festivals. Currently, numerous festivals are celebrated annually worldwide. People attend these festivals to learn about their meanings and origins. I concur that experiencing festivals is essential because some festivals are annual events, prompting people to engage in their unique experiences. Enjoying holidays fosters the creation of cherished memories, and celebrating anniversaries is not detrimental due to the benefits it offers.

People not only enjoy festivals but also pay homage to their underlying significance. The origins of festivals are associated with historical events, gods, and heroes, and they aim to celebrate these festivals to honor their origins. Numerous festivals are being revitalized through contemporary human efforts. In Vietnam, the practice of Hau Dong (spirit mediums) declined in the 20th century but has recently experienced a resurgence. This demonstrates that people have not forgotten the origins and meanings of festivals, and it also illustrates the efforts made to revive those that were lost in the past.