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Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favour of them because of their benefits to humanity.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is true that animals are utilized to create new medicines and test the safety of several products in the ever-changing world. While some contend argue that this trend should not be banned, there is more compelling evidence that animal experiments should be restricted. Therefore, I firmly believe that animal testing should be banned to protect the animals.

The argument that animal testing should not be banned is justified because it can ensure the safety of for customers when using products or medicines. In other words, animals may be tested for several substances in a specific product. This method can assist the scientists in to defining e the safety of these substances. If the substances are safe enough and do not cause side effects for the customers, they may be applied in the manufacturing process. For example, Estee Lauder, an American cosmetic brand, utilizes rabbits to test the safety of their latest lipsticks to detect the unsuitable substances of their products. After experimenting, they change the lipstick formula and receive several positive feedback s from the customer about the products.

Nevertheless, there are more reasonable grounds that testing on the animals should be prohibited. To begin with, animal testing can cause the extinction of several animals. These days, animals such as monkeys and rabbits are used to test in the laboratory. This action not only affects the number of their species, but also affects the reproduction of them. Besides, there are a large number of testing methods that scientists can utilize in their examination ing process. With the development of technology, cutting-edge machines and the latest techniques can be applied in testing the safety of a chemical or a substance, instead of using animals. If these methods are utilized in the future, animals ’ may not suffer from the danger of unknown substances.
In conclusion, although it is often believed that animal testing should be applied in production, I am of the opinion that this trend should be banned for the aforemendationed reasons. It is suggested that people should stop using products examined by the animals to protect their rights.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "While some contend argue" -> "While some argue"
    Explanation: The phrase "contend argue" is redundant. "While some argue" is a more concise and grammatically correct expression.

  2. "animal experiments should be restricted" -> "animal experiments should be prohibited"
    Explanation: The term "restricted" is not as strong as "prohibited" in conveying the idea of banning animal experiments. Using "prohibited" strengthens the statement.

  3. "I firmly believe that animal testing should be banned to protect the animals." -> "I firmly advocate for the ban on animal testing to protect the animals."
    Explanation: The addition of "advocate for the ban on" provides a more assertive and formal expression of the author’s stance.

  4. "can ensure the safety of for customers" -> "can ensure customer safety"
    Explanation: The phrase "the safety of for customers" is awkward. Simplifying it to "customer safety" maintains clarity and conciseness.

  5. "This method can assist the scientists in to defining e the safety of these substances." -> "This method helps scientists define the safety of these substances."
    Explanation: The phrase "assist the scientists in to defining e" is unclear and awkward. Simplifying the sentence improves readability and maintains the intended meaning.

  6. "positive feedback s from the customer" -> "positive feedback from customers"
    Explanation: "feedback s" should be corrected to "feedback" for proper grammar. The revised phrase is grammatically correct and more concise.

  7. "Nevertheless, there are more reasonable grounds that testing on the animals should be prohibited." -> "However, there are more compelling reasons to prohibit testing on animals."
    Explanation: The use of "reasonable grounds" can be replaced with "compelling reasons," which is more formal and emphasizes the strength of the argument.

  8. "animals such as monkeys and rabbits are used to test in the laboratory." -> "animals such as monkeys and rabbits are used for testing in laboratories."
    Explanation: The phrase "used to test in the laboratory" is awkward. Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality results in "used for testing in laboratories."

  9. "reproduction of them" -> "their reproduction"
    Explanation: "reproduction of them" is less precise. The revised phrase "their reproduction" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  10. "examination ing process" -> "examination process"
    Explanation: The extraneous "ing" in "examination ing process" is removed for grammatical correctness. The revised term is "examination process."

  11. "With the development of technology, cutting-edge machines and the latest techniques can be applied in testing the safety of a chemical or a substance, instead of using animals." -> "Advancements in technology allow the application of cutting-edge machines and the latest techniques to test the safety of chemicals or substances, eliminating the need for animal testing."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the original meaning while enhancing formality and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both views presented in the prompt by discussing arguments for and against animal testing. However, the response is somewhat imbalanced, with more emphasis on the reasons supporting the ban on animal testing. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more explicit expression of the writer’s own opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure a more balanced discussion of both perspectives, and make your own opinion clearer. Provide specific examples for both sides of the argument to strengthen the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear and consistent throughout the essay, as they firmly believe that animal testing should be banned. The stance is effectively conveyed in the introduction, body paragraphs, and the conclusion.
    • How to improve: No specific improvements are needed in this regard; maintain the clarity and consistency of your position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, particularly in the second paragraph where the benefits of animal testing are discussed. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited in the third paragraph, which focuses on the negative impacts of animal testing without providing sufficient elaboration.
    • How to improve: Expand on the ideas presented in the third paragraph, offering more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the argument against animal testing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the pros and cons of animal testing as related to the safety of products and medicines. However, there is a slight deviation in the third paragraph where the focus shifts to the potential extinction of animals due to testing. While relevant, this topic could be better integrated into the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points contribute directly to the main argument. If discussing potential harm to animals, relate it back to the central theme of whether animal testing should be banned.

Overall Comments:
The essay presents a well-argued response to the prompt, but there are areas for improvement. Work on providing a more balanced discussion, strengthening examples on both sides of the argument, and expanding on certain points for greater depth and clarity. Additionally, integrate all points seamlessly into the central argument to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical organization, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction clearly presents the topic, and each body paragraph discusses a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be improved. For example, in the second paragraph, the transition from discussing the safety of products to using Estee Lauder as an example could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay. For instance, words like "however," "nevertheless," and "in conclusion" can be employed to signal shifts between ideas. Additionally, ensure that examples are seamlessly integrated into the overall argument to maintain coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point or argument. However, there are some issues with paragraph structure. For instance, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and encompasses multiple ideas, making it less effective in conveying a clear message.
    • How to improve: Break down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones. Each paragraph should ideally revolve around a central idea, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. Consider creating a new paragraph when introducing a new point or elaborating on a different aspect of the argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to some extent, such as transition words like "while," "for example," and "nevertheless." However, there is room for improvement in the diversity and precision of these devices. More sophisticated connectors and a wider range of linking words could be incorporated to enhance cohesion.
    • How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions like "although," "despite," and "in addition." Additionally, pay attention to the coherence of ideas within sentences; ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one. This will contribute to a smoother and more cohesive overall essay structure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, attention to enhancing logical connections, refining paragraph structure, and incorporating a broader range of cohesive devices will further improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied vocabulary throughout the essay, with some words and phrases contributing to a fairly diverse lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, try incorporating more sophisticated and contextually appropriate synonyms. Additionally, consider using academic or formal vocabulary to add depth to the argument. For example, instead of "in the ever-changing world," consider a more precise phrase like "in the dynamic contemporary landscape."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is somewhat inconsistent. While there are instances of precise language, such as "cutting-edge machines" and "reproduction," there are also imprecise uses, like "detect the unsuitable substances" and "aforemendationed."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the choice of words and ensure they precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of "detect the unsuitable substances," consider "identify harmful elements." Additionally, proofread the essay to catch and correct any typographical errors, such as "aforemendationed" (mentioned).
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of spelling accuracy. While some words are correctly spelled, there are notable errors, such as "feedbacks," "examinationing," and "aforemendationed."
    • How to improve: Thoroughly proofread the essay to identify and correct spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to catch typos and ensure accuracy. For example, instead of "feedbacks," use "feedback," and replace "examinationing" with "examination." Be vigilant about the correct spelling of words to enhance overall spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonably diverse vocabulary, improvements can be made in terms of precision and spelling accuracy. Focus on selecting more nuanced and accurate vocabulary, proofread meticulously to catch spelling errors, and consider refining the use of formal language for an elevated lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, the repetitive use of introductory phrases and reliance on similar sentence structures, such as "It is true that…" and "While some argue that…," could be addressed to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as compound and compound-complex sentences. Introduce clauses, connect ideas more intricately, and vary sentence beginnings. For example, instead of consistently starting sentences with "It is true that," try diversifying with different introductory phrases or clauses.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some grammatical issues and punctuation inaccuracies that affect clarity. For instance, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors (e.g., "Estee Lauder, an American cosmetic brand, utilizes rabbits") and preposition misuse (e.g., "positive feedbacks"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences, are present.
    • How to improve: Careful proofreading is essential to identify and correct grammatical errors. Focus on subject-verb agreement, proper preposition usage, and punctuation rules. In the example mentioned, it should be "Estee Lauder, an American cosmetic brand, utilizes rabbits to test the safety of their latest lipsticks." Additionally, ensure proper punctuation in compound sentences, like using commas before coordinating conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but") to separate independent clauses.

Overall, while the essay effectively conveys the author’s opinion and arguments, attention to sentence structure variety and meticulous proofreading for grammar and punctuation accuracy can further enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed a fact that animals play a crucial role in developing new medicines and testing the safety of various products in our ever-evolving world. While some argue that this practice should continue, asserting its benefits, I firmly advocate for the prohibition of animal testing to safeguard the well-being of animals.

The contention supporting the continuation of animal testing is based on its potential to ensure customer safety when using products or medicines. In essence, animals undergo testing for various substances found in specific products, aiding scientists in determining the safety of these substances. If these substances prove safe without causing side effects for customers, they may be incorporated into the manufacturing process. For instance, Estee Lauder, an American cosmetic brand, employs rabbits to assess the safety of their latest lipsticks, identifying and rectifying any unsuitable substances. Following such experiments, they adjust the lipstick formula and receive positive feedback from customers about their products.

However, there are more compelling reasons to advocate for the prohibition of animal testing. Firstly, animal testing can lead to the decline of certain species. Currently, animals like monkeys and rabbits are commonly used for laboratory testing, impacting both their population and reproductive capabilities. Moreover, there exists a plethora of testing methods that scientists can employ in their examination processes. Technological advancements have paved the way for the application of cutting-edge machines and the latest techniques to assess the safety of chemicals or substances, rendering animal testing unnecessary. By embracing these modern methods, we can spare animals from the perils of unknown substances.

In conclusion, despite the belief in the necessity of animal testing for production purposes, I am of the opinion that this practice should be banned for the aforementioned reasons. It is advisable for individuals to refrain from using products tested on animals to uphold their rights and well-being.

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