Nowadays, instead of producing their own film, some countries tend to use the international film. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Currently, owing to the hectic and intensive lifestyle of recent generations, a diversity of film genres have been established as a result to mentally restore people's energy. Subsequently, it brings about a controversial and ubiquitous phenomenon: in lieu of manufacturing their own movie series, several countries are supposed to register the other nations' films. Although both views hold merit, I agree more with the latter perspective based on some rational reasons that are elucidated in this essay from a nuanced perspective.
First and foremost, undeniably, enhancing the movie industrialization on its own could bear some unsusceptible benefits. One of the primary factors that contribute to this notion is avoiding the erosion of social values by providing for the audiences about local inherited images or historic scenes. To illustrate this scenario, a Vietnamese movie institution is a prime example, the university students always are influenced by their professions and extra-curriculums about adding a numerous amount of societal images to set up the local dwellers' patriotive mind. As a consequence, this can raise the determination of preserving national values. On the other hand, renting the international films' jurisdiction is the most pursued tendency over the world. Firstly, in dome specific developing countries, the economic budget to successfully produce a movie could be allocated to many other crucial spectrums such as funding for starving or ameliorating the infrastructure for serving the transportation field and residence commution. Therefore, the financial force is a tremendous obstacle to prevent conducting film progress. Besides, the lack of producers' expertise plays a pivotal role in this statement. It can be observed that hiring Hollywood film producers and writers is the prevalent tendency in many regions. As an explanation, accessing a professional perspective to meritoriously reap the newfound horizon for local producers causes an enormous sense for the foundation of national film. As a typical example, " As a butterfly ", which was manufactured by Hollywood corporation and hired by Vietnamese's government, has rapidly become the most famous film at the recent time because of its fame and high quality. As a result, this film did not only magnetize the regional attention but also burgeoned the local film's revolution. Ultimately, due to the elucidated reasons, it can not be refuted by the positive consequences of the latter perspective.
In conclusion, although the latter view totally outweighs the former, I believe that they should occur parallelly in order to meet the meritorious benefits and mitigate the inevitable drawbacks whereas the progress's process.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a diversity of film genres have been established" -> "a variety of film genres have been developed"
Explanation: "Developed" is more precise and academically appropriate than "established" in this context, as it implies a process of creation and refinement rather than mere existence.
"a result to mentally restore people’s energy" -> "a means to mentally rejuvenate individuals"
Explanation: "Rejuvenate" is more specific and formal than "restore," and "individuals" is more appropriate than "people’s energy," which is vague and informal.
"ubiquitous phenomenon" -> "widespread phenomenon"
Explanation: "Widespread" is a more commonly used term in academic writing to describe something that is common or prevalent, whereas "ubiquitous" can imply a more extreme or all-encompassing presence.
"in lieu of manufacturing their own movie series" -> "instead of producing their own film series"
Explanation: "Producing" is more specific and formal than "manufacturing" in the context of film creation, and "film series" is more commonly used than "movie series" in formal writing.
"unsusceptible benefits" -> "unforeseen benefits"
Explanation: "Unforeseen" is the correct term to describe benefits that are not anticipated or expected, whereas "unsusceptible" is not appropriate in this context.
"avoiding the erosion of social values by providing for the audiences about local inherited images or historic scenes" -> "preventing the erosion of social values by educating audiences about local heritage and historical scenes"
Explanation: "Educating" is more precise and formal than "providing for," and "heritage and historical scenes" is a clearer and more academic way to describe cultural and historical content.
"a numerous amount of societal images" -> "a significant number of societal images"
Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and formal than "numerous," which can be vague and informal.
"patriotive mind" -> "patriotic mindset"
Explanation: "Patriotic mindset" is the correct term, as "patriotive" is not a word.
"dome specific developing countries" -> "some specific developing countries"
Explanation: "Some" is more appropriate than "dome," which is a typographical error.
"ameliorating the infrastructure for serving the transportation field and residence commution" -> "improving infrastructure for transportation and residential commuting"
Explanation: "Improving" is more specific and formal than "ameliorating," and "transportation and residential commuting" is clearer and more grammatically correct than "transportation field and residence commution."
"financial force is a tremendous obstacle" -> "financial constraints are a significant obstacle"
Explanation: "Constraints" is more specific and appropriate than "force," and "significant" is more academically neutral than "tremendous," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"meritorious benefits" -> "significant benefits"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "meritorious," which implies praise or commendation that may not be universally applicable.
"parallelly" -> "simultaneously"
Explanation: "Simultaneously" is the correct adverb for describing actions that occur at the same time, whereas "parallelly" is not a standard term.
"mitigate the inevitable drawbacks" -> "address the potential drawbacks"
Explanation: "Address" is more appropriate than "mitigate" in this context, as it implies actively dealing with issues rather than reducing their impact, which is the meaning of "mitigate."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the preference for international films over domestic productions. The first part discusses the benefits of producing local films, emphasizing the preservation of social values and national identity. The second part presents the argument for using international films, highlighting economic constraints and the advantages of expertise from foreign producers. However, the discussion of the first view could be more developed, as it lacks depth and specific examples compared to the second view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide more detailed examples and analysis for the local film production argument. This could include specific instances of successful local films or statistics on how local films have positively impacted society. Additionally, balancing the depth of discussion for both views would strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of using international films, which is maintained throughout the essay. Phrases like "I agree more with the latter perspective" establish a clear stance. However, the conclusion could be more decisive; it suggests a dual approach without strongly reaffirming the preference for international films.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the conclusion should restate the writer’s preference for international films more emphatically. The writer could also reinforce their argument in the body paragraphs by consistently linking back to their main position when discussing each view.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in support of the argument for international films, such as economic benefits and access to expertise. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration. For example, the mention of "As a butterfly" as a successful film could be expanded with more context about its impact on the local film industry.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points with additional details, examples, and explanations. This could involve discussing the specific impacts of international films on local culture or providing more context about the local film industry’s challenges and successes.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the prompt’s focus on the use of international films versus local productions. However, some sentences are convoluted and could lead to confusion about the main argument. For instance, the phrase "the progress’s process" in the conclusion is vague and detracts from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence clearly contributes to the main argument. Simplifying complex phrases and ensuring that each point directly relates to the prompt will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence would enhance the overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear position, improvements can be made in the depth of argumentation, clarity of expression, and balance between the views discussed. By addressing these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of local film production to the reasons for relying on international films feels abrupt. The ideas are somewhat related, but the connection could be more explicitly stated. Additionally, the introduction mentions that both views hold merit, but the subsequent paragraphs do not equally address both sides before leaning towards one perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. For example, explicitly stating in the introduction that the essay will first explore the benefits of local film production before discussing the reliance on international films would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader. Furthermore, using transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help clarify shifts between different viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be split into separate paragraphs for better clarity. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of local film production could be divided into two: one focusing on social values and the other on the economic aspect.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Aim for a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting details. This will help maintain focus and make the essay easier to follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "on the other hand," and "as a consequence." However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel forced or awkward. For example, phrases like "it can not be refuted by the positive consequences of the latter perspective" could be rephrased for clarity and fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using synonyms or alternative expressions for common transitions, such as "in addition," "furthermore," or "however." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used naturally within the context of the sentence to enhance readability. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can also help in achieving a more fluid and coherent writing style.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, refining the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "ubiquitous phenomenon," "industrialization," and "ameliorating" showcasing a good level of sophistication. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or nuanced. For example, phrases like "the most pursued tendency" and "the financial force is a tremendous obstacle" could be replaced with more precise alternatives to enhance clarity and engagement.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the vocabulary. For instance, instead of "the most pursued tendency," consider using "the prevailing trend" or "the predominant approach." Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to the film industry could further diversify the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "a diversity of film genres have been established as a result to mentally restore people’s energy" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The term "susceptible benefits" is also misused; "susceptible" typically refers to being vulnerable rather than beneficial.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on word choice and ensure that terms accurately convey the intended meaning. For example, rephrasing "a diversity of film genres have been established" to "a variety of film genres have emerged" would clarify the statement. Additionally, replacing "susceptible benefits" with "substantial benefits" would improve the accuracy of the vocabulary used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, there are notable misspellings, such as "patriotive" instead of "patriotic," and "dome" instead of "some." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and consider utilizing spell-check tools. Additionally, keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay shows a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in precision, variety, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "Although both views hold merit, I agree more with the latter perspective based on some rational reasons that are elucidated in this essay from a nuanced perspective." However, many sentences are overly complex or awkwardly constructed, which can hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the erosion of social values by providing for the audiences about local inherited images or historic scenes" could be simplified for better comprehension. Additionally, there is a tendency to use similar structures repeatedly, which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Incorporating more varied sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial clauses or phrases) can also help. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "One of the primary factors," the writer could begin with "Another important aspect to consider is…" or "Furthermore, it is essential to note that…". This will create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "a diversity of film genres have been established" should be "a diversity of film genres has been established" to maintain subject-verb agreement. Additionally, phrases like "the university students always are influenced by their professions" could be rephrased for better grammatical accuracy, such as "university students are often influenced by their professions." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of apostrophes (e.g., "Vietnamese’s government"), also affect readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing writing simpler sentences can also help clarify ideas and reduce the likelihood of errors. Furthermore, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission is crucial. The writer could benefit from reading their essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes, as this often highlights issues that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay shows potential with some complex ideas and a clear structure, focusing on grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, owing to the hectic and intensive lifestyle of recent generations, a variety of film genres have been developed as a means to mentally rejuvenate individuals. This has led to a controversial and widespread phenomenon: instead of producing their own film series, several countries tend to rely on films from other nations. Although both views hold merit, I agree more with the latter perspective for several rational reasons that will be elucidated in this essay.

First and foremost, undeniably, enhancing the film industry independently could yield some unforeseen benefits. One of the primary factors that contribute to this notion is the potential for preventing the erosion of social values by educating audiences about local heritage and historical scenes. For instance, a Vietnamese film institution serves as a prime example, where university students are influenced by their studies and extracurricular activities to incorporate a significant number of societal images that foster a patriotic mindset among local residents. As a consequence, this can strengthen the determination to preserve national values.

On the other hand, renting the rights to international films is a prevalent trend worldwide. Firstly, in some specific developing countries, the economic budget required to successfully produce a movie could be better allocated to other crucial areas, such as addressing hunger or improving infrastructure for transportation and residential commuting. Therefore, financial constraints pose a significant obstacle to advancing film production.

Additionally, the lack of producers’ expertise plays a pivotal role in this discussion. It can be observed that hiring Hollywood film producers and writers is a common practice in many regions. This approach allows local producers to gain professional insights that can significantly enhance the quality of their films. A typical example is “As a Butterfly,” which was produced by a Hollywood corporation and commissioned by the Vietnamese government. This film rapidly became one of the most famous films in recent times due to its high quality and widespread appeal. As a result, it not only attracted regional attention but also sparked a revolution in the local film industry.

Ultimately, due to the reasons outlined above, the positive consequences of the latter perspective cannot be overlooked.

In conclusion, although the former view has its merits, I believe that both approaches should occur simultaneously to maximize the significant benefits while addressing the potential drawbacks of the film production process.