nowadays, many parents buy picture books for their children to read in daily life because they think it is advantagous for them. However, others think reading this kind of book instead of watching tv is not good. Discuss both views of this issue and give your opinion

In recent years, more and more people have started to let their kids approach many materials earlier to enhance the development of children. Therefore, many parents buy picture books for their children because they think it has a wide range of anvatanges for them. However, others think watching television is more beneficial for children’s development instead of reading this kind of book. Personally, I totally agree with the first opinion. This essay will explore many reasons supporting my perspectives.

First and foremost, picture books have a variety of strengths. A massive point should be considered is brain’s development. In fact, reading picture books can have a positive effect on the brain’s development of childrens because it help them enhance some vital abilities such as thinking ability, imaginative ability and so many more. In contrast, watching television can be harmful for their physical health. According many research, the rate of children get eyes’s problems and obese children has been increasingly high because they spend a significant amount of time per day sitting in front of the television with a short distance to see clearly; thus, they can be lazy to do exercises regularly. This action makes them easily face with limited visions and get obesity.

Second, an important point should be considered is creating reading habit. This means that buying picture books for children is a good way to encourage them to have a passion for reading and help them create reading habit from childhood. It is true that reading habit is a good habit for them due to it plays an important role in having a life long learning. To illustrate this point I would like to mention an example that reading habit helps them widen their outlook, enhane their imaginative mind and increase their comprehension. On the other hand, watching digital devices as television can lead to some serious problems. In fact, children can be uninterested in reading books; consequently, it can badly affect their academic qualities in the future.

Last but not least, reading picture books improve the mental health development of children. When reading picture books, they can release stress and have emotional comprehencesion. Moreover, they can learn about some solution to solve many problems around them. Nevertheless, while picture books provide children a good quality of mental health development, TV can have many impact on their mental health development. Some kind of TV programs can have many violence scences and many unappropriate information with for children; thus, it is extremely hard to control what they watch everyday since children can be influenced by these scenses and have bad behaviors.

To sum up, the above mentioned facts have created dilemma when people often evaluate the impact of this issue. Personally, I also advocate my views about the comprehensive development of children can be improved by reading picture books as it brings a various prominent advantages; besides, I believe watching TV has many weak points which should be taken into account. People should have further consideration of this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"let their kids approach many materials" -> "expose their children to various materials"
Explanation: "Expose" is a more precise and formal term than "let approach," which is vague and informal. "Various" is also more specific than "many," enhancing the academic tone.
"anvatanges" -> "advantages"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free from spelling mistakes and maintains professionalism.
"watching television is more beneficial" -> "viewing television is more advantageous"
Explanation: "Viewing" is a more formal synonym for "watching," and "advantageous" is a more precise adjective than "beneficial" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"totally agree" -> "strongly agree"
Explanation: "Totally" is somewhat informal and absolute; "strongly" is more appropriate for academic writing, indicating a firm but nuanced agreement.
"many reasons supporting my perspectives" -> "several reasons supporting my perspective"
Explanation: "Several" is more precise than "many" in academic writing, and "perspective" should be singular to match the singular subject "I" in the sentence.
"A massive point should be considered is brain’s development" -> "A significant consideration is the development of the brain"
Explanation: Reorganizes the sentence for clarity and formality, removing the awkward construction and improving grammatical correctness.
"can have a positive effect on the brain’s development of childrens" -> "can positively impact the brain development of children"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive error "childrens" to "children" and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"so many more" -> "numerous others"
Explanation: "Numerous others" is more formal and precise than "so many more," which is colloquial and vague.
"According many research" -> "According to numerous research"
Explanation: Corrects the preposition "According" to "According to" and changes "many" to "numerous" for formality and precision.
"get eyes’s problems" -> "develop eye problems"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive error "eyes’s" to "eye" and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"obese children has been increasingly high" -> "the rate of obese children has been increasing"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"an important point should be considered is creating reading habit" -> "an important consideration is the creation of a reading habit"
Explanation: Reorganizes the sentence for clarity and formality, correcting grammatical errors and improving flow.
"It is true that reading habit is a good habit" -> "Indeed, developing a reading habit is beneficial"
Explanation: "Indeed" is a more formal adverb than "It is true," and "developing a reading habit" is a more precise phrase than "reading habit," which is awkwardly phrased.
"enhane" -> "enhance"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free from spelling mistakes and maintains professionalism.
"have a passion for reading" -> "develop a passion for reading"
Explanation: "Develop" is more precise in this context, indicating the process of acquiring a passion, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"have a life long learning" -> "lifelong learning"
Explanation: Corrects the phrase to "lifelong learning," which is the correct term for continuous learning throughout one’s life.
"badly affect their academic qualities" -> "adversely impact their academic performance"
Explanation: "Adversely impact" is a more formal and precise expression than "badly affect," and "performance" is more specific than "qualities" in this context.
"improve the mental health development of children" -> "enhance the mental health development of children"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "improve" in this context, fitting better with the formal tone of academic writing.
"have emotional comprehencesion" -> "experience emotional comprehension"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "comprehencesion" to "comprehension" and changes "have" to "experience" for a more active and precise verb choice.
"Some kind of TV programs" -> "Certain television programs"
Explanation: "Certain" is more formal than "some kind of," and "television programs" is a more precise term than "TV programs" in academic writing.
"many impact on their mental health development" -> "several impacts on their mental health development"
Explanation: "Several" is more precise than "many" in

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the benefits of picture books versus television for children’s development. The author presents arguments supporting the advantages of picture books while acknowledging the opposing viewpoint. However, the discussion of the opposing view is less developed, particularly in terms of specific benefits of television. For instance, the essay mentions that television can be harmful but does not elaborate on any potential benefits that could be derived from it, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should provide a more detailed exploration of the opposing viewpoint. This could include discussing specific educational programs on television that can be beneficial for children’s learning or social development. By presenting a more balanced view, the essay would more comprehensively address all elements of the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author clearly states their position in favor of picture books early in the essay and maintains this stance throughout. However, the clarity of the position could be undermined by the lack of a strong counter-argument. The phrase "Personally, I totally agree with the first opinion" is somewhat informal and could be expressed more academically.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the author could use more formal language and explicitly state their opinion in the conclusion, reinforcing their stance while also acknowledging the merits of the opposing view. Phrases like "In my opinion" or "I firmly believe" can be replaced with "It is my view that…" to enhance formality.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the benefits of picture books, such as brain development, the creation of reading habits, and mental health improvement. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, the claim that reading enhances "thinking ability" is made without further elaboration or examples to illustrate this benefit.
- How to improve: The author should aim to extend and support their ideas with specific examples or studies that illustrate the benefits of reading picture books. For instance, citing research that shows a correlation between reading and cognitive development would strengthen the argument. Additionally, providing examples of specific picture books that have been shown to be effective could further bolster the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the discussion of picture books versus television. However, there are moments where the argument could become more focused. For example, the mention of "obesity" and "eyes’ problems" while discussing television could be more directly tied to how these issues relate to the overall argument about the benefits of reading.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument. When discussing negative aspects of television, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect these points back to the advantages of reading picture books, thereby reinforcing the overall argument and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic at hand.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more balanced discussion, clearer positioning, better-supported arguments, and enhanced focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of picture books over television, which is a strong point. Each paragraph introduces a distinct idea related to the benefits of picture books, such as brain development, the creation of reading habits, and mental health improvement. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the points made is somewhat abrupt. Additionally, the concluding paragraph reiterates the main points but lacks a strong summarization of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. A brief recap of each point in the conclusion would also strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For instance, the second paragraph is longer and more detailed than the third, which feels somewhat underdeveloped.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced structure by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar level of detail and analysis. This can be achieved by expanding on the points made in the third paragraph, perhaps by providing more examples or elaborating on the implications of children’s mental health in relation to reading versus watching TV.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "in contrast," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas. Nonetheless, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "an important point should be considered" is repeated, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "Additionally," "Conversely," "As a result"). This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph balance, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary related to the topic, such as "picture books," "development," "imaginative ability," and "academic qualities." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For example, the phrase "children’s development" is used multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "development," they could use terms like "growth," "progress," or "advancement." Additionally, introducing more sophisticated vocabulary or phrases related to education and child psychology could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "the rate of children get eyes’s problems" is awkward and unclear; it would be better expressed as "the incidence of eye problems among children." Similarly, "many impact on their mental health development" is vague and could be more accurately stated as "significant impacts on their mental health."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that conveys their ideas more clearly and accurately. They can achieve this by reviewing their sentences and ensuring that the words chosen precisely reflect the intended meaning. Consulting a thesaurus for alternatives and practicing sentence rephrasing can also help in achieving greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that hinder readability and professionalism. Notable examples include "anvatanges" (advantages), "childrens" (children’s), "enhane" (enhance), "unappropriate" (inappropriate), and "scences" (scenes). These errors suggest a lack of attention to detail and can negatively affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can help improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments effectively, the lexical resource could be improved through greater variety, precision, and attention to spelling. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achievea higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the author uses phrases like "In recent years" and "First and foremost," which help to organize thoughts. However, many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "A massive point should be considered is brain’s development," which lacks clarity and proper structure. The use of phrases like "this action makes them easily face with limited visions" indicates a lack of fluency and naturalness in expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting sentences with "This means that" or "It is true that," the writer could begin with subordinate clauses or use participial phrases. Additionally, using more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "anvatanges" is a misspelling of "advantages," and "the rate of children get eyes’s problems" should be corrected to "the rate of children with eye problems." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, lead to run-on sentences and confusion. The phrase "due to it plays an important role" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "because it plays an important role."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct use of possessives. Practicing sentence diagramming can help clarify complex structures. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for clauses and lists, will enhance clarity. Engaging in grammar exercises or using grammar-checking tools can also be beneficial for identifying and correcting mistakes.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, more and more parents have begun to expose their children to various materials at an earlier age to enhance their development. Consequently, many parents buy picture books for their children because they believe it offers a wide range of advantages. However, others argue that watching television is more beneficial for children’s development than reading such books. Personally, I strongly agree with the first opinion. This essay will explore several reasons supporting my perspective.

First and foremost, picture books have numerous strengths. A significant consideration is the development of the brain. In fact, reading picture books can positively impact the brain development of children because it helps them enhance vital abilities such as critical thinking, imagination, and many others. In contrast, watching television can be harmful to their physical health. According to numerous research studies, the rate of children experiencing eye problems and obesity has been increasing significantly because they spend a considerable amount of time each day sitting in front of the television at a close distance; thus, they may become lazy and fail to engage in regular exercise. This behavior can lead to limited vision and obesity.

Second, an important consideration is the creation of a reading habit. Buying picture books for children is an effective way to encourage them to develop a passion for reading and to establish a reading habit from an early age. Indeed, developing a reading habit is beneficial as it plays a crucial role in fostering lifelong learning. To illustrate this point, I would like to mention that a reading habit helps children widen their outlook, enhance their imaginative thinking, and increase their comprehension. On the other hand, excessive screen time can lead to serious problems. In fact, children may become uninterested in reading books; consequently, this can adversely impact their academic performance in the future.

Last but not least, reading picture books enhances the mental health development of children. When reading picture books, children can relieve stress and experience emotional comprehension. Moreover, they can learn about various solutions to problems they encounter in their lives. Nevertheless, while picture books provide children with quality mental health development, television can have several impacts on their mental health. Certain television programs may contain violent scenes and inappropriate information for children; thus, it is extremely challenging to control what they watch daily, as children can be influenced by these scenes and develop negative behaviors.

To sum up, the aforementioned facts highlight the dilemma people face when evaluating the impact of this issue. Personally, I advocate that the comprehensive development of children can be significantly improved by reading picture books, as it brings various prominent advantages. Furthermore, I believe that watching television has many drawbacks that should be taken into account. People should give further consideration to this important issue.