Nowadays, more and more young Vietnamese people celebrate festivals such as Christmas and Halloween. Some people think there is nothing wrong with this while others are worried about the influence of foreign cultures. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

In today's world, where one’s knowledge can be easily gained through the rocketing development of digital devices and the internet, many festivals that were signatures of some specific cultures are now celebrated all over the globe. This essay will discuss both views and show the writer’s opinion on this occurrence.

It cannot be denied that there are plenty of merits of celebrating other cultures’ festivals. One is its effect on education, through these activities, people can develop a better understanding of the history, customs and many other items which can be connected to their own culture thus boosting their affection toward it. Another positive aspect is the effect of these festivals on the original host’s economy. When it comes to festivals, people love to buy holiday-related merchandise or even want to travel to where the festival borned, thus boosting popularity and creating jobs for a great number of locals.

Despite having various positive sides, from my perspective, the negative one is still prominent in this case. First and foremost, international festivals now tend to be commercialized by some people who prioritize profit over conveying the actual story or meaning behind these festivals. It is clearly shown through the fact that most of us don’t even know why Christmas or Halloween are celebrated, we only want to catch up with trends and purchase unnecessary items to only be used in that particular occasion which may lead to over-consumption, consequences in a detrimental impact on the economy. Next, cultural dilution might happen, mostly because a part of the society has been less keen on local festivities. Obviously, there is nothing wrong when someone prefers a global event to a local one because of their own preference, but this is not in line with a total ignorance to their tradition. If the latter happens in a long period of time, there is a high chance of gradually forgetting origin and culture depletion. Last but not least, the few days spent for “widening international knowledge-event” is likely to cause disruption of daily basis of local residents, their place will be filled with people and these strangers will pollute the area with excessive noise, waste, security problems, which all contribute to the discomfort of the people living in the host place.

In conclusion, we have to admit that the globalization of festivals does benefit both the host and the participants, but simultaneously, we have to come up with more solution to aid the greatly outweighing downsides.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: "In the contemporary world" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"one’s knowledge can be easily gained" -> "knowledge can be readily acquired"
Explanation: "Knowledge can be readily acquired" is more formal and avoids the possessive form "one’s," which is less typical in academic writing.
"rocketing development" -> "rapid technological advancements"
Explanation: "Rapid technological advancements" is a more precise and formal term that better describes the pace and nature of technological progress.
"signatures of some specific cultures" -> "hallmarks of certain cultures"
Explanation: "Hallmarks" is a more precise and formal term than "signatures," and "certain" is preferred over "some specific" for a more academic tone.
"celebrated all over the globe" -> "observed globally"
Explanation: "Observed globally" is a more concise and formal way to express the widespread celebration of festivals.
"plenty of merits" -> "numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Numerous benefits" is a more formal and precise term than "plenty of merits," which is somewhat colloquial.
"items which can be connected to their own culture" -> "aspects related to their own culture"
Explanation: "Aspects related to their own culture" is more specific and academically appropriate than "items which can be connected to their own culture," which is vague and informal.
"boosting their affection toward it" -> "enhancing their appreciation for it"
Explanation: "Enhancing their appreciation for it" is a more formal and precise way to describe the increase in cultural appreciation.
"borned" -> "originated"
Explanation: "Originated" is the correct verb form for describing the origin of a festival, whereas "borned" is a nonstandard form.
"boosting popularity and creating jobs for a great number of locals" -> "enhancing popularity and generating employment opportunities for numerous locals"
Explanation: "Enhancing popularity and generating employment opportunities" is more formal and precise, and "numerous" is preferred over "a great number of" for a more academic tone.
"commercialized by some people" -> "commercialized by certain individuals"
Explanation: "Certain individuals" is more specific and formal than "some people," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.
"we only want to catch up with trends" -> "we merely seek to conform to trends"
Explanation: "We merely seek to conform to trends" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of following popular trends without critical thought.
"over-consumption, consequences in a detrimental impact" -> "overconsumption, which has a detrimental impact"
Explanation: "Which has a detrimental impact" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity and formality.
"cultural dilution might happen" -> "cultural dilution may occur"
Explanation: "May occur" is a more formal and precise expression than "might happen," aligning better with academic style.
"a part of the society has been less keen" -> "a segment of society has shown less enthusiasm"
Explanation: "A segment of society has shown less enthusiasm" is more precise and formal, avoiding the vague "a part of the society has been less keen."
"nothing wrong when someone prefers" -> "no issue with someone preferring"
Explanation: "No issue with someone preferring" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea that there is no problem with personal preferences.
"widening international knowledge-event" -> "expanding international knowledge"
Explanation: "Expanding international knowledge" is a clearer and more formal term than "widening international knowledge-event," which is awkward and unclear.
"disruption of daily basis of local residents" -> "disruption to the daily routines of local residents"
Explanation: "Disruption to the daily routines of local residents" is more specific and formally correct than "disruption of daily basis of local residents," which is awkward and unclear.
"their place will be filled with people" -> "their areas will be occupied by visitors"
Explanation: "Their areas will be occupied by visitors" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "filled with people."
"these strangers will pollute the area with excessive noise, waste, security problems" -> "these visitors will contribute to excessive noise, waste, and security issues"
Explanation: "Contribute to" is a more precise and formal verb choice than "pollute," and "security issues" is a more formal term than "security problems."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the celebration of foreign festivals by young Vietnamese people. The first body paragraph outlines the positive aspects, such as educational benefits and economic boosts for the host culture. The second body paragraph presents the negative implications, including commercialization and cultural dilution. However, while both views are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view in the conclusion, which currently leans more towards the negative perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, explicitly summarize the key points of both views in the conclusion, reaffirming the balanced nature of the discussion. This will ensure that all parts of the question are addressed comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the negative impacts of celebrating foreign festivals are emphasized. However, the transition between discussing the positive aspects and the writer’s own opinion could be smoother, as the shift to the negative perspective feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, use transitional phrases that signal the shift from discussing the positive to the negative. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help clarify the transition and reinforce the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several relevant ideas, such as the educational benefits of understanding different cultures and the economic advantages for host countries. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the mention of over-consumption could be backed up with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve idea presentation and support, consider providing more detailed examples or evidence for each point made. This could include specific instances of cultural dilution or statistics related to the economic impact of foreign festivals, which would add depth to the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influence of foreign festivals on Vietnamese culture. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "excessive noise, waste, security problems" could be seen as slightly tangential to the core issue of cultural influence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly relate back to the influence of foreign festivals on Vietnamese culture. Avoid introducing new issues that may distract from the main argument. Instead, tie back any examples to how they specifically impact cultural identity or societal values.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the writer’s perspective. By refining transitions, expanding on ideas, and ensuring tight relevance to the prompt, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intent. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss the positive aspects of celebrating foreign festivals first, followed by the negative aspects. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument. However, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the positive impacts on education to economic benefits could be more clearly delineated to enhance understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the final paragraph could be more distinct, as it combines a summary of points with the writer’s opinion, which may confuse the reader about the main takeaway.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is a separate paragraph that succinctly summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas. This will reinforce the argument and provide a clear closure to the essay. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can enhance readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "despite," "first and foremost," and "last but not least." These devices help in linking ideas and maintaining coherence. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "one is," consider alternatives like "a significant advantage is" or "another noteworthy benefit is." Additionally, using pronouns effectively can help avoid redundancy and improve the flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but with targeted improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device variety, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, utilizing terms such as "rocketing development," "cultural dilution," and "commercialized." These phrases effectively convey complex ideas and enhance the overall quality of the writing. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "festivals" could be substituted with synonyms like "celebrations" or "events" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of using "festivals" multiple times, try using "cultural events" or "celebrations" in some instances. Additionally, exploring phrases that convey similar meanings can enrich the text and demonstrate a broader vocabulary range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the festival borned" is incorrect; the correct form is "the festival was born." This kind of error can confuse readers and detracts from the clarity of the argument. Additionally, the term "detrimental impact on the economy" could be more clearly articulated as "detrimental impact on local economies" to specify the context.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary is not only varied but also precise. Review the essay for any awkward phrases or incorrect forms and revise them for clarity. Utilizing tools such as thesauruses or vocabulary lists can help identify more precise terms. Furthermore, practicing writing with a focus on clarity can aid in avoiding vague expressions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only a few minor errors, such as "borned," which should be "born." This demonstrates a good command of spelling but highlights the need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, implement a habit of proofreading the essay multiple times, focusing specifically on spelling. Utilizing spell-check tools can also help catch errors that may be overlooked. Additionally, practicing spelling common IELTS vocabulary can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay showcases a solid command of vocabulary with a score of 7, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating synonyms, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing proofreading practices, the writer can elevate their lexical resource further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Despite having various positive sides, from my perspective, the negative one is still prominent in this case" effectively convey nuanced opinions. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "If the latter happens in a long period of time, there is a high chance of gradually forgetting origin and culture depletion," showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical situations. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, which can diminish the overall impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more compound sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "One is" or "Another positive aspect," the writer could use transitions like "Additionally," or "Furthermore," to introduce new ideas. Experimenting with different sentence lengths and types will also contribute to a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are some notable mistakes, such as "the festival borned," where "borned" should be "born." Additionally, the phrase "consequences in a detrimental impact on the economy" is awkwardly constructed; it would be more effective as "resulting in a detrimental impact on the economy." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where commas could enhance clarity, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with verb forms and awkward phrasing. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and correct these mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and readability. For instance, breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help avoid confusion and improve overall flow.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, where knowledge can be readily acquired through the rapid technological advancements of digital devices and the internet, many festivals that are hallmarks of certain cultures are now celebrated globally. This essay will discuss both views on this phenomenon and present the writer’s opinion.

It cannot be denied that there are numerous benefits to celebrating festivals from other cultures. One significant advantage is its effect on education; through these activities, people can develop a better understanding of the history, customs, and various aspects related to their own culture, thus enhancing their appreciation for it. Another positive aspect is the impact of these festivals on the original host’s economy. When it comes to festivals, people love to buy holiday-related merchandise or even travel to where the festival originated, thereby enhancing popularity and generating employment opportunities for numerous locals.

Despite these positive aspects, I believe the negative implications are still prominent. First and foremost, international festivals tend to be commercialized by certain individuals who prioritize profit over conveying the actual story or meaning behind these celebrations. This is clearly evident in the fact that many of us don’t even know why Christmas or Halloween is celebrated; we merely seek to conform to trends and purchase unnecessary items that are only used for that particular occasion, which may lead to overconsumption, resulting in a detrimental impact on the economy. Next, cultural dilution may occur, primarily because a segment of society has shown less enthusiasm for local festivities. While there is no issue with someone preferring a global event over a local one due to personal preference, this should not lead to total ignorance of their own traditions. If this trend continues over a long period, there is a high chance of gradually forgetting the origins and experiencing culture depletion. Last but not least, the few days spent on “expanding international knowledge” events are likely to cause disruption to the daily routines of local residents. Their areas will be occupied by visitors, and these strangers will contribute to excessive noise, waste, and security issues, all of which lead to discomfort for the people living in the host location.

In conclusion, while we must acknowledge that the globalization of festivals offers benefits to both the host and the participants, we also need to develop solutions to address the significantly outweighing downsides.