Nowadays, students can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. While online information is important now, I believe that libraries are still necessary now.

On the one hand, almost every student can purchase a computer or smartphone.They can easily access their learning materials online from anywhere. For example, I always find some information about my lessons instead of going to the library. There are many eBooks, online documentaries or online videos from many social media apps providing information on various topics.

On the other hand,by using an internet-connected smartphone, students are quickly distracted by something interesting on the internet, which prevents them from concentrating on their studies like video games or movies.These things can make them focus less on their study, leading to a lower academic performance. Furthermore, sitting for long hours in front of a computer screen may cause several health problems including eye strain. By contrast, a school's library can help students improve their concentration without any distractions and give them the chance to interact and share ideas with others, and help them develop social skills.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is sometimes argued" -> "It is often contended"
Explanation: "It is often contended" is a more formal and precise alternative that enhances the academic tone of the sentence, indicating a common viewpoint in scholarly discussions.
"students today can easily access" -> "students currently have ready access to"
Explanation: "Have ready access to" is a more formal expression that emphasizes the availability and convenience of information, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"I believe that libraries are still necessary now" -> "I maintain that libraries remain essential"
Explanation: "I maintain that libraries remain essential" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "now," which is too informal for academic writing.
"almost every student can purchase a computer or smartphone" -> "most students can acquire a computer or smartphone"
Explanation: "Acquire" is a more formal verb than "purchase," and "most" is a more precise quantifier than "almost every," which is vague and informal.
"They can easily access their learning materials online from anywhere" -> "They can readily access their educational materials from anywhere"
Explanation: "Readily" is a more formal synonym for "easily," and "educational materials" is a more precise term than "learning materials."
"I always find some information about my lessons instead of going to the library" -> "I frequently access relevant information about my courses rather than visiting the library"
Explanation: "Frequently access" is more formal than "always find," and "relevant information about my courses" is more specific and formal than "some information about my lessons."
"There are many eBooks, online documentaries or online videos from many social media apps" -> "There are numerous eBooks, documentaries, and videos available on various social media platforms"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "many," and specifying "social media platforms" instead of "apps" provides a clearer and more formal description.
"by using an internet-connected smartphone" -> "through the use of an internet-connected smartphone"
Explanation: "Through the use of" is a more formal prepositional phrase that enhances the academic tone.
"students are quickly distracted by something interesting on the internet" -> "students are readily distracted by engaging content online"
Explanation: "Readily" and "engaging content" are more precise and formal terms, improving the academic tone.
"These things can make them focus less on their study" -> "These distractions can divert their attention from their studies"
Explanation: "Divert their attention from their studies" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of distractions on students’ focus.
"sitting for long hours in front of a computer screen" -> "prolonged exposure to computer screens"
Explanation: "Prolonged exposure" is a more formal and scientifically accurate term than "sitting for long hours."
"a school’s library can help students improve their concentration" -> "a school library can facilitate improved concentration among students"
Explanation: "Facilitate improved concentration among students" is a more formal and precise way to describe the library’s role in enhancing student focus.
"give them the chance to interact and share ideas with others" -> "provide opportunities for interaction and idea-sharing among students"
Explanation: "Provide opportunities for interaction and idea-sharing among students" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding the necessity of libraries in the age of online information. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The introduction states a belief in the necessity of libraries but fails to elaborate on the degree of agreement or disagreement with the assertion that libraries are no longer necessary. The response lacks a clear articulation of the author’s position throughout the essay, which is crucial for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. They could use phrases like "I strongly believe" or "I partially agree" to clarify their stance. Additionally, providing more balanced arguments that weigh both sides against each other would enhance the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay begins with a clear statement of belief in the necessity of libraries, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the body paragraphs. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of online access without adequately linking back to the author’s stance on libraries. The second paragraph does mention the advantages of libraries, but the overall argument lacks cohesion and clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. They could use topic sentences that reflect their stance and ensure that each point made supports their overall position. A concluding statement that summarizes their viewpoint would also help reinforce their argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding both online resources and libraries, but these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, while the essay mentions distractions caused by online access, it does not provide specific examples or data to support this claim. Similarly, the benefits of libraries are mentioned but not elaborated upon in a way that convincingly supports the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing specific examples, statistics, or studies that support their claims. For instance, they could include data on student performance related to library usage versus online study. Additionally, elaborating on how libraries facilitate learning and social interaction would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relevance of libraries in the context of online information. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of distractions could be more directly tied back to the necessity of libraries. The connection between distractions and the need for libraries is implied but not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of the essay. They could use transitional phrases to link ideas more clearly and reinforce how each point supports their overall argument about the necessity of libraries.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should work on clearly articulating their position, developing their ideas with more depth and support, and ensuring that all points made are directly relevant to the essay prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on their arguments would also be beneficial.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with a balanced view on the necessity of libraries in the digital age. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, stating both sides of the argument. The body paragraphs are organized into two distinct sections: one supporting the ease of online access and the other highlighting the advantages of libraries. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing online resources to the drawbacks of internet usage lacks a clear linking phrase, which can disrupt the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the benefits of online resources, a phrase like "However, this convenience comes with certain drawbacks" could effectively introduce the counterargument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence will help reinforce the main idea of that section.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the writer’s stance, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into supporting points. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer separation of ideas. The discussion of distractions and health issues is somewhat jumbled, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on distractions and the other on health issues. This will allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve clarity. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help in contrasting the two sides of the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. For instance, the essay relies heavily on simple conjunctions like "and" and "but," which can make the writing feel repetitive and less sophisticated. Additionally, some cohesive devices are used incorrectly, such as "by contrast," which is not effectively positioned in the context of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "furthermore" to add information, "in addition" to introduce related ideas, or "consequently" to show cause and effect. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for instance, "by contrast" should be used to compare opposing ideas rather than to introduce a new point. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will help elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing the advantages and disadvantages of online information versus libraries. Phrases such as "easily access," "learning materials," and "health problems" show an attempt to use varied vocabulary. However, the range is somewhat limited, with repeated use of basic terms like "information" and "students." For instance, the phrase "I always find some information about my lessons" could be enhanced by using synonyms or more specific terms related to academic resources.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "information," they could use "resources," "data," or "knowledge." Additionally, exploring academic vocabulary related to education and technology would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "distracted," "concentration," and "academic performance." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "something interesting on the internet," which is vague and could be more specific. The phrase "providing information on various topics" lacks specificity and could be improved by detailing the types of topics or the nature of the information.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify their statements. Instead of saying "something interesting on the internet," they could specify "entertaining content such as video games or streaming services." This will help convey their points more effectively and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, "internet-connected smartphone" is correctly spelled, but "eBooks" could be formatted as "e-books" for consistency. Additionally, there are missing spaces after punctuation, such as "smartphone.They" and "studies like video games," which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully to catch typographical errors and ensure proper spacing. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can also help identify and correct mistakes before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises focused on commonly used academic vocabulary can further improve spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "While online information is important now, I believe that libraries are still necessary now" effectively contrasts two ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar structures, particularly in the second paragraph, where many sentences begin with "students" or "they." This can lead to a monotonous rhythm in the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or clauses, such as "Although many students prefer online resources,…" or "In addition to the benefits of online information, libraries offer…" This would not only diversify the sentence openings but also create a more engaging flow to the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that affect clarity. For example, in the phrase "almost every student can purchase a computer or smartphone.They can easily access their learning materials online from anywhere," there is a missing space after the period. Additionally, the sentence "By contrast, a school’s library can help students improve their concentration without any distractions and give them the chance to interact and share ideas with others, and help them develop social skills" is overly long and could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate distinct ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch punctuation errors, such as ensuring spaces follow periods. Moreover, breaking up long sentences into shorter, more manageable ones can enhance clarity. For instance, the last sentence could be revised to: "By contrast, a school’s library can help students improve their concentration without distractions. It also provides opportunities for interaction and idea-sharing, which are essential for developing social skills." This not only clarifies the message but also improves the overall readability of the essay.

Overall, while the essay meets the criteria for a Band 7, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help in achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is sometimes argued that students today can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. While online information is important now, I maintain that libraries remain essential.

On the one hand, almost every student can acquire a computer or smartphone. They can readily access their educational materials from anywhere. For example, I frequently access relevant information about my courses rather than visiting the library. There are numerous eBooks, online documentaries, and videos available on various social media platforms providing information on different topics.

On the other hand, by using an internet-connected smartphone, students are readily distracted by engaging content online, which prevents them from concentrating on their studies, such as video games or movies. These distractions can divert their attention from their studies, leading to lower academic performance. Furthermore, prolonged exposure to computer screens may cause several health problems, including eye strain. By contrast, a school library can facilitate improved concentration among students without any distractions and provide opportunities for interaction and idea-sharing among students, helping them develop social skills.