Nowadays, we have become a throwaway society where it is common to throw away devices and gadgets instead of repairing them.
Why is this happening and what are the effects of this?
It is undeniable that recent years have witnessed social transformation, which in turn has given birth to a throwaway society. The following essay will delve into the two main causes of this phenomenon before evaluating the two detrimental impacts it can have.
This tendency could be attributed to two primary factors. First, people lack crucial skills to repair items. More specifically, in the past, especially in Vietnam, there used to be classes in which students were armed with vital skills in their lives, including how to mend damaged objects, while at present, there is a stronger emphasis placed on academic performance. This has resulted in their inability to repair devices so people have no choice but to dispense of them. Second, since the general life standard has improved significantly, many people no longer feel the need to save money. Therefore, they deem it inconsequential to fix items.
This trend can have two detrimental effects on human life. First, environmental impacts are worth considering. In the aftermath of a throwaway society, it has been reported that the numbers of products manufactured annually have gone up substantially. Particularly, the manufacturing process warrants the consumption of many fuels, such as oil, and the construction of industrial factories at the expense of forests, all of which have played a pivotal role in aggravating ecological issues. Moreover, a throwaway society may also reflect people’s degraded personalities. Specifically, it can cause people to lead a spendthrift lifestyle, where they consistently purchase an item after it has been damaged, rather than making an attempt to fix it. In the long run, beautiful values of humans can be eroded, stifling societal development.
In conclusion, a society where people discard products rather than mending them stems from the inadequacy of repair skills and better life quality. Due to this, the environment and humans’ values have suffered devastating repercussions.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"throwaway society" -> "disposable society"
Explanation: Replacing "throwaway society" with "disposable society" is a more formal and precise term that aligns with academic language, providing a nuanced expression of the concept.
"delve into" -> "examine"
Explanation: "Delve into" is somewhat informal, and "examine" is a more academically suitable alternative, maintaining a professional tone.
"More specifically" -> "To be more specific"
Explanation: "More specifically" is a bit casual for academic writing; "To be more specific" adds formality and clarity to the transition.
"in which students were armed with vital skills" -> "where students acquired essential skills"
Explanation: The phrase "armed with vital skills" is metaphorical and somewhat informal. Replacing it with "where students acquired essential skills" maintains formality and clarity.
"dispense of them" -> "dispose of them"
Explanation: "Dispense of them" is not the most accurate phrase. "Dispose of them" is a more appropriate and formal term for discarding items.
"deem it inconsequential" -> "consider it inconsequential"
Explanation: "Deem" is slightly formal, but "consider" is a more precise and academic alternative, enhancing the tone of the sentence.
"impacts" -> "ramifications"
Explanation: While "impacts" is acceptable, "ramifications" is a more sophisticated term often used in academic writing, conveying a deeper understanding of the consequences.
"warrants the consumption" -> "requires the consumption"
Explanation: "Warrants" is a bit informal; "requires" is a more appropriate and formal term for expressing the necessity of consumption in the manufacturing process.
"have gone up substantially" -> "have significantly increased"
Explanation: "Have gone up substantially" can be replaced with "have significantly increased" for a more formal and precise expression of the idea.
"beautiful values of humans" -> "core values of humanity"
Explanation: "Beautiful values of humans" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "core values of humanity" adds a more formal and academic tone to the conclusion.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses the two main causes behind the throwaway society and elaborates on the two detrimental impacts it can have on human life.
- How to improve: The essay could benefit from providing even more specific examples to support the points made, reinforcing the analysis and making the arguments more compelling.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, asserting that the throwaway society is a result of inadequate repair skills and improved life quality.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, adding a sentence in the introduction explicitly stating the writer’s standpoint could enhance the clarity of the stance for the reader.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas effectively. It provides specific examples, such as the historical context in Vietnam and the environmental impacts of the throwaway society.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, the essay could explore potential counterarguments briefly and then refute them, demonstrating a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the given topic throughout, discussing the causes and effects of the throwaway society without deviating.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, consider connecting each supporting point back explicitly to the main thesis, ensuring that every detail directly contributes to the central argument.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates the ideas. To improve, it could benefit from providing more specific examples, explicitly stating the writer’s position in the introduction, exploring counterarguments, and connecting each supporting point back to the main thesis for enhanced coherence.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization. It starts with an introduction that outlines the causes and effects of the throwaway society. The body paragraphs follow a clear structure, discussing each cause and effect in turn. The conclusion summarizes the main points. However, there are moments where the connection between sentences could be smoother. For example, the transition between the causes and effects could be improved for a more seamless flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases more consistently. For instance, phrases like "Moreover" or "Furthermore" could be employed to establish clearer connections between ideas. Also, ensure that the progression of ideas is evident, guiding the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
- Detailed explanation: The essay is appropriately divided into paragraphs. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. For instance, some paragraphs could benefit from a more explicit topic sentence to introduce the main idea.
- How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point. This will provide readers with a roadmap for the content of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a unified focus on a single idea to maintain coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transition words and phrases such as "First," "Second," and "In conclusion." These help guide the reader through the essay’s structure. However, there is a slight overuse of certain phrases, and more diverse cohesive devices could be incorporated for added variety and sophistication.
- How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices by incorporating synonyms for commonly used transition words. Instead of relying solely on "First" and "Second," consider alternatives like "Initially" or "Subsequently." This will not only prevent repetition but also enhance the overall cohesion and fluency of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "social transformation," "throwaway society," "detrimental impacts," "mend," and "inconsequential." However, there is room for improvement as some concepts are expressed using more common words, and repetition of certain words like "throwaway society" could be diversified for a richer lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and exploring more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "throwaway society," alternatives like "disposable culture" or "discard-oriented community" can be employed. Additionally, introducing more advanced vocabulary related to environmental and societal issues would elevate the lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, as seen in phrases like "degraded personalities," "spendthrift lifestyle," and "beautiful values." However, there are instances where more precise language could be employed to convey ideas more sharply. For example, the phrase "many people no longer feel the need to save money" could benefit from a more nuanced expression.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by providing specific examples or using more exact terms. Instead of a general statement about not saving money, specify the reasons behind this change, such as increased disposable income or a shift in consumer attitudes towards convenience. Precision adds depth to the analysis.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "dispense" instead of "dispose" and "warrants" instead of "results." These do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for a flawless presentation.
- How to improve: Proofreading is crucial. Before finalizing the essay, review it carefully for spelling accuracy. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools and consider seeking feedback from peers or mentors. Paying attention to minor details will enhance the overall professionalism of the essay.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid lexical resource, improvements can be made by diversifying vocabulary, aiming for greater precision, and ensuring meticulous spelling accuracy. These enhancements will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable range of sentence structures. There is a mixture of complex sentences ("It is undeniable that recent years have witnessed social transformation, which in turn has given birth to a throwaway society."), compound sentences ("This tendency could be attributed to two primary factors."), and simple sentences ("Moreover, a throwaway society may also reflect people’s degraded personalities."). However, to further enhance variety, incorporating more conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, or inverted sentences could elevate the sophistication and coherence of the text.
- How to improve: Introduce conditional structures to speculate or hypothesize about potential outcomes. Additionally, consider the use of passive voice where appropriate to vary sentence structures and add complexity without altering clarity.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally strong grasp of grammar. Most sentences are grammatically sound, with few errors. For instance, the sentence "First, environmental impacts are worth considering." could be refined to "First, the environmental impacts are worth considering." The article "the" is needed before "environmental impacts" for grammatical correctness.
- How to improve: Continuously revise sentence structures to ensure the correct usage of articles, prepositions, and subject-verb agreements. Reviewing each sentence for such minor errors can refine the grammatical accuracy of the essay.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage is proficient, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are some instances where a lack of commas slightly affects readability. For example, in the sentence "Second, since the general life standard has improved significantly, many people no longer feel the need to save money," a comma after "Second" would enhance the clarity of the sentence’s structure.
- How to improve: Focus on the correct placement of commas in complex sentences to aid in clarifying the structure. Additionally, ensure consistency in punctuation use throughout the essay to maintain coherence.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and a varied range of sentence structures. To enhance the essay further, pay close attention to minor grammatical details, introduce more diverse sentence structures, and refine punctuation to elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is undeniable that in recent years, our society has undergone significant changes, leading to the emergence of a disposable culture. This essay will explore the two main reasons behind this phenomenon before examining its two adverse effects.
This trend can be attributed to two primary factors. Firstly, individuals often lack the essential skills to repair items. Historically, especially in places like Vietnam, there were classes that equipped students with vital life skills, including the ability to fix damaged objects. However, nowadays, there is a greater emphasis on academic achievement, resulting in a lack of proficiency in repairing devices. Consequently, people find themselves compelled to dispose of items instead of repairing them. Secondly, as the overall standard of living has markedly improved, many no longer feel the need to save money. Consequently, they perceive fixing items as inconsequential and opt to discard them.
This shift in behavior can have two detrimental effects on human life. Firstly, there are noteworthy environmental consequences. The rise of a throwaway society has led to a substantial increase in the annual production of goods. This manufacturing process requires the consumption of various resources, such as oil, and the construction of industrial facilities at the expense of forests. These activities contribute significantly to ecological problems. Moreover, a throwaway culture may reflect a decline in individuals’ values. Specifically, it encourages a spendthrift lifestyle where people consistently replace items after they are damaged, rather than attempting to repair them. In the long run, this erosion of human values hampers societal development.
In conclusion, the shift towards a society that discards products instead of repairing them can be traced back to a lack of repair skills and an improved quality of life. As a result, both the environment and essential human values face detrimental consequences.